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It was hard to really appreciate how cold the winter got until you didn’t have heating.
The red sky that hung over the end of the world had darkened to a murky, washed out red, a colour that made Toko remember the sight of bloody mud turned into icy slush of snow trampled to death under the feet of the city. The type of colour that made you turn your nose up at snow, that sucked any magic from the sight of it falling. Toko had always thought, as pessimistic as she had been, that it was a reality check. A grim yet stark reminder that nothing was as good and pure as it may seem on the surface, and how everything turned bitter over time. Now, in a time so full of ruin, she’d appreciate even the slush if it meant she’d get a second of joy at the sight of snowfall.
They were on their way back from a reconnaissance mission. Something they did at least once monthly. A scope of a sectioned area of the city, looking for new survivors, checking in on the camps that had already been formed by seasoned ones. Mostly, it was trying to find the children. That was the hardest bit. So scared and guilty and unable to process any of it (because who could? Even with years of experience, who could do that on their own), they hid like cockroaches in the darkest corners they could find and wouldn’t surface even for the chance of respite. It was scarier now it was colder and it was only getting worse. Toko had accepted long ago that there would be many children they’d never be able to save. Komaru still resisted that bleak yet realistic conclusion. Toko couldn’t help but wonder if hope was some sort of gene, one that the Naegi family shared. As even though she lacked the title, the hope that Komaru managed to hold on to even during all this nonsense was unlike any she’d seen, well, other than in her brother.
It made these days easier. Komaru’s mood was usually high enough to buoy them both. In these cold winter months, Toko appreciated it more than ever. Not that she’d admit that, and to any outsider it might seem that she was wholly annoyed and thoroughly through with Komaru’s attempts at keeping the joy flowing. But they didn’t understand them. It was how they worked. Komaru lifted her up, and Toko kept her firmly on the ground.
Or that was how things usually worked. Today, things weren’t usual. Komaru hadn’t been right from the moment they’d met outside the Towa City Tower first thing this morning, and despite her efforts in every direction, Komaru’s melancholy hadn’t lifted even an inch. Now, after dealing with it for a whole day, a whole trek across the city and now halfway back again, Toko was out of subtle attempts at prodding or support, and Komaru sighing again was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back.
“W-Will you just s-spit it out already?”
Komaru’s steps faltered, and she looked back at Toko with an annoying look of surprise, “Huh?”
“D-Don’t act like you don’t know!” Toko snapped, before she growled and tucked her hands further into her armpits. The winter clothes they’d managed to scavenge were good. They’d found a clothing store that was battered, but the stock had been mostly untouched bar some obvious looting and graffiti. But Toko had always been so weak to the cold, and the wind today was particularly biting. She sniffed up a gross huck of snot that had been threatening to run out of her nose for the last five minutes and shivered at the disgusting feeling of it sliding down her throat. “T-That’s the f-fourth time you’ve sighed in the last f-five minutes. I-It’s so fucking annoying.”
“R-Really?! Sorry, I didn’t realise.”
“T-That makes it even more annoying.” Toko grumbled, “So just hurry up and say whatever’s bothering you so I can tell you it’s stupid and I don’t have to hear you sighing anymore.”
Oddly, Komaru kept quiet. Usually, it was harder to get Komaru to shut up about anything personal. Any concept of “too-much-information” had gone out the window with the both of them a long time ago. It was a kind of trust that, maybe before all of this, Toko would’ve thought deadly stupid to put into someone else. Now, Toko didn’t know how she’d survived so long without it. Well, maybe she had survived, and nothing more. Funny, that now at the end of the world, Toko somehow felt more whole than she had in her entire life.
But for Komaru to not immediately spill made Toko think that whatever was bothering her may have been more serious than she’d originally given Komaru credit for. Impatient as she was, it was difficult to wait through the silence. But all this with Komaru was still strange and uncharted territory for her. It made her more and more nervous the longer the silence went on. Maybe she was supposed to say or do something now, something that would be obvious for other girls in this situation. If that was the case, it was completely hopeless.
But, eventually, in spite of Toko’s worrying, Komaru broke the silence.
“…Do you know what day it is today?”
Toko hesitated, her face squinting as she thought long and hard, counting back the days to when she’d last remembered where they were on the calendar, “...Wednesday?” she still wasn’t sure, the syllables stumbling out her mouth like it was her first time saying it.
“No, I mean the date.”
“W-Who the hell even keeps up with s-stuff like that anymore?”
Komaru huffed in agreement, “There doesn’t seem much point nowadays. I didn’t know either. Until I had my call with Makoto this morning.” Komaru went quiet, and Toko worried for a moment that she’d be left to flounder in it again. But, with a huff of resignation, Komaru looked to the murky, muddy sky, and said, “It’s December 24th.”
The wind blew. It cut straight through Toko. She hardly reacted. “...Oh.”
Komaru turned to her, and though she was smiling, it made Toko frown, “I had no idea. I didn’t even know it had been that many months. It feels like it was only last week you were saving me off the roof of that building. Then he wished me a Merry Christmas. It hit me like a truck.”
“C-Christmas is a b-b-big deal for you t-then?”
“Of course. Isn’t it for you?”
Toko bristled, “W-What do you think?!” Toko hunched over, buried her face deeper in her scarf, “Y-You’re my first friend. My first…everything.” Komaru smiled at her and Toko felt her face get warmer. She blamed it on the scarf and turned her gaze askant, “I-I haven’t ever had a r-reason to celebrate.”
Komaru huffed a small laugh, “Yeah, I suppose that makes sense.” They kept walking, Komaru leading them forwards as always, but any pep that was usually in her step was gone. Toko had to manually make herself slow down to match Komaru’s downtrodden pace, “It’s Christmas, and I haven’t seen Makoto in over a year, and I have no idea when I’ll get to see him again,” Komaru spoke to her shoes, “It’s Christmas, and our parents…” Komaru stopped suddenly in her tracks. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, “It’s our first one without them, and I can’t even be with him.” Komaru clenched a fist and held it to her forehead. Beneath her fist, her expression shook, and Toko felt her chest tighten with apprehension.
“...H-Hey, d-don’t get all mopey.” Toko’s voice quivered more than usual, “Y-You’re supposed to be feeling better, not worse. Y-You’re even more annoying like this than when you’re sighing you know.”
“Sorry…” Komaru dropped her fist, but her expression underneath didn’t look any stronger. Toko chewed her thumb, ripping at the skin next to her thumbnail.
“W-what the hell would you even do if you were with him.” Toko mumbled, “I d-doubt we’re the only ones not celebrating. I-I don’t know about you, but the c-complete destruction of society doesn’t really s-scream holly jolly Christmas to me.”
Toko knew that wasn’t the right thing to say, but she’d never been good at faking things. Somehow, Komaru had never really minded. Even now, more hopeless than Toko had seen her in a while, her fumbling failure of an attempt at comfort somehow made Komaru smile, if only a little bit.
“Maybe you’re right…”
But any smile Toko managed to charm out of Komaru lived a short and pathetic life. They walked in silence, but it was not the companiable silence they fell into late in the evening after a long day of rescue and survival. It was a silence that left Toko on pins. It lay heavy on her shoulders with the weight of all the thoughts she knew were swimming in Komaru’s head unspoken.
Toko chewed her lip, “Y-You don’t seem better…”
“Just…” Komaru’s expression flickered, flitting between something angry, something distraught, until it landed on a bitter frustration as she spat, “I’m so sick of all of this.”
“‘O-Omaru…”
“It’s not fair!” Komaru shouted, “My first Christmas with my first girlfriend and we can’t even go on a date to see the Christmas lights together!”
That shocked the worry right out of Toko.
“Do you know how long I’ve waited to do that?!” Komaru continued, incensed and completely oblivious to how she’d flung Toko into a state of embarrassment so horrific she nearly swallowed her tongue. “It’s such an iconic moment in romance manga, and now it’s all ruined!” Komaru flung around and kicked the nearest piece of rubble she could find as hard as she could. It ricochetted off a building, jumped and rolled into a pothole up the road.
“I-I thought you were upset about your b-b-brother!?” Toko managed to wheeze.
“I am!” Komaru yelled, swinging back around to Toko, “But it’s so much more than that.” Komaru ran her hands through her hair then flung her hands down, then said simply, and with all the passion of a kid given homework over the summer holidays, “This sucks.”
“F-Fucking revolutionary o-observation there, ‘Omaru.”
“Don’t you want to do things like that?” Komaru insisted, pushing through Toko’s dry remark as if she hadn’t said anything at all, “Haven’t you dreamed about seeing the Christmas lights with someone special? Sharing hot chocolate and gifts?”
Toko suddenly felt very accosted, “O-Of course! E-Every girl dreams of that! B-But…It’s not like I ever thought I’d actually get to do it.” Toko chewed her thumb, “I-I used to imagine Togami would take me.”
She’d sounded a lot more embarrassed than she’d wanted to while saying that. Komaru sensed it like blood in the water, and snorted.
“I bet. How did that turn out?”
Toko growled and narrowed her eyes dangerously, “W-watch your mouth, Naegi.”
“One day, I’ll take you. I’ll make all your dreams come true, Toko.”
Komaru’s sincerity, as it always did, hit Toko like a brick to the face, “Y-You’re so ridiculous!” she shrieked, “H-H-How can you s-say stuff like that with a s-s-straight face?! I-It’s disgusting!”
“Because it makes you act so cute when I do.” Komaru teased with a wink. Suddenly, any fight Toko had in her withered away. She felt herself deflate, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It kind of made her feel warm despite the December wind.
“S-Shut up, idiot.” she murmured, and pretended she wasn’t smiling.
“If we could at least have decorations in our room, that might be something…” Komaru said in a wistful tone as she thought out loud, “I used to love decorating. We’d put Christmas music on, and me and Makoto would argue all night about where the ornaments should go on the tree. He’d always pretend like he didn’t care what I did with them but had a lot to say when I didn’t put them where he wanted them. We’d always end up coming to an agreement though in the end. Honestly, I think half the time we argued it was just for the fun of it. He’s really fun to argue with…”
“I suppose he probably is, in less life-threatening contexts…All I felt was apprehension when he’d start talking in the trials...”
Komaru scratched her cheek in a way that was so much like her brother it only dragged her further back to that time before all this, “Y-yeah…I think in that situation, I’d much rather him be on my side than going against him.”
“You’re telling me.” Toko shook the cobwebs of her memories off. Komaru wasn’t exactly back to her usual self, but she was getting there. Hesitantly, feeling embarrassed for no reason she could really understand, Toko asked, “W-What else did you do?”
Komaru looked at her in awed shock, “You really wanna know?”
“D-Don’t act so surprised! Y-You’re my…” Toko’s words failed her. Every end to that sentence scrambling into nonsense from the gust of the butterflies swarming in her stomach.
“I’m yours.” Komaru agreed with a voice that was all sugar plums and gumdrops.
“W-Whatever.” Toko dismissed, because she didn’t know what else to do with how that made her feel. She adjusted her glasses nervously, “O-Of course I want to know those things about you, that’s not weird. I-It’s normal.” It sounded more like she was convincing herself, rather than Komaru.
Komaru giggled, and it only served to make Toko blush harder. “Okay.” she said with a thick sweetness like by agreeing she was indulging in them both, and as she talked, Toko couldn’t help but think that she was. She talked about Christmas from the before time, when the air could still taste sweet and the oceans were still clear. When despair was some more nebulous concept, one that was fought on smaller, personal levels and hope was so abundant it seemed infallible.
Komaru talked about her mother failing miserably to make Christmas cake one year, and how none of them could let it go even years later. She talked about her dad always forgetting to put in the order for KFC and how stressful it would be securing it every year. She talked about New Years with her grandparents and her cousins, how it was the only time of the year she’d end up seeing them, and how despite that, every year it was like no time had passed between them at all.
Toko wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t like she’d never been able to understand why people loved Christmas so much before. She’d been keenly aware of how lovely Christmas could be. Aware enough it had made her burn with bitter jealousy every year, a burning that melted into a cold and aching yearning for her to get the chance to feel that even for just a moment. Now, with her memories of her time at Hope’s Peak Academy restored, she remembered dreaming of Togami inviting her out on Christmas Eve, how his eyes would shine in the Christmas lights, and the beautiful, delicate jewellery he’d gift to her under them. Of course, that never happened. Now, looking back, she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at how desperate she’d been for any sort of attention that she’d deluded herself into thinking that his scorn was enough for her.
Now, with Komaru’s words of cheerful Christmas pasts ringing in her ears, she found herself in mourning again. But not her usual mourning of her cold and lonely past, a mourning that now was so familiar its ache was nearly a comfort. Instead, a new and terrible mourning seized her. A mourning over a future that could’ve been, if not for all of this.
But if not for all of this, would she be here with Komaru?
She dismissed the thought immediately. There was no justification to any of this. Just because hope had sprung from the ash of despair, doesn’t mean that it couldn’t have thrived without it. No, if not for all this, she wouldn’t be here with Komaru. Instead, they could’ve been next to a Christmas tree, and Toko could’ve appreciated how cute Komaru looked, all red cheeked and bright eyed, without any of it being tainted by the strain of desolation and destruction.
The thought made her angry, in that righteous way she tended to get when it hit her how much she’d suffered because of all of this. Maybe some people would call it selfish. Toko would call it realistic. She had suffered, she had lost, and, fuck, all she’d done her whole life was suffered and lost, so yeah, she felt she was well overdue something kind and permanent for once in her life. Komaru was the closest thing she’d ever had to it.
She tripped over a slab of concrete that shifted under her. Before she’d hit the ground, Komaru caught her by the arm and helped her back to her feet. Dirt was smeared on Komaru’s cheek, and her gloves were dusty with debris. Her cheeks were red with the cold, and Toko wanted to put her hands on them and warm her. Komaru’s hair had grown enough that it was tucked into the scarf she had wrapped tight around her neck. It cut it off at just the right place that as Toko looked at her, she saw that girl she’d found cowering on that rooftop all those months ago.
Except she wasn’t. Komaru had grown so much since then. Toko had too, and most of it all because of her. Toko felt so grateful for Komaru in a way that she didn’t know she was capable of. She remembered when she’d thought she was going to have to face all of this alone, when not even the other survivors had accepted her, forced to stay cramped into her school uniform, forever stuck as that desperately lonely and pathetic high school girl while they went on to grow into something more. Komaru had changed all of that. Funny, now that she thought of it, Komaru had been stuck in her high school uniform too back then.
Snow started to fall, and Toko looked up at Komaru as she climbed over a wrecked and rotting car. The wind blew and she squinted against it, hugging her gloved hands closer to her chest. Komaru opened her eyes, and Toko watched with quiet awe as even now, backlit by the bloody, sunless sky, surrounded by desolation and decay, in a city that had been forced through a meat grinder and left to mould, Komaru, once burdened by a nostalgic melancholy, saw the snow and gasped with childish joy.
“Toko!” she gasped, “It’s snowing!”
Now, more than she ever had, Toko knew how short-sighted Enoshima had been to think that any amount of despair could crush something like this.
And what was her goal, as a so-called ‘member’ of Future Foundation and a bona fide survivor of Enoshima’s Killing Game, other than to keep making that hope shine?
-
BZZT!
Before the shock of the taser could stop tingling across her skin, Syo whipped out her scissors and cackled loud and proud and ready. She drooled at the prospect of violence, and while the oil the Monokuma’s squirted was nowhere near as delicious as the blood from a very pretty boy, she couldn’t say she hadn’t grown a taste for it.
So, all that to say, she was thoroughly disappointed and mightily confused when she realised she’d been awakened not in the middle of battle, but in a hotel room she didn’t recognise and in front of a white board.
“What the hell is this?! Did you trip and fall on the taser, other me?” Syo didn’t get an answer, but she wasn’t really expecting one either. She looked out the window, out across the same fucked up city that had been her new home for the last few months, and saw how far up she was, and how long the drop to the floor was. The rush of vertigo made her giggle, and she contemplated how fun it would be to throw herself out of the window and feel the air rush around her in her free fall. Her curiosity was snatched away from thoughts of defenestration when she realised that something was off, something was different amongst all the fucked-up-ed-ness of this shitty city. It was then she took in the white virgin snow and saw that it was still falling. Oh, how she thrummed with excitement! There was no colour blood looked better on than white, and whole streets dusted with it- Syo couldn’t contain her glee. She could do a backflip. Fuck it, she will! So, she did, and it was just as fun as she thought it would be.
“Dekomaruuuu, was this your idea?” Syo sang, her boundless joy flowering her tone to something gloriously feminine and beautiful. Well, to her at least, “Is this a Christmas gift to me? Where are you, the snow is no fun alone, let me paint it red with your blood. I’ll make it soooo romantic I promise!”
No one responded, because Komaru wasn’t in this room.
Syo was officially bored.
She headed to the door. Maybe she could hunt down Komaru. She imagined herself sneaking through the hotel corridors, listening for every breath, every creak of a floorboard to signal another person, to signal Komaru. She thought about getting that first whiff of her scent, of the way she’d scream in surprise, how fun it’d be to let her get away just to chase after her and make catching her that much more fulfilling. Like cat and mouse, Komaru would be caught in her paw, completely at the mercy of her whims-
NO, STAY PUT.
“What the -”
A sticky note on the door, right at eye level. Directly beneath it, another, written in that sharp, stern, yet practised penmanship she’d recognise as easily as her own face in the mirror.
LOOK AT THE WHITEBOARD FIRST, MORON.
“MORON? YOU BITCH!” Syo yowled and ripped the sticky note off the door and crumpled it in her hands, “You use me for my awesome skills and call me a moron! You ungrateful little-”
On the door, right underneath where the last sticky note had been, was another.
STOP COMPLAINING AND DO AS I SAY!
Oh, wasn’t her other half just the darndest little thing. They hadn’t played this game in a long while.
Syo growled something low and angry. She nearly ignored the notes. It’s not like her other self could do anything to stop her, and she’d gotten herself much too excited now with the idea of a Komaru Hunt.
Nearly.
She didn’t really know why exactly, because really it didn’t make any sense at all, but Syo had always had a hard time ignoring her other half’s wills. Though her other half may not fully understand it, Syo truly was only here to help her. Toko was everything to her, her life and her death, her entire purpose. Toko’s will is why she existed in the first place. Just because Toko wasn’t grateful for the way that Syo showed her devotion and protection, didn’t make her intentions any less pure. Though, nowadays, she felt that they were starting to reach something like an understanding. This taser business, the promise to Byakyuya, they felt like steps forwards. It was interesting. It was exciting. For, at the end of the day, Syo loved her other half, because she was her. Maybe it was that love that made her grumble and turn around to see whatever was so important on the whiteboard that she’d been summoned to see it. Maybe Syo was just a well-trained dog with a shock collar on.
But as Syo read, the more intrigued she became. The plan her other half had formulated and spread out before her was something new, something strange, and nothing like anything she’d ever been asked to do before. As it sunk in, Syo began to laugh, until her laughter built to something manic and brilliant.
Syo wasn’t thrilled. It was the exact opposite of a good time for her. But with all the intricate planning and thought that her other half had put into this little plan, the one thing she hadn’t seemed to account for was that she’d left it completely in Syo’s naughty, murderous hands. If she was going to do this, she was doing it her way.
“This is going to be fun.” Syo giggled, and then off she went into the frosty night, cackling with unrestrained merriment the entire way.
-
Komaru couldn’t breathe.
It was the first she registered. It flung her out of a restful sleep with a violent and flailing abandon. Her hands clawed at the thick weight over her face and tried to pull it away. One hand let go to smack into an arm, a body, then push against the face of her attacker. She searched for the eyes with intent to gouge, grunting and yelling muffled to nearly nothing beneath the thick, relentless thing over her face. But when her fingers knocked against a pair of glasses, she stilled. Her hand turned soft and searching. It patted slowly across the face of the person leaning over her, stroked against their cheek, fumbled across her nose, poked at her mouth, and suddenly, with lungs still burning, but all panic replaced with annoyance and humour, she grabbed Syo’s hair and tugged.
“OW!”
Syo let go of the pillow, and Komaru snatched it off her face and dragged in a deep and refreshing breath. She inhaled a few strands of her hair and had to spit them out and pull them off her tongue before she could finally start to properly calm down again.
Standing at the side of her bed, giggling maniacally to herself, was her girlfriend’s strange and unpredictable alter ego.
“Good morning to you too, Syo.” Komaru said dryly. But her smile only grew to something more genuine than resigned as Syo rocked back and forth with her hands behind her back, cartoonishly coy despite just trying to smother her with a pillow. Komaru rolled her eyes at Syo’s antics and rubbed the sleep from her tired eyes, “What time is it?” she grumbled, looking around for the clock.
“Time for you to get a watch!”
Komaru dropped her searching hand on the mattress and stared at the girl. Syo stuck her tongue out at her, and Komaru huffed a disbelieving laugh, “You’re in a good mood. Should I be worried?”
“Have a little faith in me, would ya? I crossed-my-heart-hoped-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye’d that I’d never kill again, didn't I?”
“You did. How could I forget? I had a hell of a time fighting to get that needle away from you.”
“I remember that…” Syo said wistfully, sinking down to kneel at her bedside and rest her chin on her hands she’d folded delicately on the mattress, “Our first date.”
That made Komaru laugh properly. She shook her head and itched at her messy hair, “Seriously, Syo. What’s with the rude awakening?”
Syo’s grin curled like the Cheshire cat’s, and with a tone that spelt trouble she sang, “I have something to show you.”
Komaru raised an eyebrow, “I thought you said I shouldn’t be worried.”
Syo shot up, slamming her hands on the mattress with indignation, “WHY DO YOU THINK IT’S SOMETHING BAD? DO YOU HATE ME? YOU WANT ME TO DIE?” she yelled, getting further into Komaru’s face with each exclamation.
“I guess that was kinda rude of me to assume.” Komaru agreed and pushed Syo away from her by her face. But Syo hardly reacted to the treatment, just snuggled herself into the hand attempting to push her away, messing up her glasses as she smushed her cheek into Komaru’s willing hand.
“Make it up to me?” Syo said sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes in that exaggerated way that never failed to charm Komaru. Now was no exception. Komaru could do nothing but laugh at the peculiar girl, bring her other hand up to cup her face properly, and kiss her square on the lips. To Komaru, this was a much nicer way to wake up in the morning, with the warmth that Syo’s kiss brought her trickling through her in a cozy type of way, like snuggling deeper into the blankets.
Or it did, until Syo got too excited and bit her.
“SYO!”
But her scolding was for nothing, Syo laughed loud enough for it to echo in the room. For not the first time or the last, Komaru was happy there were no other guests in this hotel.
“Enough distractions! Come on, come on!”
Komaru groaned in protest, it was much too cold to be getting out of bed and way too early. They’d walked so far yesterday, and her shins still felt like rocks. But Syo was having none of it. She dragged her with that mysterious strength that Toko never seemed to be able to muster the courage to use out of bed and towards their lounge. Before she could get through the door, Syo spun around to the back of her and put her hands over her eyes. Komaru wasn’t sure about all this, sleep was still calling for her, and it was so- freaking- cold, but Syo shot down any protests she had to the arrangement. And honestly, thinking about it more seriously than her sleep-addled brain had before, it was rare that Syo was this excitable over something, and Komaru had to admit, she found it all much too cute for her to really protest all that seriously at all.
So, she let herself be led, blindly letting Syo guide her wherever she wanted her. Maybe some people would’ve called her crazy for that, but those people didn’t know Syo like she did. She knew that Syo wouldn’t hurt her, not seriously, not unless she wanted her to. If she was going to do anything, Komaru would’ve already been dead months ago, bleeding out the stones of Towa City’s temple after Syo had slit her throat, with her last sight probably being Servant’s smile like a wound cut into his gaunt and ghastly face. But here they stood, and despite Servant and those awful children’s scheming, they stood together and stronger than ever.
Typically, the two of them called the lower floor of this hotel home. Though the suits on the top floor of the hotel were larger and grander, the lifts in the hotel didn’t work, and even if they did, neither of them trusted them enough to use them. Making the trek down the stairs every day was a chore. However, tonight, Toko had convinced her to stay in the executive suites on the top floor as a change of pace. Now, Komaru was starting to wonder if Toko had alternative motives for getting them to sleep here. Syo led her excitedly out of their bedroom and into the lounge of the suite, humming and giggling the whole way.
They stopped quite suddenly. Komaru shifted her footing to make sure she didn’t fall and pull Syo down with her.
“Are you ready?” Syo whispered in her ear. She was close enough that it tickled, and the feel of her breath made her shiver. She shook it off. There were more important things to focus on right now.
“More than ready. Let me see! I’m getting antsy.”
Syo chuckled, and Komaru felt every part of it with Syo pressed so close to her. “So impatient as always, Dekomaru.” Syo said, her voice curling through her in a way that made her blush.
“Syo…” there was warning in her voice, or there was supposed to be. Hearing it echoed back it sounded much too weak to be properly threatening in any way. It landed pathetically, if Syo’s laugh in response was anything to go by. But she pulled herself together just as quickly, and began counting down,
“Three, two, one- TA-DAA!”
Then, the room in all its ordinary and unchanged glory was revealed to her. Ordinary and unchanged, except for one, new detail.
It took Komaru a few moments to even realise what she was looking at. It was a tree, shoved haphazardly into a pot with dirt spilt all around it. Donned on its otherwise barren and deathly grey-brown branches were long cords and wires and tubes, all red and black and green. It was when a shot of horrific recognition coursed through her from the glint of a flashing mechanical eye that Komaru realised what she was looking at. Monokuma eyes. Not just the eyes, the entire thing was draped and wrapped and stabbed through with Monokuma…parts. All of it now suddenly become horrifically and regretfully familiar, from the wires, the scratched scraps of metal, the weird furry black and white pelts that had been stretched and twisted into coils that spiralled around the tree branches up to the top, where one of those awful helmets the children of this city used to wear was sat, with the branch that supported it leaning so heavily to the side that Komaru was sure that any minute it’d hit the floor with a loud clang.
It was like something out of a particularly sick and twisted horror movie. Komaru felt her blood go cold.
“W-WHAT THE-”
“Merry Christmas!” Syo cheered joyously.
“S-Syo,” Komaru struggled to keep her voice from shaking, “What-what is this?!
All the energy drained from Syo immediately. “...Are you being serious right now?” Syo realised that she was, in fact, being completely serious right now. She flung her arms out gesturing to the tree, “IT’S A CHRISTMAS TREE, DUHHH!”
Komaru blanched, “A Chr-a Christmas-”
“And I made it all myself! It was my other half’s idea, but her design was so cliche and overdone. I wanted to put my own spin on it, ya know? What’s more beautiful and festive than unrestrained violence?! Of course I couldn’t actually hurt anybody, which is a shame, so I had to compromise!” Syo looked at the thing she called a Christmas tree and sighed lovingly, before turning that adoring gaze onto Komaru, “Do you love it?”
Komaru didn’t answer. She couldn’t. She was too busy trying to wrap her head around everything that Syo had just said to her (which was honestly kind of a common occurrence, though it had been a while since she’d been this…shocking).
“A Christmas tree?” Komaru asked slowly. Syo nodded happily in response. “You made me a Christmas tree?”
“Yup!”
Then, she remembered the date, and she remembered her talk with Toko yesterday, and how horribly, soul crushingly sad she had been at the realisation that another normal moment had been stolen from her, a normal, high school girl. It was rare, nowadays, that the weight of everything would get too much for her. She had come so far since that moment she’d woken up on the blimp to Servant lurking in the dark corners of her cell. But, hearing Makoto wish her a Merry Christmas, seeing the sadness he tried his best to hide from her as he said it so happily, it had crushed her. Then, in that moment, more than she had in a long, long while, she missed him so deeply. A screen wasn’t enough. A call at the end of every week wasn’t enough. She hadn’t appreciated her family enough when she’d had it. In that moment, she’d felt as alone as she’d felt locked away in that apartment building as the world outside it collapsed.
“S-Syo…”
But she wasn’t alone. She had Toko, and with Toko, she had Syo. In the low, weak flashing of the dying Monokuma eyes, Komaru felt silly for ever forgetting that.
“I love it.” Komaru whispered.
“...You do?!”
“It’s- It’s horrific. It’s maybe the worst Christmas tree I’ve ever seen but-” Komaru smiled and felt an emotion so strong flood up behind it that she nearly cried, “It’s…you. Looking at it, I can’t think of anything else but you. And you made it for me...You put in all this effort, risked yourself-” Komaru swallowed the lump in her throat, and pulled Syo close, wrapped her in a hug and squeezed, “It’s perfect. Perfectly horrific, Syo.”
“Awwww Komaruuuu~”
Syo squeezed her back, much too tight and much too enthusiastic, but Komaru didn’t mind. It lifted her, and the strong, powerful emotion she felt turned to something lighter and easier to swallow as she laughed through Syo’s affections.
It was only a small change, but it was change enough. Syo loosened her grip, and the hug changed to something warmer, something more subdued, and Komaru knew what had happened without having to even see her face.
“Toko!”
She pulled back, and Toko was there, pink cheeked, and drooling a little grossly, unable to meet her eye.
“L-Looks like she did a good job, if that face is anything to go by. Thank God. I was a little worried that she’d do something completely insane- W-WWH-WHWHWHWH WHAT!?” Komaru took a step back, and let Toko take it all in. She went stiff with shock, arms flailing as she attempted to, well, take it all in. “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” Toko squawked, her voice hitting frequencies that made Komaru’s throat scratch in sympathy, “T-This…” Toko gripped her head and moaned in despair, clawing at her hair and shaking her head, “UGH! I should’ve KNOWN I couldn’t trust her with this! What’s wrong with me-”
“Toko!” Komaru laughed as she hooked her arms around Toko’s shoulders from behind, “Calm down!”
“How can I calm down?!” Toko’s voice peaked to new and painful pitches, “This is horrible! S-She completely ruined it! She completely ruined Christmas!”
Komaru hummed in denial, “I think you just don’t see her artistic vision.”
“A-AND YOU DO?!”
“Okay, yeah, not really.” She unhooked herself from Toko’s shoulders and turned her around to see her face to face, “You really asked her to do this, just for me?”
Toko looked away, fiddling with her hair, “...Y-Yeah. Y-You spent all that time moping about it. P-Partners…We help each other out, right? I-I know it’s not as good as the real thing, but…Nowadays, we do what we can for hope. If this brings you hope, then…Even a little bit of effort is worth it.”
Komaru smiled, and it warmed her head to toe, “You sound like my brother.”
Toko’s expression turned defensive, “Well, there's a reason for that.”
Komaru giggled, “I suppose there is.” Komaru ran her hands through Toko’s hair, just because she could, just to see her blush and lean into her touch in that shyly uncertain way she still did, even after all this time. It turned the affection she felt for her up even higher, which Komaru didn’t think was possible until it happened. She thought she’d felt the limit of her emotions when it came to Toko, but Toko was always finding new ways to make her fall even more in love with her. She looked at the tree, the Christmas abomination, and Komaru thought that she’d never been happier.
“Thank you.” she whispered, too much weight in the word to say it any louder than that. She wiped away a tear that threatened to fall from her eye, “I love it.”
“It’s horrific.” Toko shot back dryly, without hesitation.
Komaru couldn’t help but laugh, “It’s really disturbing actually.”
“It’s gross, are those tubes still leaking?”
“I think so.”
“Ugh…I don’t even want to throw it away.”
“I think maybe we’ll just leave it here and never use this room again.”
“This was the best suite too, that jackass.”
She turned Toko’s face away from the tree and kissed her. She felt Toko relax, felt her melt into her, and it only made her fall deeper. Her hand at Toko’s cheek, Toko smoothing her hands up her ribcage, in the slowly fading flashing of the Monokuma eyes that dangled like baubles from their perfectly disgusting Christmas tree, Komaru found contentment in the midst of a Tragedy that seemed never ending.
It may not have been Tokyo’s Christmas lights; it wasn’t even close. But the way Toko tasted, the way she felt, was something Komaru wouldn’t change for the world. She couldn’t wait to one day do this properly, to be with her under a real Christmas tree, to see how happy Toko would get at the present she’d give her, to kiss her like a real couple should, like all those couples from her romance manga, to bring her home to her family, to make it better with Toko there at her side, and feel normal all over again. Now, she knew it would happen. It wasn’t a hope; it was a belief as strong as knowing the sun would rise tomorrow morning. She’d see her brother again, and they’d celebrate New Years together the way they always had, a smaller family, a different family, but family all the same. And though right now her Christmas was totally abnormal, that belief made it feel like a real Christmas all the same.
It was regretful to break the kiss, so she lingered, her nose brushing Toko’s and Toko staring at her like she was all her Christmas wishes had come true at once.
“Merry Christmas, Toko.” Komaru whispered against her lips and meant it more than she ever had before.
“M-Merry Christmas, Komaru.”