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There's nothing left for him in Leicester.
Nothing to anchor his will to remain on this side of the shores. His friends have no need of him anymore, not now that the Alliance's leadership was taken from him, leaving him an outcast once again. And - perhaps - the most bitter pill to swallow at the moment, It's how the people he used to call his own; those he valiantly fought to protect during the troubling times of war, now regard him with contempt and distrust.
Both his mind and heart demand him to go back home, back to his sweet lands of Almyra where his true kin awaits him. Where he's loved and wanted. Though he must confess a little sliver of doubt keeps him bound to Leicester. Its chains might be brittle and weak, as if made of glass instead of metal. But the source of said doubt weighs upon Claude's heart heavier than the charges once pressed on him.
None other than his former rival turned savior. Lorenz Hellman Gloucester.
Claude closes his eyes against the sea breeze caressing his face, the chilling ocean winds helping him restore his resolve on this monumental decision. He can't postpone the inevitable, he can't dance around the issue anymore. He must leave, despite what his heart says about it. In the end, his life is in Almyra. As its citizen, and as its future king.
“Claude?”
And there he is! The cause of Claude’s indecision! Lorenz's arrival is announced by his uneven steps. His gaze is a hesitant and weary expression, that looks at him requesting an audience. As if Claude would reject his presence.
Ha! Poor ignorant cavalier. If he knew of the feelings he stirs within the Almyran's heart.
Lorenz approaches slowly towards the pier, silently scanning his surroundings for - no doubt - a sign that they are indeed alone at the harbor, but aside from Claude’s crew members getting ready to depart at a moment’s notice. No familiar faces appear.
Claude observes Lorenz with fondness swirling behind his green eyes. He unconsciously licks his lips in recollection of the moment his skin touched that of the cavalier in sweet reunion; back when the man had promised to save his life and he stole a kiss from him in a sweet moment of desperation and fear. Oh! To go back to that gentle promise, to that moment of cruel torment just to feel Lorenz’s lips again.
“It's something the matter, Claude? I had understood your departure would take place later this evening. Yet you requested I meet you here earlier.”
He did, didn’t he? Claude smiles against the wind, sending a silent prayer to whatever god or goddess aided him in convincing Lorenz to come all the same.
“Right as rain, Lorenz. I wished to see you first” He then salutes the man with a slight bow and a teasing wink. “I’m honoured that the Leader of our illustrious alliance has found the time in his packed schedule to meet with an old, yet low ranking friend like me.”
Lorenz rolls his eyes in response to the teasing. "Yes, well. Old friend. Shall I remind you that you requested my presence here alleging the cause to be urgent and - dare I say - an emergency? Although it seems to me I have yet fallen to one of your infamous schemes, have I not?
The former gasps, faking offence.
“A scheme? Lorenz, I would never!” Yet he can’t keep up the tombfoolery any longer, For Lorenz’s unamused face is pure gold. Claude bursts out laughing, his heart full and content now that the recipient of his feelings is here with him.
“See? I knew you just wanted to make fun of - !” Before he can so much as think about leaving, Claude has walked to his side and grabbed his left hand with his own, mirth in his smile but weariness in his gaze at the possibility that Lorenz might tire and leave in the end.
“M-my apologies, Lorenz.” He says with the remnants of his laughter subsiding against the soft ocean breeze. “But, I'm afraid this is something that cannot wait, nor can I discuss it with the others around, to be frank.”
He tilts his head ever so slightly, verdant eyes search for Lorenz’s ones in a timid request for forgiveness. And then, those eyes he knew to be the literal windows to Lorenz's soul, relent to his insistence and lose their dangerous incensed edge little by little. He gives Claude another chance, chooses to trust him.
Trust in Claude just like he did the other night over a bottle of fine wine shared among themselves alone. The dark room was serene and warm with only the view of Deirdru’s sleepless town and the coast beyond acting as witnesses of their private rendezvous. Claude proposed a toast in Lorenz’s name, celebrating he had finally achieved his ever coveted leadership of the Alliance.
Lorenz had called him a fool back then as well, and had reacted so lovely to his constant teasing. Yet, he never held it against Claude. Their dynamic had shifted from their previous cordial camaraderie of the war to a more intimate kind of companionship. One Claude would be loath to leave behind here in Fodlan. So he toned down the teasing, let Lorenz speak his mind about his doubts, his dreams he had for the alliance’s future, for its people.
Claude couldn’t hold back the stupid smile that crept on his face when he noticed all of Lorenz's ideas were aligned with his own desires for the future. Had they worked together, no doubt they would have made an amazing team.
Lorenz had been so open to Claude that night, so lovely as he drank measured sips of a divine sweet wine that left his lips stained a sinful carmine, none the wiser about Claude’s longing stares and unabashed oogling. Focused as he was relying his woes and concerns to a respected friend. Yet Claude’s thoughts had been elsewhere. Oh! How torturous a sight that one had been! How much had Claude longed to drink the remnants of sweet nectar straight from Lorenz's stained lips! But he had been hesitant, afraid. His cowardice had cost him the perfect chance to declare his intentions to Lorenz.
He had to rectify his mistake.
Claude stops in front of Lorenz, his mind gone to that wonderful night spent drinking and enjoying each other's company.
“Well, if it's something so important that it cannot wait. Just say so, Claude.”
Here goes nothing.
“I'm afraid this is something I cannot express with words.” Claude’s eyes focus on Lorenz's lips, moist and tender, pulled sideways into a confused frown. Claude licks his own in return and grabs Lorenz 'other hand, both nestled tenderly in Claude’s hold..
An exasperated sigh from Lorenz is the response he gets. “Nonsense! Just think about what you wish to convey and turn it into words! It shouldn't be too difficult for someone as articulate as you."
Poor unassuming Lorenz.
“But… if it were easier - ” Claude pauses for effect, excitement barely concealed from his voice as he continues with. “ - to show you instead? Would you let me.”
Narrowed eyes meet Claude's strange request, curiosity piqued.
“Well, I'll say go ahead, then.”
Lorenz breathes sharply through the nose when Claude surges forward and clashes his lips with his own in a gentle - yet - hungry kiss the cavalier has no time to stop before it’s happening. Lorenz closes his eyes at the contact and lets the younger man taste him, still in shock at the sudden shift in the conversation and baffled by Claude's bold action.
“Now you see why I didn't summon the others?” Says Claude between each kiss in a breathy voice. A smug grin adorning his face before he seals his lips once more to those of a perplexed cavalier.
A grunt of protest reaches Claude’s ears, once Lorenz's brain registers what's going on and the surprise has come to pass. Lorenz's hands, then, struggle against the man’s grip and successfully come free of his hold and surge up to push Claude on the chest to regain some distance.
Though Claude’s desperate reaction is to grab Lorenz's upper arms instead, reluctant to let go.
Lorenz’s face is beet red and his breathing has become agitated. His gaze looks around for any unfortunate soul who could have caught them in the act.
A shameless smirk takes place on the Almyran’s face, sliding his hands slowly to rest on the other’s waist, pressing the taller man's body closer to his own with a playful hum behind his lips.
“Claude! This is highly unbecoming for noble men of our stations! Cease this foolishness at once before someone…!”
A new kiss to his unsuspecting lips and a playful smirk follow Lorenz’s fruitless attempt to stop him; and a new protest is born from the cavalier's occupied mouth. Lorenz closes his eyes in mortification while Claude grins from ear to ear at how amusing Lorenz's response to his advances is.
“Who would have thought you a blushing maiden, Oh! My dashing knight?” He presses a finger against Lorenz's nose, running his digit along its length with a final playful pat at the tip.
Lorenz pushes down on Claude's shoulders as a response, trying still to dislodge him from his body, his face turning different shades of red in his anger and shame.
“Claude! For the love of… Of anything you hold dear! Stop this. Release me at once and state your business, so we might yet keep things civil between us!”
Yet for all his struggles, Claude's grip on his waist doesn't relent.
“You have no idea the things you do to me, do you?” I claude’s immediate response. His disbelief, although highly improper for the situation, strangely seems genuine to Lorenz.
“Excuse me?”
“The things I want to do to you when I see you…” His verdant eyes focus back on Lorenz's amethyst own, their intensity searing and abrasive as he regards the other with a passion unknown to him before.
Claude's hand reaches his face on a tentative approach to Lorenz's cheek seeking to touch and cradle his face…
But Lorenz grabs his wrist, and stops him.
“You are aware that such a confession makes you sound like a criminal, don't you?”
Claude ignores Lorenz's denial and grabs his cheek either way, forcing the Gloucester noble to turn his head back to him.
“Lorenz, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you don't want this, that you don’t want me.”
“Claude, please…”
“Look at me, Lorenz! And say it.”
The cavalier drops his gaze in defeat, unable to muster the courage to lie.
Claude curses under his breath. Honestly this man!
“If you love me as well, then come with me! Let me take you back to Almyra!”
He sees Lorenz hesitance, his furrowed brows. His uncertainty. Claude must stop whatever wrong ideas are forming in that silly head before he loses him forever.
“My people wouldn't mind us being together back home. Nor would my parents! Heck! Even Nader knows about us at this point. He's even helping us now, keeping potential onlookers away from this spot!”
Lorenz freezes on the spot.
“Excuse me, The General Nader, what?”
The mortification and dread blooming on Lorenz's face it's enough to bring back a small smile to Claude’s face. The Almyran can't help letting out a small chuckle at Lorenz's expression.
“Don't worry, he might look strong and mighty, but the man's a romantic at heart. He even pretended to give me some advice earlier.”
“Claude!” Comes the stern reply from the cavalier. “Look! Even if your people, or General Nader, or your parents, approve of… us.” he clears his throat. “My duty to the Alliance and Fodlan is more important than anything else at the moment.”
Claude's eyes fall off Lorenz's face, mood dark and gloomy. “So, I suppose that's it…” He accepts defeat, but that doesn’t stop the pain blooming within his heart. “You won't be coming with me, no matter what I say.”
Noticing Claude's downcast mood, Lorenz uses his index finger to gently lift Claude's face. A smile meeting the other's frown.
"Claude, I'm needed here. Dimitri has appointed me the new leader of the Alliance…” A pregnant pause sits heavy and uncomfortable between the two.
“I…” He sighs “ I thought you were happy for me.”
Yes, yes he is! And he knows Lorenz is the best bet for the alliance at the moment. He was genuinely happy for Lorenz when he heard the news, still is.
But that was before now, before reality came in and popped his bubble. Before it made him realize that - after today - he won't be seeing Lorenz again in a long, long time.
The alliance needs Lorenz, but so does Claude. Besides, there’s so much good a man like Lorenz could do in Almyra! So much more to achieve and an even bigger mark to make in history than here in Fodland and…!
Lorenz sees Claude’s intentions to argue clear as day on his displeased face. The cavalier shakes his head and seeks Claude's hands with his own, dislodging them from his body and then holding them in a gentle soothing grip.
"My whole life I've prepared for this moment, Claude. And while I was ready to accept your leadership with open arms, the current circumstances demand I step in and prove my worth to my nation. Especially now that the previous lords have all been taken to prison."
What a horrible time for the Lord to show their true colors then, leaving the new generation with virtually no guidance in how to do things except for Holst. Yet, the other new members of the roundtable - Hilda and Lysithea - were inexperienced, none of them truly trained for their roles as Lorenz had been.
With Lysithea surpassing her father’s expectations and living on past her age expectancy, and Hilda sharing her position with Holst who refused to leave his post at the Throat. They needed Lorenz to guide them and enlighten them along the way, help them become the house leaders both Lorenz and Claude knew they could be.
Add to that they still had to find a replacement for Edmund's seat and you have the perfect political storm brewing for the foreseeable future.
Solving so many setbacks would take time and effort. And Lorenz couldn't do it all the way from Almyra.
He had to stay. It was the right thing to do, even if such an understatement felt like a knife twisting inside Claude’s heart.
Claude's selfish and hopeful little heart.
He drops Lorenz’s hands from his grip and breathes out in disappointment yet acceptance. The breeze no longer feels soothing and playful. It slices through Claude’s skin with its cold indifference, mocking his rejection, and he must fall back to old habits to hide his wounded heart from view.
“I know”. He says and sends his gaze elsewhere less he reveals too much.
In the distance, Claude's men lift the last wooden crates and barrels onto their massive ship. Various of them yelled around that only a handful of things remained to be done before they could depart.
“You know this is not a permanent farewell.” Soothes the cavalier. “You are more than welcome to return whenever you like to the Alliance. This is your home as much as it is ours.”
Claude nods - if only he knew the truth, why he couldn't really stay with them, why he can’t come back the moment he receives the crown - the man’s gaze turns cold and unreadable, lost somewhere among the ruckus of his men, his eyes avoiding Lorenz on purpose. His pride, wounded.
If Claude felt like dying inside by his rejection, he had no idea how Lorenz felt. Turning Claude down back in the cell hadn't been easy, today even less, knowing how the other desired him with such abandon, such recklessness. The kind of love Lorenz had only dreamt of for himself when he was younger. But always thought far from his reach. A hopeless fantasy.
And look how he shows gratitude for having been granted what he had always desired? A love so pure that had Claude begging him to come with him and be together despite their differences.
He turned it away.
Without thinking, his hands move on their own accord, dislodging the rose he usually wears on his lapel and holding it gently in one hand, slowly coming close to his friend with a humble offering.
Claude senses his approach and looks at him from the corner of his eye in disinterest, clearly trying hard to save face for his failed confession. Yet his eyes shine when he notices the offer.
“I admit it made me wonder why you decided on a different variety for our reunion today.” It's his astute observation.
Lorenz's smile it's warm and loving, his free hand caressing the petals of his joy and pride. “How very discreet, not pointing out exactly what's different about it.”
Claude turns to him fully once more, eyes trained on the single flower that encompasses most of Lorenz's hand, filled with so many petals he imagines he would have a hard time to count.
“Well, it’s… Yellow.”
It's now the cavalier's time to chuckle and nod along his burst of laughter. His hand grabs the tiny remnant of a steam and circles the rose delicately on his fingers, pretending to examine its beauty.
“It's named Barbarrosa. A fitting name for such a peculiar breed. Do you know why I decided to name it as such?”
Claude gulped and shook his head, trying not to get his hopes up after being shut down so abruptly.
“It's the first thing I could think of when presented with such an unusual coloration, but not less beautiful for it.” Here, he spins the rose once in the air by its stem, catches it with his fingers as it lands, and offers it to Claude with reverence.
Trembling hands grab the bloom from Lorenz’s pale fingers, and a pair of confused eyes regard Lorenz seeking an explanation. The man could only sigh and drop his shoulders in defeat.
“It's not that I don't love you, Claude. But my family has caused you so much grief I can't bring myself to forgive, nor forget what we did. I can't accept your love. But not because I don't want it.” Before Calude can interrupt and demand an explanation for that last part, Lorenz has already beaten him to it.
“...But because I don't deserve it.”
“Lorenz, I don't blame you for what your father did! Besides, don't I get a say in whether I wish to be with you or not? Whether you are deserving or not?”
Another sigh, another denial. Claude's certainly fed up at this point.
“Yes, you do, my dear. But you can't force me to dismiss my feelings on the matter. And if I were to pursue a life with you right now, it'll only result in tragedy. So long as my heart feels undeserving.”
“And what can I do to make it feel deserving?”
Lorenz's eyes sting with unshed tears, glistening in the evening's moribund sun as he admires the final sight of Claude's face so close to his own.
“Give me time, time is all I ask for. It heals all wounds and provides us with wisdom we currently lack. I need time apart from you so my opinion on my feelings might change and be a reason for joy rather than a punishment for failing you in the past.”
“Lorenz.” Claude's hand graces his cheek in an instant, insistent and demanding of his attention. But Lorenz won't fall for it, casting his gaze to the side.
“Go now, my dear. Your homeland calls for you. And Leicester awaits me.
It's evident after a while that Lorenz won't turn to look at him, gaze casted out towards the ship that will take Claude away. He can only mourn that he wasn't able to convince Lorenz at all.
“You're right.”
“But Lorenz, if you give me a farewell gift, then I'll give you one as well.”
“Claude, there's no need.”
“It's custom that we return a gift in Almyra, especially when there was no need initially to give one.”
“Claude…” But the man is stubborn, and Lorenz knows it will be impossible to change his mind at this point. He watches in fascination how Claude quickly removes his characteristic left gold earring from his ear and offers the piece to Lorenz with a soft smile.
Lorenz doesn't reach for it, caught unaware and speechless. He knew how much Claude valued the piece of jewelry and it baffled him to see Claude ready to part with it with no hesitation whatsoever.
“It used to be my mother's before I came to Fodlan all those years ago.” He begins, turning the small golden band around his fingers. “She gave it to me to remember her, and to be with me even when we were apart in two different lands.”
Lorenz's eyes widen, and he takes a step back.
“Claude! I couldn't possibly…!”
Claude catches his left wrist and looks him straight in the eye. “Keep it, Lorenz. Keep it and think of me, just as I thought of her everyday I wore it.”
He lifts Lorenz's hand and drops the ring on his open palm.
“You better start looking for someone to pierce your ear. I hear it hurts doing it this late in life. But hey! It's well worth it in my opinion. Who doesn't want to look like a brave and dashing pirate, right?”
Lorenz rolls his eyes “Claude, please…”
“No, don't worry. I'm only joking. Besides, an earring wouldn't suit you anyway. I trust you'll find a way to wear it nicely and with pride. As it deserves.”
Lorenz observes the band resting idle on his palm, mesmerized and touched by the gesture. Never believing Claude would freely give away such an important piece belonging to his mother, to a man he was leaving behind, the man who broke his heart.
“I'll keep it then, and honor its value till the day we meet again.”
Claude's response is a beaming smile.
“I'll hold you up to it then!”
Lorenz corresponds his smile with one of his own. His eyes are free of any doubts from before. Claude and him might not be together at present, or ever. But he is relieved that the other at least wishes to maintain their friendship on good terms.
“Claude! Hey! You are not leaving right now, are you?”
“Look! Is that Lorenz over there? I told you we were late!”
“Hey boss! You better not be leaving without saying goodbye, y'hear? ”
Their little bubble of intimacy has been popped, and Claude turns in time to see that Nader had intercepted their friends to give him and Lorenz a few final minutes of privacy.
“Seems it's time to go.” Says Claude, a rueful smile forming on his face.
“It is…” Lorenz too, mourns their sudden parting from each other.
“But, Lorenz. Promise me you'll think about what we discussed today. I really want to share my life with you in the future. Don't you want that as well?”
Lorenz's eyes narrow, and he averts his gaze to the ground. Sheepishly staring at the suddenly interesting boards below.
“I'll… Think about it. but you'll have to wait more than a few months to have a definitive answer from me!”
Claude's laugh it's rich and deep. Like the ocean awaiting his departure back home.
“Hey, who knows? Maybe tomorrow you’ll wake up and realize what a big mistake you made.” Then with an impish grin he adds. “Shall I expect to be woken up with a kiss and an apology?”
Lorenz looks up, speechless.
“Claude…!”
That's when Hilda and the rest reach the two of them and begin mocking Lorenz for arriving earlier than expected. Thankfully, they don’t seem to have heard that last part. And Lorenz’s heart can breathe in relief that at least he got that token of reprieve. In return, the Gloucester heir brushes their comments off and tells them they are merely late. That doesn't stop Hilda or Leonie from laughing at his expense though.
To save face, the cavalier insists they must say their goodbyes because Claude had to leave soon. The laughter ceased immediately and one by one, the remaining deer approached Claude for their own private goodbye.
“You better write to me often, you hear me? I wish to know everything there's to know about Almyra. So that, when I get to finally visit you with Holst, I can show off to him. OK?”
He laughs and promises Hilda he will write as often as he can, and even send her gifts every now and then. That's enough to pacify the girl who dries a couple of stray tears from her eyes with a small smile.
“If you ever need a mercenary by your side, you know where to find me. Also, I heard work in Fodlan may be hard to come by now that there's peace thanks to Byleth, so. Who knows. I may see you soon, uh?”
Claude rolls his eyes, pats Leonie on the shoulder, and tells her Almyra's conflicts are not as bad as Fodlan's propaganda made them out to be.
“We have our issues, but we're not savages.” he says in good fun.
“Whatever, if not for work, then I'll just come by to see you then. We'll have a blast, that I promise!”
He laughs and hugs her, one of the few times Leonie drops her guard in front of others.
“Please be safe, ok?” She whispers softly to his ear.
“I'll be.”
Lysithea doesn't say much. But she can't keep a few rebel tears from falling as she crushes Claude into a tight hug.
“If you ever need anything, don't be a fool and call for us, alright?”
He pats her in the back, pain seizing his heart at the realization his failed public execution had affected her more than anyone else.
“I will.” It's his solemn promise.
He separates from the youngest member, getting a good last longing look at the group he had called his brothers and sisters in arms for a good part of his life in Fodlan.
“Claude! Lad, we're leaving!”
He forces himself to turn away from them, heart heavy but nonetheless thrilled to see his own home again.
He gets onto the boat, contemplating the faces of his friends as the tide takes them steadily away from shore.
By the corner of his eye, he sees Lorenz hesitate for a second, before he follows the rest in their hollering and noise. Raising his hand slowly, as if afraid the gesture itself might reveal what he truly feels to the rest of the gathered farewell party. His eyes seek Claude's own one last time before he waves goodbye softly.
Claude’s face beams in response, returning the wave in full and laughing out loud in joy against the wind, remembering their promise.
Then, I'll wait for you, Lorenz. So, farewell for now.