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All This Time

Switzerland  Zürich  July 10th

Louis woke up from his nap around an hour and a half into the flight, he knew the flight itself was over two hours; letting out a soft groan he knew it was pointless trying to get back to sleep now he was awake, the nausea hitting him full force as  they travelled to Zürich. Before he could say anything he felt himself being pulled into strong arms; arms that had been keeping him safe for as long as he could remember. With how sick he was feeling he had started to wonder if he was further along than he thought, after their tent at Glastonbury hadn't been the only time in the last few months he'd needed the comfort of his husband inside him. He felt the blush creep over his cheeks at the thought of it.

From the corner of his eye he noticed his sister in law watching closely, just like his own sisters Gemma had seen every part of their relationship & marriage. Been there alongside Anne when he'd lost his mum and Felicitie in such a short space of time. Biting his lip he curled against his husband thinking this must have been how his sisters had felt when they were pregnant with Lucky & Olive knowing their mum and sister wouldn't meet their child. He wanted so badly to tell Harry how he was feeling he just didn't know how. Not that he always needed words, from the very beginning they'd been able to figure out when they were hurting. Feather light lips kissed his forehead and he knew Harry had figured out something was up.

"Penny for your thoughts baby." Harry asked softly bringing Louis closer. He knew how much his husband hated to show his vulnerable side especially in front of other people even if that person was family. Looking toward his sister he smiled softly. "Give us a minute Gem he's likely to talk more if it's just us." 

"Of course. I'll just go ask how much longer we'll be. He doesn't look so good." Gemma said softly giving Louis' shoulder a squeeze before she made her way toward the front of the plane.

"Alright baby, what's on your mind?" Harry asked again feeling the tension leave Louis' shoulders as the door separating them from the pilot closed behind his sister.

"Thinking about mum and Fizzy, they'd be so happy to see us finally getting to have our family." Louis whispered softly. "I also feel like I'm further along than Glastonbury, I've travelled with you all year we don't do protection in the heat of the moment. I didn't feel well whilst we were in Rome in May." he admitted quietly.

"I remember that's why we stayed longer. How do we find out?" Harry asked looking in the direction his sister had gone. "I think Mum still plans to meet us at the airport." he said softly watching his husband look through their luggage grabbing the pregnancy test looking at the positive result. "What is it baby?" 

"These tell you how far along you are as well as whether or not you're pregnant." Louis whispered softly pulling off his t shirt to reveal a very small but visible bump. "It felt flatter before because I was standing up. According to this I'm 9+ weeks that's 3 months." he said softly handing the test to his husband. "Explains why I feel sick sooner. How did I not know?" 

"It's not as though we've been able to stop long enough to figure it out baby." Harry reassured his husband seeing a slight panic on his face. "We'll have our little one sooner than we thought, no one will break us." he promised taking the test from his husband. "Do you need new clothes to change into I brought some joggers." 

"Mmhm." Louis said softly letting the happy tears fall pulling Harry to his feet so he could lean against his chest. "Not going to be able to hide it for as long as we had planned." he whispered softly bringing Harry's hand to his stomach letting his husband feel the hardened spot where their little one was growing. "Feel sick." he admitted as the plane journey continued hearing the door open as his sister in law returned. "Hey sorry. I had a realisation when I woke up. Took me by surprise I'm okay I promise." Louis said softly seeing the concern on Gemma's face. "I'm a little further along than I thought." he said softly rubbing his hand across the curve of his stomach where their baby was nestled safely.

"The flight is ahead of time we should be arriving soon." Gemma said softly sitting beside her brother in law. "There's a toilet through there if you need it." she whispered quietly seeing the colour leave Louis' cheeks. 

"For the minute I don't need to be sick just feeling it." Louis whispered leaning against Harry's shoulder for a minute before standing up to change into his sweats. "This feels better." he said softly curling up against his husband thankful that they were going to be arriving in Switzerland sooner than they had expected. "Is Anne already there?"

"She is, the minute I called her she was already booking flights, she's also in agreement that we handle everything without telling them anything. There are some things they've lost any rights to knowing." Gemma said softly looking between her brother and his husband. "They know how much losing Liam hurt."

"My image isn't going to match their perfectly created person. I'll be 5 months pregnant in September I'm going to feel horrible stuck in jeans." Louis admitted quietly taking a breath out taking a sip of the ginger ale Harry handed him. "I owe my sisters."

"No you don't, Lou they've been through everything just as much as our fans. They continue to support, show as much as they can within the confines of our privacy. Just enough to show them that we see their support." Harry whispered softly feeling the plane descend as they reached the airport. 

Louis groaned as the plane moved downward, rubbing his stomach as the nausea rose in his throat. Quickly covering his mouth he felt a bucket being placed under his chin taking a small breath out before losing the battle with his stomach as he vomited. Closing his eyes he felt Harry's comforting hand against his back. "Ugh I have so much respect for my sisters after experiencing this." Louis whispered quietly vomiting one final time before setting the bucket beside him curling against his husband again. 

"We'll be at our apartment soon." Harry said softly kissing Louis' forehead gently. "And Mum will be there." he said softly wishing he could take the feeling away from his husband. "Our fans have already shown how committed they are to us. I have a feeling they're going to get louder." 

"Mm I don't think that they have ever been quiet when it comes to us nor should they have to." Louis whispered softly curling against Harry feeling the plane come to a stop. Taking a deep breath he prepared himself for the festival ahead. At least here the temperature wouldn't be overwhelming. "Let's get out of here."

Harry helped Louis to his feet thankful that they had taken the private plane even though it wasn't something he wanted to do often. Wrapping his arm around Louis' waist he smiled softly feeling the small curve of his husband's abdomen where their baby was nestled. Starting their own family had been put to one side by their management since day one. Now that they were going to have a baby he was going to do everything in his power to protect his family. 

𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.

ZOA City 

This time the drive to their apartment was a little longer than it had been in Athens, by the time the car stopped outside of their rented apartment the churning in his stomach was overpowering; Louis kept his head buried in Harry's shoulder taking small breaths out as the car door opened to let them out, Gemma moving quickly to open the door having seen how much he was battling to hold everything together. Moving his position so he was sitting on Harry's lap he felt strong arms wrap around him as he was carried through the front door, keeping his eyes closed for a minute he tried to calm his unsettled stomach. He knew that a lot of things had been said on social media especially surrounding their original fans. His setlist had come into question because he chose to keep One Direction songs. He chose the songs he knew their fans had cherished for the last fifteen years. 

Taking a deep breath his eyes opened as he heard voices, voices that hadn't been travelling with him on the plane. Smiling softly he looked in the direction they were coming from; the tension he had been carrying disappearing as he saw his mother in law. Anne had been by his side ever since he lost his own mother, supporting them from the sidelines with the minimal tools she had. Again their fans saw everything, every Instagram story had been taken note of throughout the last few months. There was a reason he and Harry called them the FBI, they sought out every last detail. His smiled brightened as he saw Zayn how much they'd had to falsify just to satisfy contracts they had signed as teenagers. 

"Two of my favourite people came to see the show." Louis whispered softly seeing Anne and Zayn turn in his direction. "It's good to see you." he said quietly looking toward his husband letting him know it was okay to put him down. 

"Are you sure?" Harry asked, he could tell the nausea hadn't eased off, but they'd been forced apart from family and friends for so long he understood. 

"Mm I'm positive." Louis whispered leaning up to kiss his husband. "Put a bucket close though I'm not sure I'll get to a bathroom in time if it starts." he added quickly as he felt his feet on the ground. Once they were he felt new arms wrap around him, the arms of Harry's mum. "Hi." 

"Hey sweetheart. How are you feeling? Gem told us everything." Anne asked looking between her children knowing that the three of them had always been a unit. "Your sister in law is extremely protective of you." she whispered softly.

"Morning sickness and plane journeys don't mix." Louis whispered into Anne's neck as he looked toward his brother. "I'll do whatever it takes to make sure we aren't broken apart as brothers anymore." he whispered slowly pulling back from Anne feeling the most vulnerable he had in a long time.

"Mm I know what you mean." Zayn said quietly making his way to Harry and Louis' side, the media had dictated their lives for ten years now he wasn't going to let anything get in between them. They'd already lost Liam, he refused to lose anyone else. "I um.." 

"Oh my god." Louis whispered softly bringing his brother into his arms. "And yet our management still tried to make sure that we aren't seen together. I've had enough of it." he whispered softly seeing the confusion on Gemma's face but the realisation suddenly hit Harry. "When?" 

"She's sleeping upstairs, she's two weeks old." Zayn whispered feeling the tears falling freely. "We found out just before he went to Argentina." he said quietly looking toward the bedroom his little girl slept. 

"You're not on your own anymore Z, we're here yeah." Louis whispered seeing Harry nod his head in agreement. "Sometimes management don't have a clue." he said quietly looking into Zayn's eyes. "He'd be so happy, he'll never leave you." 

"I'd be lost without her." Zayn whispered honestly. "Do you want to come meet her? She should be waking up soon." he asked knowing how much his best friends doted on their family. "In time we can say more." he whispered tapping the back of his phone.

"Every month there's more and more to say." Louis whispered softly leaning against Harry as they followed Zayn upstairs into the room they'd set aside for him. Biting his lip he tried to hold the tears back as he thought about how much had truly been taken from them. Liam had been trying to reunite them and in doing so had ended up losing his life. It just wasn't fair. "As long as our fans know the truth behind the pictures that's all that matters from here on out." 

"That's why we created the burners." Harry whispered softly kissing his husband's forehead gently. "Only those who have been with us from day one really understand who is behind them." he said sofly following Zayn into the bedroom coming to a stop as he saw the sleeping little girl. "What's her name?" 

"Lia Jaymes Malik after her daddy." Zayn said softly his voice filed with emotion. "He never got the chance to meet her daddy but I wanted her to have a link." he whispered softly looking at his brothers. "Don't cry Lou."

"Sorry, stupid hormones." Louis whispered softly wiping his eyes. "We'll be there for her, just like you'll be here for this little one." Biting his lip again he watched his brother gently pick up the sleeping baby before gently laying her into his waiting arms. "Hello angel, I'm your uncle Louis and this goofball is your uncle Harry." 

"Heeey." Harry whined earning a quiet laugh from everyone , this is what life was meant to be about. Spending it with family, the public persona was vastly different from the one they shared out of the spotlight. Watching Louis with their niece warmed his heart knowing that in a few months time they'd be saying hello to their own little girl or boy. "Has anyone spoken to Niall?" 

"He's filming The Voice, he promised he'll try and get to Poland for your last festival, he and Amelia have to sneak out of the building." Zayn said softly feeling the tears gather in his eyes seeing Louis holding his niece. "We've spent too many years hiding that we never fell out. We're family." 

"We completely agree." Louis whispered softly gently laying Lia back into her papa's arms. "She's beautiful Z, I promise we'll be there." he said softly leaning against Harry as they watched their brother holding his daughter.

"I don't have to be at soundcheck until tomorrow. How about we get settled, you and Harry can try and find something that my stomach can tolerate." Louis said softly rubbing his unsettled stomach. "Because right now the thought of eating isn't pleasant."

"I think we can do that." Zayn said softly looking between Lia and his brother remembering the food aversion he'd had. "Any food aversions or are we starting from the beginning?" he asked holding Lia close as they entered the kitchen.

"Haven't really attempted to eat yet, this is the first time my stomach has let up enough to consider eating." Louis admitted softly sitting at the kitchen island watching his husband get certain foods out of the kitchen cupboards. Given Harry didn't eat meat anymore they'd asked for the apartment to be stocked up with both meat and vegetarian foods. As Harry started to bring the various meats he'd asked for out of the fridge he shook his head quickly. "Don't ..." he begged hiding his face in his sweater.

"All of it?" Harry asked his eyebrow arching as he looked between Zayn and his husband. "That was unexpected." he said softly taking the meat into another part of the house knowing there was a second kitchen that they weren't going to be using. 

"Mm." Louis whispered closing his eyes as he tried to regain control over his stomach. "I guess our little one takes after his or her daddy in the meat department." he said softly pulling his face out of his sweater after Harry sprayed the kitchen with air freshener. "This is going to be interesting, hiding I'm pregnant when I can't eat meat." he said softly grimacing at the thought. 

"We've managed to hide everything else from those who don't need to know." Zayn said softly gently placing Lia into her baby wrap around his waist. "How about we start with something light, you've still got everything in that Harry asked for right?" he asked softly patting Lia's back with on hand.

"Mm though we had to fib and say that it was for Oli. You should have seen the look on his face when we told the apartment owners that." Louis whispered softly unable to hold in his laugh. "Tofu salad might be a good way to start." 

"I can do that." Harry said softly leaning in to kiss his husband. "It's an early start in the morning, though I don't think soundcheck is until later in the day." 

"The setlist is staying the same, no matter what people like to say about the One Direction songs I sing." Louis said quietly resting his hand against his head. "Our family is growing, the fans who truly matter will see the truth even if we can't say it out loud. Then again as Harry said that's why we created our burner X accounts." 

"I think we broke X when you turned up at my concert in LA." Zayn said softly sitting next to Louis at the kitchen island. "Then again singing Night Changes might have topped that." he chuckled remembering how their fans had a meltdown waking up to his Mexico shows. "There's only one of us who needs to sing it now." he chuckled looking toward Harry who was already making Louis' salad.

"When the time is right I'll consider it." Harry promised his brother setting the plate down in front of his husband thankful they'd managed to find something that his unsettled stomach could tolerate. "We'll figure out how to add protein in without the meat. Mum and Gemma are getting settled in properly."

Louis smiled softly laying his hand against his husband's cheek rubbing his thumb across his cheek. "I should have known that our little one would take after his or her daddy in the vegetarian department. I'll do anything for her." he whispered starting to eat the tofu salad looking over the plans for the next day.

"You think it's a girl?" Harry asked his face lit up, showing the dimples in his cheeks. 

"Mm just a feeling." Louis said softly digging into the tofu salad, feeling the nausea ease off. "Baby is happier now, at least after this we have a few weeks before we need to be in Poland." he said softly leaning his head against Harry's shoulder. "

"And those few weeks will be spent just the two of us, planning for the future." Harry said softly thankful that Louis was eating. Laying his hand gently against his husband's small baby bump he smiled brightly. "Then we have a month to ourselves."

"Sounds perfect." Louis said softly finishing off his food pushing the plate away looking at his brother. "They thought that they could keep up the narrative that we aren't talking. How exactly did they think they could force that after everything." he asked quietly his voice cracking. 

"The media will never understand what we've truly been through, that's why our fans will always have our backs." Zayn said softly looking down at his baby girl. "I know there are some things that we'll likely never get to tell them officially, but that doesn't stop us from letting stuff slip out."

"We had talked about that, we're not teenagers anymore. We have our own little ones to take care of, Lou can't be stressed out." Harry said softly helping his husband into the living room, happy that the tofu salad seemed to be sitting right. "Management will never understand that." 

Curling up against his husband Louis lay his head against the couch cushion Harry had just set on his lap for him, they'd been through so much in the last fifteen years yet the majority of it their fans had had to guess at. He'd never been more thankful that their fans saw through every ounce of paparazzi manipulation. Resting his hand against his baby bump he knew that Zayn was right; as long as they had each other then nothing would tear them apart. Not management, not former management, no one.

𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.𝓛ᥫ᭡.

July 11th 

ZOA City Festival 

Louis took a deep breath as he waited backstage for his performance curled into Harry as he heard their fans cheering for Cristina Hart; the one good thing about their fans; no matter who his support act was they would take them into their hearts instantly. The surprise Zayn had given them had knocked revealing his own news to his mother in law off course though he was sure by now Anne suspected, it was rare that he was sick morning sickness so far had been horrendous. Taking a deep breath he hoped the queasiness would stay away now he'd managed to find some way to eat, watching his mother in law with Zayn he couldn't help but smile seeing how his brother doted on his little girl wishing more than anything that Liam was here to see it. 

With Harry's arm around his waist, he knew it wouldn't be long before he was on stage, now was the time to tell his mother in law that she was going to be a grandmother. Wiping his eyes he felt his emotions rise wishing his mum was here; but he knew that she would be watching over them all. Shifting in his seat he saw Gemma start talking to Zayn; freeing up Anne to be given the news she had been hoping for for years. Resting his hand against the side of his bump he took a deep breath trying to push down the nerves.

"Before I go on stage I'd like to say something..." he started nibbling on a chunk of tofu feeling the churning easing off again. "Anne I'm sure you're wondering what happened to cause us to have such a turn around with my management, asking Gem to travel with us so quickly. The truth is a few days ago I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I'm around 9 weeks, my stomach is roundening but it's only visible to H and I right now." he rambled on watching the happiness shining. "You're going to be a grandma again." 

"My babies." Anne said softly making her way over to hug them both. "Congratulations." she said softly holding them both in her arms. "From now on I'll be travelling with you." she said softly looking toward her daughter and Zayn. "You've all gone through too much already." 

"Thanks mum." Louis whispered trying to hold back the tears knowing he would have to perform in a matter of minutes; he could hear their fans cheering starting to die down checking his watch for the time. "We put our foot down with Chris and Matt or more like Harry did whilst I tried not to throw up." he said softly laying his hand against his stomach rubbing it gently.

"We'll be right here for both  of you." Anne said softly pulling away from her boys knowing that Louis had to be on stage in a matter of minutes. "Now go get yourself in position, your fans will be by your side just like they have been for the last fifteen years." 

Taking a deep breath out Louis reluctantly moved from his comfortable spot resting against Harry, quickly getting into his stage clothes. Thankfully the heat meant that he didn't have to wear pants, the waistbands were already irritating his sensitive skin. Grabbing the Burberry t shirt from the hanger he quickly changed tops, throwing his travel clothes to one side; sighing softly he pulled on his 28 Clothing blue shorts smiling softly hearing their fans start to sing No Control again. They were so passionate about the song he had to incorporate it into his set somehow, though in a way they'd never see it coming. The best place he could think of would be his Away From Home Festival in October. Sliding his feet into trainers he knew would come off sooner rather than later he made his way back to his husband leaning against him for one more reassuring hug. 

Once Harry's arms were around him once more the small amount of tension he'd developed ebbed away, looking toward Zayn he smiled softly watching his niece with her daddy; they had so much to look forward to he wasn't going to let what ifs get him down anymore. They were starting a family of their own and no one was going to take the special moments away from him. As the fans started to get louder in their chanting he knew it was showtime. Leaning up to kiss Harry gently on the lips he moved into position taking the mic from Oli chuckling softly noticing the green sticker on the bottom. A little piece of his husband with him on stage like always. Waiting for his cue he heard the intro music begin and the first chords of The Greatest begin as Michael started to play. 

Like usual the minute he set foot on stage every ounce of nerves disappeared, the cheer from their fans giving him the confidence boost he needed. When he'd written The Greatest it had been with his fans in mind, they'd been by his side through every stage of his life, the good and the bad. It wasn't until he was three songs in that he got into the swing of things, changing the way he moved around the stage was paramount now; their little one his main priority over being the showman. He felt the tears spilling over seeing the Always On Your Side Louis signs during We Made It. Once he reached Drag Me Down he knew it was the moment to address the complaints about his setlist having One Direction songs in it. 

"This is for those who say there's too many One Direction songs on me set. This one's Drag Me Down." he announced hearing the fans cheering, a sea of cheers echoing around the festival venue. 

I've got fire for a heart
I'm not scared of the dark
You've never seen it look so easy
I got a river for a soul
And baby, you're a boat
Baby, you're my only reason 

Watching the fans go wild as he started singing one of their final songs as a band warmed his heart, his job was to make sure his fans had a good time. No matter what some fans thought he would never stop bringing songs into the setlist that they'd grown up with. His emotions got the best of him as he finished the last line of the first verse. They didn't know that he was currently carrying his little one whilst he performed but every Always On Your Side poster and pride flag (that had been able to be brought in) showed him that they were a family; that when the time was right and they found a way to let their fans into their secret they'd be there 100%. 

If I didn't have you, there would be nothing left
The shell of a man that could never be his best
If I didn't have you, I'd never see the sun
You taught me how to be someone, yeah

All my life, you stood by me
When no one else was ever behind me
All these lights, they can't blind me
With your love, nobody can drag me down
All my life, you stood by me
When no one else was ever behind me
All these lights, they can't blind me
With your love, nobody can drag me down

Nobody, nobody (hey)
Nobody can drag me down
Nobody, nobody (hey)
Nobody can drag me down

Turning toward the backstage area he smiled softly seeing Harry, Zayn and Anne in his eyesight, taking a deep breath he stopped singing as their fans started to sing the chorus. This was why he continued to bring One Direction songs to his setlist, looking up he touched his heart thinking about Liam; making a promise to his brother to always protect his little girl, to tell her all about her daddy when the time came. Pulling away from his thoughts, he prepared for the rest of the song. Looking out at the fans he knew in his heart that this song had become something more than a One Direction song. It was a thank you to every Directioner.