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KENTO NANAMI:
He adjusts his tie, speaking directly to the camera.
"Her and Gojo? They're... fine. Their relationship is fine."
There’s a long pause, his eye twitches slightly.
"I don't care that they're together. Why would I care? It's none of my business what they do on their own time. If Gojo wants to be 17% less insufferable because he has a girlfriend, that's... that's good. That's a positive development."
There’s another pause. He pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a deep sigh.
"I walked in on them last week in the teacher's lounge. She was sitting on the counter eating those chocolate biscuits, and he was standing between her legs just talking to her. Just having a conversation. They weren't even doing anything inappropriate, but the way he was looking at her—"
He cuts himself off, visibly uncomfortable.
"I immediately left and took my lunch break outside. I don't need to see Gojo being... tender. It's unsettling."
SHOKO IEIRI:
She lights a cigarette, leaning against the wall.
"Oh, they're disgustingly in love. It's adorable and nauseating in equal measure."
She takes a drag, exhaling the smoke with a slight smile.
"I genuinely thought she was gay for like, three years. The cargo pants, the Calvin Klein boxer-briefs, the complete lack of interest in any guy at school—I was convinced. Then one day Gojo's making moon eyes at her during a mission briefing and I thought I was hallucinating."
She laughs, shaking her head as she flicks ash.
"They're good for each other though. He's less reckless when she's around, and she actually sleeps sometimes when he's there. It's sweet. In a 'please get a room' kind of way."
KIYOTAKA IJICHI:
He nervously adjusts his glasses.
"Gojo and her? They're... um... they're very..."
He trails off, looking slightly panicked.
"I drove them to a mission last month. They sat in the back and she fell asleep on his shoulder. He didn't move for the entire hour-long drive. Just sat there, perfectly still, because she was sleeping. Gojo. The man who can't stay still for thirty seconds. He even told me to take the smoothest route possible, traffic be damned."
He pushes his glasses up again, letting out a soft chuckle.
"It was actually quite touching. Though he did threaten me when I accidentally hit a pothole. So... there's that."
PANDA:
He’s sitting casually, clearly comfortable on camera.
"She and Gojo are like watching a romantic comedy except one of them is the strongest sorcerer alive and the other controls nightmare shadow demons. It's great content."
He starts counting on his paws as he talks.
"Oh, the things I've witnessed. Gojo carrying her coffee because she was too tired from insomnia. Her telling him his new sunglasses look stupid. Gojo changing his sunglasses immediately. Her falling asleep during a faculty meeting and Gojo threatening everyone in the room to stay quiet. Her stealing food off his plate even though she's incredibly picky. Him ordering extra desserts wherever they go because he knows she'll want them."
He leans forward conspiratorially.
"Inumaki caught them making out in the training facility once. Gojo had her pressed against the wall and—"
The camera cuts off abruptly.
MAKI ZENIN:
She has her arms crossed, trying to look unimpressed, eyes narrowed and a scowl on her lips.
"They're fine. Whatever."
There’s an incredibly long silence. She's clearly thinking.
"Okay, look. She’s objectively cool. Her technique is insane, she doesn't take shit from anyone, and she's a good teacher even if she can't make eye contact half the time. The fact that she's dating Gojo of all people is... weird."
She uncrosses her arms, gestures vaguely.
"But he's different with her. Less annoying. More... human, I guess? She fell asleep in the common room last week and he just picked her up and carried her out like it was nothing. Didn't make a big deal about it, didn't show off. Just... did it."
She scoffs softly, looking away.
"It's disgustingly sweet. Don't you dare tell anyone I said that or I’ll kill you."
TOGE INUMAKI:
He gives a thumbs up.
"Salmon!"
He nods enthusiastically before making a heart shape with his hands, then pretends to gag.
"Salmon roe."
He shrugs in a 'what can you do' gesture.
YUUJI ITADORI:
"Gojo and her? They're so cool together! Like, she's super smart and her shadow technique is amazing and have you seen her puppets? They're terrifying but in a really awesome way—and Gojo is, well, Gojo."
He gestures excitedly, arms moving wildly as he talks.
"One time I saw him teleport across campus just to bring her some fancy chocolate because she mentioned she was craving it. And she acts all casual about it but I saw her smile! She has this really subtle smile that makes her look even prettier—"
He gets distracted.
"Oh! And they're both really good teachers. She explains things in a way that actually makes sense, even when I'm being dumb. And when she's tired from not sleeping, Gojo just takes over her classes without being asked. They're like... a team, you know?"
MEGUMI FUSHIGURO:
He’s visibly exhausted by this conversation before it even starts.
"I don't want to talk about Gojo's relationship."
There’s a long silence.
"...Fine. They're fine together. She's tolerable. More than tolerable. She's actually competent and intelligent, which makes it baffling that she's chosen to date him."
He pinches the bridge of his nose in a gesture eerily similar to Nanami, letting out a soft groan of annoyance.
"He's worse now, somehow. Before, he was just annoying. Now he's annoying and smug about having a girlfriend. Do you know how often he works her into conversation? 'She likes this.' 'She said something funny yesterday.' 'She fell asleep in my shirt and it was adorable—'"
Megumi suddenly stops himself, looking disgusted.
"I don't need to know these things. Nobody needs to know these things. But he tells us anyway because he has no concept of boundaries.”
There’s a pause, his expression softens slightly.
"...She's good for him, I guess. He listens to her. Sometimes. More than he listens to anyone else anyway."
NOBARA KUGISAKI:
Her head is tilted down, admiring her nails.
"She’s gorgeous and has terrible taste in men. That's my assessment."
She blows on her nails, looking disinterested.
"Okay but seriously, she dresses like a teenage boy going through a skater phase and somehow still makes it work. Those baggy pants and graphic tees? The Calvin Klein thing? Iconic. I respect it."
She finally looks at the camera.
"And you know what? Good for her. Gojo is hot, he's powerful, and apparently he's completely obsessed with her. She shows up in his clothes half the time looking like she just rolled out of bed and he looks at her like she hung the moon. Must be nice."
She lets out a long, dreamy sigh.
"I still think she could do better, but I'm not gonna say that where he can hear me. I'm reckless, not suicidal."
MASAMICHI YAGA:
He’s staring into the camera with the expression of a deflated balloon.
"Do you know how much paperwork I've had to file because of those two?"
He shakes his head in disbelief.
"Unauthorized use of Domain Expansion during 'training exercises.' Property damage because Gojo was 'showing off' for her. That incident where her shadow puppets accidentally traumatized three first-years because they were 'helping with a practical demonstration.' That time they both disappeared for four hours during school time and I found them asleep in the teacher's lounge, her using him as a pillow."
He sighs deeply, a small, reluctant smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"But... the students like her. She's a good teacher when she's not exhausted. And Gojo is... marginally more responsible when she's around. Marginally."
There’s a pause.
"They're good for each other. I'm not happy about the paperwork, but they're good for each other."
SATORU GOJO
He appears suddenly despite not being called, clearly having eavesdropped on everyone.
"Did everyone say nice things about us? They better have said nice things."
He grins widely.
"She’s the best thing that's ever happened to me and if anyone has a problem with that, they can take it up with my Unlimited Void."
The camera cuts off as several people yell at him to get out.