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18:37, December 25, A family.
December was always difficult for Yujin. Relatives came and went, and all of them said they were surprised by his height, as if they didn't have this exact same interaction every single year. He lay on his bed, the stark red light from the star shaped decoration on his window distracting him from his thoughts.
His hand moved on the mattress, crumpling the fabric, leaving a trail. Jiwoong-hyung had texted him earlier. That his door is open if he needs it. He was considerate, Yujin thought.
The day had been as always: forced smiles and stiff hugs shared with the people that dared to call themselves his family. Yujin shot up, using his hands to balance himself. He was going to Jiwoong's. What his parents said didn't matter. It was his first Christmas as a legal adult. He was free to do whatever he wanted.
9:47, December 25, Somewhere in the outskirts of town.
Jiwoong's text message hits Matthew's screen before he can even ask Taerae if he's up. He smiles cheerfully, answers the message and navigates to his conversation with Taerae, tapping on the cellphone button. It rings for a second or two, until Taerae’s tired voice hits the line.
Taerae greets him with a simple hello. “Heyyy”, Matthew drags the “y”. He starts gathering his essentials, and fishes for a box underneath his bed.
“Jiwoong-hyung asked us to go to his place for the holidays. You up?”
The line is silent for a few moments and Matthew swears he could hear a faint yawn. Taerae's voice comes soon enough, though there's some reluctance: “Yeah, sure.”
Matthew smiles, though Taerae can't see it. He drags the box from underneath his bed, checks its containments and puts it in his duffle bag carefully.
12:08, December 25, Lovebirds.
Gyuvin’s laugh echoed around the kitchen. His hands were full of flour. Ricky's dark hair had a contrasting layer of white powder atop it, and his face displayed a ray of emotions, from disappointment to adoration.
After a stretching of “let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” in the background, muffled by Gyuvin's soft giggles, Ricky spoke: “it's not my fault if these gingerbread men end up having hair“
Gyuvin watched lovingly as Ricky’s hands came to rest crisscrossed on his chest, his eyes reduced to crescents. “You're so cute like that. If the gingerbread men look anything like you I won't mind them having hair,” Gyuvin’s tone was overly sweet. “Besides, it's your hair, I can't dislike anything if it comes from you.”
Ricky rolled his eyes, but soon broke into a smile of his own. “Gosh you're so sappy. Why am I dating you again…” He shook his head in mock disappointment. He took Gyuvin by the shoulders and led him to the sink. While he was washing his hands, Jiwoong's voice cut through the air.
“Yah lovebirds! Would one of you open the door please?”
12:14, December 25, Behind closed doors.
Jiwoong’s door rattled with each set of knocks. Gunwook wondered if he got the date wrong, when a messy Ricky shot the door open. Gunwook stopped in his tracks, as if time had slowed down. Ricky looked at him with a friendly smile that turned fond as soon as Gyuvin jumped to his back. Gunwook’s eyes shifted between the two, his jaw slightly ajar. He only blinked twice before realizing his strange position, finally tearing his eyes away and stepping inside.
He kicked his damp fake converse onto the shoe rack and mustered up a crooked smile before looking back up at the couple.
“Gunwook-ah!” Gyuvin exclaimed. He got off Ricky's back and went for a hug with Gunwook, which the latter awkwardly returned. Gunwook patted Gyuvin's back while avoiding Ricky's eyes. He swallowed a non-existent lump in his throat, separating from Gyuvin's warmth.
After ruffling his hair affectionately, Gyuvin left Gunwook warm-cheeked and dumbfounded at the entrance, alone with Ricky. Ricky’s expression looked less carefree. Gunwook raised a hand in greeting. Some kind of a bro hug. “Glad to have you here.”
11:17, December 21, Christmas tree farm.
With his free hand, Hao pointed at a tree that looked much like an inverted triangle. It looked to be slightly taller than Hanbin, and around the width of them standing hand in hand next to it. It was green and full, it was perfect.
Hanbin gestured for the farm seller. He held the tree while the man cut it down with a saw. Hao smiled as the tree fell, reaching to carry it along with the other two. They placed it in a big black trash bag and loaded it on top of Hanbin's car.
“That's the tree done, what's next on the list?” Hanbin asked Hao once they sat down in his car. He took off his mittens, turned on the radio. White Christmas sprung to life as he smiled and blew onto his own hands to warm them up.
“Hmm, mainly just food. We still have to get the ingredients for the Japchae. Are we getting the BBQ things on the way to Jiwoong's?”
Hao’s seriousness was something that Hanbin really loved about him. He reached over the center console and placed his hands around Hao’s face, feeling the warmth in his cheeks.
Hao smiled and closed his eyes, letting his forehead fall on Hanbin's. Their lips connected for a short, chaste kiss.
Still close to his spouse's face, Hanbin softly spoke: “For now, I think we should go get some hot chocolate.”
12:37, December 25, Jiwoong's apartment.
Gunwook reached for the white sugar icing. His gingerbread man needed shirt buttons. Gyuvin seemed to have the same in mind, since Gunwook felt his hand make contact with Gyuvin's warm one, attempting to grab the same tube. Gunwook’s head snapped up, meeting Gyuvin's surprised gaze. It soon turned into a smile.
“Ah, you can have it first! I’ll use the red, give him a nose like Rudolph's,” Gyuvin brushed it off. He started humming the song about the reindeer, breaking a smile into Ricky's face, who was previously concentrating deeply in decorating his amaryllis flower-shaped gingerbread.
Gunwook’s head hurt. He couldn't tear his eyes off of Gyuvin. He looked domestic, carefree. The icing on the back of his hand, the smile that never seemed to leave his face. Quietly, as if not to disturb, Gunwook said, “...Thanks.”
As he finally turned back to his gingerbread, he didn't miss the way Ricky gave him a look. Gunwook couldn't read it, couldn't tell what it meant.
Jiwoong's head showed up from the doorway of his kitchen. He followed with his eyes as Gunwook’s pout deepened, unnoticed by himself, each time Gyuvin and Ricky whispered something lovey-dovey to one another, each time their laughs bubbled, soft and light-hearted.
“Hey, Gunwook-ah. Would you come help me with these lights? I can't seem to get them up by myself,” Jiwoong asked calmly. He watched as Gunwook looked up from his cookie, smiled unauthentically and nodded. He followed Jiwoong to the living room, wordless.
Jiwoong gestured to a set of colorful lights lying on the carpet: “This one. Should get it up here.”
While they worked the lights in perfect teamwork, Jiwoong kept on shooting glances at Gunwook, but he didn't reciprocate.
18:49, December 23, Lonely, but not alone.
His mother's voice rang over the slow jazz playing in the background. Even with his pillow at his ears, he couldn't muffle the sound of skin hitting skin, his mother's hand against his father's cheek. He closed his eyes. It was always like this.
Like that one time in the car, coming home for gift shopping. The silent treatment after a huge argument about something nonsensical. The tension Yujin could cut with a knife. The snowflakes falling and dying as soon as they hit the glassy car window. The radio caroling “have a holly jolly Christmas this year”.
His reminiscing was interrupted by his mother calling for him. Out of his slumber, he got up and burst the door open, leaving behind the safety of his room. The hallway smelled of food, of the years before. Yujin dragged his feet.
“Help set the table, would you?” It wasn't a question. Yujin nodded, a tight half smile on his lips. He got the pretty silverware out of the cabinet. Some fine china. It was used during the holiday season. He gently placed everything down, working mindlessly. That's how his story went, year after year.
14:01, December 25, Sidewalk covered in snow and ice.
Taerae smiled at Matthew's story. He’d got confused halfway through, but he didn't want to interrupt Matthew's excited ramble. Just listening to his voice was soothing enough. Taerae's hand ached, from the biting cold and the heavy plastic bag cutting into his skin. He forgot his gloves back at home.
Matthew gestured with his hands. He looked between the road they were walking and Taerae's red cheeks. For a moment he forgot the cold. He had a big duffle bag over his shoulder, containing the essentials of both him and Taerae. That's how they usually did it, when going somewhere to stay the night. Why would they need their own bags, when they were going to be together anyway.
The wind howled. Matthew tripped, falling right on his butt. The duffle softened his fall. He laughed. Taerae was concerned, but Matthew's cheerful laugh quickly infected him too. He extended his hand to help Matthew up, only to be yanked down.
Taerae yelped, and their groceries fell along the icy sidewalk. He was half on top of Matthew, half on the ground. He could feel the vapor from Matthew's breath on his cheek. He used his hands to push himself up. “Yah!”
Matthew only kept laughing. He threw his head back, allowing Taerae a perfect view of his happy, unscathed face. Taerae looked away, pushed himself up and dusted his clothes.
“Look what you caused. Now it's all over the place,” he pouted. Matthew gathered himself, got up and tapped Taerae on the shoulder.
“Don't worry, I’ll help ya” Matthew beamed at him, and Taerae couldn't help but soften up.
13:19, December 24, A home self made.
Scraps of wrapping paper coated the table. Hao’s swift hands moved easily, decoratively tying the ribbons in place over the pretty packages. Hanbin came from behind, placing his arms around his spouse.
“How are you so good at that?” He wondered out loud. Hanbin's attempts at wrapping were lying on the floor, crooked and too loose.
“Hmm, don't know. Maybe we finally found a skill you don't have,” Hao mumbled as he neatly folded the corners of the paper. He pushed his head back towards Hanbin's shoulder. Hanbin nestled his head in the crook of Hao's neck.
He grumbled against Hao's skin: “Maybe.”
They stayed like that until Hao finished wrapping the presents, cozy and warm in one another's presence.
“Should we get ready for Jiwoong's?” Hao broke the comfortable silence first.
Hanbin’s eyes were closed. He hummed in agreement, giving a kiss to Hao's neck and another one to his cheek before letting go and going for their bedroom. Hao lingered for a moment, a warmth spreading over his whole being.
14:14, December 25, Snowy windows and scents of cinnamon.
Taerae and Matthew arrived at Jiwoong's. He gladly let them in, opening the door wide open. They were laughing easily about something, which raised a smile onto Jiwoong's face as well. He gestured them into the living room, where himself, Gyuvin, Ricky and Gunwook were in the midst of a heated match of Uno.
Gyuvin was wildly accusing Ricky of cheating and Gunwook was more groundedly agreeing with him, leading him on. Ricky was trying to defend himself, gesturing greatly with his hands. He accidentally dropped a +4 card picture up on the table and went to quickly grab it back, but it just caused more ruckus.
Jiwoong got back to his seat, scolding Gyuvin and Ricky as if he was their teacher, or parent. Gunwook chuckled at the interaction, looking down at his own hands, seemingly in his thoughts.
Taerae went to the kitchen with a plastic bag full of snacks, and Matthew came to the living room. He greeted everyone cheerfully and did his special English greeting with Ricky. Jiwoong smiled as he watched them, playing a +4 at Gyuvin, who then pretended to be outraged.
18:48, December 25, Merry Christmas, please don't call.
Yujin was emptying his closet into a duffle bag that had been shoved underneath his bed for years. He was determined. He went to the bathroom, got his toothbrush into a plastic bag and shoved it in the duffle. He took his charger and phone, reading over Jiwoong's message once more before dimming the screen and pushing it deep into his pocket.
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. This was it. He was ready.
He opened the door of his room and slowly, quietly closed it behind himself. He headed towards the door silently. His father saw him from the living room, taking him in before asking him where he was going.
“I’m going to a friend's,” he simply answered. His mother looked up from the TV screen, staring at him through a gold-rimmed mirror on the wall. Yujin felt her sharp gaze on his skull.
“When are you coming back?,” she asked. Yujin kept quiet and avoided his parents' eyes. He slowly started putting his dirty winter shoes on.
“We're your family, Yujin,” she said, but her voice betrayed the false emotionality. Yujin fastened his pace, soon grabbing his coat from the hanger. His mother repeated his name, voice getting louder with each repetition. He needed to get out of there.
Once he’d rushed out of the door, jacket barely on, he could still hear his mother. But he didn't turn back. He had a destination and he was determined.
14:17, December 25, Two souls.
Taerae gathered all kinds of cups and glasses from Jiwoong's kitchen cabinets. Matthew, Gunwook and Ricky, who had won the game, came soon to help him. Matthew took a bottle of soda from Taerae, brushing their fingers in the process. Taerae let him take it.
He watched as Matthew worked. He spoke in easy English with Ricky. He caught Gunwook staring at the latter, and tapped him in the shoulder. He gestured for him to aid him with making the dipping sauce. They turned their backs to the two and started silently working together in harmony.
When Hao and Hanbin arrived they started working on food. Hanbin and Hao focused on getting the BBQ ingredients ready, Ricky and Gyuvin helping them, with easy conversation. Gunwook and Taerae were still focusing on snacks and Matthew and Jiwoong went to set up the tree Hanbin and Hao brought with them.
19:13, December 25, Gathering.
Jiwoong's phone buzzed. It was from Yujin. Earlier he had only left him on ‘read’. The text message read: “I'm outside.”
Jiwoong got up from the couch, heading for the door. The others didn't notice him leaving, too occupied by their lively conversation. Only Hao gave him a look that Jiwoong naturally nodded and smiled at, reassuring.
He opened the door quietly, revealing a Yujin who looked like a lost bunny kit. He was carrying a heavy looking duffle bag and his hair was tousled by the wind. His cheeks were red and he seemed to be in an emotional state.
Jiwoong smiled at him and stepped aside to let him in. Once Yujin had comfortably taken his shoes and coat off, Jiwoong locked him in his soft embrace. Yujin stood still for a moment until he returned Jiwoong's hug, trembling. They stayed like that until Hao walked in and greeted Yujin quietly.
Jiwoong placed his hands loosely around Yujin's face and in quiet concern looked at him. Yujin, with damp eyes and red cheeks, nodded at him and gave him a shy smile.
19:38, December 25, A family, the second part.
The 9 men sat around the living room, sharing light-hearted conversation and presents. Gyuvin was watching Ricky embarrassedly hold a corny Christmas sweater to his torso, laughing behind his open palm. Gunwook was watching them absentmindedly, playing with the ribbons that were previously around his brand new pair of woolly gloves.
Yujin was sitting with his knees curled, hugging his legs. He listened as Jiwoong, Matthew and Taerae talked, chiming in once in a while. There was a fuzzy blanket on his shoulders, and he felt warm, inside and outside.
Hanbin and Hao stood up to get their gifts, but stopped midway underneath the arch to the hallway. A mistletoe hung perfectly in the space above their heads, and Hanbin tugged on Hao’s hand so he would notice it.
Hao turned his head up, chuckled, and leaped closed the gap between himself and his future husband. Hanbin smiled against his mouth, taken aback by his speed. Lovingly, the two separated, smiled brightly and continued on to get their presents.
Matthew poked at Taerae's side. “I have something for you,” he said and pulled a small box from behind his back. Taerae looked at it, a somewhat puzzled look on his face. They didn't usually give each other much, just the other's presence being enough of a present.
Matthew pushed it to his hands, telling him to open it fast. Taerae took it wordlessly and started unwrapping the little box. Once he opened it, it revealed a necklace with a small crescent moon pendant. Matthew’s smile only widened, and he reached for his own neck, revealing a similar one from underneath the neckline of his sweater. Only his was a sun.
“Now we can match,” Matthew said quietly, and Taerae ached. His chest felt like it was being crushed by a thousand rubber bands. He gulped, blinked and finally smiled at Matthew, but it was rather bittersweet.
They looked at each other for a moment and Taerae felt like the walls were closing in on him. “Thank you,” he said, and he truly meant it. His mind was a mess.
Jiwoong stood up moments later. “Right. Should we have some food?”
Everyone stirred up. Gyuvin went ahead with Jiwoong, Hanbin and Hao. Ricky watched fondly as Gyuvin stumbled into the kitchen. Once he disappeared, Ricky's gaze fell into Gunwook next to him. Gunwook was looking in the same direction as Ricky just now, where Gyuvin disappeared.
Ricky looked at Gunwook until he looked back. Their gazes stuck to one one another for a moment. Ricky's eyes seemed neutral. Gunwook didn't know what it meant. And he didn't get a chance to figure it out before Gyuvin called for the both of them to get to the kitchen.
Yujin lingered. Taerae was distracted looking at his new necklace. Matthew got up and ruffled both of their hair before stomping after the others.
Yujin was tugging at Jiwoong's carpet and the ends of his sweater arms. A wide smile spread slowly on his face. He tapped Taerae on the side and gestured with his head for him to get up. Taerae let the necklace drop against his right collarbone and looked back at him with a genuine smile.
They both got up and walked side by side to the kitchen where all the people they love were waiting patiently for them.