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It’s near Parting Hour when Phainon comes back. The Dawn Device still shines brightly as it always does, and provides no indication for the time. The lack of people within the market, on the other hand, gives Phainon a better idea of the time.
He had just returned from a mission- a failed one. It had been a simple one on paper. A small village a day away from Okhema had been found, along with reports of the Black Tide encroaching on it. Aglaea had sent Phainon out to find and bring back any refugees who were still alive.
Unfortunately, by the time he made it, the entire village had been burnt to the ground. Houses had been scorched and destroyed, instead becoming piles of wood. Plants had been reduced to mere cinders. The air smelled of ashes, and charred remains of bodies crunched under his feet
The villagers were said to be worshippers of Oronyx, and their main produce consisted of wheat and corn, and they had lived near a river. It reminded Phainon far too much of Aedes Elysiae. The golden wheat fields and crops were destroyed by the black tide. The water unsafe for any creature besides those corrupted. Statues that were dedicated to the Time Titan had crumbled along with any of the houses that were within the small town.
Perhaps that’s why he had clung so hard to the idea that maybe, just maybe, there would be at least one survivor, despite the ever growing signs that proved otherwise. That he hadn’t failed again to save his, or rather their, village.
In the end, he hadn’t found a single survivor. He could only return to Okhema with the unfortunate news and visions of Aedes Elysiae flashing in his mind.
Returning to the present, people were trickling out of the market. Few customers were out, and the majority of the stalls had started closing down. There were little people out at this time- something Phainon was currently grateful for. Normally, Phainon would love the crowd- he had always been a social butterfly and enjoyed conversing with others. But now, he found he was too tired to try keeping up the Deliverer act. Most people ignored him, instead trying to keep their shops or get back to their homes.
He was walking towards the Hero’s Bath, he noticed a blur of red and gold- Mydei. He immediately U-turned on his feet and headed in the other direction, towards his own house. Guess he would have to submit his report tomorrow.
As much as Phainon loved Mydei, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with him right now. He was exhausted out of his mind, the earlier events of the day replaying like a broken record in his mind. He couldn’t be bothered to try to keep up whatever act he normally played around the Kremnoan. He would probably see right through it as well and demand answers, something he wasn’t willing to provide right now.
Turning around, he starts heading towards his own place. He isn’t really paying attention to where he’s going, instead trusting his footsteps to lead him to his destination. He nearly walks face first into his front door with how he wasn’t paying attention. He barely even registers that he reached his home to begin with.
Finally reaching his place, he quickly digs out his keys from his pockets, spending a few seconds fiddling with the keys before opening his door and finally, entering his home.
He closes the door behind him before sliding down the wall beside it, leaning against it as he sat on the floor. The adrenaline of the mission had started to wear off, which left him exhausted. His lack of sleep was starting to catch up to him now. He realised he hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday. Whatever, he thinks. Most shops are closed by now, and he’s too tired to bother to try making himself some dinner. He can’t even be bothered to try changing out of his dirty clothes or taking a bath, what with his legs feeling like jelly.
Left with nothing else to do, Phainon started thinking.
The ruins of the village destruction had done nothing but brought back the unpleasant memories when his own hometown was burned to the ground. It reminded him of his failures which had haunted him day and night. He had failed to save anyone, again. It happened back in Aedes Elysiae, when he was too weak to try to fight off any of the black tide creatures, when he was too helpless to do anything but have to rely on those around him to save his stupid life. And it happened now, where he was too slow. They had all died. And it was his fault.
What if he had been faster? Stronger? If he had reached there earlier, would he have found any survivors? Or would he always be too slow, destined to fail everyone and everything around him? It wouldn’t be too surprising to him if that were the case. He was always pathetic.
He distantly registers someone knocking on the door and a name being called out from the other side, albeit muffled.
He didn’t really understand what Aglaea possibly saw in him that day when she found him. Sure, he was the ‘destined Deliverer’ as Lady Tribbie had said, but surely Aglaea would’ve noticed how he was nothing but a leech. How he wouldn’t be able to live up to her expectations.
“-liverer!”
Sometimes, when he’s in the depths of his mind and spiralling, Phainon thinks he should’ve died in the fire that burned down Aedes Elysiae. That way, he wouldn’t be here, playing a fake ‘Deliverer’ and miserably failing. He wouldn’t be here, failing to save anyone. Maybe it would’ve been better that way. He wouldn’t be disappointing everyone, and someone better would have taken up his role.
“-inon!”
Aglaea shouldn’t have taken him in. He should’ve left him alone, find someone better to fulfil the role of the Deliverer. He was a failure and worthless. He was weak. He couldn’t save anyone, not back then, and not now. He had always been pathetic. Just because he was now officially the Deliverer didn’t change that.
“PHAINON!”
He finally registers someone calling him- and that the voice was rather close. He looked up in the direction of the voice, just to find a red and yellow blob- when had it gotten so blurry?- looking at him. It’s Mydei, his brain supplies. He seems…concerned? But why would he be concerned? What was there to worry about?
“Phainon, you’re crying.” Mydei crouches down in front of him, cradling his face. He was crying? He reached a hand up to his face and- indeed, it seems he had been crying. His eyes widen at the realisation.
Shit.
“Leave, Mydeimos.” Phainon pushed the man off him with what little strength he could muster, bringing his knees up to his chest. He didn’t want Mydei to see him like this- weak, sobbing on the floor of his room, dirty and unkempt like some pathetic child. He tried to wipe away his tears, hoping, stupidly, that he could potentially remedy this situation and pretend like he wasn’t crying his eyes out right now. It proved futile of course, because of course it fucking did. Everything he did was futile. That was his fate, wasn’t it? Instead, he hid his face in his arms, trying his best to muffle his sobs and sniffles.
Maybe he thought that Mydei would leave him here, let him figure himself out and wallow in his own sorrows alone until he could pretend everything was fine as he always did.
“No.” Mydei, being the stubborn man he was, refused. He wasn’t about to leave anyone alone to suffer in silence, and especially not Phainon, the man who would shut all his fears and emotions behind closed doors never to be unlocked where anyone could see it. His heart would’ve warmed at the care he was being given right now if it weren’t for the fact he’d rather stay curled up on the floor and hide until he could regain his bearings.
Instead, Mydei had done the opposite of leaving, and moved closer to Phainon. He removed the hands that covered the Elysiaen’s face with much more care then he deserved
Carefully, he pulled Phainon to his chest, wrapping his arms around his nape. Phainon had thrashed around weakly at first, trying harder to push the Kremnoan away again, but he eventually slumped against his chest, his head buried in the other's neck.
Tears were starting to soak Mydei's shoulder, but he couldn't care less about that right now. The man against him was trembling hard and breathing erratically. In contrast to his earlier actions, Phainon was holding on tightly to Mydei's robes, as if he was afraid that he would leave him. As if he would leave the man alone, when he was clearly in despair. Mydei would sooner take up the throne than leave him.
If he was being honest, he wasn't too sure what to do right now. He always knew that there was more to the Deliverer than Phainon let on. That behind the mask for the prophesied hero was a crumbling man who lost everything he held dear. He just…hadn't expected to see it for himself. He thought that he'd never see this side- vulnerable, raw and broken- to the Deliverer. Not with how much he hid everything.
The blood haired man had started threading his hand through the Deliverer’s hair. It seemed to have ever so slightly helped Phainon, based on the way his hands unfurled by the tiniest bit, so he continued doing it.
Eventually, Phainon had calmed down enough to have a conversation, having realised by now that Mydei wasn't going to leave him so easily, to both his dismay and relief.
“Do you…mind telling me? What happened? Aglaea told me you had gone out on a mission.” Mydeu started, trying to make his voice steady in spite of the sight of the Deliverer having broken down in front of him.
Phainon had tensed up at that. He tried to hide it, but Mydei noticed. He always did.
“You don’t have to, of course. Don’t force yourself.” He quickly added
Out of energy to fight, Phainon relented. He explained the mission goal and his failure to save anyone. He had left out the part about it reminding him of Aedes Elysiae, but Mydei had still connected the dots.
“It’s just- I thought that I was supposed to be their Deliverer…surely a real hero would be able to save them? I- I don’t- I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to save them. Why kind of Deliverer can’t even do that?! Those people are- everyone’s relying on me and I can’t even do this- I’m not weak. I swear I’m not weak anymore, I swear I’m strong…” He muttered out the last part. It sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than actually making a statement. He was spiraling again.
Mydei hugged him closer, shushing him.
“Phainon, you are still human. You can’t save everyone, nor does your inability to do so make you weak.”
“You couldn’t have done anything back there Phainon. It isn’t your fault the black tide had invaded their village, nor is it yours too blame for not being able to save anyone. You are still a regular human, Phainon. You’re not some immortal god- you're a human who can make mistakes. It doesn’t make you weak for it. It wasn’t your fault.” He comforted him.
“What happened in Aedes Elysiae- that wasn’t your fault either. You were a kid back then. You couldn’t have foreseen the black tide, nor could you have expected to defend off your entire village. You were only a child. You aren’t to blame for that.” Phainon’s eyes had shrunk the more he spoke, as if he couldn’t possibly comprehend someone telling him these things. Before he knew it, he was crying again. Yet Mydei still didn’t push him away like he expected- instead, he had stayed, whispering words of comfort into his ear.
Eventually, his sobs had died down as his ears dried out.
“Sorry you had to see that…haha.” He laughed without any humor. It was supposed to cheer the other man other, though it didn’t seem to work based on the worsening frown on his face.
“Nonsense, Phainon. Even you can cry.” Mydei somehow managed to surprise Phainon even more, despite how it should've been much harder with how much they interact.
“Come on, I'll make you something.” That seemed to cheer Phainon up. A small smile returned to his face hearing that- a genuine one, with his teeth visible and the smile crooked, unlike the ‘Deliverer smile’ he normally wore in public. Mydei much preferred this one.
They ended up spending the rest of the day together. Mydei had cooked him some tomato soup with bread (Phainon had mentioned liking that in the past. Mydei figured it was probably something he had in Aedes Elysiae), and they hung out afterwards. Mydei had even taught Phainon some Kremnoan which he horribly butchered.
He didn’t return to his own quarters that night, instead staying at Phainon’s. Phainon’s bed was big enough to fit both of them, so he thought it wouldn’t be a problem.
The Deliverer had fallen asleep before Mydei did, meaning he wouldn’t notice when Mydei had started staring. The white haired man looked rather…peaceful, now. The ever present furrow in eyebrows were gone, now having relaxed in his sleep. His shoulders which had been tense for the past hour weren’t anymore. Light which shone in from the windows reflected over his hair perfectly. Speaking of its hair, it was currently splayed out against the pillow messily, yet Mydei strangely found it to be beautiful.
Something warmed in Mydei’s heart, seeing Phainon so vulnerable and comfortable. He wanted to reach out and run his hand through those white locks. He wanted to spend his day with him- no, his life with him, sparring with him, challenging him, cooking for him. He wanted to be there for him in his vulnerable moments. Be someone he could lean on.
How strange. Mydei never felt this way about anyone else. Was it just that he was his friend? But didn’t think these things with the Kremnoan detachment despite them being his closest friends at the time. Maybe this was just with Phainon then? But what made Phainon so different? Why did he feel this way with them and not anyone in the Kremnoan detachment? Unless-
Oh. Mydei realised why-
“I think I love you, Phainon.”