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Spamton G. Spamton wanted to marry Ant Tenna.
They’d been reunited for two months. Back in a relationship for one.
And they’d already come so far.
Their relationship started in 1997. Spamton was a sad little spam ad down on his luck, who found rapid overnight success, catching the attention of the Lord of Screens himself. A partnership was formed between the two… legally. And one night, things had changed.
They had a little too much to drink. Tenna let his mouth run a little bit too much. One thing led to another, and the next morning, Spamton woke up in Tenna’s bed.
He left. Not forever, just for the morning. When he came back, Tenna was half his usual height, glooby for the rest of the day, and, once they’d made a habit of sleeping together, never trusted Spamton to stay the next morning ever again. It was a horrible first impression. Looking back on it, Spamton felt stupid.
Then again, he felt that way whenever he looked back at any of his old relationship with Tenna.
Spamton, when he was younger, was afraid. He was afraid of getting attached, of commitment, of Tenna. Every time they had sex, it was a little more sweet, a little more tender. It horrified him. He never acknowledged the warm feeling in his face, or the way Tenna’s smile made his stomach do flips, or the growing bundle of red begonias that had begun accumulating in his dressing room.
It was never part of the plan.
…And, in hindsight, it was incredibly unhealthy for both of them.
Their relationship ended in 2012. Tenna sweet-talked Spamton into signing his contract. Spamton had to take a phone call.
He left. And this time, he didn’t come back.
Their relationship started again, now, in 2025. After a month of fighting, which turned into awkward conversations, which turned into a sort of friendship… Tenna told Spamton he wanted to try again.
And Spamton said okay. They promised each other to do better.
And somehow, in some way, they had.
They made it work.
It had only been a month. Spamton was more in love than he ever had been. It had only been a month. Spamton had never felt more safe with anybody. It had only been a month. Spamton never wanted it to end.
It had only been a month. Spamton G. Spamton decided to marry Ant Tenna.
It started with Spamton approaching Ralsei in Castle Town.
“HE> Y, [[Colgate]] KID.” He said, tugging on Ralsei’s robe and looking up at him expectantly. The taller darkner jumped at the contact and sound of Spamton’s naturally-startling voice, turning around and looking down at him. The prince smiled.
“Spamton! How lovely to see you. Do you, um, need something?” He asked politely, clasping his paws together. Spamton briefly considered backing out, as he always did when making decisions not entirely selfish, but smacked away the thought as soon as it showed up.
“ANY CHANC e I COULD BORROW SUM [[money, money, money!]]? A GOoD CHUNK OF [[It 2019]], ACTUALLY. DON’T [[Ask me anything]] Y.” Spamton replied as he put a hand out expectantly.
Ralsei’s smile wavered, and he laughed nervously.
“Uh, sure! Here..” He dug through his scarf and pulled out an egregiously fat stack of dark dollars, putting it in Spamton’s palm. “I hope that’s enough. It’s… um… all I have?” He said.
Spamton lit up, shoving the wad in his mouth, where it vanished into thin air. He shook Ralsei’s still-extended hand enthusiastically.
“THANK YOU FOR YOUR [[genirosity]], KIND PR1NCE!” He said, before he darted off towards town square.
That was exactly as easy as he thought it’d be.
The next part, however, he knew would be a nightmare.
He had to get a ring. All the shops in town were Addison owned.
He hadn’t spoken to his siblings since he fell from glory. He knew they knew what happened to him, everyone did, but they hadn’t seen him. He wasn’t sure if they’d recognize him or not. And if they did, what would they say? Would they finally feel remorse for how they treated him? Or would they laugh in his face, saying he deserved it?
Worst of all, would they pity him?
Spamton stopped dead in his tracks as he approached an Addison jewelry store. He thought this one was owned by Yellow. The thought suddenly occurred to him that, if he did recognize him, he might call him White. Eugh.
Yet again, a wave of doubt washed over him. This time, it didn’t leave as quickly, but he swallowed it down and stormed into the shop, dark dollars… somewhere, ready to be spent.
Apparently, he was right. Yellow, the middle child of the five of them, was standing behind the counter, twiddling his thumbs until he registered the sound of the door’s entry bell ringing. He immediately put on the signature Addison grin, and Spamton internally cringed.
“Hello! Welcome to- oh.” Yellow said, pausing mid-greeting to stare at Spamton. “…Hello, sir, can I help you?” His smile faltered slightly.
“JUST [[browser installation in progress…]]ING.” Spamton replied as flatly as he could. Something flashed across Yellow’s face he didn’t quite want to think about.
As he looked through the rings on display, his throat tightened. What kind of ring would Tenna want? Flashy and bold, right? But… Tenna was on camera a lot. A ring too loud could take the focus away from him. But Tenna was loud himself, and it was always hard to really look at anyone else in the room. At least, it was for him.
His eyes settled on a large, gold-banded ruby-encrusted ring. The gems were a statement, but a subtle one. They didn’t jut or stand out too much, they just were. The gold would compliment Tenna’s red-and-yellow palette well, especially alongside the ruby.
It was perfect. He tapped on the glass where the ring resided, and Yellow perked up, coming over to pull it out of the display.
“That one’s 1,900 dark dollars. Do you… have that kind of money, White?”
Spamton froze. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit shit shit shit shit-
“SPAMTON.” Was all he said. Yellow grimaced.
“Shit, right, sorry. My question still stands, though, do you-“ He was interrupted by a loud siren sound emanating from Spamton’s now-open mouth. He flinched and covered his ears, nearly dropping the ring. Spamton shut his mouth, staring at the Addison in front of him. A silence passed.
“[[Click yes to proceed]].” He finally said, pulling the wad of cash out of his pocket and slamming it on the counter. He didn’t break eye contact with Yellow.
“…Okay. Look, Spamton, can we talk? I- you- none of us have seen you in… years. We all thought you died! I… me and Blue were worried for you.” Yellow said as he slowly set the ring in a velvet box, which he then wrapped in a sheer paper, which he formed into a pouch and tied shut with a silk bow. Fancy. Spamton almost forgot who was performing the craftsmanship. Almost.
“NO.” He said before he snatched the bag from Yellow’s hand, jumping onto the counter to do so. He immediately returned to the floor, starting towards the door before turning back.
“TELL. BLUE. I’M. OKAY.”
He left.
Now, all there was to do was… pop the question.
Spamton waited. He needed to find the right moment.
The right moment came after Tenna arrived to their now-shared room after a day of performing for the residents of Castle Town. He was still wearing his suit, but it had slight stains around the crease of the armpits, the lapels were crooked, and his pants didn’t quite shine as brightly.
Oh, Angel, he had to do this now.
So he shuffled on his knees, crawling behind Tenna as he begun taking off his tie.
“[[cathode]].”
Tenna turned to look at him, tilting his head slightly when he saw the pose Spamton was in.
He dropped his tie when he saw what Spamton held in one hand.
“WANNA [[get hitched]]!!!!!!!!!!!?????????” He shouted unceremoniously.
Tenna’s screen darkened. Spamton panicked, nearly dropping the ring-
Until Tenna’s face lit up again, nose popping out, an entire bouquet of those red begonias blooming from the tip, faint color bars painted across his screen. He leaned down in the blink of an eye, scooping Spamton up and spinning in a circle, screaming.
“YES! YES!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!” He shouted, shaking Spamton slightly in his arms, making him grim the ring even harder.
What?
“WH4T?” Spamton said. “ME. YOU WANT. [[2]] MARRY. ME?” He said, pointing at himself.
“YES! Yes, in every lifetime, in every universe, yes! Always!” Tenna replied, leaning close and planting a massive, cartoonish smooch onto Spamton’s toothy mouth. “You- I didn’t- I didn’t think you’d ask!” He said, tears now forming on his screen, burying his face in the neck of the puppet he was now squeezing like a teddy bear.
Spamton was frozen. Slowly, but surely, his face broke into a somehow wider smile than he was already forced to don.
It was real, this time.
Spamton G. Spamton was going to marry Ant Tenna.