Chapter Text
The kids in Tooru’s grade have never liked him much, and after months of failed efforts, he’s decided to give up on trying to gain their approval. He doesn’t need friends, he tries to convince himself. He doesn’t want them, he tells himself. But as he walks home from school that day, loneliness lays heavy in his heart.
That’s how he ends up on a chat site that makes him confirm he’s at least thirteen, and he clicks yes , even though he’s only eleven. He doubts he’s the only one lying.
Start a conversation.
He stares at the words, mouse hovering over the them. This is pathetic. He knows if anyone at his school ever found out he was using the internet to make friends, he’d never hear the end of it. Tooru can’t make friends on his own. Tooru is so desperate. Tooru will never be good enough. He already knows these things. He doesn’t need them repeated back to him.
Reluctantly, he clicks the words.
You are now chatting with a stranger! Say hi.
Stranger: m or f?
Already, he’s uncomfortable. He ends the chat with this person, hesitating a moment before starting a new one. He’s made it this far. He might as well suffer through a few more attempts.
You are now chatting with a stranger! Say hi.
Stranger: Hi
Stranger: How old you are?
You: 13
The stranger disconnects, and Tooru sighs to himself. Apparently, that was not the answer the person was hoping for. This was a horrible idea, he’s certain of that, but despite this knowledge, he enters a new conversation.
You are now chatting with a stranger! Say hi.
This time, Tooru takes it upon himself to get in the first word.
You: i’m only 13 so if you’re any older you should probably disconnect
Stranger: what if I was fourteen?
You: depends, are you a creepy fourteen year old?
Stranger: does catching bugs count as creepy?
You: that’s not creepy that’s gross!!
Stranger: bugs probably think you’re gross too!
You: i’m not gross
Stranger: neither are bugs
You: yes they are
Stranger: if you call bugs gross one more time I’m going to disconnect
You: OKAY FINE
You: i’ll stop
You: but only because you’re the first person i’ve met on here who might not be a pervert
Stranger: thanks?
You: i only said might
You: who knows what you do with those bugs of yours
Stranger: oh my god
Stranger: i’m going to disconnect
You: NO
Stranger: why not?
You: because i like talking to you
Stranger: you’ve only been talking to me for like two minutes
You: you make a fast first impression
Stranger: so do you, bug hater
You: wow so you already have a nickname for me
Stranger: shut up
You: so you never told me how old you are
Stranger: oh
Stranger: um
Stranger: i’m actually 11
You: WAIT ARE YOU SERIOUS
Stranger: yeah?
You: SO AM I
You: HA WE BOTH LIED ABOUT OUR AGE
Stranger: lots of people lie about their age
Stranger: how do i know you’re not actually an old man lying to me to gain my trust?
You: crap
You: you caught me
You: i’m actually 69
Stranger: stop
Stranger: i’m going to disconnect
You: you keep threatening that but have yet to actually do it
Stranger: don’t tempt me
You: you’d miss me too much
Stranger: can’t miss someone i don’t know
You: get to know me then
Stranger: what if i don’t want to?
You: trust me, you want to
Stranger: somehow i doubt that
You: so mean!!
Stranger: yet for some reason you still want to talk to me
You: boredom makes you do weird things
Stranger: why am i still talking to you
You: maybe i’m just irresistible?
Stranger: more like annoying
You: at least i’m not rude
Stranger: ugh shut up
Stranger: didn’t you say you wanted to get to know me or something
You: yes!!! what’s your name?
Stranger: i change my mind
Stranger: i don’t want to give my personal information out to a stranger
Stranger: i’m still convinced you’re an old man
You: R U D E
You: i’m hurt
You: i’ll tell you my name if you tell me yours
Stranger: i’ll just stick with calling you bug hater
You: fine!! i’ll call you gross!!
Stranger: IM LEAVING
You: GROSS NO
You: YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME
Stranger: don’t you have other people you could annoy
Stranger: after all, i thought you were “irresistible”
You: I AM
You: but you see
You: not everyone else seems to understand that
Stranger: what? so you don’t have hundreds of friends?
You: haaaaaaa
You: i dont even have one friend
You: sorry
You: i don’t even know your name and i’m over sharing
You: but that’s why i came here
You: because i wanted to talk to someone
Stranger: i’m glad i didn’t disconnect
You: really?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: don’t get me wrong you’re annoying but
Stranger: i think i can manage being your friend
You: you can’t be my friend if i don’t know your name
Stranger: ugh
Stranger: i’m trying to be nice
You: i want to know the name of my only friend!!!
Stranger: fine
Stranger: it’s hajime
Stranger: your turn
You: tooru
Stranger: can i still call you bug hater
You: so meeeaaaan
A minute passes without a reply, and Tooru starts to worry. His mind starts spinning, doubting. What if Hajime disconnects? What if Hajime was kidding about being his friend? What if Hajime thinks he’s pathetic? What if Hajime’s actually a creep? Another minute passes, and Tooru feels the glee in his mood diminishing. Talking to this stranger had lifted his spirits, it’d made the people on the playground, the kids who made fun of him, seem unimportant.
But of course it wasn’t going to last. He shouldn’t have been stupid enough to let himself think that he could form any sort of friendship online. He stares at the conversation, and then to the time. It's been four minutes now since Hajime has responded. Four minutes isn’t that long, but right now, it feels like a lifetime.
Another two minutes pass before “Stranger” replies. Relief floods through Tooru. So he’s not being ignored. That’s good, at least.
Stranger: hey sorry my mom was talking to me
Stranger: she’s making me take a shower
Stranger: i tried to ask for longer but she said no
It feels honest, but now that Tooru’s let his doubts leak through, parts of him are convinced this is an excuse.
You: oh
You: guess that means you have to go then?
You; promise a guy friendship and then ditch him?
You: i see how it is
Stranger: so you’re a guy then?
Right. Neither of them had specified their gender. He’d kind of just assumed that the stranger knew, and that he was also a guy.
You: yep
You: i’m assuming from your name that you are too?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: also i really do have to go now
Tooru frowns at the screen, wishing he could beg the other to stay. He isn’t expecting another message, but then one pops up, and a smile finds its way to Tooru’s lips.
Stranger: i’ve only used skype once in my life to video chat my mom and dad when they went on vacation but my username is hajimeiwaizumi if you want to message me there
Stranger: i promised you friendship after all
Stranger: it’d be rude not to follow through
Tooru grins stupidly at the computer screen, happier than he’s been all week. Maybe all month. He’d expected Hajime to leave and be gone forever. But Hajime had given Tooru his skype. Hajime wanted to keep talking to Tooru.
Without hesitation, Tooru downloads Skype onto his family computer and makes an account. He adds Hajime, attaching a message to the request.
greys_alien: you should change your username to “addicted2bugs”
greys_alien: yours is boring
greys_alien: i can’t be friends with someone boring
Half an hour later, he gets a message from addicted2bugs.
addicted2bugs: i hate myself for this
greys_alien: HAJIME!!
greys_alien: how was your shower
addicted2bugs: hot
greys_alien: did you miss me?
addicted2bugs: no
greys_alien: liar <3
addicted2bugs: i’m going to delete skype
greys_alien: YOU’RE SO MEAN
Hajime, unsurprisingly, does not delete his Skype, though the threats keep coming throughout the night, until finally it’s past ten o’clock, and Tooru’s mother is forcing him off the computer. He whines to Hajime, but the other boy says they’ll talk tomorrow, and it’s enough for Tooru to fall asleep happily.
Tooru wakes up with a familiar sense of dread that always accompanies his weekday mornings. He hates school, hates the way his classmates look at him, hates the way others ignore him. If it wasn’t for the people, he doesn’t think it’d be half bad. His teachers are nice and the material isn’t that difficult. Sometimes it’s even fun.
But unfortunately, the only way to get rid of his peers is to be homeschooled, and his parents had shot that idea down the second he’d mentioned it. Tooru, sweetheart, we don’t have the time. What about your friends? You’d get lonely.
I’m already lonely, he thought, but he accepted their answer nonetheless. It was an unrealistic dream.
Tooru forces himself out of bed, and he hurries to get ready, hoping if he finishes early his mom will allow him to use the computer until she’s ready to go. It works.
He jumps into the computer chair, wasting no time to log onto skype.
greys_alien: i don’t want to go to school
greys_alien: everyone there sucks
greys_alien: i wish you went to my school
greys_alien: not saying you don’t suck
greys_alien: you just suck less
He’s not expecting a response, and he doesn’t get one, but he’s not upset because Hajime said they’d talk today, and he believes him.
School is bearable because he has a friend to come home to. It’s easier to ignore the bad attitudes of his classmates when he has something to look forward to.
He’s smiling on his walk home from school, bouncing excitedly. Usually, the first thing he does when he gets home is grab a snack. Today, he skips the snack and heads right for the computer. His smile widens.
addicted2bugs: and you say i’m the mean one
addicted2bugs: you wouldn’t want me at your school
addicted2bugs: i’d dig up bugs and throw them at you
greys_alien: DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THAT MUCH
addicted2bugs: no
addicted2bugs: it’d just be funny to watch you scream
greys_alien: you’re a bully
greys_alien: i take back my earlier statement
greys_alien: you suck as much as everyone else
addicted2bugs: i’m so hurt
addicted2bugs: my heart is broken
addicted2bugs: oh no
greys_alien: SHUT UP
greys_alien: DON’T MOCK ME
They spend the rest of the day talking, taking breaks every now and then when their parents need something. The longest lull in their conversation is dinner. Tooru’s parents call him to eat, and when he gets back, he finds that Hajime left a message a few minutes ago saying he’s having dinner, too. When his friend returns, the rest of the night goes mostly uninterrupted.
They talk easily. Tooru complains about something, Hajime makes fun of him. They send each other weird videos. They talk about their hobbies. They both like volleyball, and Tooru tells Hajime he’s going to join the volleyball club when he starts middle school. Hajime says he was thinking about it, and Tooru pushes him into a decision. The decision is to join, obviously.
His mom tells him he needs to do his homework and then get to bed, and he reluctantly listens, wishing Hajime a good night. They promise to talk again tomorrow.
It’s good, Tooru thinks, it’s really good.