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“Expect from yerself.”
The sun was setting behind him and yet Karasu couldn’t miss how Hiori’s eyes, usually dull and emotionless, had lightened up. In the orange glow, Hiori’s features softened: it wasn’t a smile, Karasu had never seen him smile before, but his eyes, somehow, as they stared right through his, seemed to convey a similar emotion.
That day, Hiori took longer in the changing room. He couldn’t remember when was the last time that a hot shower actually warmed his bones, nor when he could actually feel the numbness in his muscles after a training session. For the longest time, his body had felt like it didn’t belong to him and yet, thanks to his words, his life, that he had been playing like a game in third person, was switching back to first person.
Hiori couldn’t tell whether he had missed the feeling or not, and he knew very well that, the moment he came home, everything would go back to how it was. Yet, as he walked home, he couldn’t help but notice the lingering warmth of the sun against his skin, or the way an unknown feeling had started stuffing his chest.
Karasu really was amazing.
In the days following his talk with Hiori, Karasu couldn’t miss how his gaze had started to follow him relentlessly, from when he was chatting with their teammates to when he was running drills during practice. It would’ve been unnerving, if it weren’t for the fact that Karasu was intrigued by that, only because he didn’t think that anyone would’ve actually been able to understand him only by looking, at least not in the way he did with others.
No matter how remarkable Hiori’s analyzing abilities were, he was no more than a fledgling. Still, Karasu was curious. Oddly enough, it wasn’t a feeling he could quite put into words. Words always came easy to him, but, in that moment, he couldn’t think of a way to describe that emotion.
He didn’t like people seeing through him because, if they did, they would realize just how average he was. He loathed the very thought of it. He knew that, once his mask fell, it would be over for him. After all, who would want to spend their time with someone who had built their whole personality around fitting with others?
For some reason though, he wasn’t afraid of Hiori. On one hand, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to find out; however, on the other, he almost hoped that Hiori was as smart as he thought he was. If he were, he would figure Karasu out on the spot. Despite how uncomfortable it was, the thought brought him a foreign rush of blood.
He’d never admit it, but the possibility of someone understanding lit up something warm in his chest, instead of the dread he was so used to.
However, he hadn’t expected Hiori to try to stalk him home. It was a sunny day, the heat bouncing off his skin, the sunlight so bright that it was almost blinding. Yet, he couldn’t possibly miss the tall figure, his face covered by a cap, but with unmistakable strands of light blue hair escaping it, that had started tailing him as soon as he had reached the train station, after Hiori had supposedly ditched their after-practice hangout with their teammates and gone ahead. How amusing.
He got on his usual train, Hiori trailing after him. Karasu grinned to himself. Hiori was being careful enough to actually stand almost on the other carriage and look outside. However, he hadn’t taken into account that, if he could see Karasu out of the corner of his eye, then Karasu could easily see him.
Karasu didn’t move when the train stopped at his usual stop, instead getting off a couple stops before the terminal. Few people were still on the train, so it was incredibly easy to see Hiori trailing after him. Karasu, however, wasn’t one to have him have his way easily.
The place where they had got off seemed like a small town in the middle of nowhere. Karasu had never seen it before, yet he confidently started walking straight ahead, as if he knew the way. At some point, he even tried to leave Hiori behind, taking abrupt turns whenever he was distracted.
Seeing him frantically looking around for him brought a smile to Karasu’s lips. In the end, as he glanced around, he noticed a sketchy tunnel right around a corner, leading to some cultivated fields. The weeds there could reach one’s knee and ivy covered the whole concrete structure. Without thinking twice, he ducked that way.
Hiori, in that moment, lost sight of him. He quickly reached where Karasu was previously standing, looking inside the tunnel. After a brief hesitation, he walked in.
Karasu had been quick enough to loop around the structure, ending up right behind Hiori, who was apprehensively advancing. He grinned, wasting no time to grab the cap he was using to cover his features.
“Hey there, Mr. Stalker.”
Hiori jolted and whipped his head around, his breath caught in his throat. “Ya’ve scared me, Karasu.”
“I ain’t the one playin’ pretend and actin’ like some kind of private investigator.” He pointed out, tossing the hat back at him.
Hiori caught it, glancing away. “Sorry. I just wanted ta understand ya better.”
“Ya’ve been observin’ me lately, haven’t ya? Found out anythin’?” Karasu leaned closer, tilting his head, a glint of amusement in his eyes.
Hiori met his gaze, blinking slowly. “Does it matter?”
Karasu’s lips curved at the edges. Hiori raised an eyebrow. “I just wanted ta see if yer able ta apply all of that soccer IQ also ta real life. But I guess ya ain’t that remarkable in the end.”
Hiori looked away, his fingers twitching where they were holding the cap. Karasu looked at him carefully. His hunch had been right: even after his talk with him, Hiori hadn’t changed one bit from the passive, stagnant being he—
“Ya keep everyone at arm’s length, both, figuratively and physically. I don’t think any of our teammates actually knows what’s going on yer mind.” Hiori raised his gaze, meeting Karasu’s. Karasu was about to retort but, for once, he bit his tongue. He just huffed, his grin twitching. Those eyes— Strangely enough, he felt as if that gaze, wide and innocent on the surface, was seeing right through him. How annoying.
Hiori noticed the change but, after understanding that he wanted him to finish, he added, “I just think ya don’t want anyone perceivin’ ya. So ya just act as a background character, tryin’ ta blend in, while always knowin’ the right buttons ta push ta always be liked by everyone.”
“I think ya shouldn’t be the one talkin’ about bein’ a background character.” Karasu commented, crossing his arms. It wasn’t accusatory, but Hiori could feel the bite in it nonetheless. He glanced away, focusing on how the ivy steadily climbed the concrete walls around them.
“I know that, but it’s different. Yer always around everyone while ya do that, while I’m not.” He replied after a beat before falling silent again. He knew that he had no right to say those things, but he felt like he and Karasu were similar, despite being polar opposites. And he might not know Karasu, but he knew himself well.
“It feels like yer actually lookin’ fer someone ta understand. And ya stay around people hopin’ ta find ‘em.”
Karasu met his gaze, holding it before covering his eyes with his hand, sighing. Mr. Remarkable had got him good. He slung his arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. “‘Aight wannabe detective, ya got me. Watcha gonna do ‘bout it now?”
Hiori glanced away. “Nothin’…”
Karasu clicked his tongue. “That’s boring. Why bother in the first place then?”
“‘Cause I wanted to understand ya better…” He muttered, avoiding his gaze. Karasu looked at him silently before huffing, a chuckle making his way on his lips.
“I see… well, ya have ta start usin’ honorifics ‘round me if ya actually wanna be my friend.”
“Nobody uses ‘em fer ya, Karasu.” Hiori commented with a faint smile on his lips.
Karasu rolled his eyes. “I’m a whole year older than ya, it’s Karasu-san fer ya.”
“Sure thing, Karasu.”
He was about to retort, but suddenly heard a weird noise, like a thrumming, echoing through the tunnel. Even Hiori raised an eyebrow, glancing at one of the ends. Well, that wasn’t part of the plan. He hadn’t noticed it earlier, but the sky had turned dark, rain pouring down from the sky. He looked at Hiori, noticing how neither of them had an umbrella, and sighed.
“Man, I hate summer.”
Hiori helplessly looked outside, before suddenly checking his phone, paling. “I hafta go home, Karasu.”
“What? It’s pourin’. Yer parents strict or something?” He asked, looking over Hiori’s shoulder to see the time. It had been more than an hour since the end of practice.
Hiori didn’t reply, putting his phone away, but Karasu didn’t miss how his fingers were twitching around it, his eyes dull. He turned around, walking to the end of the tunnel. “I’m goin’ home.”
“Yer gonna get soaked,” Karasu pointed out, grabbing him by the shoulder, “and sick. Ya’d be dumb ta actually do that.”
“Well, I can’t really stay here.” Hiori muttered, glaring at him. Karasu sighed, letting go of his shoulder. Normally, he would’ve said to just wait it out there, but seeing the expression on Hiori’s face, he didn’t.
“Tell them we were trainin’ together at my house and since it’s rainin’ yer stayin’ over. My house is two stops from here.” He really didn’t want to bring him home but well, that or the knowledge that it’d be his fault if Hiori got sick.
“What? Why did ya get off here then?” Hiori had already taken out his phone, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. “And I don’t think they’re gonna believe me—”
“They come ta every game, don’t they? They must know my face, just tell them I was coachin’ ya or somethin’, yer probably better than me at makin’ things up.”
Hiori huffed, but a faint smile made its way on his lips. “Says who?”
“Kids with strict parents are always like that.” He retorted, taking off his jacket and tossing it at Hiori.
Hiori caught it, looking at it curiously. “What’s this fer?”
“Put it on yer head, it’s waterproof. We gotta rush ta the station first.”
“What about ya?” Hiori asked, tilting his head.
Karasu looked away. “I’ll take a shower once I’m home. Now, let’s not waste time.”
Karasu should’ve expected it. By the time they reached his house, he was drenched. Hiori, on the other hand, looked fine for the most part. He unlocked the front door, droplets of water falling on the floor as he walked in, taking off his shoes.
Hiori followed suit, noticing how the spot where Karasu was standing was now covered in water. “Do ya need a hand?”
“Can ya get me a towel from the bathroom? It’s the first door of the corridor. They’re in the top cabinet.”
Hiori didn’t waste any time, following the instructions and coming back with a bunch of towels. Karasu grabbed one of them, trying to dry his hair. The rain had washed away the hair wax, so now it was probably all sticking up in weird ways. Still, he felt a heavy gaze on him.
“Watcha lookin’ at?”
Hiori didn’t pretend to look away, chuckling quietly. “Ya look like a bird peckin’ at its feathers.”
“What’s that supposed ta mean?” He raised his gaze, frowning.
Hiori hummed. “Nothin’. I just thought of that seeing how careful ya were bein’ and all.”
Karasu huffed. “Whatever, I’m showin’. Ya can stay in my room, it’s the door at the end of the corridor. Don’t touch anythin’ and if ya hear anyone comin’ home it’s probably just my sister or my mother, so just introduce yerself.”
“Ya have a sister?” Hiori asked, surprised.
“Yeah, and don’t ya dare tryin’ anythin’ on her.” He replied, his eyes narrowing.
Hiori smiled. “I wasn’t gonna.”
After that, Hiori silently settled in Karasu’s room. As expected, it was well organized, with a station for a PC and a huge bookshelf. It was quite minimalistic, but lived in. From what he had seen, the whole house had the same feeling to it. Hiori was almost envious of it. Compared to his house, where everything was always uncanningly pristine and perfect, this one held a certain life to it that he couldn’t quite put into words. He shook his head. There was no point in thinking that…
Still, that was a once in a lifetime opportunity to actually know what the real Karasu was like. Out of curiosity, he started looking through his books: except for some manga series, for the most part the shelf was filled with history novels, business books and lots of nonfiction.
“Ya won’t find any porn in there, sorry for crushin’ yer expectations.”
Hiori jolted, turning towards the now open door. Karasu was standing there, wearing a T-shirt and shorts, the towel around his shoulders catching the stray droplets still falling down from his hair. “I didn’t think I’d find—”
“Relax, I was just kiddin’. Yer fine as long as ya don’t touch anything.” He said, sitting down on his bed.
“Why can’t I touch anythin’?”
Karasu rolled his eyes. “‘Cause it’s in a specific order and I can’t find things if ya mess it up, dumbass.”
“I see…”
Suddenly, there was a loud thump, along with a shout, “Tabi are you back? I swear if you’ve left the door open again—”
“Chill, I’m here, Michiko.” Karasu said, walking out of his room and looking at his sister, noticing the bags of groceries that had been dropped onto the floor. “Need a hand with those?”
“Yeah, thanks. Mom said she’d be home late so I was tasked with the groceries.” She said with a sigh, tiredly taking off her shoes. However, she perked up when she saw Hiori trailing after Karasu, silently glancing between her, the bags, and Karasu. “Hey Tabi, who’s that? You should’ve told us if you were having friends over.”
Karasu didn’t even look up, picking up the bags and carrying them to the kitchen. “He’s one of my teammates. Long story short we got hit by rain, it was gettin’ late and he doesn’t live nearby, so he’s spendin’ the night.”
“I’m Hiori Yo, nice to meet you.” He quickly introduced himself, lowering his gaze.
She smiled. “I’m Michiko, nice to meet you too! You know, Tabi never brings anyone over so this is quite the event. Mom will surely be thrilled.”
“What? Really?” Hiori questioned, looking at Karasu.
Karasu clicked his tongue. “Ya didn’t have ta say it like that, Michiko.”
“What? But it’s true. ‘Sides, I didn’t know you had friends like him, he seems too sweet to be hanging around you. I’m quite surprised.” She replied teasingly.
“Never judge a book by its cover.” He muttered under his breath as he put a pack of milk in the fridge.
Hiori stared at him. “Hey, what’s that supposed ta mean?”
“Just ignore him, he gets all pissy when he’s bein’ teased. So, Yo, right? Thanks for hanging with my brother, I can assure you that there’s some good underneath all that sarcasm.” She said, grinning at him. Hiori couldn’t help but notice how similar she was to her brother.
“Uh, yeah… I think I’ve noticed…” He replied quietly.
Michiko’s gaze lingered on him before she turned away, joining Karasu in the kitchen. “Say Yo, what do you want for dinner?”
“Anything’s fine, really. I ain’t a picky eater.”
“Not gonna ask fer my opinion?” Karasu asked her, leaning against the counter.
Michiko looked at him, unamused. “You aren’t a guest, so you should be grateful that I’m even cookin’ in the first place.”
“If ya change yer mind I can always cook, y’know? Honestly, I don’t trust ya near a stove.” He retorted.
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Tabi. Just set the table since you’re here.”
He clicked his tongue but he started taking out the dishes from the cabinets nevertheless. Hiori looked around, asking quietly, “Is there anything I can do, Karasu?”
“We’re all Karasu here, just call him Tabito. Or Tabi. Your choice, really.” Michiko quipped, which earned her a glare from Karasu. She grinned, “What?”
“Nothin’.” He muttered before looking at Hiori. “Ya don’t hafta do anythin’. Ya can sit on the couch or somethin’.”
“Alright, Tabi.” At that, Michiko snickered.
Karasu huffed, saying in a warning tone, “Watch it.”
The evening went by seamlessly. His mother seemed to really like Hiori, and she had even asked Karasu to bring him home more often. Karasu, obviously, wasn’t thrilled. In that moment, they were in Karasu’s room. Karasu had just laid out a futon, saying,
“Ya can sleep on the couch if ya prefer, y’know?”
“It’s fine, thanks.” He simply said, sitting down on it. He had changed into one of Karasu’s shirts and pants which, thankfully, were his size.
Karasu just gave him a nod, turning off the lights before strolling back to his bed. Hiori didn’t close his eyes for a long time, just staring at the darkness surrounding them. Suddenly, he quietly mutter,
“Y’know, it’s my first time spendin’ the night at someone’s house. My parents never let me.” There was a long silence after that. Hiori could hear Karasu’s uneven breathing, so he knew that he was still awake, and just ignoring him. Hence, he decided to try his luck. “I know ya ain’t asleep. When people are sleepin’ they don’t breathe like that.”
“That’s a creepy thing ta notice.” He replied, shifting on his bed.
Hiori glanced in his direction, trying to make anything out of the darkness surrounding them. But maybe it was better that way. “I don’t think ya actually didn’t know.”
“Touché. But I ain’t pointin’ it out like that.”
Hiori hummed. “I just wanted to say I had fun. It felt like takin’ a break…”
“Is yer family that bad?” Karasu asked after a while. He didn’t need to know, but something unknown was pushing him to ask.
Hiori was silent for a while. “I don’t really wanna talk ‘bout it.”
Well done Tabito, he thought, closing his eyes. He had just stepped on a landmine. It was clear that Hiori didn’t have a good relationship with them. He should just ignore it and fall asleep. It wasn’t his problem, and yet—
“Ya can come over whenever ya need it. Just text me in advance.”
Hiori paused, his eyes widening. “Wait, really? Why?”
Karasu huffed. “‘Cause I feel like it. Now don’t bother me too much ‘bout it.”
“Does it mean yer gettin’ used to me?” Hiori teased but, underneath, Karasu was unable to miss the hopeful edge in his tone. It made him sick, thinking that someone might’ve actually been able to understand him.
“I’m not.”
Hiori breathed out a laugh. There were still a lot of things that he didn’t understand about Karasu, but that was a beginning. Maybe, one day, he’ll be finally be able to understand what made him so amazing. Around him, it was safe to play in first person.