Chapter Text
It wasn’t like Shauna had made any plans for her 17th birthday. She didn’t have anything better to do than sit in the classification centre waiting room alone, not since Jackie and Jeff had gotten back together and she’d been instantly put on the back burner. Which was fine, Shauna was happy to be alone. If Jackie didn’t need Shauna, then Shauna didn’t need Jackie. The waiting room was bustling with bodies, the stuffy doctors office antiseptic drowned with baby powder and lavender. They really tried to accommodate littles in here, she supposed - eyeing the corner filled with blocks and dolls which a few bodies were crowding around now. Shauna had never been around many littles in her life. She'd met her fathers new fiancé once a couple months back, his new little, but it wasn’t exactly a fun experience. It wouldn’t matter soon though - once Shauna was classified she’d have no need to worry about littles anymore.
“Shauna Shipman,”
When her name was called - Shauna forced her eyes away from the corner of littles and stood up, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. She followed the doctor down a long carpeted hallway, eyes flicking along the posters and paintings which lined the hallway. All pretty common for a clinic, similar to the one her mum worked at. Shauna visited often as a kid but once she met Jackie she spent most of her Mum’s overnight shifts at the Taylor’s. “Just take a seat in here,” the doctor smiled - a shorter woman with neat blonde hair. “I’m doctor Roberts, I’ll be doing your classification today.” Shauna pulled herself up onto the examination table, the paper crinkling beneath her thighs. Wasn’t this just the dream birthday set up?
The doctor spoke a bit about the process, what Shauna was supposed to expect. She knew most of it already, usually being one to pay attention in class, at least when Jackie wasn’t slipping notes onto her desk. “Alright, just relax while I do the swab, it might feel a bit strange,” doctor Roberts warned, gently guiding Shauna’s mouth open and rubbing the cotton swab around on her cheeks. It poked a little, and tickled when it rubbed against the gum. It wasn’t terrible though. Doctor Roberts was nice enough, gently explaining the next steps. “I’ll just ask you to take this pill, ok? It will make the next reading easier to compare.” Shauna nodded and swallowed it down quickly. They did the second swab, easy as the first - and then Shauna’s future sat waiting on a little doctor's office desk. She’d be a neutral like her mum, of course. Shauna was always more like her mother than she wanted to admit, at least in this way it would be for the best.
Doctor Roberts said it would take ten minutes to get a proper reading, and then left Shauna alone to give her some privacy.
She slumped against the wall behind her, letting her head drop back a little bit and her eyes flutter shut. School had been gruelling and boring - Shauna couldn’t wait for this all to be over so she could get home and spend the money her mum had left for pizza - supposedly to share with Jackie but it wasn’t like she’d have any even if she were still coming over. Oh, Jackie, Shauna sighed - despite how irritating she’d been all day, Shauna did wish she were coming over tonight.
“Miss Shipman? Are we alright in here?” Shauna’s eyes shot open, a sheepish smile playing at her lips.
“Yeah, sorry. Busy day.” Doctor Roberts smiled in understanding, placing a little folder on her desk and running her eyes over the test.
“Seems it - you were pretty out cold. I already read your results, I hope that’s ok.” Shauna shrugged - if she hadn’t been told straight away, it was surely neutral. “Youre a caregiver Shauna.”
A caregiver?
There was no world.
The shock must’ve shown on her face, doctor Roberts offering a sympathetic sigh. “It can be quite a shock, I'm sure.”
“Uh, yeah I guess.”
Her father, Shauna seethed. Classifications weren’t exactly genetic but she knew this was his fault. She didn’t exactly hold a great deal of respect for caregivers. Who’d ditch their own biological child just to take care of some woman he found at work? Was that really who Shauna would be? Was that who she was? She’d never even wanted kids. She wanted to be a writer and travel, not spend her life covered in drool and diapers. “Well, I have this folder for you, all the information you might need about processes and such. Being a caregiver is a gift - you’ll understand it soon.” Shauna took the folder which was handed to her, it was heavy and she doubted she’d have time to read it in between all of her college applications. “Do you have any questions?”
“No, I should be alright.” Shauna couldn’t even think of any questions - her head was spinning.
It spun the whole bus ride home, and as she unlocked the front door. It spun as she walked up the stairs and when she crawled into bed.
How could Shauna ever take care of a little? She’d killed every pet fish and pot plant she’d ever had. She sucked at comforting people, even Jackie. Especially Jackie. She got awkward and stumbled over her words, and made people feel worse than before.
So what? She was going to screw someone up like her dad did? Great.
Shauna groaned, throwing her bed sheets off her. She wouldn’t let this ruin her life. Determined and ready for a distraction, Shauna dragged herself back downstairs to the desk. She called up the pizza place, ignoring the voice mail from Jackie, and then stuck her nose into her Brown application. It was harder than it had been yesterday, her brain somehow constantly flooded with images of a crying little that she didn’t know how to soothe. Relenting, she slammed the paper shut. She’d write better when she could focus.
Her mum had a few books that she’d bought when she was trying to figure things out with Dad, back when she believed he really was only leaving her for a little and not because he was just an asshole. Shauna had never read them but, maybe she had to, if she was ever going to understand how to keep her future on track.