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FUCK.
Audrey Wilson (Murdock) is sixteen years old, and he may be stupid, but he’s not a fucking idiot, okay? He knew that spider bites hurt, but he didn’t think they were supposed to hurt this bad. He wasn’t that far from home Matt’s apartment, the paranoid bastard barely let him out of Hell’s Kitchen anyway, but he honestly didn’t know if he was going to make it to the building, much less up the stairs.
By the grace of God (“Don’t take the lord’s name in vain, Audrey.”) he did, in fact, not only make it to the building, but also up the stairs. He technically should’ve been going back to St. Agnes tonight, but he was pretty sure that Sister Maggie wouldn’t mind him staying with Matt, especially considering he was even more sure he was running some sort of super fever and he didn’t want to risk giving it to any of the little ones. He must be going crazy, because even through the locked door (why the FUCK was this door so hard to open. Was the handle always this sticky?) he could’ve sworn that he heard Matt moving around, and some sort of leather sound.
He finally got the door open, and slammed it behind him (he really didn’t mean to, he knows how sensitive Matt’s ears are, and how easily he gets headaches, but it was like his arms didn’t know his own strength) then started down the hallway into the living room.
“Matt! You better not be doin’ anything the Lord would frown upon cuz’ I’m-” He cut himself off. Standing in Matt’s living room wasn’t Matt, but the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. Well. Technically it was both. Matt was standing there, halfway into the suit, just about to put the horns on.
“What the FUCK Matthew?! When I said nothin’ the Lord would frown upon, I meant having someone over, not this!”
Matt was standing there, mouth agape, eyes staring in Audrey’s vague direction, looking dumbfounded. “Audrey, what are you doing here-”
Audrey held a hand up and waved in front of his face, shushing Matt. He pinched in between his eyebrows, trying to stave off the migraine he was getting (both from that stupid spider, AND from his stupid dad brother guardian.)
“No, no, you don-” He cut himself off with a quiet groan and blinked a few times before starting again, this time pointing at Matt. “You are NOT the one who gets to ask questions right now, I am, and I…” He trailed off again, swaying slightly. “I am gonna pass the fuck out.”
The world tilted, and he could only hope that Matt would use some of his Daredevil moves to stop him from completely braining himself on the couch before his vision went black.
Audrey is ten years old and everything he’s ever known is gone. Everything but the church. His mom and dad are gone, and the Sisters won’t tell him what happened other than that they’re with the Lord now. He’s sitting on a pew in a suit that’s too big for him, holding his stuffed duck, and listening to Father Lantom preach about things that he doesn’t understand.
He doesn’t know when, but he guesses that he must have gone away again (Sister Maggie asks where he goes, but Audrey doesn’t know what she means. He stayed in the same spot, just like she asked him to) because when he blinks, the nave is empty other than Father Lantom who’s moved to sit beside him. The Father is reading the bible, not out loud, just to himself, making small notes every few scriptures. Audrey must make a noise, because the Father hums softly and finishes marking something before looking at him.
“Welcome back, son. The sermon has been over for half an hour now, and Sister Maggie has gone to collect someone that we’d like you to meet. They should be here shortly.” Audrey nods slightly and brings his knees up to his chest, hugging his duck closer.
Father Lantom was right, because just a minute or two later, Sister Maggie opens the doors and walks in with a man behind her. The man seems like he’s around the same height as the Father, and he’s wearing a suit that seems like it’s a little too big too (‘they match’, a small part of his brain whispers.)
The first thing Audrey notices about him is his glasses. They’re square and tinged with red. Audrey isn’t sure why he’s wearing his sunglasses inside, but his mother told him not to judge what others do. Sister Maggie guides the man to sit down on the other side of Audrey, and helps him fold up a cane that Audrey’s not entirely sure how he missed, before she takes her leave.
“Audrey,” Father Lantom starts, gesturing at him and then the man “This is Matthew. He grew up here as well. Matthew, this is our newest guest, Audrey.” The man holds out a hand in Audrey’s general direction, and Audrey hands him his duck. The Father makes some noise in the back of his throat and Audrey tenses. He didn’t realize what he did was wrong. Usually, when someone holds a hand out to him, it’s to take something. Audrey looks at the man (Matthew,) with wide eyes, but he just chuckles, and feels the duck.
“Is it a bird?” Matthew asks. Audrey shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Audrey, I can’t see you if you moved. My eyes don’t work like yours do.” The room is quiet for a moment. Father Lantom opens his mouth and takes a breath like he’s about to say something, but Audrey beats him to it.
“Duck.” He whispers, his voice cracks and his throat hurts when he talks. He hasn’t said a word since he was brought here, and he’s not sure why this man made him feel like he could. Matthew smiles and holds it back out for Audrey to take again.
“Of course, a duck.” Matthew says it like there’s nothing else it could’ve ever been. Audrey holds his duck back to his chest and something in him feels like maybe he’s gonna be okay again.
Audrey Wilson doesn’t know where he is, and he doesn’t know how old he is, but he knows that he’s never been in this much pain before. There’s a woman in front of him when he opens his eyes, and in any other situation he would’ve told her how pretty she was. She’s got one hand on his wrist, and it burns. He’s no stranger to overstimulation, but never like this.
He wants his Dad. His Dad would make this all better. He opens his mouth to say so, but all that comes out is a choked sob that sounds like thunder in his ears. He feels like he’s on fire, like God has finally sent him to Hell. Honestly, considering that his Dad is nowhere to be seen, and there’s only this woman here, he’s pretty sure that’s what’s happening.
The woman asks him to do…something, and he’s not sure what she asked because his brain feels like it’s a puddle of goo inside his skull right now. She must realize that, because she turns and glances at something (someone?) else before resting her hand on his forehead. He jerks away from it and sobs again. This time his brain must finally get with the program, because he’s finally able to form a word.
“Dad-” His voice cracks, and his throat feels like he’s gargled glass, but at least what he said was understandable. The woman looks back at whatever it is she’d glanced at before, and must see something, because she frowns and makes a sad noise.
“Your Dad isn’t here, sweetheart.” The woman’s voice is soft, but strong. She looks back over at who she was looking at before, and Audrey whimpers. “Matt, get over here and help me with him.” Her voice is much firmer this time, slightly annoyed even, but that’s not the part that Audrey is focused on. He makes a confused noise, she said his Dad wasn’t here, but then she called for Matt. Is it a different Matt? A second of shuffling later proves that it isn’t a different Matt, and he’s not sure why they lied to him. He reaches a shaky arm out, barely able to catch onto his Dad’s shirt.
“Dad-” He grabbed his Dad’s hands and put them over his ears. “Please- Make it stop.” The hands over his ears twitched slightly, and then thumbs came up to rub at his temples, just barely moving.
“Audrey, can you hear me?” His voice was barely muffled, but Audrey could still hear him clearly. He nodded just barely. “Alright, good. I need you to focus on my heartbeat, can you do that?”
Audrey whined softly, the thought of focusing on something right now seemed impossible. Dad hushed him softly (“It’s okay, Duck.”), and maneuvered so Audrey’s head was over his heart.
Thump-thump Thump-thump Thu-thump Thump-thump Thump-thump Thu-thump
Every fifth beat of his Dad’s heart was short, and Audrey quickly fell into a daze focusing only on that fifth beat. He still felt like he was about to die, like Satan was about to come and rip him from the world, but right now, his Dad was there to protect him, and he fell back into a restless sleep.
Audrey Wilson is fourteen years old, and he doesn’t remember when he started talking again, or when Matthew became Matt, but he does remember when Matt became synonymous with protector, with brother, with Dad (he promises to himself that he will never let that be known, not unless he was on his deathbed or something.)
Matt had been listed as his primary guardian on all the important paperwork, but for some reason, the New York CPS didn’t want to sign off on Audrey living with him full time yet. They acted like it was the building where Matt lived (admittedly, the bright ass sign right outside the window wasn’t great when he stayed over, but Audrey would rather deal with that than being woken up throughout the night by the littlest kids because they had nightmares and only the oldest one could ever scare them away.) Or the fact that the orphanage was closer to Audrey’s school than Matt’s apartment by all of five blocks, or anything else was the issue than the ‘obvious’ one. So, clearly Matt would be called (despite Audrey begging them not to) when there were issues at school.
Audrey was sitting on one bench, with his knees up to his chest and his face hidden, and the other boy was sitting on the one opposite. The boy's parents were already there, babying him and his bleeding, bruised face. The Principal was sitting at her desk, looking thoroughly unamused. Audrey didn’t look up when the door opened, not until he heard Mr. Nelson softly warning Matt about the step into the room.
“Hi, we’re here for-” Mr. Nelson cut himself off when he said eyes on Audrey. “Christ, kid, what happened to your face! Sorry Matt.” Mr. Nelson rushed over, crouching in front of him, dragging Matt along.
“Nothin’ Mr. Nelson, ‘m fine.” Audrey’s voice was slightly muffled from where he was still partially hiding in his knees. He glanced up at Matt, who wasn’t looking at him, but in the vague direction of the other kid and the Principal. Matt’s fists were clenched tight, one around his cane, and one by his side. His jaw was tense, but his head was tilted towards him and Mr. Nelson.
“I’m glad you could make it, Mr. Murdock. Now, if we coul-” Mr. Nelson cut the Principal off with a cough, not turning to face her.
“They got to look at their kid, we get to look at ours. You are not fine, Audrey. You’re almost as bad as Matt when it comes to knowing when to stop. And I told you to call me Foggy.” Mr. Nelson Foggy sighed, and ruffled his hair. “Are you gonna let me see the damage?” Audrey knew that wasn’t a real question, and he didn’t want Foggy and Matt to be more upset with him, so he looked up.
“Fuck. Matt, I think he needs stitches. He’s got a gash above his eyebrow that’s still bleeding, his cheek is bruised to kingdom come, and his lip is split. Knuckles are bruised too.” The Principal huffed, but neither of them paid any attention to it.
Audrey dipped his head back into his knees and frowned. “I’m fine Matt. I don’t need stitches, it’ll scab soon enough. If it starts up again I’ll get Sister Maggie to look at it. Now, can you just…sign whatever it is they want you to so I can go?” He tried not to sound desperate, but he must’ve failed, because Matt turned his head in his direction.
“Foggy’s right. You’re not fine, I can smell the blood from here, Audrey.” He folded his cane and crouched down. “Now, tell me what happened.” Matt’s voice was firm. He didn’t sound mad, but disappointed, which was a million times worse.
“I’m sure I can explain what happened, if you’ll let me Mr. Murdo-” The Principal was cut off again when Matt put his hand up.
“I want Audrey to explain. I would’ve asked you to explain if I wanted you to explain Ma’am.” Matt put his hand down and sighed softly. “Audrey?”
“You’re not the Father, I don’t have to tell you anything.” Audrey knew that he was being obstinate, but he was scared of what Matt would say if he told the truth.
“Audrey.” Matt said, again in the same tone as before.
“...He was sayin’ somethin’ stupid and I just…lost it. Okay? Are you happy?” A funny look crossed Matt’s face, and his jaw did the thing it does when Matt is battling with his own thoughts.
“See!” The other boy's mother screeched. “He admitted to beating up my poor poor baby! We want him expelled!” The Principal looked like she agreed with the woman, especially considering that she wasn’t getting through to Matt.
Despite all the other voices in the room, Matt didn’t take his attention off him. “What did he say?”
Audrey looked at Matt, and then at Foggy and bit his lip. “You-” He sighed “You have to promise me that you’re not going to be…Catholic about this.”
“Audrey, we are Catholic, but I promise to keep an open mind.” Matt had a small smile on his face, but how he held himself proved that he was serious.
“...He was pickin’ on a kid for bein’ gay. Called him a-” Audrey cut himself off and frowned, but based on how Matt’s face turned serious, he knew what word Audrey was talking about. “And I just…lost it. I don’t know. ‘M sorry.”
Matt tilted his head at Foggy, and when Audrey looked up, Foggy had just as serious of an expression. They both stood up and turned towards the Principal. “We want to see the tapes.” Both the Principal, and the boy’s mother spluttered, but Matt and Foggy remained steadfast.
“It’s either we see the tapes now, or we take this back to our firm and get a whole lot more people involved than you want.” Foggy had crossed his arms. Audrey was pretty sure that what Foggy and Matt were saying wasn’t even legal, but he was even more sure that they didn’t know that.
The Principal huffed and did something on her computer, before turning the monitor to face them. Matt tilts his head towards it, and Foggy starts narrating it for him.
“Alright, looks like they’re in the cafeteria. Audrey’s sitting with another kid, but they’re not talking. The boy who’s here now is walking up to the other kid.” He quiets when the boy starts talking on the tape. He taunts the other kid for a moment, and the Audrey on the tape tells him to back off. The boy doesn’t move other than to turn towards the other kid and then you could hear a pin drop in the room from how clear what the boy said was.
“Well, that was obvi- Jesus- Matt, are you sure he’s not yours? Audrey barely let the kid finish the word before he decked him. Looks like you did when that one guy in my Punjabi class wouldn’t listen to the girls no. Freaky. Anyway, it looks like the boy only got in one good hit, and it knocked Audrey into the table which is where he gashed his forehead. Think he bit his lip at the same time.”
Matt nodded and straightened up to his full height (which wasn’t very tall, but it’s not really like Audrey could talk.) He looked in the direction of the Principal and the mother, whose face was flushed. The woman looked mortified, and the father, who up until this point had been silent, looked livid.
Matt cleared his throat “I think this is fairly cut and dry. This was very clearly in the defense of another student, and while it may not have been the best choice, it was in no way unprovoked.”
The Principal stuttered slightly, “I- Yes.” She cleared her throat. “Audrey will face a two day suspension, and Isaac will face a week suspension and then further punishment.”
Matt smiled at her and held out a hand. The smile wasn’t a nice one, it was full of sharp teeth and unspoken threats. “I’m glad we were able to reach an agreement. I’ll sign Audrey out now, and he’ll be back on Monday." The Principal shook his hand and nodded.
Matt unfolded his cane and held out a hand to help Audrey up that he took. Matt put a hand on Audrey’s shoulder and let him lead the way. “After you, kid.”
The walk to Foggy’s car was nearly silent, only Audrey quietly warning Matt about roadblocks and Foggy making a few comments on things that were interesting. Once they got to the actual car, Audrey climbed into the back, and Matt and Foggy got into the front. He looked out the window and watched the scenery pass by as Foggy drove back to the firm.
“You did good, Duck.” Matt’s voice left no room for argument. Like Audrey did the only option that existed. Like God would be proud of him too.
Audrey Wilson is sixteen years old, and he’s never been hungover, but based on Matt’s groaning every time he, Karen, and Foggy go out drinking, he can assume this is what it feels like.
His head feels like there’s an ice pick being shoved through it, and everything is just too much. When he opens his eyes, he’s alone on the couch. It must be early morning, because the room is just bright enough to hurt his eyes, but not bright enough that he needs to do more than squint to make it a little more bearable.
He knows Matt must be at least somewhere in the apartment, because he can hear the short ‘Thu-thump-’ every 5 beats like clockwork. He sat up and whimpered softly behind his gritted teeth, his bones feeling like jelly and his muscles feeling like violin strings with how tight they were. He closes his eyes again, and tries to swallow down the nausea that seemed to cling to him.
He doesn’t know why, but something in his body screams at him to MOVE.
His eyes fly open and he flips over the back of the couch in his haste to get away from whatever it is. When he peaks up over the couch, the woman from last night (it was last night, right?) is standing with her hand out, like she was going to check his temperature, and her face dumbfounded.
“You’re really pretty, Ma’am.” His voice is hoarse and his throat still feels like he’s gargled glass, but he’s nothing if not a polite boy.
“...Thank you?” The woman slowly brings her hand back to her side, and shakes her head slightly “Matt, your son is awake. He’s definitely yours.”
“He’s not my-” “I’m not his-”
His voice and Matt’s cut each other off. The woman raised her eyebrow and made a dubious sound.
“Yeah, because that whole thing that went on last night totally screams that you two aren’t related.” She shakes her head and looks back at him “Sweetheart, my name is Claire, because I’m sure you weren’t aware enough to remember when I introduced myself earlier.”
Audrey nodded, still half behind the couch. “Hi Ms. Claire.” Matt walked over from where he was in the kitchen (subsequently startling the shit out of him-)
“...Audrey, why are you hidden behind the couch?” Matt was holding a mug, and Audrey could smell that it was the gross cheap coffee that Matt always had in the same mug and had used since Audrey was twelve.
“Because I want to be behind the couch, Matthew.” (His hands were stuck to the couch, and he wasn’t really sure how to get them unstuck.)
“Why is she Ms. Claire and I get demoted back to Matthew?” Matt was smiling, but something in his posture was…off.
“Because I respect her.” (Because he’s scared. Because he doesn’t want things to change. Because he needs control over something in his life right now.)
Matt made a teasingly placating hum, and sipped his coffee before frowning. “What’s that noise? Audrey- are your hands…stuck?”
Audrey stopped moving from where he had been trying to pry his hands off the couch and sputtered. “No- They’re just-” He groaned when Matt started chuckling. “Shut the fuck up, you run around in a leather suit and beat people up at night, you do not get to talk.”
Any of the mirth that was on Matt’s face disappeared, and he tightened his grip on his mug. Audrey looked away, quiet. He had forgotten that Ms. Claire was there for a moment before that thing in the base of his neck warned him to LOOK UP right before she started to walk closer.
It was considerably quieter this time, and he didn’t know why but he wasn’t complaining. The closer she got, the less sticky his hands seemed, and by the time she was rounding the corner of the couch, they had completely let go.
“Now that you’re…concious. Can you tell us what happened, sweetheart? All I know is that you came home and then passed out. You had a 106 degree fever, and if you hadn’t woken up when you did last night, I would’ve made Matt take you to the hospital.”
“...I got bit by a spider.” Audrey knows that as soon as he says it, he’s fucked.
“That’s not a normal spider bite reaction? What did the spider look like?” Ms. Claire genuinely sounds confused, and Audrey crosses his arms.
“Well. About that-” Matt walks closer, and Audrey leans on his leg. “It may have been a not 100% typical spider?”
“Audrey.” Matt sounds a little fond, but mostly just done.
“What do you mean by that?” Ms. Claire is considerably more patient and Audrey feels justified about respecting her more.
“...” Audrey looks away and rubs at his arm (it still itched.)
“Audrey.” Matt is using that tone. The one that makes Audrey want to confess to things that he didn’t even do just so Matt will stop acting like an actual adult and just be his brother again.
“Okay! Fine! It may have been a spider at Oscorp.” The spider may have also been in a previously locked room. That Audrey totally didn’t open because his friends dared him to.
“It was what.” Ms. Claire sounds almost as done as Matt does, and the thing at the base of his neck hums softly when she lifts her hand to pinch in between her eyebrows. (He almost wonders if Matt’s freaky senses could pick up whatever the thing was. Audrey still hadn’t gotten a chance to grill him on the whole being Daredevil thing, but he’d known Matt long enough to know that he was definitely blind, and there weren’t many other options for how he would be able to do…all that.)
“Why were you even at Oscorp?!” Matt sounds livid, and Audrey has heard enough of the rants Matt’s gone on of all the legal issues the company has gotten away with to know why.
“We had a field trip! Calm down, Matt.” The tone of Matt’s voice was sending waves of pain through his head, and whatever adrenaline was keeping him going before was quickly wearing off.
“I didn’t sign anything for this, I’m suing them.” Matt was reaching to pull out his phone, likely to call Foggy. Slight issue with that, however-
“...As far as they’re concerned, you did.” Audrey was going to get murdered today, and he didn’t think that even Matt’s Catholic guilt would protect him.
“Audrey Michael Wilson, what the fuck do you mean by that.” Matt had gone concerningly still, and even Ms. Claire seemed a little off-put by it. (Clearly she hadn’t seen Matt in one of his few ‘parental’ rages.)
“Did you just-” Matt had used his own middle name in place of Audrey’s (not that he really…had a middle name), which made a small part of Audrey feel warm. (Not that he would ever admit it-) “Whatever-…Foggy signed it.”
Audrey genuinely felt bad for the scolding that Foggy was about to get, but he found that he couldn’t quite care very much considering the fact that he was actively falling asleep against Matt’s leg. He still felt hot, and now that all of the panic had worn off, he was well and thoroughly exhausted. Ms. Claire must’ve seen it on his face, because she took pity on him and crouched down to help him back on the couch. He fell asleep to the sound of Matt’s phone ringing, and Ms. Claire tutting.
Audrey Wilson is sixteen and a half years old, and he can’t fucking do this anymore.
He’s been awake every night since he got bit by that stupid fucking spider because he can hear everything. The couple that’s fighting in the building across the street. The man, praying for hours every night that this job will work out so he can eat something other than ramen and whatever leftovers he can scrounge from his family.
The little girl, begging for her uncle to stop and to please leave her alone.
He can’t do this anymore, so he doesn’t.
He gets out of his bed, (still at fucking St. Agnes because they won’t let Matt sign the last fucking paper he needs so Audrey can finally have a home.) slips on his shoes, grabs his bag, and he’s gone.
He pulls his hood up over his hair and puts on a medical mask. He’s small enough that he can hide in the shadows and climb up onto the roof (his weirdly sticky hands come in use sometimes.) He closes his eyes and listens. He knows Matt only goes out on days that Audrey can’t stay, and he knows that he stays within the border of Hell’s Kitchen.
Car, car, baby crying, couple arguing, the football game playing from someone's open window four blocks away, and then-
Thump-thump Thump-thump Thu-thump Thump-thump Thump-thump Thu-thump
Bingo.
It’s slightly faster than normal, but it’s definitively Matt. He zones in on it as much as he can. It sounds like Matt is around eight blocks away, and he’s alone, which is good for him.
Audrey takes a deep breath and then jumps.
He lets himself freefall for a moment, before reaching his arm out and shooting out a string of webs with a thwip- (the first thing he did after he figured out that he was basically a spider, including the webs (he was still a little freaked out that they seemed to come from inside his wrist, but he chooses to ignore that), was set himself up in an abandoned warehouse by the docks and figure out what exactly he can do with them. Matt, of course, knew nothing about it, because he thinks that if Matt knew he could do more than just be sticky and hear stupidly well he’d have a heart attack.)
He landed himself a building over from where Matt was about to pass and waited. It was a little bit funny watching Matt realize who was on the building, and almost crash land pivoting, and Audrey would’ve laughed if he wasn’t at the end of his rope. He doesn’t let Matt get a word out before he starts ranting.
“I can’t fucking do this anymore, Matt. I can’t listen to these…these-” He gestures uselessly in front of him, trying to think of the right word “abominations, these disgraces to God happening anymore.”
Matt’s jaw clenches, and he makes a soft pained noise that anyone else but Audrey probably wouldn’t be able to hear. “Kid, I can’t let you-”
Audrey huffs and throws his arms up “You can’t let me? Matt, I can’t let the woman across the street be yelled at by her husband anymore. I can’t let the man a block to the right go hungry anymore. I can’t let the LITTLE GIRL be TOUCHED by her FUCKING UNCLE ANYMORE!” Audrey’s voice cracked and he was heaving for breath.
Matt reached out and pulled Audrey into his chest. “I know.”
Audrey sobbed harshly and whispered “I can’t Matt. I can’t do it anymore.”
“I know. I know, Kid. Lets…” He trailed off for a second before seeming to steel himself in whatever decision it was he made “Lets go home and we’ll figure it out.”
He doesn’t remember the trip back to Matt’s apartment, or changing into the pajamas that he leaves there, but he does remember waking up to the sound of Matt on the phone.
“Foggy- No, I’m fine. Really. Duck is fine too.” Audrey could vaguely hear Foggy’s voice coming through Matt’s phone, but not well enough to make anything out.
“He’s asleep on the couch. Came and found me out of nowhere.” It sounded like Matt was pacing, the floorboards creaking softly under his weight.
“I was out. I know, Foggy.” Matt must’ve sat down, because the creaking stopped.
“Listen- I think…I think I need to actually train him.” The sound of Foggy’s voice got considerably louder.
“Foggy- Foggy.” Matt’s voice was firm, and the sound quieted down.
“I-” Matt’s voice lowered, and he sounded almost defeated. “I think that if I don’t, that we’re going to lose him. You didn’t hear him, Fogs.”
Matt sighs, “I’ll start after he turns seventeen, how about that?” Foggy must agree, because Matt hums softly in response.
“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, I’ll bring the kid to the office, a little work will be good for him.” Foggy says something, and he thinks Matt smiles, because his tone is different. “I love you too, goodnight.”
Audrey falls back asleep quickly after Matt hangs up, determined at hearing what Matt had promised.
Audrey Wilson-Murdock is seventeen years old and everything he’s ever known is gone. Everything but the church. His brother dad Matt is gone and nobody will tell him the God honest truth of what happened. He’s sitting in a pew in a suit that’s too big for him (of course it was, it was Matt’s), holding onto Matt’s rosary, and listening to Father Lantom preach about things he’s not sure he even believes in anymore.
He doesn’t know when, but he guesses that he must’ve zoned out again (‘Dissociation.’ a therapist that Matt had taken him too after one too many episodes had said. ‘The mind can’t cope, so instead it stops taking in new information and hides within itself.’) because when he blinks, the nave is empty other than Foggy and Ms. Karen crouched in front of him.
“Welcome back, Kid.” Foggy’s voice is quiet, and his eyes are red rimmed.
“The sermon’s been over for an hour and a half.” Ms. Karen doesn’t look much better off, her makeup slightly worn off on her nose where she must’ve been wiping it. “You checked out a little bit after it started though.”
Audrey would answer. Would apologize, or at least acknowledge what they’ve said, but quite frankly he doesn’t have the energy. Hasn’t had the energy to do anything since Matt-
He cuts his own thought process off. It must’ve taken him longer than he thought though, because when he focuses back in, both Foggy and Ms. Karen have worried expressions on their faces. Foggy is frowning, and Audrey hates how common that expression is becoming on his face.
“Kid…listen,” By Foggy’s tone of voice, Audrey knows this isn’t something that he wants to hear, and he can already feel himself starting to slip away. Ms. Karen must notice though, because she leans forward and holds his face in her hands.
“Audrey, we need you to listen to this, are you here?” Audrey furrows his brow and nods slightly. “They messed something up with Matt’s paperwork, it didn’t get filed right, and they won’t let you stay with me or Foggy right now.” He gripped onto Matt’s rosary tighter, to the point that he’s sure it was leaving marks on his skin. “But, Audrey, listen. We both filed for guardianship, so you shouldn’t have to stay long, okay?”
Audrey nodded again slightly, and Ms. Karen frowned and worried her lip. “Foggy, I think he’s gone again.” Audrey wanted to object, to tell her that he was right here, but his body wouldn’t listen to him. He tried to fight it for a moment, to hold on, but in the end his mind was too strong and he was gone.
Audrey Wilson-Murdock thinks he’s seventeen and a half years old, but he honestly couldn’t tell you. The months since Matt…since Matt have passed in a blur. He’s finally back home. Foggy was able to appeal to the courts enough to be granted guardianship, and for now they were staying at Matt’s apartment. (When he’s actually aware of his surroundings, the few times that’s been, he has to face the fact that it didn’t feel like home without Matt there. There’s a reason he let the mist take over most of the time.)
He’s already halfway down the street before he comes back into his body. He’s running like he’s never run before, and he’s not even sure why other than the thing at the base of his neck screaming at him. He swears that it's never been this bright before, and it's night. It’s like everything has been dialed up to a million. His senses are so overwhelmed that he’s sure his head is going to explode. It feels like there are claws dragging down his spine, and if he doesn’t figure out what the fuck is wrong, that they’re going to drag him to the deepest pits of Hell.
Car, car, car, music- (it’s so loud, it’s too loud, make it stop, it HURTS.)
He picks himself up off the ground, (when did he fall? Why does his knee hurt?) and starts running again. He doesn’t know where the fuck he is, but he’s pretty sure he’s not in Hell’s Kitchen anymore (is this the Upper West Side?)
A dog is barking, there’s a baby crying that he swears to God is on the north side of Harlem, there’s a scream (a kid) and a car that’s headed straight for them and he’s too fucking far to do anything- and shredded metal and- (...it was just the breaks, the kid was in an apartment across the street.)
He’s panting and heaving for breath, the air in his lungs feels like ice. He didn’t grab a hoodie, and the feeling of the wind moving around his arms while he runs is like a thousand tiny blades, but he can’t stop.
There’s laughter in a house twenty blocks away from him, Thu-thump, a football game is playing in the frat house down the street, and they must’ve just won because the band is playing and the men are cheering, and there’s a rat rustling around in the dumpster behind the pizza place and-
Wait.
He stops so quick that his legs give out and he ends up with bloody palms, but he doesn’t care because he’s too busy trying to listen in for something that he couldn’t have heard because the only person whose heart made that noise was fucking dead.
Car, car, phone call, Thu-thump.
He doesn’t realize that he’s holding his breath until it feels like it's punched out of him.
Dad.
He’s running again, and this time he knows why. The thing in the back of his neck hasn’t stopped, but now it feels more comforting, like a homing beacon, giving him some vague idea of where he needed to go.
Thu-thump Thump-thump Thump-thump Thu-thump Thump-thump
Despite living in New York for his entire life, he’s never been in this part of Manhattan, much less alone. He was born and raised in Hell’s Kitchen, and he’s not had much reason to leave. He dips into an alleyway, and starts climbing up the side of the building. Once he gets to the top of the building, the heartbeat sounds like an earthquake in his ears. It's so close, and he doesn’t know where.
In his haste to try and figure it out, he trips over the small ledge that separates the building he’s on and the building next to it. It’s not much of a fall, definitely survivable, but it’s going to hurt. He tenses, even though it means he can feel every individual muscle, but in the end it doesn’t matter, because he’s caught by a pair of familiar arms.
The position he gets caught in ends up with his head right next to the very thing he was trying to find.
He hears breathing paired with an oh so familiar Thump-thump Thump-thump Thu-thump, and he goes limp.
“Dad-” It’s the first time he’s talked in months and his voice cracks and it feels like lava, but he doesn’t care. He found his Dad, and everything is right again. His breath is catching in his throat and he’s sobbing so hard that he thinks he might choke. The tears on his face burn and they feel weirdly sticky and thicker than normal, but he doesn’t care enough to think about why.
(A small part of his brain is screaming at him. Matt could hear better than him. Could hear farther than him. If Audrey could hear him from home, why didn’t Matt come to him? What did Audrey do wrong? How long had Matt just been out here doing God knows what while the rest of them were mourning him?)
“What- Audrey-” Dad’s voice is confused, and slightly panicked “Kid- Duck- Where are you bleeding from? I can smell it-”
Audrey doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care, and he just wants to go home. He buries his head in the crook of his Dad’s neck, and grabs onto the front of his grey hoodie. Dad seems to take his nonanswer as an answer, and rearranges him slightly before starting to run back the way that Audrey came. They stumble a few times, but for the most part, it seems like Dad’s taken this path before. (‘When?’ That awful part of his brain whispers. ‘When did he come back towards home, and why didn’t he hear us?’)
Audrey falls into a daze listening to the slightly fast Thump-thump Thu-thump that’s starting to sound more and more like a lullaby the longer he listens to it. He can tell when they get in the building, because both him and Dad can hear Foggy pacing and talking to someone on the phone. Dad hesitates in front of the door, but only for a moment.
“Hold on Karen, someone just opened the door, I’ll call you back.” Foggy sounds exhausted and scared and Audrey’s not sure why, but he feels bad about it regardless. Dad rounds the corner, and Foggy drops his phone. The lights are all on in the apartment, and the blinds are open so the stupid billboard is even brighter than normal. His head feels like it’s finally split open, and something warm trails down his lip. (It tastes like copper.)
“Dad’s home.” His voice is raspy and a little slurred, and Foggy looks like he’s seen a ghost.
The last thing he sees before his eyes roll back into his skull is Foggy rushing over.
He wakes up to someone rubbing his face gently with a washcloth. It feels more like sandpaper, but he can tell that they’re being as gentle as they can.
“Foggy-” He didn’t dream it. He found his Dad.
“Not now, Matt.” Foggy sounds off in a way that makes Audrey distinctly uncomfortable.
“Foggy, please-” Dad is downright begging. He must be standing a few feet behind Foggy, because his voice sounds a little bit further away.
“Matt. Just-” Foggy sighs and sniffles softly, his voice is thick, like he’s holding back tears. “Just call Claire. I need- We need to focus on him right now, given that you’re not hiding some life threatening injury as you’re prone to do.”
Dad shuffles his weight between his feet for a moment, and he must nod because Foggy says a quiet “Okay.” under his breath and goes back to wiping at Audrey’s face.
When he starts wiping closer to his eyes, Audrey whimpers softly (it's too much.) Foggy hushes him softly, and starts humming something under his breath. It’s shaky and a little broken, but it gives Audrey something to focus on that’s not the feeling of the washcloth on his face.
He hears his Dad walk back in the room, and he holds a hand out to try and grab onto him.
“He’s holding his hand out for you, Matt.” Despite everything, Foggy is still his Dad’s biggest supporter. Dad steps closer and Audrey grips onto his shirt. He hisses when the fabric sticks to his scraped hands.
“Fuck- Matt, his hands are bleeding, your shirt is soaking it up. You’ve-” Foggy cuts himself off and swallows.
“What, Foggy?” His Dad’s voice is tense.
“You’ve got a bloody handprint on your hoodie. Right over your heart.” Dad makes a pained noise and moves to take it off, but Audrey just grips tighter. The door opening cuts off any other movements either of them were planning to make.
Two sets of footsteps walk down the short hall into the living room. The sterile smell of rubbing alcohol and soap key him in on the first person, Ms. Claire. The smell of coffee and the perfume that he helped Foggy pick out last Christmas gives away the second, Ms. Karen.
“It’s good to see you, Matt.” Ms. Claire sounds just as determined as ever, but there’s a small catch in her voice that betrays her. Dad hums and he must nod, because Ms. Claire walks closer. Ms. Karen moves to walk closer too, but Ms. Claire must do something because she stops.
“I know that we all need an explanation, but right now our biggest priority is Audrey. Sweetheart, can you open your eyes?” Ms. Claire’s voice is soft, and he feels safe listening to it.
He tries to open his eyes, but he can only open them a little bit before he’s wincing and slamming them shut again. He curls onto his side, and hides his face in his Dad’s leg. Dad hushes him and runs a hand through his hair gently.
“Shouldn’t his healing be kicking in by now?” Ms. Karen’s voice was quiet, but concerned. (They had found out that he healed faster than normal when he had given himself a papercut at the office. His skin had sewn itself back together before Foggy could grab a band-aid from his desk. Dad had gagged and said it was one of the worst noises that he’d ever heard in his life and never to do it again.)
“It is,” Dad didn’t stop running his hand through Audrey’s hair, but it did sound like he was frowning “It’s just slow. Seems like it’s trying to heal his knees first.”
“...He hasn’t been eating well, I wonder if that and the stress of…well, everything is slowing it down?” Ms. Claire hummed at what Foggy said, and gently rolled up Audrey’s pant leg until she could see the scrape. His Dad’s hand had paused while she did that, and Audrey could hear his jaw tense.
“What do you mean he hasn’t been eating well?” If there was one thing about Audrey, it’s that he would eat. It barely mattered what it was, or even if it was necessarily anything that he liked, if it was offered to him, he would eat. Him refusing food was the first sign that he was sick, and even then he would still eat things like smoothies or broth (especially if Foggy made it.)
“I mean that he’s hardly been here, Matt. He’s been stuck in the mist for months.” ‘The mist’ is what a young Audrey had decided the place where his head ran off to while leaving his body there was called. It wasn’t uncommon for him to come up to one of them, sit down, and let them know he was feeling ‘misty’. It was an easy shorthand, and it had stuck.
Dad patted his head once before carefully coaxing his hand open from where it had a death grip on his shirt. Audrey made a keening noise, but his Dad just hushed him and walked further into the apartment after Ms. Claire started wrapping his (still bleeding) hand.
Foggy and Ms. Karen were talking to Ms. Claire about…something but Audrey was more focused on listening to his Dad’s quiet curses when something he needed wasn’t there. (They had tried to leave everything in at least similar locations, but things gradually moved over time.) It didn’t take very long before he was walking back to the couch, holding a bowl.
“Duck, can you try and eat some of this?” His Dad’s voice was bordering on desperate. He crouched and held the bowl towards Audrey.
“Matt, he’s not gonna eat that-” Foggy’s voice held the tone of a man who had been through this fight for months.
Foggy would’ve been right, if it weren’t for two very important things.
Important thing number one: He was back in his body for the first time in months and he was starving.
Important thing number two: Matt had made the one true comfort food that Audrey had.
It’s not like the food was fancy, it was an over easy egg on top of minute rice. If they were feeling special, they would walk down to the farmers market and buy some avocados to pair with it. It was something that Matt had said that his own father made for him, and just sharing that had made Audrey like it even more.
Audrey moved to sit up, and he heard Ms. Claire make a small surprised noise before her hands were on his arms helping him. Once he was sat up, his Dad handed him the bowl, and pushed Audrey’s hair back from his face before using his hand to make a sort of visor so Audrey could open his eyes.
He lifted the fork to his mouth (his Dad had already mashed it up for him, just how he liked it, and it makes Audrey want to sob) and the first bite tastes like home.
Audrey was twelve years old, and it was his first time staying at Matthew’s apartment for more than one night in a row. He’d stayed over before, but usually only on the semi-rare Saturday, staying the night before they would go to mass on Sunday and then Audrey would go back to St. Agnes in the afternoon.
Of course the first time he did, he got sick. He felt awful about it (and awful in general-) but Matthew wasn’t angry. After his stomach had settled from where it felt like it had been twisted in a million knots, Matthew had told him to sit down and a few minutes later, set a bowl in front of Audrey. He had made a confused noise and Matthew had just smiled and stirred his own bowl.
“Something my Dad used to make me.” He had said. “My Dad was my hero, you know?” Audrey had listened to Matthew tell stories while he ate, and for the first time since his parents died, Audrey thought that maybe he could still have a family.
Audrey ate as quickly as his stomach would allow him (which meant that he was taking half a bite every few minutes, but he didn’t care.)
“Or…or he will-” Foggy’s voice was tentatively hopeful, like he didn’t quite believe what he was seeing. “Matt- What- How-” Foggy took a breath and threw his hands up in surrender. “You know what, I’m just happy he’s eating.”
Foggy crouched down beside Dad and pulled him as close as he could without disrupting the hand that was still protecting Audrey’s eyes. “Thank you.”
“Wait- how did Matt even get here?” Ms. Karen sounded confused and rattled.
“Found him.” His voice was still raspy, still broken, but it didn’t hurt quite as bad to talk this time. If anything, Ms. Karen and Ms. Claire just looked more confused.
“Honey, what do you mean you found him?” Ms Karen sounds about two seconds away from pulling her hair out. Audrey just shrugs and goes back to his rice, leaning his weight further into his Dad’s hand.
“God speaks to me through the back of my neck sometimes.” His throat finally feels better, and he assumes that his healing is mostly back to normal, which would be great if it didn’t make him feel absolutely exhausted.
“That’s not- What do you mean-” Ms. Karen gestures uselessly in front of her before sighing and putting her head in her hands.
Audrey sets his bowl down beside him and closes his eyes, he hears Dad move his bowl on the table and he grumbles when Dad pulls his head into his shoulder. He thinks he hears his Dad start talking about where he’s been for the last seven months, but he’s asleep before he can hear what he says.
Audrey Wilson-Murdock is nearly eighteen years old, and his entire life people have said that there was something…off about him.
He was ‘too quiet’, ‘too light on his feet’, ‘too angry’, ‘too much.’
No one had ever put a name to it, not until then.
Matt had dragged him to Fogwell’s gym, and refused to elaborate when he asked. When they got to the gym, Matt stopped Audrey, and helped him wrap up his hands before he set him loose on the bags. Every few minutes, Matt would stop him and fix his stance, gently berating him when he would get annoyed and rush through something (“I’m not going to train you if you won’t listen to what I’m saying, Audrey. Slow down, do it right.”) Audrey was about to deck Matt, right form or not, if he didn’t shut up.
They had been going through the same four forms for the better part of an hour when the door flung open. Matt groaned and looked up to the sky, like he was asking the Lord for help. “Frank. What do you want?”
Audrey leaned so he could see the door. Frank Castle was standing there, without his kit thankfully, and glaring at Matt. “Wanna put your ass into the ground, clearly.” Matt shook his head, but Castle ignored it and stepped into the ring.
“C’mon, Red. Don’t make me shoot you again.” It was a joke. Matt had barely reacted beyond an annoyed grunt, and Castle had a small smirk on his face.
It was a joke. But something in Audrey
S N A P P E D.
He started walking to the ring where Castle was still standing and ducked under the rope. His hands were at his sides, and he stalked towards Castle. The other man hadn’t noticed him yet, but he was about to.
When Castle turned around, something akin to amusement crossed over his face. “Oh, the kid thinks he’s some sort of bigshot, huh?” Castle didn’t even tense, like he didn’t think Audrey was actually going to do anything.
Oh how wrong he was.
He thinks that Matt said something, but it was like he was seeing in a tunnel. Nothing mattered but to wipe that stupid self satisfied look off of Castle's face. He used his webs to stick Castle’s feet to the mats and then pounced.
He’s not sure how long he sat there and beat the smirk off of Castle’s face, but he knows it wasn’t nearly long enough. Matt had tackled him off of Castle and held him back, wrapping himself around Audrey so he couldn’t move.
“Audrey.” Matt’s voice was low and firm, but he could hear the undercurrent of confusion and concern. “Stop fighting, Duck, come on-”
“Jesus fucking christ Red, what the fuck do you feed that kid?!” Castle was fighting to sit up, the webs on his legs making it more difficult. Castle’s face was black and blue, a broken nose painting the bottom half of his face red.
“Fucking talk shit get hit. Matt, let me GO!” Audrey fought to get out of Matt’s hold. Matt was strong, but not as strong as he was. It only took a little bit of fighting before he was able to get far enough that Matt couldn’t just grab onto him again.
He stalked back over to where Castle was still struggling with his webs. The dumbass had only gotten himself more stuck in the process of getting unstuck. He crouched in front of Castle and lowered his voice.
“You listen to me Castle, and you listen fucking well. Matt may have his own ideals about what the line is for maiming someone, but I don’t, and I’m sure that you don’t want to see exactly where I draw the line, now do you? Say shit like that again, and even God won’t be able to help you.”
Castle didn’t look scared, not in the slightest, but there was another look on his face. Respect.
“Yeah.” Castle nodded “Yeah, Kid, okay, you got it.” Castle stuck a hand out (the one not covered in blood and currently stuck to the other webs) and Audrey glared at him before shaking it. “Now can you get your freaky fucking webs off of me?”
Audrey rolled his eyes and reached to pull at the webs. What people (usually criminals-) didn’t realize, was that not every strand of spiders (and his, by proxy) webs were sticky. Unlike normal spiders, however, Audrey had the inherent sense to tell which ones were and were not sticky.
He pulled the strand to his mouth, and used his canines to cut the web. He could just use his knife, he had before (Melvin had helped him take a mold of his teeth, and blew up the exact ridges to turn into a knife for him. His own serration could cut the webs, but not an average knife) but he wanted to freak Castle out a little bit. Based off the look on his face, Audrey had succeeded.
The webs would dissolve on their own after a few hours, and he was tempted to just leave Castle stuck, but he could feel Matt’s disappointed aura boring into the back of his skull. It didn’t take long before he had wrapped the webs in such a way that Castle was able to pull himself free. Audrey ducked back under the ropes of the ring and leaned against the wall, watching as Matt walked back over to where Castle was standing, wiping at his nose.
“It’s broken. You’ll need to get it reset.” Matt’s voice was quiet, but not quiet enough that Audrey couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t tell if Matt was upset at him for breaking Castle’s nose, but he certainly didn’t sound upset that it was broken at all.
“Yeah, yeah, I know Red. Seriously though, the fuck did you do to that kid? I know your ass can’t see it, but his eyes went fuckin’ dead, it was like he was goddamn possesed. Some sorta fuckin’ spider-devil.” Matt just hummed and clapped Castle on the shoulder once before ducking under the ropes and walking over to Audrey.
“C’mon Kid, let’s get home.” Matt grabbed his bag and walked to the door, Audrey grunted softly and followed him. They walked in silence for a few blocks before Matt cleared his throat. “Did I ever tell you about why we go to Fogwell’s?”
“Said it was ‘cuz that’s where your dad used to fight.” Audrey glanced at Matt, slightly confused. Matt just nodded once and hummed. They walked a few more blocks before Matt started talking again.
“Sometimes, when my dad would fight, it’s like something would snap inside him. He’d get hit, and then he’d get quiet. He’d walk forward, real slow, and corner whoever the poor bastard he was fighting. Eyes would go dead, arms at his side, like he wasn’t afraid of anything.” Audrey made a confused noise, but Matt just smiled softly.
“You know, my grandmother, she was the real Catholic. Fear of God ran deep.” Audrey hummed softly, urging Matt to continue. “She used to say, ‘Be careful of those Murdock boys. They got the Devil in ‘em.’ Sound familiar?”
Audrey stopped dead in his tracks, and Matt tilted his head at him. “What are you trying to say, Matt? I’m not-”
Matt cut him off with a smile (that showed more teeth than should’ve been comforting) “Not what? A Murdock boy? I think it’s a little late to be denying all that, don’t you, Spider-Devil?” Matt turned, and started walking again. “Hurry up Kid, I can hear Foggy starting dinner.”
Audrey stood there stunned for a moment, before rushing to catch up again.
(It was like something slotted into place in his chest. It was the piece that had been missing all his life. A name for what people had been seeing in him for years. He’s got the Devil in him. A Murdock boy.)