Work Text:
Emily walks up behind Aaron as he adjusts his tie in the mirror, making sure the knot is nicely tight and centered for his first day back in the office. "Jess just picked up Jack for breakfast before school. I told her it wasn't necessary but you know her." Emily wraps her arms around his waist and props her chin on his shoulder, looking at him through their reflections. "It's nice to see you back in the suit." She smiles softly, her voice warm and buttery as she jokes. "Don't get me wrong, you know I love your forearms, but you just look more like yourself in a suit and tie."
Grief hits Aaron in his stomach like a truck barreling forward at breakneck speed, his breath catching in his throat as his knees threaten to give out. He braces himself on the bathroom sink, his entire body tensing as he tries not to fully collapse.
"Aaron? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Emily unwraps her arms from him and tries to maneuver around their small bathroom so she can properly look at his face. She finally gets him to look up at her, his eyes glassy with tears. "Honey," Emily rubs his shoulder, trying to figure out what happened in those last 10 seconds. She knows grief is a bitch and can come in unexpected waves, but she had hoped to at least be able to identify the triggers. "Come sit with me on the bed." She guides him out into their bedroom, helping him sit on the edge before squatting down in front of him, taking his hands in her own. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Aaron swallows roughly, battling his pride to try and be more vulnerable with his girlfriend. "Haley hated them." He manages to just get out, the tears building up in his eyes again despite how hard he is trying to will them away.
"Haley hated who?" Emily cocks her head to the side as she tries to figure out who he could be talking about; she had just mentioned Jack and Jess and she knows Haley loved them more than life itself.
"Not who." Aaron rubs his hand down his face and exhales slowly. "She hated my suits."
Emily stands up and moves to sit beside her partner, still holding onto his hands. She stays silent, knowing that he needs to talk about this, needs to get it out but that it takes awhile. She's joked before that half of their time together is spent silently preparing to open up to one another.
"The first time she saw me in a suit was for prom senior year." Aaron stares at the wall as he gets lost in a memory from over 25 years ago. "I was nervous but I didn't want her to see so I did everything I could to keep my face neutral. Unfortunately, that meant I looked like I wanted to be anywhere else but there in our photos. I remember I told her that she looked beautiful, and she did. I mean it was the 80's so the fashion was a little eccentric, but Haley looked as gorgeous as ever." He takes a deep breath and squeezes Emily's hand. "She told me that she hopes she never had to see me in a suit again, that she didn't like how her Aaron disappeared behind the cloth."
Emily gasps softly and reaches up to turn Aaron's face to meet hers. "That was just some comment made years ago by a teen. I'm sure she didn't really mean anything by it."
Aaron shakes his head, leaning into Emily's touch as a tear finally breaks free. "She was right; she always was." His voice cracks just slightly. "Towards the end of our marriage, it came up again. During one of our fights while I was getting ready to leave yet again for an unexpected case, she told me that sometimes when she saw me in my suits, she didn't even recognize me anymore. That more and more, all she was starting to see was Hotch and that wasn't who she married. She said that she wondered if her Aaron even exists anymore or if he had just been strangled by my tie."
Emily pulls Aaron into her chest, wrapping her arms around him tightly. She doesn't know what to say that could make him feel better. Aaron clings back to her desperately as guilt and grief battle for who will destroy him first. Emily lightly scratches the back of his head while her other hand rubs circles across his back. "Do you remember what I looked like in my senior picture?"
The randomness of her question causes Aaron to snap out of his shame spiral. "You mean when you looked like a discount Elvira?"
"Haha." Emily deadpans even as a small smile forms. "But yes. I was 18 and still figuring out who I was and what my look was. And as I got older, that all changed. I don't still dress like I used to."
"You do still wear a lot of black." Aaron quips, finally feeling like he has some control over his emotions again.
Emily rolls her eyes. "My point is: Of course we aren't still going to be who were when we were in high school. Hell, we probably won't be the same as we are in a year from now. That's normal and healthy. And sometimes as we change, the people in our lives are no longer compatible with us. It sucks when that happens, but it doesn't mean we did anything wrong. And for what it's worth; you aren't the suit Aaron. And whether you are in a tux or pajamas, at work or at home, Hotch or Aaron; I love you and I know that despite how everything ended, Haley loved you too."