Chapter Text
Billy was used to the weight of worry pressing on his chest, but this—this felt different. He read the email as he was getting ready for his shift at the warehouse, a cold digital blow to his sense of stability. He had worked hard to get here, scraping by, clawing his way out of a childhood where every day felt like a battle. He had promised himself he would never let the world get the best of him, not like it did to his mother. And yet, there he was, staring at his phone, the words of the email still echoing in his mind.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, your funding has been frozen. You will no longer receive financial assistance until further notice. Should you wish to appeal, please contact our office immediately.
Billy had read the email three times, the meaning behind it sinking in with each pass. His heart dropped. He was cut off. No more monthly transfers to cover bills. No more leeway to pay for repairs around the house. Everything they had built, everything that had allowed him and Steve to live comfortably was now at risk. He felt like he was back to square one, the fight for basic survival a familiar weight on his shoulders. Work had been rough that night, Billy finding himself drifting to that damn email every so often.
Steve wasn’t home when Billy got back from his shift. Billy was thankful for small mercies, usually Steve would be finishing his breakfast before heading to work, he’d leave a plate of eggs and a coffee, give Billy a quick kiss and run out the door. Most of their mornings were spent this way, Billy would eat, take a nap and log on to his classes. Today was a blessing. He was exhausted and not ready to face Steve yet. Steve had left him a breakfast sandwich and a little note telling him he loved him. Billy ate, took a hot shower and passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.
Billy woke up bleary eyed and confused. He blinked in the darkness, looking around and wondering what year he was in. It had been the first full day off he’d had in a long time. No school that day, no work this evening, no reason for the alarm by the bed to be set. He’d stumbled in after an 8 day work streak, having jumped at the chance to pick up extra hours at the warehouse when they were a man down. It was one of the rare times where things with school lined up perfectly with work. He had no major assignments due so the extra hours wouldn’t put him behind. The only downside was that he was only seeing Steve in passing. They’d have a few moments in the mornings when Billy walked in as Steve was getting ready to leave. Steve always had breakfast and a kiss for him. Billy was eternally grateful for this boy, he was one of the only good things Billy had in his life.
Slowly Billy dragged himself out of bed. He hadn’t slept that well in a very long time. He used the bathroom, washed his face and made his way down the hall, his pajama pants hanging low on his hips. He shivered slightly, thinking he should’ve grabbed a shirt.He could hear the tv and saw that the only light on was the small lamp on the side table. He heard the laugh track and Steve’s accompanying giggle. He glanced out the kitchen window as he passed, noting it was already getting dark, the days getting shorter as fall set in. Steve was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, his dinner balanced on his lap. Billy walked up behind him.
“What time is it?” he asked, leaning down to kiss the top of Steve’s head.
“Six. There’s mac n cheese and salad in there if you want some,” Steve said as he looked over at Billy. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, I didn’t realize how badly I needed that. I could probably sleep some more” Billy said as he scooped some of the mac and cheese into a bowl.
“Eat, go back to bed. God knows you probably need it after the week you’ve had,” Steve said between mouthfuls.
“But I wanna see you. I miss you,” Billy pouted as he carried his bowl over to the sofa.
“I miss you too baby, come cuddle.” Steve made space and patted the cushion next to him.
They moved around and re-settled themselves, Steve tucked under Billy’s arm as they watched reruns on one of the three stations their little busted tv got. Billy’s not sure how long it was but Steve’s breathing had evened out and he glanced down to confirm that Steve had indeed fallen asleep. He smiled to himself and decided he’d carry Steve to bed once this episode was over. He yawned knowing they’d both have an early night, that was the last thought he had before he was lulled to sleep himself, his head leaning back against the sofa, his shirtless body warmed by Steve’s. He woke up hours later to Steve gently shaking him. He sighed, shook his head and looked at the clock, hearing the static from the tv station to let him know it was at least after midnight.
“Come on Billy, let’s go get in bed.” Steve was pulling Billy up.
They leaned on each other as they stumbled to their bedroom. As they curled around each other Billy noticed the clock, 3 am, he was definitely getting some of the best sleep of his life. He hoped to drift off, knowing the alarm would be ringing in a few short hours whenSteve had to be awake for his job. He had an early staff meeting and his boss had wanted to talk to him about some kind of opportunity. Steve was nervous and excited, he was hoping for some kind of good news. Things had been kind of rough lately and they needed some kind of light, especially after Billy’s financial aid had been frozen. He still needed to tell Steve about that, he was just worried.
They had been using the excess like a safety net, and had been able to cover bills, groceries and car repairs. That money had been able to keep them comfortable, and had been able to let Billy see some kind of future beyond the minimum wage jobs that were keeping them afloat. Truth be told, Billy knew he would be fine, he’d grown up in life where he’d had to struggle, scraping by on Neil’s meager checks. He’d watched his mom scrimp and pinch, he knew how to survive on the bare minimum. This life was something he was used to, but Steve, that was a different story. Steve had grown up in a different world, one where he never had to fight for every inch of stability. His family had been well off, living in the rich part of town. He’d grown up with nannies and maids, he’d never had to worry where his next meal was coming from. It was something that Billy had envied.
It wasn’t until they got together that Billy understood that while Steve had grown up with money, he had been denied so many other privileges, namely a stable home. His parents left him more and more as he got older, eventually he was on his own, deemed old enough at 13 to be left without the care of a nanny. They’d go for weeks at a time, each trip increasing in length as Steve got older. They threw money at him, thinking it made up for the lack of emotional and physical presence. Steve’s parents barely knew their son, his mother teaching him to forge her signature, so she didn’t have to deal with school. They had no clue about his dyslexia, anxiety, and abandonment issues. They never paid him any mind unless they were worried, he’d somehow negatively affect their image. His father had been furious when Steve didn’t get into college, making him get a job so he could learn “real responsibility,” as if Steve hadn’t been caring for himself for the last five years.
The real blow out came when Steve had announced that he was not only bisexual but dating a boy. At first his father said it was a phase, that he was confused, but would come around. Then he tried bribery, offering Steve a position at his company and a cushy apartment in the city, but he had to leave Billy and find a nice girl to date. His father, realizing Steve wasn’t budging, told him to make a choice, the boy or his trust fund. Steve had his bags packed and was living in the Henderson family’s spare bedroom by the next morning.
Billy was shocked that Steve gave up the promising life he could have had. It kept him awake some nights. Like tonight. Billy lay awake, staring at the ceiling. The fan above creaked with every spin, ticking like a clock counting down something inevitable. Steve was asleep next to him; one hand thrown across Billy’s chest, mouth parted slightly in his usual soft, dead-to-the-world sleep. Billy wished he could follow him under, but now that he was feeling rested, the thoughts were creeping in again. Steve had given up everything. The Harrington name. The fat inheritance. The easy job lined up at his dad’s office in Indy. All of it gone the day he said,“I’m not going to lie about who I am anymore.” After his time at the Henderson house and Billy’s graduation, he moved to Chicago into this crumbling apartment over a garage with Billy, working for minimum wage and counting quarters for gas. Billy turned his head and studied Steve’s face in the dark. Moles. Faint laugh lines. Peaceful. He felt his throat tighten.
What if Steve resented him? What if all this—this tiny, cracked life—was something Steve was just enduring for his sake? What if, one day, he woke up and realized he missed that other life more than he loved Billy? He shifted getting comfortable, knowing he wasn’t falling back asleep. He’d be ok, he would take a nap after class. Billy got up slowly and wandered to their little kitchen, he grabbed a soda, and sat.He thought about the email again, wondering what could have happened to end up freezing the financial aid. Wondering what he was going to do next semester, if he needed to pay anything back for this semester. He was more than likely going to have to quit school. He was going to have to work doubles if he wanted to make ends meet, if he wanted to save, to have any chance of even going back part time. Maybe he should tell Steve to take his dad up on his offer, go back and grovel, get back some of the life he once had. Not his one where his fuck up of a boyfriend was dragging him down. He was so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t realized Steve had woken up.
“Hey,” Steve mumbled, voice gravel-rough with sleep. “What are you doing up?”
Billy didn’t answer right away. He sighed, then muttered, “You ever think about going back?”
Steve blinked. “Back where?”
Billy looked at him. “To your old life. Big house. Fancy shit. Easy money. Good food.”
Steve frowned. “No.”
Billy gave a bitter laugh, soft and sharp. “You sure?”
Steve shifted, moved so he could see Billy’s face, looked at him thoughtful and confused. “What is this, Billy?”
Billy rubbed his jaw, suddenly feeling too raw, too exposed. “Just been thinkin’. You gave up a lot. For me.”
Steve’s expression softened, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I mean, fuck. You could be in Indy right now. Or New York. Drinking overpriced wine and sleeping on thousand-count sheets. But instead, you’re here. With me. Eating boxed mac and cheese and showering with barely enough water pressure to rinse your damn hair.”
Steve reached across the table and touched Billy’s hand. “Do you really think I care about any of that?”
Billy pulled his hand back, just slightly. “I think you say you don’t. But I wonder if, deep down, you wish you hadn’t chosen this.”
Steve was quiet for a long moment. Then he said, gently, “I didn’t choose this, Billy. I chose you.”
Billy scoffed. “That’s the same thing.”
“No,” Steve said, voice firmer now. “It’s not. You think I left that life because of you. But I left it because I was already drowning in it. Because I spent years playing a role, wearing the masks they gave me. And yeah, the money was nice. The stuff was nice. But I was miserable.”
Billy looked down. His knuckles were white around the neck of the bottle.
“I’ve never had anything like what I have with you. It’s not perfect, but it’s real. It’s mine. It’s ours. My parents, they never let me be me, I mean my dad disowned me for admitting who I was. Sure I had stuff, could have anything I wanted, anything but love. Where’s this coming from? What happened?”
Billy took a breath, it was now or never. “My financial aid is frozen, I don’t know why, but the extra money, it’s not coming in anymore. I’m probably going to have to quit school. I'm going to have to work doubles. We’ll never see each other, we barely do now. It’s going to be harder. And I guess I just wanted you to know, to remind you, you’ve got options. You’re not stuck here with me.”
“I already know that Billy,” Steve said.
“You could still walk away.”
“I could do a lot of things.”
Billy huffed a breath through a tight throat. “I just… don’t want you to hate me one day. For what you gave up.”
“Ok, maybe I’m saying this wrong. I keep saying I chose you, but maybe that’s not completely accurate. And before you freak out, let me finish. I chose me. I chose love. I chose a life without his rules. That day, that ultimatum, he said ‘the boy’ and I thought that meant you. But I know now it meant any boy. That even if I had turned away, if later down the line another boy came along, he’d do the same thing. It was never about you specifically, not for him anyway. For me, yes it was. I’m not going to lie and say you weren’t a factor, but you weren’t the only factor.” Steve stopped and walked over to Billy.
“Ok look at me, right in my eyes. I love you. I want this, our crappy little tv and box dinners. I want to be here with you. I know very well I could walk away. Nothing but love is what keeps me here, not pity, not guilt or desperation. Only love. Get that voice out of your head, the one filling you with doubts, because we both know it’s not mine.” Steve stood in front of him earnest and open. Billy’s shoulders relaxed as he dropped his head, a small smile gracing his lips. He looked back up at Steve.
“I love you too. Thanks for talking me down. I know, I’m ridiculous. I can’t help it sometimes.” He leaned up and gave Steve a kiss before wrapping his arms around Steve’s middle. They stood like that for a moment, just holding each other.
“Come on, lie down with me. I still got a couple hours before work. And you need sleep if you want to solve the aid problem.” He pulled Billy along with him. They settled back in bed. Steve attempting to burrow into Billy’s warmth. He kissed Steve’s head and they both drifted off.
Not long after the alarm blared Steve came wandering in, hair sticking up in all directions and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Billy was at the table, laptop open, staring at the email. Steve could see his mind working, He knew the look. He walked over and gently closed the lap top.
“Breakfast first, then you can panic.” Steve directed.
“Can’t I do both? How are you always so calm about everything?” Billy asked.
“I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me before, I still landed on my feet. I’ll help you land on yours.”
Steve set about making breakfast. Billy was resting his head on his arms as he sat at the table. Steve started humming as he cooked their eggs. Billy listened as Steve started singing. Billy shook his head as he made out the words. “Don't worry, baby. Everything will turn out all right. Don't worry, baby” Steve was singing the Beach Boys. This boy and his damn optimism. Billy lifted his head to be greeted by Steve’s beaming smile. He smiled back, getting up to help Steve finish cooking. Damn this boy and his sunshine.
Billy wished Steve luck as he left for work. He really did hope whatever opportunity was good for them. Billy cleaned up their dishes and set about making phone calls. He needed some kind of clarification if he was going to get this all figured out. Billy spent the morning making calls and writing emails. He was shuffled between the financial aid office, admissions and the bursar. All had the same answer, “Be patient for an update.” He sighed, wanting to pull his hair out. Steve came home to find him chain smoking on the fire escape. Steve put his bag down, keeping his jacket on.
“Ok, come on, shoes on, we’re going for a walk.” Steve announced.
“I’m not in the mood….” Billy started, but Steve cut him off.
“Nope, walking. We’re going to de-stress you right now. Besides, I got stuff to tell you.”
Billy groaned and dragged his feet, kind of like a toddler who doesn’t want to clean his room. He made a face like he was pouting as he shoved his feet into his shoes. Steve was watching, hiding his smile. His boyfriend could be so dramatic. Steve handed him his jacket and they headed out into the crisp fall air. He grabbed Billy’s hand and intertwined their fingers. They walked in comfortable silence until they reached the small dog park at the end of their block. Steve led them to the bench and pulled Billy down next to him.
“Alright, breathing exercises, deep breath in, hold it, let it out. Come on, follow me.” Billy rolled his eyes but went along. To his annoyance it was actually helping.
“Feel better?” Steve asked.
“I don’t want to say yes, then I’d have to admit you’re right. Again, but yes.” Billy answered as Steve beamed at him. “I just got frustrated, I kept getting the ‘wait and see” answer. I just want to fix it already.”
“I know. We’re going to be ok. Money might be tight, but I can grab some extra shifts at the kennels, they always need help there at night. And they always offer overtime at the warehouse, you can fit shifts in when you can.”
“Yeah. It’s just. Stressful. But you’re right. How was your day? Better than mine I hope.” Billy asked.
Steve worked at a veterinary clinic a few blocks away from the apartment. He’s been there a little over a year. It had been a blessing. Retail had been rough on Steve, he didn’t always do well with rude customers. The vet had been good for him. He answered phones, helped with intake and sometimes distracted the animals during shots. He swore all the cats loved him and would get really excited when anyone brought a pug in. The money was decent and as he’d mentioned he had the option of picking up hours at the boarding kennel.
Steve lit up at the mention of his day. As Billy moved closer, he could smell the dog shampoo on Steve. It made him laugh a little, he knew Steve, he’d probably volunteered to wash the dogs. Any excuse to love on the animals. He knew as soon as they could afford one, they’d probably have a pug.
“So my boss told me something. She said that they have a program to help me go to school to be a vet tech. She said I’m good with the animals, I show initiative and good judgement. It’s not a full ride, but they can help with the costs and I can do my clinicals at the clinic, like a work study thing. And they can let me work at the kennel and make sure my work hours accommodate my classes. She says I’ve got potential, she thinks I could go to veterinary school if I wanted to.”
Billy blinked. “That’s... holy shit, Steve, that’s amazing.”
Steve smiled a little, tentative. “Yeah, I mean... it is. I think it could be a real thing for me, you know? Not just feeding cats and mopping up accidents. Like, a career.”
Billy nodded slowly, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I wasn’t gonna tell you right away,” Steve admitted. “Didn’t want it to feel like I was throwing it in your face. With the school stuff, and everything.”
Billy looked down at the notebook. “Yeah. I get that, I mean my situation sucks. But I’m happy for you. I am.”
Steve grabbed Billy’s hands “You’re allowed to be pissed. Or jealous. Or whatever. Doesn’t make you a bad person.”
Billy didn’t answer right away. He just looked at their hands.
“I’m not pissed or jealous,” he said quietly. Steve waited patiently for Billy to finish. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered. “I mean it. You deserve good things, Steve. So be excited. Let’s go celebrate.”
“It hasn’t happened yet.” Steve said
“It’s going to, so let’s go celebrate it.”
“Can we afford to?”
“Pizza and beers aren’t going to break our bank. Come on, this is a good thing, we need good things.” Billy said
They boys walked down to the pizza shop at the end of the block. Steve was slowly starting to let his excitement show. Billy knew how much he loved his job, he was pretty sure the animals were unofficial therapy pets for Steve. As they walked Steve went on about how as a tech he’d get a decent pay raise and maybe he would go on and become a vet. He was going on about how much he loved animals and how this was going to be so great,that he finally had some kind of direction with his career. Billy smiled, glad that Steve was letting himself feel the excitement. He felt guilty that Steve felt guilty, that he was ever worried Billy would take it badly.
When they made it to the shop, Steve was happy that “their” table was available. It was in the back corner by the window. He could see people getting on and off the train. He’d sometimes make up stories about the people on the platform, he’d go over the whole day. There was a couple that he had an ongoing saga for. He was always excited when he saw them, he could add new details to the story he had made up for them. Billy had thought it was silly, but he’s happy for anything that makes Steve happy. Maybe it was because he was so stressed, the school situation having him in his feelings. He found himself watching Steve closer. He needed to be sure Steve was happy, he needed Steve to know just how much Billy loved him.
“Stevie.” Billy said, grabbing Steve’s hands. Steve tilted his head, eyes curious.
“Yeah?” Steve mumbled through a mouthful of pizza
“I hate that you were worried you couldn’t tell me about your good news. I know it sucks for me right now. This news, though, it’s good for us both. We’re a team. You said so. We’ve made it this far. I mean I’m pretty sure both our families thought we’d have come crawling back by now. So, if my bad news is your bad news, your good news is my good news. You’re right, it’s a light at the end of a very long, crappy tunnel.”
“We’re going to be ok Billy, and you’re going to finish school, even if I have to start selling foot pictures. Two against the world right? Eat your pizza, sap.” Steve smiled brightly as Billy laughed at his little joke. And Steve believing things would work out was enough for Billy for now.
“Two against the world.” Billy repeated, “And you’re not selling foot pictures, you’ve got hobbit feet.”
“Rude!” Steve laughed.
Steve had a little extra pep in his step the next morning. Billy couldn’t help but smile. And Billy really was glad for him. Steve did deserve good things. He was glad he’d found a job he loved. He came home with stories from his chaotic day. They’d had two emergency appointments, a few post op checks and a chihuahua named Churro who refused to take the cheese cube with his antibiotics from anyone but Steve. The little guy was feisty and bit his coworker Mel, twice. She was mad when Steve managed to get him to take the food with no incidents. His boss, Linda, brought him all the paperwork for school and walked him through the whole process of getting himself enrolled and what classes he’d need to take. He headed out after making sure Churro had his last antibiotic of the day and wished the night crew luck with the little guy.
He made it home to a quiet house, Billy was still sleeping, he’d had class that morning and was headed into work that night. Steve set about his evening routine, putting his bag away, changing out of his scrubs and getting started on some kind of dinner. He looked in their pantry, they were due for a food bank run soon. They had a couple cans of tuna and chicken. Most of their canned goods were gone. He found some rice and cream of broccoli soup. He found some frozen peas and noted they definitely needed to hit up the food banks. Neither of them were fond of peas, but he was determined to have a balanced meal. He figured the upside was that dinner would be ready in roughly twenty minutes, just had to head the peas and pop open a few cans. Billy was going to grumble about the peas. Billy came wandering in as Steve was finishing up. He was calling dinner “chicken and rice bowls.” Billy eyed the peas with suspicion. He ate regardless, even if he did push most of his peas to the side. He had to give Steve credit, he always managed to make them something decent with their small pantry. They had enough to make it through the end of the week. Steve said they could go to the pantries on Saturday.
“Looks good.” Billy told him as he took his bowl
“You’re a bad liar, but it’s edible. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’re surviving off caffeine and spite. You need actual food before work, not panic flavored air.” Steve turned and dished up his own bowl.
“You’re too good to me.” Billy said, digging in.
“Any news yet?” Steve asked.
“Nothing new to report. Still no actual reason. Just wait and see. I just need to know. Like how much are we going to have to come up with for bills. Forget the next semester at this point.”
“No, don't forget the next semester. You’re going. I’ll sell plasma. And pictures of your feet, since apparently mine belong in a Tolkien novel.” Billy snorted out a laugh, as Steve continued. “ I can pick up some extra shifts though.”
“Stevie, no, you already work full time.” Billy protested
“And, so do you and you go to school. You’re gonna wake up dead if you keep running yourself into the ground. Besides, I like my job. I get to pet animals and pretend I’m Snow White.” Steve starts humming like the Disney princess.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I know.” Steve put a glass of water in front of Billy “Hydrate, you’ve got heavy lifting to do.”
Steve was in the shower when Billy left. Steve had packed his lunch while Billy got ready. He found a note stuck to the top. “Drink water, don’t fight any forklifts, and smile.” He shook his head at his boyfriend’s antics. Another day, another dollar, Billy told himself. He locked the door behind him ready for another night moving boxes. He’ll check for overtime shifts when he gets in. He knows Steve says it will be ok, but a little extra won’t hurt. He’s only got one big assignment due at the moment, he can pull it off.
The company he works for sells shipping and packaging supplies, he spends most of his nights putting together orders for local businesses to send their own products out. Tonight he gets to be on the fabrication side of the warehouse. It’s a double edge sword, he mainly had to load a pallet of boxes in and press a button so the branding can be printed for whichever company the order goes to. The downside is that it gives him a little too much time to think. He pictures that stupid email. He swears it’s mocking him. He’s deep in thought, worries about bills, food, tuition. It’s on a loop when his phone goes off, he’s got a text message from Steve “Dance break.” it’s a video of Steve dancing in their bathroom mirror. Billy laughs. Steve knows him too well, that he lets things sit in his mind too long. The phone buzzes again. “Remeber to drink water, be safe. Love you.” Billy puts his phone away and goes on his first break, water it is.
At six am he clocks out, grabs his coat and heads home. On the train he leans against the window, eyelids heavy. At least he wasn’t sore today, he got a nice break from hauling pallets of cardboard around. He’s grateful his classes this semester were online. No way would he have made it to campus today. He felt his head drop and jerked awake, he adjusted his body, willing himself to stay awake until his stop. He hoped Steve had food ready, he was starving.
Billy could hear the radio as he approached their door, walking in he saw Steve dancing around their kitchen. He was in a pair of pajama pants and one of Billy’s old sweatshirts, it was a little big on him, but he pulled it off well. The second thing Billy realized was that Steve was listening to the soundtrack to ‘Grease.’ As Steve spun around his eyes landed on Billy, he smiled and sang along.
“Hopelessly devoted to you…” Steve sang.
“You realize that’s a break up song right?” Billy teased
“Semantics, the sentiments there. And how would you know, you’ve never seen the movie. Or so you say.” Steve walked over, planting a kiss on Billy’s lips.
“You play the soundtrack enough. At least you’ve never asked me to duet it.”
“Yet. How was work?” Steve asked, headed back to the kitchen.
“Good, boring, kind of. I was on the press, printing boxes. Your video helped, I was in my head for a bit there.” Billy was on the couch pulling his boots off.
“Then I’ve done my job. Do you want blueberries or bananas in your pancakes?”
“Blueberries. And please tell me we have bacon.” Bill flopped back on the couch.
“Yes we have bacon. I know what a national emergency it would be if we didn’t.” Steve waved the spatula around as he talked.
Billy was dozing off as Steve cooked, every once in a while the smell of bacon would rouse him. He’d lift his head enough to see Steve moving around the small kitchen. He could hear as Steve started pulling plates out and forced himself to move, at least be a decent boyfriend and sit at the table with Steve before he had to get ready for work. He checked the fridge first, finding some apple juice and grabbed two cups, taking his place at their worn table. Steve set the plate of pancakes and bacon down.
“Eat up, then go to sleep, you look dead on your feet.” Steve said
“No coffee?” Billy asked.
“Not unless it’s decaf, mister, you need sleep.”
“Yes mom.”
“It’s Mr. Mom to you.” Steve smirked before he shoveled a fork full of pancakes in his mouth.
Steve had rushed out the door, having lost track of time while he was putting on his kitchen concert. Billy was lying on their couch, tv on as Steve was leaving. He still managed to toss a blanket on Billy and tell him to sleep. Billy was almost out when his phone buzzed “There sandwich stuff in the fridge if you wake up before I get home. Go to bed. Love you.” Billy rolled his eyes and moved to their bedroom, fighting the urge to check his email again.
Meanwhile Steve was being attacked by golden retriever puppies at work. He’d called the owner over to get the weights and the four puppies charged when she got up. They were a few months old, ready for their first round of shots. They were jumping up on his legs, eager for treats as he stood next to the scale. He and the owner were finally able to get the pups under control. Once he was done there he needed to go clean the cages in the back, they had a few intakes for surgery today. He noted the weight of the puppies and helped the owner wrangle them into one of the exam rooms. He headed back to get the cages ready.During lunch Steve thought about starting school, he found himself paying extra attention to the techs, observing all the duties and procedures they were able to do. He knew in his heart he could do it. He was broken from his thoughts when the vet sat across from him. Dr. Alvarez. He was a kind man, and had always been nice to Steve. He was good with the techs too, was always patient and would take the time to teach them.
“Linda tells me you’re considering going into the vet tech program.” He said.
“Yes sir, I just have some things to figure out financially before I can apply.” Steve answered.
“You’re a good employee Steve, good with the animals, and you’re good at calming the owners down. We’d be glad to have you move up. I think you would be a wonderful asset. If you’re willing to commit, I’d be willing to sign off on us paying for half of your first semester, as long as you start in the spring. Think about it ok.”
“I will. I’ll let you know as soon as possible.” Steve said, floored by his offer.
Billy woke to the sound of Steve moving around their kitchen. He padded out to see Steve trying to decide between a couple different box dinners. He’s amused at the way Steve’s brow is furrowed, like he’s making a life changing decision. He slid up behind Steve, wrapping his arms around him.
“Beef taco sounds good” he murmured against Steve’s back.
“Yeah? I was thinking about stroganoff.” Steve smiled as he leaned back into the embrace.
“Beef taco. If you love me, beef taco.”
“Fine you big baby. Go shower, it’ll be ready when you’re done.” Steve laughed. Billy kissed the back of Steve’s neck and shuffled off toward the small bathroom.
He was plating dinner up when Billy walked in, work clothes on, hair still a little wet. Steve was happy they at least had these little moments together. They talked about their day, Steve told him about the sweetest little pitbull he met, she would just roll over in front of people looking for belly rubs. She’d come in a set of pajama’s, her little belly on display. He also got to hold a pug, which Steve loved, he claimed it was the best part of his day.
“Dr. Alvarez talked to me today. He heard I was thinking of the tech program. He said he’d love to have me as a tech and offered to pay for half of the tuition if I start in the spring.” Steve announced.
“Seriously?” Billy asked, “That’s amazing.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, you’re already good with the animals. I mean remember you told me about that chihuahua that only wanted its meds from you. And paying half, it helps so much.”
“I just, do you think we can pull off paying for both of us. I mean I know I keep saying it’ll be ok, but I do want to be realistic.” Steve asked.
“I think if we really want to do this, yes we can. We’ve made it this far on our own, we just have to want it. I mean it won’t be easy, but we can do it.” Billy assured him.
“Is that optimism I hear? Careful, you’ll be singing while mopping soon.” Steve teased.
“We’ll find a way.” Billy said
“I can become an influencer, show my job, I’ll call my series ‘Pawsitive Vibes'. People can watch me shampoo the dogs. It’ll be huge. We’ll get sponsored and monetized ”
“Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous.” Billy shook his head at Steve who just smiled.
Billy was hurting when he came home from work. They had been a man down and he ended up working a few extra hours. He was glad it was Friday. He was off that night, his overtime shifts didn’t start until next week. He wanted to get home, take a hot shower and sleep. He’d been moving pallets and loading trucks all morning. He’d called Steve to let him know he’d be late and miss seeing him before he left for work. Steve just told him to be safe, that he loved him and that he’d see him at dinner. Billy was attempting to send Steve a reply when his phone rang, the financial aid office.
“May I speak with Billy Hargrove please?” The voice said as soon as he answered.
“This is him.” Billy replied
“Hello Mr. Hargrove, this Kendra with Student Aid. I’ve been assigned to review your file. It looks like there’s been an issue with the verification related to the GI Bill documentation.”
“Ok, nothing’s changed. It’s been the same since I started. How is this suddenly an issue after two years?”
“It might have been an update in their system. I am going to turn your file over to the VA rep to see what they can do to help you get this settled. On my end I will flag your file as pending, as to avoid any of your classes being dropped. We can give you until the end of the semester to get the issue corrected.”
“Do I need to call them or will they contact me?” Billy asked.
“They should be reaching out via email. I will also send you an email with their contact information and a copy of the payment extension notice for your records.”
“Ok, thank you.” Billy sighed as he hung up. It might not have been the news he wanted, but it was progress at least. One step forward.
When he gets home he sees their living room table strewn with papers, recognizes Steve’s messy scrawl. He gets his boots off and heads to the kitchen, wanting to eat before he showers and passes out. There’s a note on the refrigerator, “Leftovers for lunch, no peas this time, I promise. Love you, night owl.” He puts the plate in the microwave and thinks back to the phone call. It’s not perfect, but at least he has a direction to look in. And he can at least get through the semester before he has to worry. As he ate, he realized he felt a little bit lighter. There was a light, and he had hope, Steve’s optimism, it seems, was rubbing off on him. He finished his food and took his hot shower. Afterwards, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
It’s almost 9 pm when Billy finally rouses. He can hear the music playing in the living room, Steve’s voice just barely above that of whoever is singing. He saw Steve sitting on the floor, papers across the table, laptop open to an excel spread sheet. Steve was absentmindedly eating a piece of pizza as he worked on whatever it was he was working on. Billy padded in, the smell of food making his stomach growl and curious to find out what exactly his boyfriend was doing. He catches part of the song as he walks in.
“We’ll live on front porches and swing life away..” Steve’s voice carries, interrupted as Billy walks in.
“What’s all this?” Billy asked as he sat behind Steve on the couch.
“Budgeting. I looked up our tuition, added up our bills and averaged out our food costs. I want to see what we’ll need to make this work. Oh! There’s pizza in the oven.” Billy got up and headed to the kitchen, grabbing a plate.
“You’re doing math voluntarily?” Bill teased.
“Desperate times, man, desperate times.” Steve retorted.
“Stevie, you don’t have to do that, I can look at it.”
“I wanted to, we’re in this together. Two against the world.” Steve proclaimed
“Two against financial aid at the moment, apparently.” Billy carried his pizza to the couch. “I got some answers today. Something about verification documents being incomplete or inconsistent. The financial aid lady did say they will put an extension on my account though, so I have til the end of the semester to get it all figured out. And the veterans affairs rep is supposed to look at it, and hopefully tell me what I need to get this all sorted. A little more waiting, but at least I know what the issue is now.”
“Well that’s something, how do you feel about ramen?”
“In general, or is there a specific reason? Like that’s going to be a meal staple if my aid doesn’t get fixed, reason.”
“I’ll fancy it up. Buy some miso packs and those Panda Express sauces. Green onions and peppers too. If I put my mind to it I could grow those. Make me a little planter box on the fire escape. I found another pantry too, so we go to one a week, we’ll be set up for food.” Steve was smiling, half teasing, half serious. Fully committed to figuring out their dilemma.
“Ridiculous Steven, ridiculous.”
“Listen here, Hargrove, I’ve met you. You will work yourself to the ground if I let you. If we list all this out, we’ll know exactly how much we need. In turn that will let us know how much overtime we need to pick up. And I mean WE. None of your ‘I’ve got it’ nonsense. Capice?” Steve lectured as he waved his budget list around.
“Aye aye captain. Now come up here, sit with me and regale me with your animal stories.” Billy was patting the cushions next to him.
“Well, I met a terrier with an underbite and greying hair named Larry. His owner brought him in a stroller. Big buff guy too. Side note, when we can finally afford my pug, I’m naming him Hugo. Anyway….” Bill pulled Steve close as he listened to him ramble on about Larry and the various other animals he met that day.
It was close to 11 when Steve began drifting off. Billy nudged him awake and they headed to their room. He grabbed the laptop on their way out of the living room. He’d probably be awake a few hours longer and figured he might as well apply for other aid for the next year. Steve was being responsible, he’d done two budget sheets, one that factored in Billy’s tuition and one without. So while Steve was snoring Billy was filling out the application. Even if his aid was restored, he wanted a back up plan, and if it was restored, a little extra money wouldn’t hurt either. He planned on talking Steve into filling one out too. It couldn’t hurt. If nothing else this whole situation has definitely taught him the importance of being prepared. As he works he finds himself humming whatever song Steve was singing earlier, the song’s ending repeating “swing life away.” What did that even mean? He’d actually have to listen to the whole song one of these days, after he asks Steve who the artist is. It was almost three when he felt himself growing tired. He put the laptop away and settled down next to Steve. The apartment was quiet except for Steve’s breathing and the faint sound of rain beginning to hit the windows. They were warm and safe, and Billy realized he actually believed that things were going to be ok. He wrapped his arms around Steve and let himself relax, falling asleep to the sound of rain on the window.
Steve had been out when Billy woke. The apartment was quiet except for the sound of rain on the window. He glanced at the clock, almost 1 pm. He was staring at the ceiling, taking his time getting out of bed. He had a couple assignments he needed to finish. They were due Sunday night and he needed to get them finished and submitted before then. He wanted a lazy Sunday before the upcoming hectic week. After a few more minutes of staring he decided to get up and get them finished, maybe he and Steve could go grab a bite out or catch a movie. They’d have to smuggle snacks in, but that was the fun part. He was in the kitchen making toast when the door banged open and he heard the jingle of the car keys. It was then he remembered that Steve had wanted to go to the pantry today.
“Oh good, you’re up. Here, grab this. I got one more box down there.” He handed Billy the box and bag in his hands and headed back to the car.
Billy put the box on the counter, slowly pulling the contents out. He wasn’t even paying attention really. Though by the sounds, there was definitely a lot of pasta. He was inspecting the canned goods, trying to make sure there weren’t any peas to get rid of when the door banged open again.
“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t dent the wall did I?” Steve asked as he crossed the room with the second box.
“No, it’s fine. Did you rob the place?” Billy said as he eyeballed the second box of food.
“That’s crazy talk. I went to two places. I had only planned on the first place but this nice lady in line let me pet her pug and then told me about the second place. And we hit the jackpot there. We got meat and snacks. Like good snacks, there’s pop tarts in there somewhere.” Steve was rambling again.
“So you’re saying I can hold off on stock piling the ramen then?” Billy said sarcastically.
“For now. I’m still going to buy the sauces though. And it gives me time to start my window garden.” Billy couldn’t tell if Steve was kidding or not.
Steve set about putting the food away while Billy ate his toast and looked at some of the items they got. There were a couple bags of beans, some rice. Lots of canned vegetables, thankfully no peas this time. Steve had been right about them hitting the jack pot. There were a lot of snacks in the second box. Cookies, crackers, some popcorn and Steve’s pop tarts. He loved those things, though he usually bought the store brand unless there was a sale of some kind. Billy found the instant coffee. He was planning on guarding that with his life, though he very much doubted Steve would put up too much of a fight about it. He caught Steve humming the familiar tune from the previous night as he organized the shelves, probably already planning what he was going to make with some of the ingredients. He was going to leave Steve to it, heading back to grab the laptop he could hear Steve singing again.
“We’ll get by just fine here on minimum wage….”
When he comes back in the kitchen Steve’s now seated on the floor, the table cleared as he sorts through the various items from the second box. Steve’s eyes lit up at the little packs of cookies meant for lunch boxes. He was arranging the fruit cups by ingredient while Billy flung his books on the table and set the computer up, ready to knock his assignments out by 5. They fell into a quiet rhythm, Steve shuffling around the kitchen, opening cabinets and arranging cans and boxes. The tapping of the keys and turning of pages adding to the background noise. Billy had been so engrossed in school work he hadn’t noticed Steve was making him food until a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of juice was slid in front of him. He felt Steve leave a kiss on the top of his head before he wandered off toward their room, not wanting to disturb Billy as he worked.
A few hours later Billy closed the laptop triumphantly, the final assignment turned in and a head start on next week’s work. It was a little more weight off knowing he wouldn’t put his school work behind given the overtime he signed up for. It occurred to him he hadn’t heard from Steve since he wandered away. He put his books away and moved the laptop off their kitchen table, and went in search of his boyfriend. Steve was sprawled across the bed on his back, shoes still on, mouth open and snoring softly. Billy laughed to himself. It was a little after 6, he figured he should wake Steve up and see if he wanted to go out and have a little date.
“Hey, pretty boy, babycakes, Stevie” he said as he gently shook him awake. Steve finally groaned, squinting at Billy who laid across him.
“Foooooodddd” Billy groaned dramatically.
“Ugh, you’re heavy.” He pushed gently at Billy, “Get off me if you want me to cook. You want some of that pasta, we got like 12 boxes.”
“No cooking, I was thinking we could go out. We can go to that little diner you like with the twinkle lights.” Billy said
“Are you asking me on a date? Sir, I’m spoken for.” Steve laughed.
“Do you want to go or not? Brat.” Billy laughed softly, cuddling with Steve.
“Yes I want to go. A milkshake sounds amazing right now. Oh and fries and that patty melt. Maybe some pie.” Steve went on.
“Well stop rambling and get up. I’m getting the pot roast, we’ll definitely get pie.” Billy pulled Steve up and they made their way out.
The sun had just finished setting as they walked hand and hand down the street, they’d learned a while back to save the car for big trips, even using the train most of the time. Steve was looking up, light violet streaks slowly disappearing into the bluish tint of dusk. The temperature had dropped slightly and Billy put his arm around Steve when he saw him shiver faintly. Steve leaned his head against Billy’s. The neon lights of the dinner buzzed as they approached, bells on the door jingling when it opened. The waitress greeted them, telling them to seat themselves and she’d be right with them. They chose a booth near a window, Billy keeping Steve’s people watching habit in mind. The waitress arrives and Steve orders a hot chocolate and a chocolate milkshake to go with his meal. Billy gets his pot roast.
When the food arrives Steve immediately steals a piece of Billy’s pot roast while Billy playfully stabs at Steve’s hand with a fork. Steve’s fries were drowning in ketchup, he waved a fry around as he talked about the upcoming work week. There was a litter of kittens coming in on Monday, their first official check up and he was excited. He teased that he was going to smuggle one home in his pocket. Billy ate slowly, savoring the warm roast and the creamy mashed potatoes. He found himself worrying less and less about the money. Things were going to be ok, he believed it now. He listened as Steve went on about needing to get signed up for school, he’d needed to be ready for the spring semester. Billy made up his mind to help him with the application on Monday. They were moving forward,
“Hey, when we get home, show me that song you’ve been singing along with.” Billy said
“I sing with a lot of them. Which one?” Steve asked.
“It goes, kind of like this..” Billy started humming.
“Oh! That one, it’s “Swing life Away.” It’s by Rise Against. Mel at work likes them. I liked that song. It reminds me of us.” Steve smiled. “I’ll play it for you when we get home.”
Billy carried the bag with their leftovers and dessert as they strolled home. They took their time, no reason to hurry. Their part of the city had slowed down, The traffic hummed in the distance, a soft breeze blowing through their hair. Steve already had the apartment keys in his hand when they got to the door. Billy shrugged off his jacket and headed straight for the heater. Steve was pulling their pie out of the bag. By the time Billy had made it to the table Steve had pulled out two mugs and was mixing packets of hot chocolate for them. Billy was definitely going to be ready to sleep once they were done. He was looking forward to a day with Steve tomorrow.
“This was nice, just to be with you, to enjoy things and not worry. I’m starting to believe you, the budget helped I think. It was good to see it on paper. I kept thinking of some big arbitrary number. This made it easier. Thank you.” Billy said.
“Of course. We’re in this together. You and me, two against the world. Remember it. Repeat it. I love you.” Steve leaned across the table, planting a kiss on Billy’s lips.
“Let’s go to bed. You can show me the song.” Billy motioned toward the bedroom.
They were settled, both comfortable in their pajamas. Steve snagging one of Billy’s sweat shirts and throwing on socks for his perpetually cold feet. Once they got settled he cued up the song on his phone, cuddling up to Billy. They lay in silence, listening to the words. Billy had him play it a few more times, smiling when Steve’s voice would sing along. He could see why Steve said it reminded him of them. The chorus is particularly resonating with him.
“We live on front porches and swing life away. We’ll get by just fine here on minimum wage. If love is a labor I’ll slave till the end. I won’t cross these streets til you hold my hand.”
They fell asleep with the song on a loop.
Billy loved Sundays. It was the one day they did try to spend together. Billy made a point of waking up in the morning even if he did pick up an extra shift. He and Steve would go around and get the house in order, do a couple loads of laundry. Steve would change the sheets and pillowcases. They’d clean the kitchen and Steve would try to make a tentative meal plan. He was surprised when it was almost 11 when he finally woke up. He wandered in the kitchen, there was a note on the fridge.
“I made pancakes, warm them up first or they’ll be rubbery. I’ll be back soon. Drink water. Love Steve”
Billy was in the middle of shoveling pancakes in his mouth when Steve came bursting through the door.
“Billy! Baby! Love! Look what I just scored, 6 bucks over at Thrift Town.” Steve was excitedly waving an immersion blender around.
“Is that a used blender?” Billy asked.
“It’s a gently loved blender. It’s a soup wand. The temperature dropped, the leaves are crunchy, and I’m gonna be making soup. Soups freeze well, they’re good in cold weather, they’re very versatile. It’s basically a scientific requirement that we start making soups in the fall.” Steve proclaimed.
“Oh science, I’ve never read that in any of my science books.” Billy retorted.
“It’s science. Culinary science.We’ve got half a bag of carrots, some onions, and, look at these potatoes! And like seven cans of cream of chicken soup. We’re halfway to creamy bliss!” Steve was like a dog wagging its tail.
“Ridiculous.” Billy laughed.
“Well before soup magic commences we need to get this place all cleaned up and ready for the week. Before we become overworked zombies and run out of clean socks.” Steve put the blender down and began gathering the breakfast dishes. Billy headed back to the bedroom to grab the laundry.
They spent the afternoon tidying the house. Steve was fighting with their vacuum, it had a habit of over heating after one room. It could take all day to get the place vacuumed sometimes. Billy had wiped the kitchen counters down and mopped the floor. He even swept out the entry way, while Steve cursed at their electronics. Billy was folding laundry when Steve had finally finished the bedroom carpet. He came back down the hall dragging the vacuum behind him, looking flustered. The two of them collapsed in a heap on the couch, ready to take a little while to relax before dinner time. Steve was determined to make a soup of some kind.
At some point Billy dozed off again, Steve rambling in the background as he scrolled his phone for recipes. He woke to the scent of garlic and onions filling the apartment. Steve was at the stove stirring a pot. He had the blender plugged in, he was pulling a pan of vegetables out of the oven. Billy walked over, sitting at their little table, ready to see Steve’s epic find in action. Regardless, Billy was convinced this was going to be the best soup ever, simply because Steve made it.
“Ready? Showtime!” Steve placed the blender in the pot, smiling triumphantly when it whirred to life, blending the vegetables down into a creamy swirl.
“Ok, I’ll give you credit. It works.” Steve beamed and held out a spoonful of the concoction for Billy to try.
Billy nodded his approval as Steve dished them up a couple of servings. He’d grabbed some bread he toasted in their oven. Billy didn’t think Steve even noticed he was doing a little dance as he got their dinner together. He was so proud of himself. Billy was proud of him too. For so many things. Mostly for making this little life of theirs feel like all it needs to be. Billy had spent most of the week on the verge of a spiral and Steve had managed to stop it every time. Distracting him with dates, walks and stories of people’s pets. Steve had made it seem less intimidating, had made him believe that all would be well, no matter what happened.
After dinner, when the dishes had been done and Steve had managed to find space for his new find in their small cabinets, they huddled together on the couch, sharing a blanket. Billy pulled up some comedy movie on the laptop. He had Steve tight against him, smiling into his hair each time he laughed. It seemed silly now, the way he was stressing himself out. Panicking before the money issues were even confirmed. And Steve, working so hard to make sure Billy didn’t let himself spiral, didn’t find himself hopeless. He was right, it was two against the world, they were going to work hard to make it. There would be challenges, but they were both willing to put the work in. The song lyric played in his head, “If love is a labor I’ll slave till the end.” This life of theirs was worth the work. They fell asleep on the couch that night, peaceful and happy.
And in the morning, Billy would wake up to an email.
“After reviewing your file, we’ve determined your aid freeze was due to a clerical error involving your father’s GI Bill certification. The issue has now been corrected, and your funding will be reinstated immediately. Please expect disbursement within three to five business days.”
They were going to be ok.