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James is making his way through the hallways of Hogwarts under his invisibility cloak, and he has a dilemma. You might think the dilemma is James sneaking out of his dorm after curfew…but you would be wrong. This is a pretty regular Thursday for James, though his eagerness and excitement surpasses even planning and executing a prank on unsuspecting Slytherins. No, James is going to meet up with a very suspecting Slytherin, and it is so very far from a dilemma. He could fly.
The dilemma is something he doesn’t want to think about right now, though he suspects it will come up tonight. It always does.
James speeds as fast as he can through the hallways without tripping over his cloak. He has the map with him, but he doesn’t dare stop to check it because a) he knows where he is going and b) he has a sinking feeling that his boyfriend has beaten him to the Astronomy tower. His very impatient boyfriend.
Finally, the corner he must turn comes into view, and James bursts around it. He takes the stairs up to the top two at a time, and sure, he’s in shape, but it’s a very stately tower, so he’s heaving just slightly by the time he makes it up.
“You’re late,” a voice declares.
James whips his cloak off with a smile, turning to Regulus just as the other boy steps out of the shadows. Then, because he can be contrarian sometimes too (and because an angry Regulus isn’t the way he wants to start off this date night), he checks his pocket watch.
“Ah ha!” James gasps, still a little winded, “I am not! You just wanted me to think I was and panic, didn’t you?”
Regulus smiles with shifty eyes and shrugs. “Maybe.”
“Oh, maybe, is it?” James saunters over to him, swishing the cloak out of the way without glancing back. “Well then, maybe I just won’t kiss you hello. How is that for maybe?”
Regulus huffs. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Hmmm.” James isn’t fooled; he opens his arms to fold Regulus in, and the other boy softens instantly. James is now winded for a completely different and not unpleasant reason. “You’re right, I wouldn’t. Only because that would be depriving me as well.”
Regulus makes a pleased sound. A sound that James swallows as he crashes their mouths together.
It’s always a little what James thinks burning up in a fiery column might feel like – hot and cold and full of sparks. He’s sure his blush has traveled all over his body, but Regulus is no better, with cheeks as red as cherry candies. James can never resist them and so he pulls back a little to nip at each cheek and soothe the hot skin with kisses afterword. Regulus likes to pretend he hates it, but James can tell the truth from his sighs.
“Missed you,” James mumbles into his boyfriend’s neck, “Missed you so much.”
“You saw me on the weekend at Hogsmeade!”
“Mmmmm, not the same,” James whines. That, even his contrarian boyfriend should concede, is the truth.
Regulus wilts, a little, and then reaches up on the tips of his toes to kiss James on his forehead (James has to duck a little for that to be possible, but they never mention it.) “I know, it’s not.”
For one, they can’t embrace and devour each other like this. Or, James supposes, they could, but unprompted, it might garner them some strange looks. Sirius would kill them, and maybe everyone in the vicinity for witnessing the…action, so to speak. There’s only so much Remus can do to hold him back in any situation.
He wonders whether this want for Regulus (always) will subside if they go public with their relationship. James had foolishly thought that after deciding to dive head-first into a relationship, his pining for Regulus would be cured. After all, Regulus IS the cure. Except, he’s not. He’s the addiction. He’s the dangerous lure forever drawing James in. His pining remains uncured; his feelings have only been sharpened on the knife that is Regulus. Now, they have a focal point. Now, they always point James in the direction of his star.
Guess he has the answer to his question, given all that. If this want hasn’t subsided after Regulus confessed feelings in turn and said yes to being James’ boyfriend…there’s no hope for either of them.
“We could…tell people…?” James whispers. His voice tears itself from his mouth with the weight of his words.
And just like that, the dilemma raises its ugly head.
Regulus sighs. They’ve had this conversation many, many times before. It’s not even truly an argument – they both conclude every time that waiting a little longer to come clean won’t hurt anyone. But it’s been months. It’s coming up on summer vacation. Unless they tell Sirius, at the very least, it’s going to be near impossible for James to sneak out to see Regulus without someone noticing. And Regulus might be able to travel easily as a cat, but it’s not exactly date night with Regulus if he is forced to spend it as a feline. If only cats and stags were more commonly seen together, James had bemoaned once. Reg made fun of him for days after (but didn’t tell James he was wrong!)
“Don’t want to keep me as your dirty little secret anymore, Potter?” Regulus’ words don’t have any real bite behind them, but James knows enough about his moods and insecurities now to read into the kernel of truth.
“Hey, don’t do that to me,” he uses Regulus’ chin to draw his gaze up to James’, “I have loved having this time just with you, just as the two of us.”
Regulus purses his lips, but his eyes are softening. From chips of ice to pools. James leans in to kiss those pursed lips with a satisfied hum.
“And I know you love your secrets, Reg, but don’t tell me there isn’t a part of you that wants to be a little more open about this? Let our friends know? Sirius, at the very least, needs to know.”
(It’s eating James alive, keeping this secret. Like that spell Pandora once showed him to remove rot on plants.)
Regulus sighs again.
“Don’t tell me seeing Dorcas and Marlene and even Sirius and Remus be cute and couple-y in Hogsmeade doesn’t…make you want that too?”
It makes James want it. It flays him from the inside out with jealousy, which is an unfamiliar emotion for James, he’s used to getting what he wants. All he wants is Regulus, but all he wants is Regulus in public, in private, in the Three Broomsticks, in class…
“Couple-y isn’t a word.”
“Regulusssssssssss!”
Regulus takes his turn to press a kiss to the corner of James’ mouth. Because he knows that’s a sure way to quiet his boyfriend immediately.
“Fine. I do want it too.”
“But?”
“But I -” Reg blows some air out his nose in frustration, “Part of me is afraid that if we tell…people. That this will all. Disappear on me. That it won’t…hold up under scrutiny.”
“That I won’t hold up under scrutiny?”
“No! No, no, no, not that at all…but that…something will go wrong. That, in the broad daylight we’ll finally see how strange we are together, and it will all fall apart.”
Mhm. Now James understands. More intricate Regulus insecurities.
“Do you want to stop what we’re doing?” he asks Regulus.
“No!” Reg presses closer, as if the very idea of wanting to be far away from James is foreign, and James tries very hard not to preen.
“Good, I thought not. I don’t want to either. At the end of the day, that’s all that really matters, love.”
Regulus thunks his head into the center of James’ chest. It’s one of James’ favourite new habits, Reg taking shelter with him.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Because it can be!” James declares, with more confidence than he feels (a James Potter trademark move.)
Regulus isn’t quite fooled, James can tell, but he nods without lifting his head from its resting place on James’ chest.
They both know it will be far from easy to tell Sirius about their relationship. But that night, it’s solidified that they’re going to. The question now is…how?
Sirius is going about the end of his seventh year at Hogwarts with all the trappings of normalcy. But he has a dilemma. He actually has several (when does he not?)
Dilemma #1:
The impending thought of life after Hogwarts and the crisis that goes along with that. He and James at least have summer jobs working with Monty on his potions, but neither of them is exactly keen on that. And James wants to do more than Quidditch, which surprised Sirius when he learned that.
Dilemma #2:
He doesn’t know how to keep re-growing his relationship with his brother while Regulus has one more year of Hogwarts left, but will be spending the summer in his own, unplottable flat. Where will Sirius see him? Will he have to sneak onto the grounds with the invisibility cloak?
Would Regulus respond well to dinner invites to Effie and Monty’s? At the beginning of the year, Sirius would have said no, but now…
Which brings him to his third, and most pressing, dilemma:
Dilemma 3#:
Sirius knows Regulus and James are dating (barf.) But how does he let THEM know that he ALREADY knows?
It wasn’t very hard to decipher, to be honest. James tends to have his feelings written all over his face – Sirius might not have known what was plaguing his best friend in the months after Reggie’s reappearance, but he knew something was. And then, all of a sudden, a switch was flipped. James was swaggering and strutting like his old self, roughhousing with Marlene and sweet-talking Dorcas and Pandora, but also drifting off to talk to Remus by himself more often than usual. The drastic change clued Sirius in to be watchful – he likes not having to be watchful around his friends, unlike his parents, but he can turn it back on as quickly as the swish of a wand. Only in the name of being invested in his friends’ lives of course (and gossip. Wizard sue him!)
Regulus is one to never have his feelings written all over his face, but Sirius has been overjoyed to watch as his brother has slowly lowered some of that guard in the presence of their growing friend group. Sometimes, he even smiles! Yeah, in public. It’s a wonder Sirius didn’t faint the first time he saw Regulus do it (later, he’d cried about how it had been so long since he’d seen Regulus smile, like the well-adjusted man Sirius is.)
But, that same exact week that James Potter became incandescently happy enough for the whole school to see, Regulus’ face had been a blank slate, more blank than an empty sheet of parchment. There was no clearer sign that there was something going on that Regulus didn’t want someone to know about, and Sirius was willing to bet Galleons on the fact that he was that special someone.
Sirius also had known about Regulus’ crush on James – please, how could he not? Poor Regulus was a stuttering mess when they were little, and then he grew into a more mean but still stumbly mess before Walburga and Orion fucked up all his emotional processing.
He’s free of them now, but that adjustment is taking time, even Sirius can see that. He’d thought that Reggie’s schoolboy crush on James “son of blood traitors” Potter might have been hammered out of him, but clearly, he was wrong, for once in his life.
Of course, Sirius had known just how to confirm his suspicions.
“James and Regulus are a thing, aren’t they?” Sirius had asked his Moony, weeks ago.
Remus didn’t even have the gall to look shocked OR impressed. He’d blinked at Sirius. “Yeah. They are.”
“Are you not even shocked OR impressed that I pieced that together all by myself?”
Remus strolled over to plant a kiss on Sirius’ forehead and grab his Potions textbook. “I’m never shocked by your intellect, it’s always impressive. Now let’s get moving before we’re late for class.”
Sirius had been so chuffed with his sweet-talking boyfriend, it had dulled some of his horror at the thought of James (his brother in arms) and Regulus (his actual blood brother) in carnal embrace. In hindsight, that was definitely Remus’ intent.
And now! Now…well. Now what? They haven’t TOLD Sirius. They haven’t told anyone, except for Remus, it seems. He’s already run through most of the stages of grief caused by this with Remus as his confidant:
Denial: “Now, when you say they’re a thing, do you mean a thing, thing, Moony?”
“I was afraid I would walk into our dorm, and they’d be making out. Or worse.”
Anger: “WORSE? Worse? I’m going to kill James! I’m going to kill Regulus! How could they do this to me? To us?”
“To be fair, love,” there’d been laughter under Remus’ calming voice, “I don’t think either of them ever had any intentions of confessing. It just sort of…happened.”
“And you just happened to be there?”
“I just happened to be there.”
“And you told James you wouldn’t tell me? ME? The love and light of your life?”
“I told James I wouldn’t tell you, yes, but I said nothing about lying to you if you outright asked me. And I knew you would. They’re terrible at hiding things.”
“And I’m brilliant!”
“Naturally. A regular Sherlock Holmes.”
“Who?”
“It’s a muggle book character, Pads.”
And then, a few days later, onto Bargaining: “Maybe it will be a short-lived thing?”
“Are you back to talking about James and Reg, Pads?”
“Yes! But surely, they can’t last. They’re not like you and me, for example. I feel better already.”
“Whatever you say, dear.”
“Hey! James is the deer, hehe.”
Only to be followed the next day by Depression: “I can’t believe James would keep this secret from me! How long has he pined for Regulus, do you think?”
Remus had been mere pages into his book, but at the actual pain in Sirius’ voice, he had put the novel down and scooted closer on the bed. “I don’t know, love. He hadn’t said, and I didn’t ask. I know Regulus has had a crush for quite a while.”
“Well, I know THAT! Reg didn’t even have to tell me that, it was obvious, but James…James has never not told me ANYTHING! Ever!”
“I’m sure that’s not true. There must be something he hasn’t…” And then, when Sirius had looked at Remus with kicked-puppy-eyes for saying that: “…Maybe James wanted some time to figure out his feelings. He wouldn’t want you thinking he thought of Regulus as something fun and not serious, right? So perhaps he took some time. I think he’s entitled to some time with his own emotions, don’t you, love?”
Then finally, Acceptance: “Maybe you’re right. He wouldn’t do something like this lightly.”
Remus had nodded.
“I still mostly wish he hadn’t done this at all…but we Blacks are unfairly sexy.”
Remus had waggled his eyebrows. “Don’t I know it!”
They hadn’t talked about James and Regulus again that night. Too busy, to Sirius’ delight.
And now that Sirius has come to terms with his brother dating his best friend, mostly, he wants something to happen. He is not one to wait around and see how things progress, and he thinks he’s had remarkable restraint so far. If they won’t tell him about their relationship, he will just have to take matters into his own hands.
“I will set a trap for them!” Sirius declares, bursting into the dorm room one night when he knows Peter is still in the common room downstairs with the girls, and James is nowhere to be found (probably snogging his boyfriend, Merlin help him.)
“For whom?” Remus asks. He has bags under his eyes from the most recent moon, but they’re bright and warm with laughter at the sight of Sirius. It never fails to melt Sirius’ heart.
“For Reggie and Prongs! So, they have to admit they’re dating!”
Remus sits up straighter, only a little slower than usual. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“If they won’t tell me, it’s the only course of action that remains!” Sirius wails.
“Or. Call me crazy, but. You could. Ask them?”
“Confront them and let them try to explain this away and keep hiding it from me? Pssshaw. Action must be taken! Now, let’s get to planning!”
“Oh, am I involved in this hair-brained scheme?”
Sirius makes his eyes big and flutters his lashes, “Please, moon of mine?”
Remus sighs. “Merlin help us all.”
Regulus likes to think he doesn’t really have dilemmas anymore. He, former heir to the House of Black, unregistered animagus, wizard prodigy, boyfriend of one James Fleamont Potter, is above having mere dilemmas.
He just simply can’t hold his boyfriend’s hand or buy him sweets OR pull him into a secluded corner of The Three Broomsticks to snog him senseless, because they haven’t told any of their friends (minus Remus) that they’re boyfriends. Sirius might even commit murder when they tell him. Not if…when. Because they need to tell him if they are going to survive the impending separation of summer and graduation and all sorts of messy things. (Regulus hates messy things.)
But Regulus doesn’t have a dilemma. He is actually (embarrassingly) the happiest he has been since before he can remember. Escaping from under his parents’ thumb was one thing, but now he’s not so alone. His friend group has expanded, and Regulus is a big enough person to admit that is probably for the best. He likes most of the Gryffindors and tolerates the rest. He has James, lovely, lively, bright James, who has been trading secret smiles with Regulus all throughout their group’s walk from the castle down to Hogsmeade. It makes Regulus feel like he’s glowing. And would anyone say he is the type to glow from happiness? (anyone besides James, who is biased and smitten and whom Regulus doesn’t want to change a single thing about?)
The cherry on top of all of that is Regulus has Sirius. Again. He is actively mending his relationship with Sirius. Slowly, but surely. Step by step. The small matter of being madly in love with James Potter may set them back a couple of steps, but Regulus has something he can’t say he’s really had in other people before: faith.
He has faith they will survive after the confession of dating James, because he and Sirius have before. After much worse and more condemning things. And James is the best of any of them, so that works in their favour.
He is walking ahead of Regulus and Dorcas right now, laughing at some story Peter is telling him. James throws his head back all the way when he laughs, and it always shows off his long, bronze neck. The sight of it now makes Regulus’ mouth go dry.
Dorcas snickers from beside him.
“What?” Regulus snaps. “Got something to share with the class, Meadowes?”
His eagle-eyed friend gives a shake of her head with a thin, mischievous smile to boot.
“Not at all. I’m good at keeping secrets. A fact I am aware that you know.”
Regulus knows. He doesn’t like where Dorcas is turning the conversation, but thankfully they come upon the doors to the pub before she can press further, and make their way in.
The group heads over to their regular table, which happens to be one of the only tables in the Three Broomsticks to accommodate all twelve of them (thirteen if Emmeline stops by), and they have to commandeer extra chairs every time. This task usually falls to Barty and Evan, because they’re too busy bickering with each other to scramble for a seat. It happens again today, as per usual, and Regulus laughs heartily at their matching pouts as they rush off in search of more chairs.
Regulus is, if not one of the biggest to shove his way into a proper seat, one of the fastest and meanest, so he ends up where he wants to be on any given day. Today, he has managed to finagle a seat between Pandora and Dorcas with James directly across from him. James’ smile is blinding, but he directs it down to the woodgrain of the table so as not to raise suspicion. Regulus thinks he’s not doing a very good job. Then again, Regulus’ gaze keeps straying to the fitted jumper James is wearing, so he can’t really judge. But he will. (And his gaze will keep straying because he knew red looked good on James but today, he’s wearing this burnt orange that would wash anyone else out, but it just highlights all the good and gold of James’ entire being.)
It's still hard for Regulus to fathom, most days, that James feels the same. His own feelings for James often operate as something too big for Regulus to contain in his body. Always swelling, always ready to burst at the seams. And James…well James doesn’t hold things in. He shares, effortlessly. At least, that’s what Regulus would have thought, a year and a half ago. But through secret nights in the Astronomy tower or secret afternoons in the library or even the rare secret dalliance in James’ dorm when they know they are guaranteed to be alone, James has revealed more and more of what he keeps close to his chest. His fears of failure. His worries about Remus after graduation. How he was so mad at himself for falling for someone ELSE who would never feel the same as he did for them…Except of course, Regulus did (and does, and will, forever more, but no, he’s not too intense, nuh uh. Not Regulus Arcturus Black.)
Rosmerta brings their butterbeers just as Evan and Barty make it back, triumphantly bearing two rickety chairs. She raises a formidable eyebrow at them but doesn’t say anything.
Even though she doesn’t have trouble distributing this many drinks to this many customers on the regular, Sirius stands to help her hand them out, jostling the entire table in the process. It doesn’t help that he sat at the back center of their booth and has to reach across the table almost as much as Rosmerta does from the other end to hand drinks out.
“Watch the rim, numpty!” Regulus cries. In trying to hand him his butterbeer, Sirius sloshes some of the drink over the side. Ugh, now the sides of Regulus’ drink will be sticky!
“Thanks a lot,” he sneers at his brother.
Sirius just smiles back at him, sickly sweet. He also similarly spills on James…and on Peter, and on Mary, but finally everyone is sitting down with drinks in hand.
“Was that necessary, you berk?” Regulus demands.
Sirius mocks a gasp, almost tossing the liquid in his own drink in the process. “I’m not a berk, you’re a berk!”
“Real mature,” Regulus snipes, but decides to leave it at that. Contrary to what his brother may think, Regulus doesn’t want to always be the raincloud at everyone else’s party. He wants to enjoy sitting across the table from James and listen to Pandora and Remus debate some sort of strange alchemy philosophy.
He gets so lost in listening to his friends’ arguments going back and forth while sipping his butterbeer that he almost jumps ceiling-high when something brushes his leg (the ceilings in here are notoriously low, so that’s not as impressive a feat as one might think.) At first, Regulus thinks Sirius is retaliating for earlier by kicking him under the table, but this touch is much gentler. He looks across the table to catch James smirking at him, mischief and invitation written all over his face if one were to look close enough – and Regulus loves to look. He is also in the habit of accepting just about every invitation his boyfriend gives him these days. Secret footsie under the table is no exception.
The minute Regulus gets his own feet involved, however, something very strange happens: the butterbeer in both James’ and Regulus’ drinks begins to glow a bright, vibrant pink. Regulus rears back and watches as James’ eyebrows scrunch in utter confusion. What’s happening to their drinks? Are they charmed? To do what?
Apparently, the enchanted drinks are not done showing off; the pink butterbeers begin to shoot sparkles that stretch across the table, at random, Regulus thinks at first. But then, he sees the sparks very clearly forming a bright pink, sparkly heart in the center of the table. It is connected to both Regulus and James’ drinks. Smack dab in the center of their friend gathering at the Three Broomsticks, for Merlin and the Hogwarts Founders and everyone else in the forsaken world to see.
James’ face has gone an alarming shade of red. Regulus is sure his is no better.
Someone has absolutely, without a doubt, enchanted their drinks to reveal their…connection over this lunch. The question now is: who?
Sirius asks, with his great, booming voice, “What is the meaning of this?”
James sputters.
“Does anyone know what this is?” Sirius continues.
“It resembles a love potion,” Pandora pipes up, and Regulus wants to die. Dorcas snickers from behind a well-placed hand. “Only, James and Regulus aren’t acting any more in love than usual…”
“Remus,” Sirius turns to his boyfriend with a face so…well, serious, that Regulus’ blood begins to boil with anger and suspicion. Sirius’ face is always communicating something, but he’s very good at making sure he portrays only what he wants other people to see. “Do you know what this is, Moony?”
“Well,” Remus cocks his head to study the pink sparkles still emanating from James and Regulus’ drinks, “it looks like it could be the Fateoro enchantment – it’s said to reveal the true feelings that exist between people.”
Regulus swears Remus winks at him, and now his face is red for an entirely different reason (rage, it is rage, if that wasn’t obvious.)
“True feelings?!?” Sirius stands up in a move so obviously practiced that it makes Regulus grit his teeth so as not to start yelling in the middle of the pub. “Are you saying Regulus and, and James have feelings for each other?”
Their whole group is something Regulus has never heard them be before: silent.
“Sirius -” James’ voice is strangled, as if he can barely make it form words, “Sirius, we…”
And that’s approximately when Regulus cannot take a single second more. He stands as well.
“James, shut up.”
James opens his mouth but does manage to stay quiet.
“Would you follow me, please?”
James nods slowly.
“Good. Sirius, Remus, a word.”
The problem with trying to make a dignified, angry retreat to have a conversation in private is that it’s near impossible to do so at a table that seats twelve on a good day. After cursing and struggling and stomping on several more feet than he means to, Regulus is free of the table. He marches over to one of the broom closets he knows is near the loo. He doesn’t check to see if three quarters of the infuriating so-called ‘Marauders’ are following him; if they know what’s good for them, they will follow without being told. James will – Regulus has it on good authority (James’ own) that he would follow Regulus anywhere (no Regulus did not let out a contented sigh when he heard that, never!), and he’s willing to bet the other two will as well. Sirius is always following where James leads, and vice versa. And Remus doesn’t want to be anywhere Sirius is not.
Regulus points his wand at the broom closet door, and it wrenches open with the force of the anger in his spell. He turns to see the other three behind him in the exact order he predicted, all leaning away as if he is going to spell them next. They better hope their idiocy doesn’t tempt him!
“Well?” Regulus snarls. “After you!”
James steps in readily, with a sheepish glance to Regulus that makes Regulus want to do something very stupid like take his hand to comfort him. Sirius follows a little more slowly, and Remus saunters in after with a small smirk on his face.
“Alright, you’ve got us here, now what is the meaning of this?” Sirius asks.
Regulus wants to strangle him. Why is the bastard still playing this childish game?!?
“Out with it, Sirius, I know it was you two who enchanted our drinks. I want to know how you found out.”
“Remus didn’t tell me, if that’s what you think.”
Regulus huffs. “I’ll admit, that was my first guess.”
“He just didn’t lie to me either.”
“Great, throw the werewolf under the bus,” Remus mutters. Both Sirius and Regulus stop glaring at each other to glare at him.
“Regulus, I promise I didn’t say ANYTHING!” James bursts out. He’s staring at Regulus, and the words keep spilling out of him, not unlike when he was trying to explain away his accidental confession all those months ago: “I would never tell your brother when you weren’t there, you know I know we had a plan that we’ve been discussing, I was so careful, I even spelled the soap you bought me that smells like you to smell differently when I wasn’t using it so Sirius wouldn’t suspect - ”
“You thought to spell the soap I gave you?” Regulus asks.
“You bought James some soap?” Sirius asks, at the same time. Then, he whirls on James: “You’ve been spelling your soap a different scent to hide your secret?”
“Only until we were ready to tell you!” James wails. “We’ve both been wanting to for so long, but we weren’t sure how.”
Sirius blows out a long breath. “So, it is true. You two are dating.”
Regulus narrows his eyes at his buffoon of a brother. “Yes!” And then, because he wants to and he can and because the love of his life looks miserable, he takes James’ hand before declaring, “We are dating. We’re in love.”
James beams at him, and it alchemizes this tense moment in this stuffy broom closet into something finer, something more precious. James’ smile does that a lot.
“We are very much in love,” James adds.
Regulus isn’t sure this was the best course of action, but they’re here now.
James continues: “But I want to be very clear, sweetheart, I didn’t tell Sirius ANYTHING.”
Regulus opens his mouth to say that he knows James would never, but Sirius beats him to it.
“Of course James didn’t tell me anything! Why would he tell ME, his very bestest of friends,” – Remus snorts – “anything at all? No, naturally he nor my baby brother,” – Regulus snorts – “thought to tell me any of this…I figured it out MYSELF!” he cries.
“Sirius, I am sorry, I knew we should have told you as soon as possible…” But then James’ word stampede stumbles and halts. He raises a brow at Sirius. “Wait. You figured it out? On your own?”
Sirius nods.
“Then why didn’t you come talk to us? To me? I’ve been feeling so guilty this whole time for not telling you, and we were so worried about what you…Merlin!” James laughs, but it’s not the jovial laugh Regulus associates with his boyfriend. “And now you tell me that all that time I was tearing myself up about having a secret from you, you were, what? Planning on how best to out me and your brother to every single one of our friends?”
His voice grows heavy, and it grows loud, and Regulus has the very belated realization that James is angry. AT Sirius. He never thought he would live to see the day.
Sirius apparently never thought he would either. Or, at least not after some things had been mended in the wake of the prank that shall not be mentioned.
He gawks at James, but his silence only seems to madden him further.
“Sirius? Why? Do you have a good explanation for why you felt you had to trick the truth out of Reg and me instead of talking to us like adults?”
Sirius’ mouth works, but nothing comes out. Regulus is transfixed by his brother’s silence, and James’ anger. Instead of being brash and boisterous, like Regulus loves when his boyfriend is, this anger is something deeper and something calmer. Darker. Regulus’ mouth starts to water.
“For Merlin’s sake, Sirius, we’re graduating in a month! Aren’t we supposed to be mature and talk about things before we waltz off into the world?”
That last bit seems more like a rhetorical question to Regulus, but clearly not to Sirius.
He finally gets his voice in working order: “You two didn’t talk to me.”
“Because we knew you were going to do something childish like this!” James explodes. Even Remus flinches away from it. “We knew! I know we didn’t tell you right away, but we’ve been planning some calm and rational way to explain what shouldn’t even need that much explaining because the fact that two people you care about care about each other is, frankly, bloody GREAT and you blew that out of the water with this…STUNT!”
Sirius doesn’t say anything, just pouts, and that is clearly the final straw.
“Reg,” James sighs, “Let’s get out of here.”
“James,” Remus tries, “Wait, we -”
“I’m done with this conversation, Moony!” James snaps. “Unless he has something good to say in his defense?”
Apparently, Sirius doesn’t. Regulus doesn’t think he’s ever seen his brother look so small. He is always so larger than life, even when standing up to their parents. Especially then.
Regulus’ own anger seems to have seeped away into the ground, at the shock of James’ force, at Sirius’ chastised silence. He takes his boyfriend’s hand and lets James lead him out of the broom closet and back into the pub proper. He doesn’t know what Remus and Sirius are doing, but he finds his main concern is James right now. Sirius and Remus have each other; they can wait.
“James?” Marlene’s voice calls from their table. “What’s going on –? Oh, you seem ang -”
Everyone appears to be talking in hushed whispers, but they all stop. Regulus watches many pairs of eyes widen at the sight of a furious James Potter. A James Potter who barely even pauses in striding past them to lift the hand that is holding Regulus’, who snaps: “We’re dating, and if you have thoughts about that you can bloody well keep them to yourselves!” and then continues on his mission to get him and Regulus out of the Three Broomsticks.
“Oh, he’s pissed pissed,” Regulus catches Lily whispering, and then he and James are out the door into the spring sunshine.
They walk (or, more accurately, stomp) through Hogsmeade in silence for a bit after that dramatic exit, which is fine by Regulus. He is quite happy to be holding James Potter’s hand on a mildly sunny day, not crowded in by anyone else. But he also knows James is upset, and there are things they need to talk about.
“Jamie?” he finally asks. “Are you ok?”
“No,” comes the heavy sigh. “Why would he do that to us?”
“I don’t know.” It’s a piss-poor answer, but it is the truth. Regulus has theories, but no one, not even Remus, can always guess at the machinations inside Sirius Black’s brain.
Regulus links the pinky on the hand that isn’t already holding hands onto James’ so they’re now facing each other in the middle of the street. “How can I help?” he asks.
James pulls Regulus close to him then and buries his head in Regulus’ shoulder.
“Just be with me,” he whispers, “while I calm down, and then we’ll figure this out, alright?”
Regulus’ heart breaks and then heals itself over in a strange ouroboros. He plants a kiss to the top of James’ unruly curls and rubs a hand up and down James’ back. James has to hunch quite a bit on a regular day to be smaller than Regulus, but today it seems easy for him. That adds to the heart-breaking cycle. But Regulus will hold him up as long as James needs him too. Forever and always.
“Alright,” he whispers.
There are times in Remus Lupin’s life when he wonders just how, exactly, he got where he is. Sometimes, those are good times of reflection, like treasuring being wrapped in Sirius’ arms. Other times…well. Other times, Remus finds himself with dilemmas on his hands. Like right now.
Case in point: an angry James Potter has just left the building, and Remus’ boyfriend looks one second away from crumpling into tears or putting his fist through the wall, who’s to say.
Why do I always have to be the emotionally mature one? Remus bemoans.
“I,” Sirius whimpers – tears it is, then – “I didn’t mean to hurt them.”
Remus takes him in his arms. “I know, Pads. But did you even think about the fact that this would out them, or were you just thinking about being proven right when planning this?”
Sirius heaves a huge sigh.
“That’s what I thought.”
“But, but…you helped me plan it AND execute it!”
Not so long ago, Sirius lashing out with accusations of his own when confronted was a sure-fire way to get Remus to rise to the bait and tear into Sirius right back. They could verbally spar for hours, and punches and hexes may have been thrown a time or two before they both realized they wanted to kiss each other more than they ever wanted to hurt each other.
But now, Remus is aware that lashing out is Sirius’ go-to response when he is deeply hurt and deeply vulnerable. Like right after being yelled at by his best friend and his brother.
Sirius curls up in Remus’ arms, and Remus would fight the Cosmos and Earth to make sure they could stay this way always, but Sirius still doesn’t get to just whine accusations at Remus instead of facing being ashamed.
“Sirius. You know it was either help you with this mad scheme or watch you come up with something even worse.”
Sirius giggles wetly into Remus’ jumper. “Merlin’s beard, say what you really think, Remus, why don’t you?”
Remus rocks them back and forth, once, twice. “You know I always do.”
The response is muffled, but Remus is pretty sure he hears the words: “That’s one of the reasons I love you.”
“Love you too.” He kisses the crown of Sirius’ head. “Now, come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“We have to catch up with James and your brother, get a move on!”
Their friends look spell-stunned when Remus and Sirius emerge from the back and pass them by, but Remus happens to know that’s just a side effect of being in the presence of a righteously angry James Potter. Others may be keen to forget the prank of fifth year and move on, but Remus isn’t so lucky, even if forgiveness is something he has achieved (with James’ help, mind you.) He won’t forget, he can’t, and one of the things he won’t let himself forget is how angry James was on his behalf, and how much Remus needed that at the time, surrounded by his own anger. He’s not going to let James suffer through this alone now (well, not alone, but one knows how little help the Black brothers can be when riled up.)
Both Mary and Dorcas are shooting Remus What the fuck happened back there? faces, but Remus doesn’t have the time or the patience right now. He raises his eyebrows in his best approximation of a I’ll tell you all the gossip later face and continues ushering Sirius towards the door. Everyone at their table watches them go in silence.
Sirius is also uncharacteristically quiet as they begin their search through the village. Remus thinks some reflection will be good for him, so he carefully checks around corners and in shops without saying a word to his boyfriend. He doesn’t think James and Regulus will have left the village and gone back to the castle early, but maybe they have? They’re nearing the edge of the village now and haven’t found them yet.
Finally, Remus spots two familiar heads sitting close together on a bench right before the “Thank you for visiting Hogsmeade” sign that is shaped like a hog. Sirius sees them too and immediately freezes. He’s been wandering around Hogsmeade moping and shuffling, and now Remus can practically see Sirius’ Padfoot form perking up his ears.
“Remus,” he hisses, grabbing frantically at Remus’ hand and arm, “What do we do? What do we say?”
There are lots of things Remus could choose to say in response, but all he does is, “What do you want to say? What do you think you should do?”
Sirius narrows his beautiful, bright eyes at Remus, and for a second, he looks like the rascal that he was this morning before everything went to shit.
“Are you trying to use your mind games on me, Moony?”
Remus shrugs with a quiet smile. “Are they working, Padfoot?”
Sirius rolls his eyes, but then he squares his shoulders and carefully approaches the bench.
“I’m sorry,” he says, without preamble.
James and Regulus whip around. They’re holding hands, and it makes Remus smile wider.
“Alright. And?” Regulus says. James just stares at his best friend.
Sirius takes a deep breath before plowing on: “I’m sorry that I didn’t just talk to you or ask you flat-out if you were dating. I’m sorry I schemed. I am so very sorry that I didn’t think about how this would out you. I took some time to process, I swear, I did, and Moony helped me immensely, but I…” He shakes his head, also like his dog form, and bravely soldiers on. “I was – I AM – feeling so many big emotions about this, and I guess about the fact that you both went to Moony first and not ME, and so I thought if I made light of it, then everyone would know you were dating, and my emotions and my hurt wouldn’t be such a big deal. And you guys would never have to KNOW that I am freaking out. Because I am. Because I love you both and I don’t want to lose what we have, Prongs, or what we’re rebuilding, Reggie, and I think I panicked about both of those things.”
“Ahem,” Remus interrupts, and Sirius amends:
“I DEFINITELY panicked about both those things, but I didn’t want you guys to think I was unreasonable or like, disapproving or whatever, because I. I actually didn’t want to make this about me.”
Regulus snorts, and Remus shoots him a face that most assuredly says Shut the fuck up and listen. Regulus’ face says back You’re a twat, but Remus knows he doesn’t mean it. Mostly.
“And thusly, the prank, the trap,” Sirius continues. “I see now that decision definitely made it even more about me than just talking to you guys and telling you my feelings, because yes, I’m excited for you and yes, I’m scared and I’m jealous of the times you guys won’t want me around so you can be a couple but I. I AM really sorry. I am. It was immature.” A gulp. “I promise to try to talk about my feelings the next time they threaten to overwhelm me. Or,” a quick, sheepish glance at Remus, “Moony will make me try to talk about my feelings.”
Remus rolls his eyes but can’t say it isn’t true.
“I’m sorry, James. I’m sorry, Regulus.”
Remus holds his breath. And then James stands up.
“Did you just use thusly in your apology speech?”
“Um,” Sirius looks down at the ground, “yeah?”
“Oh, come here, you idiot!” and James rushes to give Sirius a hug. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. We WERE trying very hard to talk to you, we just hadn’t settled on a plan yet.”
Remus attempts to surreptitiously breathe a sigh of relief as James tries to muss Sirius’ hair and Sirius ducks away. Regulus catches it anyway. He scrunches up his nose at Remus, and Remus won’t tell him that it’s adorable, but it is.
When the fools are done fooling around, Sirius turns to Regulus with a comically wide grin on his face and his arms inviting a hug.
“Oh no,” Regulus says, and he actually takes a step back and shakes his head, “I am NOT hugging you.”
“James!” Sirius whines, “Make your boyfriend hug me -” both Remus and James hit Sirius on either side of his arms.
“Leave him be,” Remus says, and James slings his arm around Sirius’ neck to make up for it.
Unanimously, they all seem to decide to start walking back to the Three Broomsticks, since there is still time in their outing. They’re quiet now, but it’s a peaceful quiet, and Remus basks in the sun and the silence.
And then he hears James say, very gently: “You know, Pads, the idea with me and Reg telling you we’re dating was so we could actually spend more time with you. You know, not sneak around but be with each other AND you. Around you.”
Regulus heaves a put-upon sigh. “It’s true,” is all he adds, but Remus knows that confirmation will light his boyfriend up for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the month.
“Oh,” Sirius whispers, with so many emotional shades colouring that word that Remus suspects it’s hard for all of them, three of the people who know their star best in the whole world, to identify each shade. But Sirius is letting them see and hear them, so that’s progress. It’s impressive progress, and Remus is proud.
James has kept his arm around Sirius as they walk. Sirius and Remus hold hands like it’s part of their breathing, so the three Marauders present are all connected in some way. It’s nice. Remus sneaks a glance over at Regulus, walking beside James, to see that the two of them have got their pinkies linked together as they walk too.
So, that’s how the four of them walk back and how they re-enter the pub: more connected than before.
Peter is wondering if he should have less dramatic friends when the friends in question walk back into the pub. Not seriously, of course, but he does wonder why they create such scenes, since Peter himself tries to avoid them altogether.
Everyone else had been very concerned with whether the four of them were coming back, and how they were going to split the twelve-way bill this time with four of them missing, but Peter hadn’t been, really.
It surprises but doesn’t shock him that James and Regulus are dating. It’s one of those things, where, if you go to the trouble of deconstructing a complicated Quidditch play, or an intricate potion, or the pieces of a wand, it becomes apparent how it fits together once you’ve taken it apart. That’s what James and Regulus are. Obvious in hindsight.
What IS surprising to everyone is that Sirius didn’t know. Or, at least, that James didn’t tell Sirius. Peter doesn’t blame him there one bit, though it might seem silly. No one dares say it to Sirius’ face, but he is downright weird and aggressive about Regulus. It’s a tendency that has only eased a little in their attempts to reconcile. He’s less possessive and more inclined to share Regulus nowadays – but a younger brother isn’t really something you should or should not share. He just is.
Peter doesn’t think the Black brothers have been allowed to just Be much of anything. They’ve always had to be something else. Which must be hard, and leads to all this drama, which is hard for everyone, even Peter, tangentially.
The drama queens themselves shuffle back to the table.
“Alright?” Peter asks, on behalf of everyone. He wants his friends to be alright, so they don’t have to deal with this anymore.
James beams. “Alright.”
That’s more like it.
Simultaneously, Barty and Evan exchange shit-eating grins and split out of their chairs, forcing everyone to Peter’s left to slide up one seat. Remus and Regulus end up at the end of the booth, and James and Sirius end up sitting in Barty and Evan’s rickety chairs. Sirius pouts about this a tad, but Peter thinks that’s fair recompense for throwing a fit in the middle of lunch.
“James!” Mary cries. “You simply have to tell us about how all this started!
“Um,” James looks over to Regulus beside him, “I don’t -”
But Regulus just gives a brief nod. He isn’t smiling, but his eyes are a gentle, dove grey.
That’s all it takes for James to launch into a retelling of their love story (barf) with the enthusiasm he usually reserves for leaping onto the Quidditch pitch.
They go through Regulus’ initial disappearance, the collective panic that caused, Reg being more free to bond with Sirius and how that stirred up James’ pining, and also James’ accidental library confession (though it seems a little too convenient to Peter that Regulus was just in the stacks nearby and overheard James tell Remus of his feelings for the younger Black – Peter senses the trail of something James isn’t saying. But there must be a reason he’s not saying it, even now.)
James is just getting to their game of Exploding Snap, with Regulus interjecting more and more often to ‘correct’ him, when Lily leans over to Peter:
“You’re being awfully quiet.”
He shrugs. “I’m listening, like everyone else.”
“Oh please. You can’t tell me that you didn’t know those two were dating, you spend just as much time with James as Remus and Sirius!”
Peter keeps his eyes on James and Regulus as they start bickering about some detail of the story. “I’m not going to confirm or deny anything.”
(He knew something was up with James, and he suspected it was some kind of new relationship, but why would that concern Peter?)
Lily huffs from beside him. “You’re no fun.”
“Good! Our friends are happy, Lils, let’s leave it at that.”
Peter intends to. His friends are happy, so he’s happy, and they can all go into graduation with the future bright ahead of them.