Work Text:
Grignr stomped into a bar, in search of babes and booze,
Showing off his mighty sword, and mighty, well-trained thews.
He had some expectations that a blue-eyed whore would swing,
But then some soldiers beat him up and took him to their king.
It's the Eye of Argon that he wants,
Eye of Argon, eyeball of their idol god.
If Grignr had that emerald, he could buy three kings or four,
But first he must escape through some back door.
They threw him in a prison cell to give the rats some food;
Grignr soon was overcome by a black and dreary mood.
But when guards came to haul him off to lifetime in the pits,
Grignr bashed in both their heads, stole their swords and split.
Chorus
Meanwhile in another place that Grignr had not found,
Some priests stood chanting in a ring, deep beneath the ground.
At their center was a statue, an ugly, green-eyed creep,
To him they planned to sacrifice a girl of cleavage deep.
Chorus
Back to Grignr's wandering, and seeking better climes,
He blundered through a storeroom trap, but dodged it just in time.
He stopped to figure how it worked and where he was, but then,
He heard a woman scream and knew, a battle would begin.
Chorus
Grignr ran into the fray (ignore how he got there)
Screaming loud and pulling out an axe from who-knows-where,
He killed all the priests and then, he grabbed the girl for fun,
And found she was the same bimbo he'd met back in verse one.
Chorus
He found she was a palace slave, who knew her way about,
So they stayed together looking for the best way to get out.
They reached the surface easily and Grignr showed his prize:
The emerald from the idol's head in Grignr's hand now lies.
Chorus
But then as sunlight hit the stone, its shape began to change;
It turned into a slimy blob and acted very strange.
Grignr stabbed at it with sword, but the girl was in the way,
So the monster killed poor Grignr who we thought was here to stay.
It's the Eye of Argon that he got,
Eye of Argon, eyeball of their idol god.
Grignr tried to kill it but it got him and his whore,
So now we won't see Grignr anymore.