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Hajime and Izuru were extremely different.
Hajime, while mentally wounded and traumatized, tried his best to better himself, heal and move forward with everyone else on the island.
Izuru, however, didn’t feel anything. Everything bored him and the only feeling he knew he could trust was despair. When he felt particularly bored, he would go to great lengths to let despair take over him. Hajime didn’t have any control over him in those moments and nothing could snap him out until he was despairing. That’s why Hajime hated when Izuru fronted instead of him. Often times when he fronted after Izuru he would be met with wounds on his body that he didn’t recall getting, most of them self inflicted. He would feel sick from overdosing or feel the aftermath of getting high on prescription medication Izuru managed to take from the pharmacy, somehow avoiding Mikan’s supervision. He hated it, and he hated making his girlfriend worry because of Izuru hurting their body.
Today was one of the days where Izuru was very loud in the headspace. Last night, the class decided to watch a horror movie together and somehow, seeing gorey murder triggered a slow switch between them. He tried to fight it as much as he could, but grounding just wasn’t enough this time.
The next thing he remembered was seeing his arms covered in blood. A lot of blood. Izuru has self harmed before, but it seems this time he pushed even more limits. His pain tolerance was almost inhuman. He felt everything he did to himself, but somehow his self preservation instincts were dimmed and he could just continue hurting himself. Hajime was seriously worried that one day, he might do something that will irreversibly damage their body, the possibility of that terrified him. And now, seeing the state of his forearms, that fear only increased.
Hajime rushed to the bathroom and shoved his arms under running sink water. As he washed off the dried blood from his skin, he could finally see the extent of the cuts. They were deep, they hurt like hell when touched and the sight made his vision blur. Fuck, turns out Izuru was capable of a lot more than Hajime thought he would allow himself to do.
He really wanted to avoid this, but he couldn’t imagine just leaving the cuts like this. He grabbed his phone and called his girlfriend.
“Hey, Mikan…”
“Hajime? I-is everything alright?”
“Uh… no… not really. Izuru self harmed while he was fronting and I- I don’t think I can take care of this myself.”
Upon hearing this Mikan got very worried. Hajime had a really hard time admitting when he needed help, especially to her. He really hated making her worry, so it had to be really bad for him to just tell her like this.
“I’ll take care of you, I’m coming right now!”
She hung up the phone and grabbed bandages as quickly as she could before bolting out the door. A few of their classmates turned their heads seeing her rush to Hajime’s cottage like that, but she didn’t have time to explain.
“Hajime!” She yelled when she finally saw him.
“Hi…” He said nervously, trying to press tissues onto both of his arms.
“Show me, please.” She said and he stretched out his arms towards her. She took off the tissues and couldn’t help but gasp when she saw his wounds.
“Babe… Y-you need stitches…” She said, her voice shaking.
“Fuck… Sorry Mikan.” He felt so bad for making her worried, but he had no other options.
“N-no, no! D-don’t be sorry, i-it’s not your f-fault!” She reassured. “Let me just bandage your a-arms and then we can w-walk to the hospital!”
She did what she said and stood up, holding out her hand to him. Hajime grabbed it and stood up, tightening his grip as his head spun a little.
“Are you dizzy?” Mikan asked, taking his other hand as well to steady him.
Hajime blinked a couple times, then tried to focus his eyes on hers. “Uh… yeah. But it stopped for now.” She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and lead him to the door.
Once they exited the cottage, they were met with worried expressions from Nagito and Fuyuhiko.
“Is everything alright? I saw you run out of your cottage and into Hajime’s.” Nagito asked with his brows furrowed.
“Izuru self harmed and I… I asked Mikan for help.” He responded, earning terrified looks from both boys.
“Shit… Do you need our help or anything?” Fuyuhiko asked.
“M-maybe you could, um… help us walk to the hospital? I’m w-worried Hajime might feel d-dizzy again…” Mikan proposed and both Nagito and Fuyuhiko agreed to help. Fuyuhiko held Hajime’s weight on his shoulder, Nagito supported him from the back and Mikan held his hand as they walked to the third island.
They finally made it to their destination.
“Do you need any more help? I can stay to comfort you Hajime… If you want me to of course!” Nagito proposed. Hajime had to think for a moment and decide if he wants to show his weakness or pretend like this hasn’t been a very stressful situation so far… But Nagito is his friend. There’s no need to pretend.
“That would be nice, yes…”
“Then I’ll go back, I’ll let others know what happened.” Fuyuhiko squeezed Hajime’s shoulder and left. He felt a bit better knowing that he has friends to count on.
Mikan and Nagito slowly guided Hajime up the stairs and to an exam room. He sat on the exam table, Nagito positioned himself on a chair next to it and Mikan hurried to get all her tools ready.
“Hajime, do you remember anything about this? Or did this happen completely when Izuru was fronting?” Nagito started the conversation.
“I mean… he has been trying to front since last night but I fought against him… At some point my memory just cuts and the next thing I remember is seeing my arms fucking mutilated!” He just now fully realized how upset he was about all of this. “I thought… I thought he had some sort of common sense but he just keeps going further and further!”
Mikan wheeled a table with her tools next to him and gave him a tight hug. Hajime felt a tear fall down his cheek, so he went and wiped his eyes.
“I’ll start now… but don’t hesitate to talk, okay baby?” She announced and got a nod in response.
Mikan put on her gloves and unwrapped the bandages from his arms that have already been soaked in blood. She grabbed some gauze and desinfectant and began cleaning Hajime’s wounds. He flinched and hissed at the stinging sensation. Nagito grabbed his hand to hopefully give his friend some comfort.
“I’m so sorry baby… I need to clean the cuts well before stitching them…”
“I know, don’t worry.” He said with a faint smile.
“Hajime, maybe you should try talking to the Future Foundation about this? Maybe you need a different dose of your meds, or to switch them… You have been struggling for quite a while now.” Nagito continued.
“I agree, you know they will give you support…” Mikan said as she poked him with a syringe and administered the anesthetic.
“I probably should… I think I just didn’t want to admit that this was getting out of control.” He confessed.
“That’s okay, we’re glad you decided to reach out for help anyway.” Nagito smiled at him.
Mikan carefully stitched her boyfriend’s wounds and bandaged his arms again. Then, she handed him a pill and a cup of water. “Take this, just in case… I don’t want you to get an infection.” He complied and watched as Mikan cleaned up.
He got up and walked over to her, hugging her from behind. She giggled and held his hands. “How do your arms feel?” she asked. “Better. Thank you baby.” He answered, giving her a kiss on the head.
When they came back and headed to the restaurant to grab dinner, they got attacked with questions about Hajime’s wellbeing. After assuring everyone that he’s doing better now and eating their meal, Hajime and Mikan made their way to the girl’s cottage.
“Hey Hajime?” Mikan said once they lay in bed, cuddling.
“What is it?” he answered.
“If you ever need help g-grounding when you’re dissociating or a-anything really… you can come to me, o-okay?”
“I know, Mikan. I love you, you know?”
“Hehe… I love you too~”