Chapter Text
His phone buzzed.
Shinji had been staring at his laptop for the past four hours, hoping he was going to do something productive. Nothing of the sort had happened. Taped to his lamp was a post-it with a list of things he had to do today: an assignment he’d yet to start, a ready-made study plan to stick to, there was an empty online document waiting to be filled in with an essay on whatever, and so far all he’d managed to do was alternate between social media platforms, watching things he didn’t particularly care for, listening to music that he’d long gotten bored of, and generally not really feeling anything at all. Maybe he wanted to go outside. Maybe he didn’t. It wasn’t like he was going to get anything done anyway. Why had he gone to college again? To get a job. Earn money. He’d been going along with the current for so long that he wasn’t sure how he’d gotten to where he was now. Where was he? Why was he? Who was he?
His phone buzzed.
What was he here for?
Nothing. He wasn’t here for anything. Good for nothing, he thought vaguely, miserably. He was good for nothing. He was nothing but a worthless waste of…
A beam of light shook him from his stupor. His door had opened. Someone was standing at the doorframe. He couldn’t parse apart the bleary silhouette.
“Ooh, puppy-boy!” they sing-songed. “It’s time!”
“For what?” he grumbled, too tired to filter out his irritation.
“For you to get out of this goddamn apartment for once!” another voice snapped. “Christ, Shinji, you imbecile, can’t you do one thing without having someone else make you do it for once? We told you this hours ago!”
His phone buzzed again, insistently, and it dawned on him.
“But I really don’t want to—”
“No buts, you idiot,” Asuka marched up and pulled his chair out from beneath him. He yelped, legs numb from hours of sitting. “Mari already booked a place and Rei said she would come ages ago. You’re not ditching us for, what, trying to study and not actually achieving anything, are you? Hah! As per usual.” She suddenly recoiled from him. “Yuk! When was the last time you changed out of this t-shirt?”
Shinji looked down. “I—”
“Ugh, don’t even answer that. People like you never change,” Asuka snarked. “Literally. You have three minutes to get your shit together and get out the door. Now!” she barked and Shinji jumped. “Or else we’re going without you!”
“Might as well,” Shinji muttered.
Asuka pretended not to hear and slammed the door shut. “Three minutes!” she bellowed.
Shinji groaned and tried to stand up.
When he got out of the door, Mari was holding Asuka back by the literal collar of her dress. “Lookin’ nice! Sorry,” she exclaimed, “Princess is a bit overexcited. Let’s go!”
Shinji tugged self-consciously at his own collar, wondering vaguely if he should’ve opted for something a little more fun than black pants and a t-shirt that matched if you squinted. Actually, where were they even going? He’d never really had an eye for fashion. All his friends were more well-dressed than he was, all the time. He always felt a little outshone around them. But it wasn’t like he needed to dress up much anyway, he thought, morosely, and it wasn’t like—
“You moron, if you don’t get a move on, I’ll actually punch you in the—”
“Coming!” he yelped and ran after them.
Mari and Asuka hauled him down his dormitory stairs and out onto the blue evening streets, now swarming with salarymen and salarywomen trying to make their way home. Moving into the metro was a struggle, and getting out was even worse. Everywhere they went, there was the constant buzz of chatter and the sound of Mari and Asuka unceremoniously bickering about the fastest way to get to wherever they were going. Asuka was definitely going to complain about how little of a help he’d been later, but Shinji was completely lost. He never had to take the metro to anywhere but uni. When they stepped out of some exit of some station, it was like Shinji had stepped into another city.
“This way, Princess!” Mari called, gripped Shinji’s (embarrassingly sweaty) hand and hurried them all along. “Oh, I’m so excited. My assignments have been killing me.”
“Where are we going?” Shinji asked, but it was drowned out by Asuka’s loud sigh. “Maybe if you spent more time actually working, rather than going to a googol parties, you’d be on top of them by now.”
“Not everyone can be as disciplined as you are,” Mari teased. “And what’s a google parties?”
Asuka let out another melodramatic groan of disappointment, but she was smiling. “It’s not like you’ll remember later anyway.”
“That’s right!” Mari whooped as they turned down a staircase. “Let’s go get shitfaced!”
Shinji suddenly found himself immersed in a sea of neon, fuchsia lights. The walls were covered in vintage posters and miscellaneous decor, and there was booming music everywhere. This is so not my scene, he despaired internally. But what even counted as his scene? As far as he knew, his scene consisted of the four lonely walls of his dormitory room. Dire, he knew.
Mari giddily told the receptionist the details of her reservation, and they were led to a booth next to an absurdly massive corner couch table situation that could easily have seated ten people, more if they tried hard enough. He could only imagine the noise people who would sit there would make, and it made him very glad he’d brought his S-DAT with him. Ayanami was there already, thankfully, and he was relieved to see someone who seemed just as discomfited to be there as he was. She was dressed in a pleated maxi skirt, and a puffy jacket was deposited around her. She nodded as he approached.
“Hi, Ayanami,” he said. “Did those two drag you here, too?”
“No, I joined of my own free will,” she answered. “I thought it would be a good occasion to meet up again, considering how occupied we have been recently. However…” she glanced over at Asuka and Mari, who were already bothering the bartender across the room. Shinji let out a huff verging on a laugh.
“At least you won’t be alone in that,” he teased. “How's uni going? What are you doing?”
Ayanami smiled imperceptibly. “Well. We began a unit just a few days ago that’s proven quite interesting.” She began giving a long overview of whatever she’d been covering in class.
Shinji was only half listening, though he really was trying to. Mostly, he was glad that Ayanami was being so talkative. She hadn’t been when they were children; as cousins under the same roof, they were lucky to get a word out of her at all. Maybe it was the new environment. Entering a new world so detached from their shared past, Ayanami seemed to have flourished. Shinji was both relieved and a bit envious that she was already finding her place in the world. Maybe it would do him good to get out with Ayanami more; it was a shame that he’d done it so little. Though it seemed like she was doing perfectly fine on her own…
“Oh, and my roommate, Horaki, has made a large, large tray of tiramisu.” Rei’s eyes gleamed. “You can come over sometime. I’m sure she would not mind sharing. It is enough to feed ten horses.”
“Sounds nice,” Shinji said, secretly already starting to worry if that would make him seem too greedy.
“Have you been assigned a roommate yet?”
“No, I wish I had one, though.” That was a big fat lie. He much preferred being on his own; he was never bothered by anyone after classes when he didn't have the energy, and while it was solitary, that was how he liked it. Somehow, getting no roommate had been the best thing to happen to him since starting here.
“It’s lovely.” Rei smiled. “It’s always those you never expect who take you off guard.”
Shinji was interrupted from spiralling any further by Asuka, who was setting down a tray of glasses. “Drinks, idiots.“ She plopped down next to Mari and took a big gulp from one. “I call dibs!”
“Take your pick, guys, there’s something for everyone.” Mari giggled as she settled in. She was already holding a cup of shallow neon liquid and swirling it as she spoke. “Ooh, Rei, I think you’ll like this one.”
“Oh. Thank you.”
“Tell me how you like it, it’s new. Lilith something something. So anyway,” Mari’s eyes narrowed. “Asuka, how are things with that new guy?”
Asuka slammed her glass on the table with a disgusted retch, and Shinji winced, hand closing around one of the heftier of the drinks on selection. He suspected he’d need it.
“Oh. My. God!”
—
“Sounds tough,” Mari hiccuped sympathetically. “Here, you two, have another one.”
It was getting late. The bar was filling up. Shinji had had enough of the pink lights an hour ago. He took another polite sip of what was still his first drink of the night and wondered if it would be impolite to pull out his S-DAT now.
Another glass, identical to the one he was nursing, slid smoothly across the table towards Shinji, which he ignored. Asuka immediately took a drink from hers. Her face was red; from anger or alcohol, he wasn’t sure. “That’s what I’m saying! Ugh! I hate men!”
“Hear, hear,” Mari cheered over the noise. “What say you, Shinji?”
“Huh? I— um—” Shinji looked up. He was gently patting Ayanami’s back, who’d been snoozing since her second drink. Her beverage of choice, a strange orange concoction, lay half-finished on the table.
“I was saying, men are soooo absolutely not it. Right?"
Shinji’s mind raced, the few sips he’d had already taking effect. God, he was such a lightweight. What a loser. “Eh… Right… what were you guys saying?”
“Gosh, pay attention, you dolt!” Asuka sighed, slumping into Mari’s shoulder. Mari let out a high-pitched giggle. “I’m saying, what are the chances that literally every single man I’ve met is, like, desperately incompetent?”
“I looooove your long words, Princess,” Mari purred. Asuka sulked.
“I think maybe you should ditch him,” Shinji tried. The words weren’t really coming together right in his head. “He’s probably not worth the annoyance.”
“Hah! Say something a little less obvious, dimwit.”
“Dimwit.” Stiltedly, Mari began laughing. “Dimwit! Dimwit, ahahaha!” Asuka’s eye twitched as Mari dissolved into drunken laughter, tears rolling down her face as she clutched at her sides. “Dimwit! Dimwit!”
“Oh my god,” Asuka sighed, though a smile was tugging at her lips too. Shinji could only stare as Mari started choking and snorting. It was mortifying to watch half sober. He suspected Mari, despite her higher alcohol tolerance, had already had enough to surpass her limits. Not even Asuka could trump her on that.
Then just as abruptly as she’d started, Mari pulled herself together. “Drinks!” she declared solemnly, and marched off towards the bar, dragging an only-slightly protesting Asuka with her. With a sigh of relief, Shinji reached into his pocket for his S-DAT.
Nothing. He tried his other pocket. Still not there.
Shit. He got up and looked at the seats; no sign of the device. He seized his phone and searched under the table with the torch. Nothing came up. His stomach knotted. No way he’d forgotten it, especially not now.
Suddenly, there was a wave of deafening chatter coming from behind him. Shinji looked up, in mild horror, to find that the previously empty monster of a corner booth in front of them was now being taken up by a horde of— who were they, obnoxious university kids?— all talking non-stop. It was getting under his skin, more than it probably should be, and he tried tamping it down, but it wasn’t working. He was a bundle of raw, frayed nerves. Oh shit, he realised, the alcohol was really getting to him now.
Damn it, he had to figure out where on earth his S-DAT was before he got too pissed or turned into an anxious wreck— whichever came for him first. Had he left it in a drawer somewhere? No, that couldn’t be possible. He moved it around too often for that. When was the last time he’d seen it? He hadn’t been listening to it all day. Last time he’d seen it, he’d left it… where had he left it… oh god, he realised, with a sinking feeling, I actually don’t remember.
The tips of his fingers were starting to warm up pleasantly. Between the panic and the noise and the sensation, he barely noticed his hand moving the glass to his lips.
The last of the sugar fizzed out into bitterness on his tongue, and all of a sudden, all his mindless sips from before were catching up to him. He felt floaty, and his mind was going all fuzzy, like he was being sucked inside out. His world was reduced to the room, the booth, the empty, glistening cup in his hand. Shinji was submerged in a sea of noise and hot pink. The music simmered and shook his vision.
It felt really, really good.
He found himself reaching for the extra drink Mari had given him earlier. He looked around for the two girls, and he caught sight of Mari’s hairdo bouncing amongst the crowd of dancers on the floor. He couldn’t help pouting in disappointment. This was a terrible, terrible time to be all alone. Wow, he really wanted more of whatever that had been. Shoot. Was he going to have to get another one on his own once this was done?
He took another sip from the new glass, chasing the high. He’d never been drunk like this before. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he was pleasantly delighted when his body filled with delicious euphoria the more he drank, displacing any worries that he’d been having. With nothing else to distract him, his eyes began wandering through the people in the corner in front of him. Damn, he thought, these people were hot. Did all hot people tend to come in groups? Was there a hot people radar they all had pre-installed that drew them to each other? He was thinking stupid things now. Ayanami was still snoring quietly next to him. He wasn’t really sure what else to do. He lifted his drink and drank until what remained was barely a sip’s worth and wanted to punch himself— why had he done that, goddamnit? He knew he wanted more— when were Mari and Asuka coming back?
Someone from the corner booth laughed, and Shinji’s focus darted to them. Her head was tilted back in laughter, exposing her throat— a clean line. Her shaggy hair was silvery and mussed but effortlessly stylish in a way that Shinji, with his tragically ordinary short-cut brown hair, could never dream of achieving. When her eyes opened, they were magenta in the dark. Shinji’s brain put all the features together and realised, with a not-unpleasant jolt, that this was a guy.
Their eyes met. He downed the rest of his drink. The world was blurring at the edges. Shinji didn’t think he cared. There was a third full glass on the table. He had that too.
He sat there for a little bit, letting the alcohol and the atmosphere wash over him and cover him like a blanket. He kinda got why people liked doing this now. After a while, Mari and Asuka came back, sweaty but exhilarated.
“That was so much fun!” Mari shouted, tottering on her heels and leaning her weight on Asuka’s frame.
“Wow,” Asuka said in disbelief, “you finished them all?” Shinji, momentarily confused, followed her line of sight to where the three empty glasses stood shimmering in the lights of the bar. “Is your life that shit right now?”
Oh, yes; he’d wanted a fourth. “Can you get me another one?” he said, voice rougher than he remembered, but Mari was already squealing over him.
“Oh, my god, is that who I think it is?” she cried out. “No! Way! Hello! Hiii! Hi!”
“Jesus,” Asuka rolled her eyes, face flushed, but waved towards the corner table.
Shinji glanced in their direction, and someone was getting up to hug Mari. He squinted in the dark to make out their face, but Mari was covering them. “It’s been so long!” She was gushing. “Why are you here? How’s the moving going?”
“Oh, I’ll be all good by tomorrow morning,” they responded. The voice lifted over the music; it was a man’s voice, velveteen smooth. It had his mouth going dry for some reason. “Thank god. Just remember to get it back to me by then.”
“Right, no worries! Wait, hold on, you don’t mind me squeezing over, do you? Oh, you’re so sweet, thank you! Mind your purse— that’s beautiful, by the way— you’d better tell me everything, Nagisa—”
‘Nagisa’ laughed as the two of them sat down, and the sound made Shinji feel as if there was a flock of birds in his stomach. “Like that’s an option. You’re never going to let me go if I don’t.”
Shinji craned his head to get a better look at Nagisa’s face, but before he could, Asuka waved a hand in front of his face and scoffed meanly. “You dork. You are so unsubtle it’s insane. Did you want a fourth drink?”
He blinked up at her and tried to process the words. “Y-yeah.”
Asuka sighed. “I guess there’s a first time for everything. I’ll need one too.” She frowned. “Is Rei okay?”
Shinji turned to look; as far as he could tell through his haze, she was still fast asleep. “Mm.”
“Ugh. If something happens to her, it’s going to be all your fault.” Asuka stomped away, muttering something about irresponsible people.
Shinji felt like he was going to fall asleep too, but he didn’t, not really. His blood was pumped full with far too much adrenaline for that. Soon enough, Asuka was back with another round of drinks, and the second she sat down, she downed a glass. Then another. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve. Shinji gawked at her.
“What?” Asuka wrinkled her nose. “You had mine, so it’s only fair. You’re not the only one here who has shit going on in their lives.” A beat. “You’re so boring. I’m gonna go ask Mari if she wants to dance again.” She got up and left.
It was like Shinji’s brain had waved goodbye to the rest of his body; he could barely keep track of what he was sipping at. All he knew was that it tasted sweet, and it was quickly relieving him of the tightness in his chest that had been plaguing him for far too long. Just numb enough to feel really, really good…
The music started up again, heavy and thumping, which seemed to wake Rei up. Her eyes were a little glassy from residual sleep, but as far as Shinji could glean, she was far more alert than he was. She looked at him worriedly.
“Are you alright, Shinji? Might you have had too much to drink?”
Shinji shook his head. It sent him into a whirl. “M’alright,” he said, still feeling out of body, “just resting.”
“I see,” she stood up and stretched, a little groggily. “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll get you some water.”
“G’some for you too,” Shinji slurred, muffled into his sleeve.
Rei nodded. Shinji succumbed to the urge to close his eyes and felt himself drop down, down, down…
“Hello,” someone said from above him.
Shinji pried open his eyes and looked up. Suddenly he was very much awake. All he could think was: holy shit he is hot.
They grinned, pristine features curling into an almost feline smile. “Oh, thanks.”
Shit, had he said that out loud? He didn’t even have it in him to be embarrassed. They gestured towards him. The lights cast a glow around him that made him seem almost ethereal. “May I sit? My table over there’s getting kind of cramped.”
Shinji was shuffling to the side before he could even fully register what he’d said. That table? Which table?
“Oh, that one right there. I hope you don’t mind,” the stranger said smoothly. Shinji looked where they were pointing. The corner table? He could see Mari and Asuka there, engaged in lively conversation with its occupants. He was sitting with someone from the corner table. Oh, no, he was sitting with someone from the corner table. Fuck, he was not drunk or sober enough to do this.
He snatched the closest full glass he could find and downed it faster than he’d downed anything. It burned going down. They laughed, but it wasn’t mocking; it was almost as if they were looking at something endearing. That didn’t line up in Shinji’s mind, though it wasn’t like he was at his highest possible processing rate at the moment.
“Why’re you sitting here?” Shinji found himself asking. “You could probably have sat anywhere and they’d let you.” Cos’ pretty people can do anything. He laughed at his own quip and sank bonelessly into his seat.
They shrugged; the top button of their shirt was open, and the ridge of their clavicle caught the light when they moved. Something molten and addictive stirred inside Shinji. “Mari said I could sit here.”
“Mmh, right,” Shinji giggled disbelievingly. They smiled. Shinji wanted to see that again. “Wha’s your name?”
“Nagisa,” they answered. Shinji sat up, closer, looking at their face. His face. Yeah, this was a guy. Shit he was pretty. Was he glowing? His eyelashes were so long for a boy. Hell, for a girl. Gosh, his mouth was pretty. Was he wearing lip gloss? He couldn’t stop looking at his lips. What was wrong with him? “What’s yours?”
Something clicked in Shinji’s mind. “Are you Mari’s friend?”
Nagisa chuckled. “I guess so, yeah. You’re Shinji, right?”
“I don’t know,” he said stupidly. “Don’t care.” He was so close now that he could smell the alcohol on Nagisa’s breath. His pupils were blown wide open, and in the low light, Shinji could just barely catch the spreading flush on his cheeks.
“Fuck it,” Shinji whispered, and crashed their lips together messily.
There was a lull, then Nagisa was returning the kiss with a surprising ferocity that had Shinji whimpering into his mouth, too lost in the onslaught of sensation to hold back the noises he was making.
Nagisa was relentless; he had him scrabbling for something to anchor himself to, and Shinji settled on fisting a hand into his mane of fluffy hair, drawing him even closer. He felt inane satisfaction at the moan that drew out of him. He was getting drunk all over again on the fumes in their shared breath. His heart was a one-man band thumping in his ears, and all he could taste or sense or feel was Nagisa, Nagisa, Nagisa.
At last, Shinji broke contact to gasp for breath, a string of saliva pulling between them, and he could only manage a shallow intake of air before Nagisa was pushing him down into the seating again and kissing him within an inch of his life. He tried his hardest to muffle a moan when Nagisa nosed at his jaw and placed an open-mouthed kiss on his pulse point.
Suddenly, Nagisa let go of him, and Shinji desperately chased after his touch with a little whine of disappointment. Nagisa was panting slightly. He looked angelic, dishevelled and haloed in light. Under him, Shinji tried to catch his breath. He felt oddly awake.
Nagisa broke into the widest grin Shinji’d ever seen. “You are so cute.”
“You can’t call a guy that,” he said, not really thinking, mind buzzing.
Then it hit him like a truck. Oh. Oh god. What had he just done? Dread settled over him. The reminder of the phantom wetness on his neck had Shinji absolutely desperate for another drink. Maybe Rei or Mari or Asuka hadn’t seen anything. What would they say? What had he been thinking? Shit! Was that his first kiss? Gone just like that? And with a—
“Shinji? Are you okay?”
Oh, no. Rei.
“A-Ayanami!” he yelped, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “What took you so long?”
“There was a queue at the bathrooms.” Rei’s eyes darted between the two suspiciously. “Did something happen? Who are you?”
This could not be happening. “I-I can explain—”
“Oh, I’m just from that table over there.”
Shinji stared at Nagisa. He was the image of composure: expression serene, outfit pristine, hair immaculate. The only possible giveaway that anything had ever happened was a tinge of red on his cheeks, and even that could be explained away by the half-finished drink on the table. “It was getting a bit crowded, so I came over for some space. Shinji-kun just so happened to be getting a little dizzy. I was letting him lie down for a bit, that's all.”
Why was he… was Shinji disappointed?
Rei frowned. “I suppose thank you, then. If you don’t mind, could you perhaps find another seat elsewhere?”
“Of course,” Nagisa promised. “Shinji-kun, I hope you’re feeling better now?”
“Y-yeah. Sure,” Shinji stammered.
“That's good to hear. Have a good night. It was lovely meeting you both.” Nagisa smiled and disappeared into the crowd.
Shinji’s heart was jackrabbiting out of his chest. He prayed to whatever merciful gods there were that this was the last he’d see of Nagisa. Just the thought of having to deal with him again made him feel queasy as all hell. All the weird things he hadn’t— ever— he was remembering— oh no, he thought, bile rising, he could not think about this right now.
Rei was either kind enough to ignore the state he was in, or she just hadn’t noticed. “What a weirdo,” she said. “Here’s your water, Shinji. You can text Asuka and Mari. Let’s go home.”
Shinji took the glass. His vision was blurry. His hands were shaking. His brain was in overdrive. His mouth— oh, god, his mouth, he needed a fucking tissue.
Needless to say, half the glass went down his shirt.
—
His phone buzzed.
Shinji turned and groaned into his pillow. His head was pounding until it was all he could think about, and he felt sickeningly nauseous. With what energy he could muster, he reached over to his bedside table and felt around for the pack of paracetamol Rei had put there. He really didn’t deserve her. He swallowed a pill and flopped back down into his blankets.
His phone buzzed.
Ugh, that goddamn thing. He should have turned off notifications ages ago, Asuka and Mari be damned. They were just going to storm into his dorm with whatever they wanted to say anyway. He just wanted to sleep in. Was that so hard?
Speaking of which, how had Asuka and Mari gotten in yesterday? Only Rei had a copy of the key.
His phone buzzed.
He let out a growl and snatched up his phone. He was just about to jump to settings and shut it up for good when he saw the notification.
( ・ω・)maririri (ФωФ) 01:19PM
SURPRISE PUPPYBOY!!!!!!!
HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!
STAY SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shinji frowned. What the hell did that mean? Had he done something? He racked his brains. Disoriented as he was, he didn’t think he had…
Something clattered outside, and there was a distinctly non-Mari yelp.
What the fuck.
Fury overrode how every muscle in his body was screaming in pain, and Shinji stormed out of his room. Had Mari let someone into his apartment as part of a practical joke? God, this was the last straw. Next time he saw her, he was going to give her a piece of his mind.
He rounded the corner. Someone was in his kitchen and rummaging through his cabinets. There were cardboard boxes everywhere. Shinji’s brain was overloading, trying to make the connections. He was actually going to kill Mari.
Then they turned around, and his blood ran cold.
“Oh.” Nagisa looked down at the remains of his favourite mug at his feet. “Were you sleeping?”
It was as if the world had opened up beneath him. No fucking way.