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"To my dear friend, king, and love whom I never had the chance or awareness to notice, things are no longer the same as when you were here by my side; they seem colder and meaningless.
Everything is so cruel and false, a simple charade, as if everyone around me were mere puppets in the wind of fate that I least expected, but I too have become one of those puppets.
I let my eyes observe the memories of the times when everything was simple, my foster mother smiling, everything being simpler and more peaceful than now.
Before this strange and horrible icy embrace came into my life again, in reality this is a cruel twist of fate for me, twice something was taken from me when I was deceiving myself into thinking that everything was fine.
I ask what would be best for you. Your life is small compared to mine, insignificant in time, but beings like you can do this to long-lived beings like me.
Give them meaning, a direction, a night walk amid the great suffering that is our long existence. The smiles of ephemeral beings are the best because they last in our memories.
It is a glorious blessing and at the same time the most terrible curse, knowing that we can have this smile for only a few decades before the end.
Seeing your bodies age, your skin slowly giving up life along with your memories, it is a confusing picture knowing that you and other races do not fear this.
You do not cry in secret for the slow and cruel fate that steals your beauty and memories while your beloved of long life remains untouched and with her memories.
This is undoubtedly a bad choice. Why did you have to choose me, among so many others? You chose me, that childish, old elf.
Not in body, but in age. You were so young compared to me, and yet you were wiser than I was. What was your secret? Humans have the hardest lives from an early age, and in my foolishness, I didn't know.
I feel foolish for not seeing what you wanted to do with me back then, the smiles you gave me, the peaceful ends to our days, was all of that because of me?
You were a fool smiling at me, in my childish insolence I didn't notice that you were there smiling, paving your way with many good memories not only for your contracted spirit but also for me.
It's a shame that I only noticed it now, after losing you to an endless eternity. You weren't taken from me by time or some curse.
But rather by my own petulance. How cruel and twisted fate must be for you, my king, my friend, and my love, to have been handed over to the cruel wolves of the dungeons, not by enemies, but by allies.
I, among them. Your last look that I remember, it... carried no resentment or hatred, not even a gram of repudiation directed at me.
Just that, one small and fragile thing, hope, smiled silently affirming a promise, I saw what I did not understand at the time.
My imprisoned king was promising me to wait, even if I had put someone else in his place, you are indeed a complete fool.
He didn't scream or complain, he was just taken from my presence before I was taken as a heroine, a title that now seems to me to be nothing more than cheap flattery.
I remember everything I thought I had experienced for myself, the smiles, hugs, tears, and days of joy, all of which were a beautiful lie given to me by my gluttony for purpose.
I opened my eyes and noticed that something was missing, someone, something, calling me affectionately, talking about trivial things while silently promising to guide me to a good path.
The flowers you gave me, so strange, but now I have specimens of these plants in the royal garden. I created what I wanted, not getting what I didn't want.
I take no pleasure in seeing the world this way, through the eyes of a bitter old woman whose body has finally matured. I preferred my old view.
Where your blood or anyone else's did not stain my throne.
The throne I am not proud of, being in the highest place I ever desired, but at the highest cost I never even considered paying.
What good is this if you are not here? You should be here close to me as my King, not as a simple knight with strange eyes.
I feel like I'm in an endless pool of despair. Slipping in a muddy footprint, alone, trapped by the chains of this throne, on which I sit alone.
With no one by my side, only your spirit will be with me, our relationship as cold as the chains that bind you, I care for her like she is my own daughter.
My subjects and wise men lie when they try to make me see that they look at me as a human queen and not an elf, but I see through this thin and fragile veil.
At this time, however, I have matured a lot and I can affirm with words and actions that I am no longer that little elf to whom you swore allegiance.
My height exceeds even that of the tallest men, and I constantly struggle with doors to get through them, my large heels making this even more frequent.
My body is simply the most voluptuous in the entire territory of Lugnica, making Priscilla and Crush jealous. The human who calls you big sister is very jealous of me.
She says that if I were more open, I would have half the world's suitors after me. Why does she insist on saying that? Doesn't she know that my cold, cursed heart beats only for you?
Does she think that anyone could replace you, the one who has always seen me as I truly am? No, I will still save myself for you.
I am diligent about this sensitive topic. I do not want anyone else touching my body. I believe I am somewhat afraid of it, even though I regularly go to a real massage therapist.
My back kills me, I regularly find myself trying to shrink just so my body won't be touched, the wise men haven't thrown any suitors at me yet.
I believe it's because of the long life I have ahead of me.
However, I must correct myself. I think, no, I am sure that they will throw the first man who comes along at me, in a futile attempt to make me spread my legs and have an heir.
In this era so dark for me, they have forgotten that they once looked at me with contempt and disdain for my race, now they desperately want me to go to the nearest nobleman and spread my legs.
As the most vile sinner on this cursed earth, they don't know that I desire his touch and only his, the touch of the one who would certainly not boast about having spent a night with my growing lust.
But rather, he would just laugh awkwardly while blushing. Oh, how foolish I feel for not noticing that you were silently coveting me.
I wanted the chance... to see you up close, to feel your hands in mine, wiping my tears once again, looking into my eyes and calling me Emilia-tan.
Why were you foolish enough to come back to me after your name was stolen and erased by a vile glutton? Why did you trust me when you realized you no longer remembered me?
For what purpose did you smile and assure me that everything would be fine using your classic smiling line, when I spat contempt at you?
It hurts me deeply to know that if things were different, I could be with you, I would accept any offer you gave me at that crucial moment.
If you asked this elf to go with you as far away from the ruined city as possible, I would accept, I would be the best I could be for you, I would do anything to have you in my arms.
At the end of the night, looking at me, with the scent of musk and passion between the sheets, I would take your hands in mine and rest, watching you sleep.
But coming out of this reverie, I shed tears that freeze, I cannot have this pleasure, no, never. It was not good or worthy.
I should not have met you, I should have died, taking this bad omen with me to the grave, not giving it to you as a gift.
I wanted to see your smile after our first night of passion, your sweat and heavy breathing, sheets with our scents mixed together.
It could be on any occasion, any one, in a humble house that you worked hard to buy, me being your prisoner, both of us living in the countryside and watching the stars that you loved so much.
Even if our bodies returned to the state of being green in terms of our relationship, I feel that if that happened, I would take great pleasure in corrupting you.
Just for you being by my side, it would be a dirty secret for us, we would grow bigger and others would not even suspect our untimely awakening.
Oh dear, I wish I had done so many more things, so many things, hugged you when those dreams that disturbed you appeared in your mind.
I would apologize personally for not seeing your suffering at that time, my love, I don't feel worthy of even having the position I have.
Queen doesn't suit me, I believe that in my angry determination for your situation I ended up going too far and got where I am, that's sad.
For me, for everyone, those I pushed away I never saw again or even tried to talk to, I just hated with my soul and being, the disgust I felt for myself when I realized that those scratch marks were not from torture but from long ago.
You, my dear foolish knight, you weren't sane. No sane person would stay close to a half-demon like me. Why? Why did you come after me even though I rejected you and told you I didn't know you?
It would have been so easy to just abandon me, go to any corner of the world with someone else, live, grow, blossom into a beautiful family, a family that would live and die like you.
A simple human with a half-elf lover, this relationship would never end well. However, you saw something in me, didn't you, to always have this wonderful smile.
Which I always miss, you saw what I didn't see at the time, you were grateful.
A grateful fool, my grateful fool who smiles happily to himself while haunted by his silent demons...
I miss your cheerful greetings each day. Every corner of this castle where I live is cold and impregnated with tears I never dared to shed from my amethyst eyes that see nothing but their own sadness.
Time has passed, this body I have has changed, and in the face of this I saw my fear, you have aged, you will slowly waste away until your time comes, your breathing will slow, I will watch you slowly depart.
I feel that at this moment I would definitely succumb to my mental shadows, I would freeze, I would feel my nerves become hard, brittle.
Finally, I would not feel my body, and my consciousness would disappear. Perhaps we could live our romance in another time, another life, where you are not in a coma.
Where your beauty is not limited to just a sleeping face staring at me, my king, knight, and above all, my love. Please wake up, see what I have become, see the fruit of your efforts.
The fruit of your heart and sacrifice, I want to say the words I never had the time or reason to say, you, yes, you, you have my heart, my cold soul, and my body.
I, in all the universes and dreams I had on late nights filled with my melancholy and pain, with my tears and lament, I love you."