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Karamatsu awoke in pitch blackness, his stomach and head screaming. He managed to turn onto his hands and knees slowly, and then make his way out from under the blanket without disturbing any of his brothers. He fumbled his way into the hall, and then to the bathroom, before his body couldn't hold out anymore and he kneeled in front of the toilet, emptying his stomach of everything he ate in the last month.
After a period of retching and crying, Karamatsu was able to sit back against the sink; he panted from exertion for a while until he was able to flush the toilet and rinse his mouth out.
It was still pitch black in the bathroom because he figured turning the light on would just aggravate his head more. Even turning it too quickly made a shiver of numbness crawl up his spine and threatened to make him throw up again.
Whatever this was--and it didn't feel like any flu or sickness Karamatsu had ever contracted--he was sure he didn't want his brothers to suffer the same way. He felt off for a week now but this was the first time he had thrown up. It started with rough sleeping, and then the inability to eat, and the sensation of his head splitting apart, and now this disgusting symptom.
So instead of going back into their room, he held onto the wall near the stairs and shifted his way down to the living room. He crawled under the kotatsu, curling up as best he could, his head poking out of the bottom so he didn't suffocate.
Eventually the pounding in his temples settled enough for him to fall back asleep.
"Karamatsu-nii-san. Karamatsu-nii-san!" Someone shook his shoulder gently and he blinked his eyes open. The lights in the room were way too bright and threatened to make his head pound again. "Karamatsu-nii-san, why are you sleeping on the floor?"
Jyushimatsu was kneeling next to him, his normal smile turned down in a worried frown. Karamatsu's heart caught in his chest. The last thing he wanted to do was bother anyone with his sickness.
"It's nothing, my little Jyushimatsu," Karamatsu managed to rasp. He pressed his hands onto the table and forced himself to sitting. "I just… forgot to come back upstairs. What time is it?"
Jyushimatsu looked at him dubiously. "It's almost breakfast time, nii-san."
Karamatsu's stomach protested the idea of eating but he managed a nod. "Ah, thank you, Jyushimatsu. I don't think I need breakfast today… I'd rather go back to sleep."
"Nii-san, what's wrong?" his little brother asked, taking his hand and scooting closer to him. "Are you not feeling well?"
"I'm feeling fine." Karamatsu regretted pulling his hand from under his brother's, especially when Jyushimatsu looked even more upset at the action, but he had to get back upstairs and onto the couch before the rest of his brothers woke up. They would ignore him, of course, but he didn't want to get in their way all the same.
Karamatsu gritted his teeth before standing. He managed to make it to his feet without stumbling, and put all of his concentration into walking up the stairs, one foot in front of the other.
His stomach really couldn't be ignored at this point. Still concentrating on one foot in front of the other, in short, shuffling steps, he went into the bathroom and closed the door gently behind him.
He didn't throw up as much this time. He figured it was because he had nothing left. The stomach acid in his throat did burn something horrible, but it was over quickly and he could rinse his mouth again. Leaving the bathroom was easier now that his stomach was sated.
Thankfully the couch was still open and his other four brothers were deeply asleep. Karamatsu slowly lifted his pillow from between Totty and Ichimatsu, placing it on the end of the couch and carefully lying down with his face toward the backrest.
Not two minutes later he heard his brothers begin to shuffle around, yawning and offering "good morning"s to each other. Not one of them asked where Karamatsu was and he was thankful. Better they didn't see him at all and went along with their days.
They filed out one by one--he could hear footsteps on the stairs and smell breakfast cooking--until just one of them was left to roll up the futon. He could tell it was Ichimatsu because of the slow, quiet steps he took, pushing the futon carefully round until he could put it back in the closet.
And then, of course, he smacked Karamatsu in the back of the head. "Get up, Kusomatsu," he threw over his shoulder before making his way down the stairs as well.
The hit sent stars and whirls up in front of Karamatsu's eyes but he held in his whimper of pain until he could hear his brothers beginning to talk downstairs. For a few, delirious moments, he thought he might die there on the couch from the way his head was pounding in time with his heart beat. But it did quiet down enough for him to sleep some more.
Karamatsu couldn't tell how much time passed when he opened his eyes again. Someone in the room was turning pages, but that could either be Choromatsu or Osomatsu, neither of which were likely to be bothered by his presence. His whole body felt numb at this point but he didn't try to get up lest he fall and disturb them. So he lay in silence for a while, every breath stinging his raw throat.
"Hey, Karamatsu!"
Ah. "Yes, Osomatsu-nii-san?" Karamatsu did his best to prop himself up on one arm, almost biting through his lip with the strain. He couldn't manage to turn toward his elder brother as much as he wanted to give Osomatsu his full attention.
"You wanna go play pachinko before the casino closes?"
That meant Karamatsu must have slept through the entire day, still in his pajamas. "N-no thank you, nii-san." He almost said that he wasn't feeling well but he stopped at the last second. Osomatsu didn't want to know about that.
Osomatsu sighed heavily. "You suck, Kusomatsu," he whined. "You never wanna do anything I wanna do!"
Karamatsu swallowed. That was true. He rarely went out with Osomatsu and did anything with him because he figured Osomatsu wouldn't want to be bothered, and now that the opportunity was presented to him he was refusing.
"No, you're right." Karamatsu turned onto his back, eyelids fluttering with pain, but he figured he could control his voice enough to sound like normal. "I would love to spend some brotherly bonding time with you at the pachinko parlor this eve--"
"Yeah, yeah. Be downstairs in five minutes, and bring your wallet!" Osomatsu slammed the door closed and the sound rang in Karamatsu's ears.
Karamatsu swallowed again and sat up. Everything in him protested the movement but he powered through, pulling out a sweater and jeans from his drawer and changing into them. He didn't have the concentration to fold his pajamas so he just left them in a pile inside the drawer.
Osomatsu was tapping his foot impatiently in front of the door when he finally got downstairs. "There you are, dumbass. I thought you weren't coming."
Karamatsu leveled a shaky smile at his elder brother. "I would never back out of a promise, broth--"
"Put your shoes on so we can go!"
It took another round of concentration for Karamatsu to be able to bend over and put his sneakers on without passing out. His heartbeat was audible in his head again and he winced as he stood back up. Thankfully Osomatsu never walked that fast, strolling through the streets as he strolled through life, so Karamatsu's steps didn't jolt through his spine up to his head so much.
The automatic doors of the pachinko parlor opened and a rush of sounds and lights rang through. Karamatsu wished he had thought to bring his sunglasses.
Osomatsu rubbed his index finger under his nose, a sly grin on his face. "Can you spot me 1000 yen?" he half asked, half demanded. Karamatsu opened his wallet and rifled through it before pressing a 5000 yen note into Osomatsu's outstretched hand. Osomatsu's eyes lit up and he pulled Karamatsu into a one-armed hug, then rushed off to the machines without even a thank you. Karamatsu supposed he didn't deserve one, after all that time he made Osomatsu wait when they were at home.
The noise and flashing lights got to be a bit too much. Karamatsu left the parlor and sat on the ground outside, leaning his head up against a nearby plant box. He knew sitting was a mistake because he likely wouldn't be able to get up again. It was too late for that thought, though.
He must have dozed off because Osomatsu came back out with a forlorn look on his face. "I didn't win anything…" he sighed. "K-Karamatsu?"
"Over here, nii-san." Karamatsu stood, head swimming, and tried to smile at his brother. "I'm sorry, I… was thinking of a new poem to write."
Osomatsu stuck his tongue out. "You're so painful, Kusomatsu. Let's go home before I can catch it!"
For a scary moment Karamatsu thought Osomatsu was talking about his sickness. Then he realized it wasn't at all and he relaxed a bit. "Of course, brother."
Osomatsu stuck his hands in the pockets of his own hoodie as they walked back home, much slower than they had walked in the opposite direction.
"I can't believe I lost! I really thought tonight was the night, you know? I was going to go to Chibita's… well, I guess I can still do that now, but I was really going to pay him this time! Maybe." Osomatsu kicked a rock in the street. "This really sucks. I have comics to buy and beer to drink!"
Karamatsu could barely follow the conversation but he tried his best. He knew it was something about money, so he took out his wallet again, managing to find 1000 yen and some 500 coins. "It's not much, brother, but you can have this…."
Osomatsu turned suspicious eyes toward him. "Where'd you get all this money?" he asked at the same time that he took it.
Karamatsu shrugged, the movement forced. "It doesn't matter, brother. It would suffice to say that our patron saint of fortune--"
"Ok, I got it," Osomatsu said with a roll of his eyes.
They were in front of their door, so close, when Karamatsu felt the now familiar pain in his stomach. Half panicked, he said, "You go inside, nii-san. I wish to study the stars tonight, so that I may--"
"Do whatever you want, painful-san." Osomatsu unlocked the door and went inside, leaving Karamatsu in the cold air.
He stumbled across the street, finding a patch of bushes that he could bend over and throw up into. He almost blacked out from the pain this time. As it was, he had to hold onto a nearby electrical pole, the cold metal a shock to his system that kept him awake. In addition to the disgusting smell of vomit there was a tangy, almost metallic smell. Karamatsu didn't want to think about what it could be.
It felt like gravity was a hundred times stronger where he was standing. He didn't think he had enough strength to make it back to their house but he just closed his eyes and sucked it up.
Everyone was shouting and bickering over dinner. Karamatsu snuck past them, into the washroom that was just past the toilet. He turned on the shower as cold as it would go and took off his clothes, sitting on the floor near the drain.
The cold water did a lot to clear Karamatsu's head. He saw how pale his arms and legs were, and how shaky they seemed, and he didn't know how much longer he could hide it. He had to try his best until the sickness went away, otherwise he would infect everyone else and they would blame him… rightfully, but still. He would rather his brothers know nothing at all.
He took a shuddering breath and turned the water off before he could fall asleep in the shower. It felt much easier to stand, and dry off, and put his clothes back on this time.
Right on cue all of his brothers came running up the stairs, likely to collect all their things for the bathhouse. Karamatsu waited quietly until the front door closed. Then he went into their room, changed street clothes for pajamas, and put himself back on the couch.
"Aren't we missing someone?" Totty asked when they were in the dressing room after their bath.
Osomatsu frowned at him. "Me, you, Jyushimatsu, Chorofappyski, Ichimatsu… where's Karamatsu?"
Ichimatsu glanced toward them. "You said you went to play pachinko with him."
"Ah yeah. I lost pretty badly," Osomatsu said with a shy grin, rubbing under his nose. "But he said he wanted to stay outside for his poems or something."
Totty pulled his hoodie over his head. "We didn't see him when we left, though, right?"
"Maybe he's on the roof?" Jyushimatsu offered.
"I didn’t see him come in…" Choromatsu replied.
Osomatsu put his hands on his hips and sighed. "What an idiot. He's probably out wandering the streets 'cause he thinks he's a vagabond or a cowboy or whatever it is this week."
Ichimatsu snickered. "Maybe he got run over," he said with a hopeful expression.
Choromatsu swatted at him with a towel. "Don't say that about your brother, Ichimatsu." He looked anxious. "We should get home and find him."
Totty rolled his eyes. "Chorofappyski, he's probably fine. Don't worry about him, he's a big boy."
But they did pack up their toiletry buckets and walk back home, Osomatsu and Jyushimatsu leading the way, the other three lagging behind. Choromatsu was the only one who made an effort to look around just in case he saw a flash of blue or glitter.
When they got home the house was dark. Their parents were likely asleep so they quietly went up the stairs and into their room. When they turned on the light, they finally saw Karamatsu curled up on the couch with his back to them.
Ichimatsu shoved his hands in his track pants' pockets. "He was like that this morning," he deadpanned.
Even Osomatsu began to look anxious. "He was like that all day. Do you think something's wrong with him?"
Totty huffed and put his toiletries down. "No, he's just a lazy ass." He marched over to the couch and shook Karamatsu's shoulder. "Hey, Kusomatsu! Get the hell up!" When there was no response, Totty turned him onto his back; whatever he saw made him stumble back and fall on his ass, both hands over his mouth.
Osomatsu came closer and saw exactly what Totty was scared of.
Karamatsu's face was absolutely white in the places it wasn't covered in blood. Some was leaking out of his nose, painting his ear red and caking his hair, but the rest was dripping from his mouth and over his neck. If he wasn’t breathing shallowly Osomatsu might have assumed he was dead. And that was a terrifying thought, no matter how much Ichimatsu liked to joke about it.
"Fuck, Karamatsu," he whispered; he reached a shaking hand out to check Karamatsu's pulse. It was slow and labored, and Osomatsu started to panic. "One of you, call an ambulance!"
Totty's face was buried in Jyushimatsu's hoodie, so they were both pinned to the floor, but Choromatsu and Ichimatsu came forward to have a look too. The sight made Choromatsu almost drop his phone as he attempted to dial the emergency number. Ichimatsu turned almost as white as Karamatsu.
"K-Karamatsu-nii-san?" he asked, sounding very childlike. Osomatsu stood in front of him and pushed him back with gentle hands on his shoulders.
"Don't look, Ichimatsu. Just, just stay with your brothers!"
Choromatsu must have woken their parents when he left the room to call the ambulance because they came into the room as well, immediately rushing to the couch. Their mother was crying, wiping her eyes repeatedly, holding Karamatsu's hand, and their father rested his hand on Karamatsu's shoulder, his mouth set in a thin line. "What's wrong?" she asked, looking up at Osomatsu. "What happened?"
Osomatsu felt like the shittiest brother in the world. "I don't know. He, he wasn't like this earlier."
"Karamatsu-nii-san," Totty was still sobbing into Jyushimatsu's chest, inconsolable. "H-he…!"
Jyushimatsu wasn't smiling. He wasn't crying, either; he just stared blankly up at their parents. Eventually his eyes turned to Osomatsu and all Osomatsu could do was look away.
There was something itchy in Karamatsu's arm. He tried to lift his other arm to scratch at it but it felt like both were held down with 100 kilo weights. He groaned in frustration and heard a gasp above him.
"Karamatsu?" someone asked above him. He opened his eyes to bright whiteness and someone leaning over his bed. "Oh, Karamatsu, you're awake!"
The person he realized was his mother hugged him very gently and he wanted to hug her back but, again, he couldn't. "M-mom?" he stammered, breathing in the smell of her perfume. "What happened?"
After the initial relief at him being responsive, she seemed to remember to be mad at him. She pulled away from the hug but left one hand on his cheek. "You had stomach flu, you idiot boy! Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Karamatsu frowned, relieved when that action didn't hurt his head. "Stomach flu…?" he asked curiously.
"You weren't eating, you weren't drinking, Karamatsu! They had to pump food into your stomach with tubes!"
"I just… wasn't feeling well." He felt tears welling up in his eyes at the sight of his mother so worried. "I'm sorry, mom."
"Don't apologize," she scolded, but she looked ready to cry as well. "I'm going to send your brothers in, they've been worried sick!"
Karamatsu blinked in alarm. "They know?" he asked in a rasping, breathy voice.
His mother looked sad again. "Of course they know, Karamatsu." She kissed his forehead and he closed his eyes. "I'll be back to see you soon."
She left the room and there were a few seconds of silence except for the heart monitor and some other machines in the room. Then the door opened again and five identical boys spilled in.
They were all red-eyed and pale with dark bruises under their eyes that said they hadn't been sleeping. Choromatsu was the first to walk over to him, funnily enough, on the side their mother chose. Karamatsu flinched, bracing himself for a punch.
When none came he opened his eyes again.
Choromatsu was biting his lip, hands clenched into fists at his sides, tears running fast and thick down his face.
Karamatsu felt sick in a different way. "Choromatsu, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Am I okay?" Choromatsu asked, voice cracking in two places. "Am I okay?" He laughed a little manically until the laughs turned into sobs and he pressed his face into Karamatsu's blanketed chest. "You could have died Karamatsu. Why didn't you tell us anything?"
Karamatsu looked up at all of his brothers who had varying expressions. Ichimatsu almost looked angry. Totty and Jyushimatsu had twin upset expressions, mouth wobbling and noses sniffling. Osomatsu's expression was blank.
"I don't matter," he said honestly, before his brain caught up with him and he stammered, "It. It doesn't matter. Didn't." He was flustered by all the attention and he just wanted to be ignored again.
Totty started to sob so hard he couldn't take in air, coughing and crying all in the same breaths. Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu tried to comfort him, Jyushimatsu's arms around his shoulders and Ichimatsu's hand in his hair, but he seemingly couldn't stop. Osomatsu was still staring quietly from his position by the door.
"Karamatsu…" Choromatsu said, and then he repeated it. "Karamatsu. You fucking idiot!"
"I'm sorry," Karamatsu replied softly. He tried to look Choromatsu in the eye but he was afraid. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this. I was just, just trying to get better before you noticed me. I-I didn't mean to end up here, I didn't want you to, to take up your t-time being here, I'm sorry!" He knew he was rambling but he couldn’t stop. He wanted to make it better, make everything better, but his brothers were still crying. Choromatsu looked like he had never seen Karamatsu before.
He really, really didn't want to be seen.
"Karamatsu, why didn't you tell us?" Osomatsu asked in a much calmer voice.
Karamatsu looked up at him. "I-I'm so sorry--"
Osomatsu shook his head. "Why didn't you tell us?" he asked again, colder, sterner.
Karamatsu began to cry as well as the rest of his brothers. "I don't know! I was scared!" he finally admitted. He wanted to cover his eyes but he was too tired, too weak. He had to cry in front of all of them and they were all looking at him and he wanted to throw up again.
After a second, Osomatsu walked over to his other side and hugged him much the same way their mother did. Karamatsu cried into his shoulder, letting Osomatsu stroke his hair and murmur to him until he felt like he could breathe again. "You don't have to be scared," Osomatsu said; he slid into the older brother role so well that Karamatsu couldn't help but relax. "Talk to us, hm? Talk to me."
Karamatsu nodded against him. "I'm sorry," he said again hoarsely.
"Don't apologize." Osomatsu pulled away just slightly, enough to really look at him. "Okay? We should be apologizing." He looked at Karamatsu sadly. "I'm sorry for not seeing this sooner, Karamatsu."
"I didn't want you to see it, nii-san, I could have--"
They always interrupted him. It was a set way of life. They didn't often interrupt him with soft hushing sounds, thumbs wiping the tears from under his eyes, looking at him like they cared. He didn't want to like it because he didn't deserve to like it and it would be ripped away from him soon enough.
"When we get you home tomorrow, or the next day, I'm going to talk to you. Eldest brother to second eldest." Osomatsu looked so serious that all Karamatsu could do was nod. "We're going to have a conversation about why this can't happen again. You need to tell me when anything is wrong. Anything."
Karamatsu bit his lip and nodded again. "Okay, Osomatsu-nii-san." He almost felt relieved.
"C'mon, all of you," Osomatsu said, gesturing to the three youngest. "Karamatsu doesn't want you standing all the way over there." Actually, Karamatsu really did want that, but once Totty started hugging him and getting snot and tears all over him, and then Jyushimatsu started doing the same from the other side, and Ichimatsu held his hands and looked so genuinely upset, Karamatsu reconsidered.
He took a breath. "I didn't mean to worry you," he said in a calmer voice, squeezing Ichimatsu's hands and resting his cheek on top of Jyushimatsu's head. "I won't do it again."
Choromatsu, beside Jyushimatsu with about the same amount of bodily fluids, gave him a watery smile. "We won't let you," he promised.