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After a long, tiring, and stressful day, Arthur allows himself to retire to the comfort of his chamber. As soon as he starts moving, every joint in the body screams in protest, muscles throbbing with fatigue.
The sound of his weary legs scraping against the floor echoes through the corridor as he leaves the throne room behind, soon after checking with his men that everything is now under their control.
They've finally won, yet he feels no joy. With a rather heavy heart, he walks past the ruins left behind by Morgana; every corner stands as a testament to her wrath and destruction.
Had they not stopped her in time she would have razed the whole thing to the ground.
Despite the current state of it, Arthur is too wiped out to complain and, to Merlin's utter surprise, has gone so far as to give him the night off, ignoring his insistence on staying back to help tidy up the chamber.
Arthur may be oblivious to a lot of things, but even he can't unsee the exhaustion of his ardently loyal manservant, who thinks no one will notice if he hides it behind his dopey smile. The boy deserves rest too. Probably more than anyone Arthur truly cares about.
When there's no certain way to know whether others will back him on this or not, he is quite sure that defeating Morgana would not have been possible without Merlin.
If anything pulled Arthur from the depths of despair after losing everything to the treachery of Agravaine and his new master, Morgana, it was Merlin's unwavering faith in him.
The profound shame he felt for repeatedly trusting the wrong people, for failing to protect his people, shattered what little confidence he ever had in his leadership. He should have been more discerning, wise, statesman, a king. There's nothing special about him.
For the first time, in his life he's thinking about giving up.
And then there was Merlin, who not only refused to yield but prevented him from quitting. It will remain a mystery to Arthur how a man who fumbles most of the time manages to utter the exact things when he needs to hear them the most, eventually helping him stay grounded in those darkest hours of his life. Even when Merlin says nothing, a trace of his sheer faith in Arthur is ever so present in his sapphire eyes. Sometimes he genuinely wonders what he did to deserve all the devotion Merlin pours onto him without ever asking for it.
If he can not pinpoint the reason earlier, Arthur knows now why his heart is gradually drawn towards his otherwise clumsy servant. And to make matters worse, most of his thoughts nowadays are filled with the gangly-looking boy, making it incredibly hard for him to concentrate on anything of importance.
All his musings come to an abrupt halt when, upon arriving at his chamber, he nearly bumps into Gwen. She was pacing with a pensive look on her face.
A panic is starting to build in the pit of his gut. What happened between them in Ealdor was a moment of weakness. Gwen might have initiated the kiss, he too briefly yielded to his unmet need for physical intimacy. A feeling of immense guilt rose inside him when Merlin's face swam into view, prompting him to pull away as if his lips had tasted acid.
He was a little disoriented after regaining consciousness and incredibly relieved to see her there after all those month. Pulling her into a hug didn't seem like a bad idea. It was not meant to give her any false hope. He wanted to clear things up with her then and there. In fact, he'd if they'd not got ambushed by Aggravine. Since then they've either been on the run or chalking strategies to get back his kingdom, leaving him with little time to address the issue. And now when he's presented with the opportunity, he doesn't know where to begin.
His dilemma may have been visible on his face as Gwen breaks the silence: "If you want me to go back to Ealdor...".
"No. Guinevere," says Arthur with an urgency.
He takes a deep breath before continuing, "Camelot is your home too. It was immature of me to ... to".
"To send me to exile," Gwen spares him the trouble.
Arthur nodes, eyes fixated on the floor.
"Arthur, you don't have to look away. It's I who betrayed your trust. It's I who should be," Gwen's lips falter at that as her throat is closing up with shame.
But she needs to get this out of her chest. "I want you to know I never stopped loving you. I know... I know, what I've done is unforgivable ... I am so sorry, Arthur". The wall of her resolve eventually comes crumbling down as she breaks into tears.
Regardless of what she did, Arthur is not just going to stand there and watch her cry.
Covering the remaining distance in a couple of strides, he envelops her in his arms. Let Gwen rest her head on his chest while her tears are soaking through his shirt. He rubs soothing circles on her back just like those old times.
A quiet moment passes between them before the memory of that dreadful night when he caught Gwen kissing Lancelot and subsequently banishing her floods back with a rush. Why did it always have to be someone he trusted the most who hurt him the most? It is not just the betrayal but getting used to not having them around any more that pains him the most. There is a touch of something warm against his face, tears start streaming down his cheeks, making their way to Gwen's shoulder. Her head rears back in surprise, eyes moving to meet Arthur's.
"You're crying? "
" 'm sorry, Gwen".
"What are you apologising for? It's I who should ask for your forgiveness, even if I don't deserve it." Her voice breaks at end.
"No Gwen, I forgave you ...believe me I forgave you a long time ago...'m not saying your action didn't hurt me still it will not undo the sacrifices you've made for me, for Camelot. And how do I repay ...by banishing you. You suffered greatly because of me. I owe you an apology. "
"Arthur! Don't say like that. You owe me nothing...and by forgiving me you just proved how big your heart is...it's things like this that make me love you even more." The last part catches the king off guard. Sensing it Gwen immediately tears herself off of Arthur and tries her best to regain composure." Not that it will change anything...I think I should leave... Get some sleep".
Arthur doesn't make any effort to stop Gwen instead watches her reaching for the door. She stops suddenly in her tracks and whirls around with an air of hesitation. A dark cloud seems to hang over her face as she's fidgeting with her bottom lips.
"Arthur, I just had to ask this one thing... Do I still mean something to you?" She lets those words hang in the space.
Arthur darts his eyes to the floor only to look back up and then away.
"I have my answer. "
"Wait, Guinevere, " Arthur says before inhaling deeply. "You meant a great deal to me still do, but not in the way you want me to. My feelings for you have changed ... Truth to be told, someone else has taken up the place in my heart that I once gave you. And believe me Gwen it's not to get back at you."
"Arthur, please you do not have to explain yourself. I believe you." Despite the ache in her heart, she forces a smile to make it less awkward for both their sake. "Now that I know the truth I wish you and whoever, the lucky woman who has your heart all the happiness in the world."
"It's not a woman," Arthur corrects her hesitantly.
***
"Could not sleep?"
Even though Merlin has no intention of startling Arthur, the way he flinches before going back to put on his 'I don't get scared that easily' facade just confirms his speculation.
Now the king may go and get mad at him for defying his orders. Merlin can't care less. If he needs to check in on the king, he is going to do it anyway.
No one knows how difficult the last few months have been for Arthur better than he does.
When the man was still mourning the breaking off of his union with Gwen, Agravine scarred his nephew's soul with yet another betrayal, attacking Camelot with Morgana's aid. Merlin had to go above and beyond to gather the fragments of Arthur's broken spirit. This time, the younger pendragon truly frightened the living hell out of Merlin. He'd never seen Arthur this vulnerable. With his emotions so fragile the young warlock fears to be parted from him, even briefly. That's why instead of enjoying the night off Arthur so generously gave him today his mind was filled with worry for his king's well-being. And it is his worry that draws him all the way up to the blonde's chamber this late at night.
He's hardly surprised when he finds Arthur standing by the window with both his hands clasped together behind his back, staring down into the courtyard. A side glance at the bed tells him it's not been slept on.
" Have I not told you i don't require your service tonight?" Arthur begins, turning his head to glance over his shoulder.
Not a single word fell into Merlin's ears as his eyes trained on the king. Arthur's golden hair looks ethereal under slivery moonlight. Even the agony of his heart can't diminish his inherent charm and the pendragon red shirt he is wearing only enhances it. The colour suits Arthur so well that every time he wears something in that shade, it takes Merlin's breath away. Yet every time, he pauses a moment or two to soak in the view.
"Why don't you just listen? " When Arthur finally moves away from the window, it pulls the warlock out of his stupor.
"You'll get bored." Merlin replies with a nervous laugh, praying Arthur does not notice his visible blush. And to avoid any further distraction, he busies himself by placing his apprentice bag on Arthur's work desk.
"here." Pulling out a chair, Merlin beckons the other man to take the seat and goes back to retrieve a bunch of colourful vials out of his bag.
"What are you up to this time?" Nodding towards the vials Arthur asks, raising his brows all the way up to the sky.
" First answer this: Do you trust me or not?"
"No".
Merlin shakes his head.
" How about you filling me with details, then I will decide whether to trust you or not" Arthur points out while he goes on to occupy the said chair, seemingly happy with himself for being able to visibly bug Merlin.
Despite Arthur's smugness, Merlin finds himself smiling at the other's poorly consealed grin.
"Don't you dare deny that you're not having a hard time falling asleep, and I know you're too stubborn to ask for Gauis' help ... So let me take care of it," says Merlin in a voice laced with affection.
"And exactly how you're going to do that." For the first time in days warlock could see a spark of something positive in those incredibly blue eyes of Arthur, something hopeful.
"Shh, fingers on your lips. No more talking." Merlin lets out a chuckle as Arthur actually does what he was told.
"Relax, I'm going to give you a nice little massage ... Hopefully it'll help with your insomnia". Merlin assuringly adds before pouring a few drops of lavender oil from one of the bottles onto his palm, Spreading it over his length. Arthur is not going to lie just by the sweet fragrance of it, he starts to feel a little less stiff. No sooner do Merlin's hands find their way to Arthur's blonde hair than he starts using gentle and circular motion with his fingertips on the scalp, working from front to back and back to front. With the right amount of pressure at all the right spots, Arthur closes his eyes in pure bliss. Merlin must have magic or something in his hands, Arthur thinks to himself. Adding a little more oil from a different vial, Merlin slowly moves towards the neck, cupping the back with one hand while massaging the sides using the thumb and fingers of the free hand. For a brief moment, Arthur shifts in his chair as Merlin's elongated fingers effortlessly run up and down the delicate skin of his neck where it meets with the shoulder. There is something very intimate about it that makes Arthur flushed. He embraces the sensation wholeheartedly, unable to remember when was the last time he felt this light and comfortable.
" Back in Elador, you seemed to get along well with Gwen ... really reminded me of old days, I think it's about time to rekindle your relationship with Gwen." As soon as those words leave his lips, Arthur snaps his eyes open, reaching out to clasp Merlin's wrist and yank him from behind the chair to his side. Merlin jolts instinctively as Arthur jumps to his feet in order to glare at him.
If there were to be a contest for choosing the worst possible time to run one's mouth, Merlin would have topped that.
Now it's too late to come to the realisation. The shift in the mood is evident by the crease between Arthur's brows. Merlin swallows hard, bracing himself to get yelled at.
"Have I not made it clear we'll not be having this discussion again?" Arthur explodes expectantly.
" Arthur! Listen to me. Please. You just can't go on like this . Do you think I can't see how you're hurting yourself? It has been more than a year now since the night... Yet you've not been able to move on. I know u still miss her. Drowning yourself in work and going on dangerous quests will not make you happy. Can't you just forgive this one mistake and give her a chance? Give yourself a chance to be happy again." Merlin's reasoning stokes the King's anger even more. He tightens his grip around Warlock's wrist and,in a swift move, twits it behind him. Doesn't know at whom he is more angry himself for hopelessly pining after his manservant or Merlin blissfully oblivious to his feeling busy setting Gwen up with him.
"Do you even know what will actually make me happy?", Merlin angles his head to the other side as Arthur's hot breath caresses the skin next to his left ear.
"If...if you don't tell me, how I am supposed to know." He retorts though can't shake the tremor from his voice with Arthur's face inches away from his. His entire body almost buzzing under the strain of his attempt to stay still. The only thing that keeps his knees from giving in is the excruciating pain that crepts in from behind where Arthur's grip comes into contact with his wrist.
" Why do I've to tell you everything? Can't you see how I feel about y..." Arthur trails off. Snapping his head back, Merlin looks directly into his eyes and doesn't know what to make of all those emotions playing out in there. If he does not know him any better, he will think Arthur is frightened. Then again, what could possibly scare the bravest knight of Camelot?
"You will never understand." Finally letting go of his death grip, Arthur spins around just in time as the last thing he wants for his manservant to see is his glistening eyes.
"Arthur"
"Leave"
"Please talk to me"
"If you don't want to end up like Gwen...just leave, " he bellows, "Now!"
"Oh! Go ahead, do it then. Send me to exile if that's what truly makes you happy" Merlin's voice grows louder, and it only intensifies Arthur's wrath. He stalks towards Merlin, with a scowl on his face. "You seem to have forgotten your place. Actually, that's my fault. I have been so lenient that you begin to think we're equals. Hate to break it to you --- you're nothing but a mere servant. My father was right about this one thing: you can't make a friend out of a servant. So stop acting like one"
Something snaps inside warlock.
"Is that all you got? Your last resort, right? Inflict-ing pain on others when you can't bear your own." A bitter scoff escapes Merlin, "Let me tell you something your words don't hurt me. I am not even mad at you. Because all i feel for you is pity. You are the king of Camelot. What it is that you don't have: a kingdom to rule over, an invincible army, love and respect of your subject, courage, charm, wealth, yet you're lonely and miserable. Above all, you're a coward, Arthur Pendragon. You're truly your father's son."
Arthur raises his hand to hit the person who dares to make the disparaging remarks but can't quite land it on the intended target.
Instead, a chilling dread washes over him, making him step away.
Almost immediately, his hands fall to his side, nails digging deep into his palms, resulting in breaking of the skin as blood threatens to spill.
"Get on with it. Nothing stops you from manhandling me before. why show mercy now." An involuntary cry has broken out of Merlin.
The fury that has consumed Arthur vanishes in an instant, leaving a hollow twinge in his chest. He turns his back on Merlin, unable to look at his face, wet with tears, already taking on a reddish hue. Merlin's breathless heaving from behind leaves him with this strange kind of emptiness. Now he's rather wishing to go back to cling on to the familiar feeling of anger. Unable to bear the onslaught of this alien emotion, his legs start marching towards the door. Merlin is right. He is a coward . And in the end, he runs away like one, without looking back even for once.
***
Ever since the king had a falling out with his manservant, everyone in the castle has grown accustomed to walking on the eggshells. After calling off his wedding with Gwen, they had to deal with a sad king. Now they have to deal with a king who is seconds away from blowing up everything around him at the slightest irritation. Knights are not spared either. In fact they too can be seen tip-toeing around the king, careful not to trigger his fragile mood. Despite the precautions in place who can stop Arthur, whenever he needs to vent, he does so by increasing the difficulty level of training, turning each session into a nightmare for those poor lads. After having to put up with an unbearable Arthur for over a week now, the other day Gwaine had gone to the extent of threatening the king that next time he wouldn't hold himself back.
"I will be looking forward to it", Was the King's response.
So today, when Gwaine is metaciously blocking each of the reckless blows of the king while simultaniously trying not to hurt his opponent, something primal awakens inside him. On the spot he comes out with a plan to teach Arthur a lesson. Taking a few steps backward , he raises his sword and aims for Arthur's head against the knight code to catch him by surprise. Expecting him to duck out of his sword's way instead Arthur did the exact opposite, standing tall as if waiting to get hit by it. A sense of unadulterated horror settles in Gwaine . If it's not for his God-gifted instincts and last-minute manoeuvre his sword would be decapitating their king instead of landing just right on top of his shoulder. Gwaine drops the damn sword like he is holding onto a hot rod.
"It's not that bad, have seen worse, " Arthur still tries to act tough under his rugged breath, swaying side to side as his gaze moves between his now bloody shoulder and Gwaine, who recoils at the sight.
Nonetheless, he rushes to Arthur's side along with the other knights, who are equally shocked by this sudden change of events. Only after Gaius patches the king up and assures them that though the blow was a nasty one and probably going to leave a scar but not fatal, they all let out a sigh of relief. Just as Gwaine opens his mouth to apologise for a ninth time, the king warns him to throw him in dungeons unless he stops apologising.
Furthermore, the king implores Gwaine not to blame himself for his own sluggishness.
By the time news of his ingury gets to Merlin, he is torn between rushing to Arthur's side at once or just minding his own business like the past few days. Arthur surely doesn't need him. Otherwise, why did he not look for Merlin when he had not shown up for his job? Not a word from him. Not even a sorry. At least up until then, his apathy made it easier for Merlin to get mad at him. Now the warlock can't even do that without feeling bad about him. So, for the time being, waiting for Gaius to return seems the best course of action to Merlin. Pacing is the second-best course of action while stopping occasionally to wonder what takes Gaius so long. Is he in pain? Is it really that bad? A bolt of panic hits Merlin. Damn the promise he has made to himself of not resuming his duties until Arthur apologises. Merlin just needs to see him for himself. After all, it's his duty to look after that clotpole.
Before entering the familiar chamber, Merlin quickly gathers his bearings and quietly pushes the door open only to come to a halt at the doorframe. His eyes stop at Gwen, sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to him. She slowly takes Arthur's hand in hers. As much as it pains his heart, there's no way he is going to interrupt them. Without sparing another thought he turns on his heel to leave. But fate has other plans.
"MERLIN." A faint yet familiar voice stops him.
He turns around to find two sets of eyes looking back at him earnestly.
"Merlin! What are you doing over there? Come on in." Hesitantly, he walks up to the foot of the bed at Gwen's beckoning. Arthur, lying on his back, looks a lot paler than usual. Good thing is, his shoulder is already taken care of. Out of habit, Merlin's looking for any sign of grimace on his face. But Arthur's blank expression doesn't help much. A beat of silence fills the room as Warlock, despite himself, steals a glance of the couple's intertwined hands before returning his gaze to Arthur, who is already staring at him. Merlin doesn't know what to make of it as Arthur's eyes slowly dart down to his lips, then abruptly moves back up and mouths
"Why are you here?"
"Arthur, I don't know why you feel the need to ask, but of all the people you should have known he cares about you, probably more than all of us combained." Gwen answers on Merlin's behalf.
" Yes, he cares about me a little too much," Arthur winches as he tries to shift in bed to find a more comfortable position.
Merlin is about to jump into action, but a look from the king stops him.
" Gauis sends me to check on you" Merlin murmurs. A blutant lie, but that's what he does on a daily basis to keep his head attached to the rest of his body.
" It's not even been half an hour since Gauis left. What made him think I needed to be checked on?" Gwen can sense the bitterness in those words, her eyes darting between them as they keep looking into each other's eyes, oblivious to her presence. A sudden realition strikes her like a bolt. She clears her throat but does not say anything.
" He -he sends me - just in case your shoulder hurts, he can give you some pain-numming portions, " Merlin trips in his own words.
"If I feel the need, I will send someone to fetch him . Before that, don't bother coming down here." Arthur turns his head to look at the distance.
"Of course, sire", is all Merlin can manage. For the last time, he spares a glance at their joined hands and slips out of the chamber for his own good.
He does not stop until he reaches a secluded corner of the castle and leans his back against the cold stone wall of Camelot that resembles the heart of its king. His chest feels like it will burst any moment now. Why has not anyone ever told him, loving someone can hurt this badly? Closing his eyes, he lets the tears fall freely. All those prophecies of him being one side of the coin feels like a cruel joke of destiny. The other half doesn't even want to see him.
A sudden tug at his shoulder pulls him out from the depth of his sorrow, blurry eyes shoot up in an attempt to identify the meddler. His blood runs cold as if the person standing in front of him is not Gwen but her ghost. Before his brain can come up with some form of excuse about his current state, Gwen wordlessly pulls Merlin into a tight hug. His hands are still hanging from the side as he feels some type of way of getting comforted by the person who's practically his love rival. Flinching at his own thought, he has to remind himself that Gwen is his friend first before anything else. All these years she has been nothing but nice to him. Countless times she endangers herself to save Camelot, to save Arthur. Could he even be mad at Arthur for falling for her? He returns her hug as a way to apologize. Merlin has no idea how long they have been like this but when his sobs die down significantly, Gwen pulls away in order to look straight into his eyes. " You love Arthur. Don't you?" Merlin's eyes widened in shock. He doesn't see that coming, being confronted by Gwen on the matter of his feelings towards their king, no less.
"I will never come between you two." Words fall from his lips faster than his brain can process.
" So you're not denying your feelings for him," says Gwen, holding his gaze in place. Merlin is beginning to doubt his sanity. Otherwise, why would he confess things that he'd sworn not to tell a soul?
"Gwen, don't let this information change a thing between you two. " He makes a desperate attempt to convince her . Much to his surprise, Gwen erupts into laughter, shaking her head.
"Idiot" Gwen begins with her usual affectionate tone, "Whatever Arthur and I have, it's all in the past. I started to make peace with it. And believe me, i think he loves you too".
"Gwen, I am not in a mood to joke". Merlin pulls off his serious face, hoping she gets the cue.
"Merlin, do you truly believe I will joke about something like this? "
"Did you hear him say that he...he loves me ?" Merlin can't stop the anticipation rising in him as the frantic beat of his heart echoes in his ears. He is not going to lie, the prospect of Arthur may have a feeling for him generates a ripple of hope.
"No," Gwen replies matter-of-factly.
"He didn't tell me anything other than the fact that he loves a man. But is it not obvious? I mean the way he looks at you. I know the look. I should have seen it sooner. He may not admit it, but whenever he can't see you, he becomes restless." Merlin's brain is working overtime to process the new found information. Momentarily, Gwen's words did a pretty good job of feeding into his dilutions. Then doubt slaps him out of his fantasy land. What if it's one of the knights or some stable boy?As if he has not had his heart broken enough today, now it feels like someone punches him in the gut. Seeing her friend in a state of complete despair, Gwen starts: " Merlin, say something, you're scaring me now ".
" Arthur's in love with a man, and you naturally assume it's me. It could be anyone." Gwen doesn't miss the hurt in his voice.
"If it is not you. Who can it be? " She sounds genuinely curious.
" Honestly, I don't want to know. I would rather not discuss it...and it's been pretty late I guess I will leave". Merlin mumbles an apology before slipping away, leaving Gwen to her own device.
After spending two whole days sulking about who could be Arthur's new suitor, despite himself, when Gwaine bursts into his room to inform him that the King has been planning to go on a hunt, alone, while his shoulder is still on the path to recovery, Warlock seriously goes through all the options to kill the blonde. What's wrong with this man? Why does he have to be so difficult all the time? So far, no one has been able to persuade him to abandon this suicidal idea. Gwaine fills him with all the misadventures Arthur has got himself into, including the one where he sustained the injury and somehow believes only Merlin can put an end to it.
"No."
"Come on Merlin, princess listens to you"
"Have you seen him lately? He doesn't listen, doesn't talk. All he does nowadays is bite," Merlin complains, frustration slipping through the voice.
"Arthur bite you, really? " Gwaine can't help the smirk, as he asks.
" What?" Once the realisation dawns on Merlin, he lets out a huff. "No. Absolutely not. Why would he do that? "
"You just said he did,"Gwaine teases, raising his brows.
"I said figuratively".
"I thought you meant literally."
"Gwaine".
"Alright. Alright."Gwaine puts his hand up defensively. "I know you two have a little domestic. But I also happen to know that in the entire five kingdoms, if anyone can knock some senses into Arthur, it's you".
Though Merlin has his reservations about Gwaine's claims of him having some kind of power over the king, he can't afford to sit idly when the dollop head is ready to put himself in harm's way just to prove God knows what. If not any sense, at least he can certainly try to knock his head.
Arthur finds himself gasping for breath, sitting on the edge of his bed as his shoulder is now throbbing with a fresh wave of pain caused by his clumsy attempt to get out of his sweaty nightshirt instead of calling for help. Enduring a bit of inconvenience seems like a much better option to him than having to face Merlin. And if it is not for George's over-the-top professionalism that irritates Arthur to no end, he will reinstate the lad as his new manservant. But deep down, he knows it's not the only thing stopping him from doing it. Replacing Merlin with someone else doesn't sit right with him. Never has. Something must be wrong with him otherwise, who, in their right mind, instead of hiring a competent servant, spends every waking hour waiting for their nosy manservant to come bustling through the door. No matter how many times he tries to school his thoughts in quite moments like these, when the castle settles for the night, Arthur can't help but miss his stupid jokes, his stupid neckerchief, his dump locks on a hot summer day, his kind eyes so full of life, his flushed cheeks after a mild praise, his Cupid bow lips, his lean waist, his hips ... That's it. He needs to stop. There's no way he will allow himself to toy with Merlin's dignity, not even in his imagination, which, if left unchecked, would go so far as to dream about the things he can't have.
Arthur is so entangled in the web of his own thoughts that he fails to notice he has company and nearly jumps out of his skin as he feels a hand clasped on his good shoulder and, already tugging the nightshirt, still hugging his body. As soon as his eyes meet those familiar eyes of Merlin's, his racing starts to follow its natural rhythm. Even though his first instinct is to push Merlin away before he ends up hurting him again, in the end he decides against it just to have him around for a little longer. He knows it is like going back on your own words, but as long as his eyes can see Merlin he will not mind being a hypocrite. It may not end well, still for now he caves in to his selfish desire and lets his manservant remove the shirt before discarding it on the floor. It went relatively smoothly, barring a few grunts escaping him when he'd to raise his arms. Actually, he is quite impressed by Merlin's efficiency, which he is not going to lie has improved significantly over the years.
"Does it hurt? " Merlin leans forward to inspect, fingers carefully gliding over the neatly tied bandage.
"Not when you're touching it." Arthur will question his own lucidity if it's not for the way Merlin retrieves his hand in utter embarrassment that amuses him more.
"Since you're already here. Help me get dressed", Arthur demands, after clearing his throat.
" No. "
"Why not? "Arthur sprangs up from bed, yelping at the pain caused by the commotion. Still, a giddy feeling takes hold of him as it fleetingly elicits a concerned look from Merlin.
"Because there is no need for you to get dressed. I wouldn't let you go anywhere outside this chamber, let alone on a hunt all by himself", Merlin quickly masks his worry before replying defiantly.
" Okay; now you're not making any sense"
"I - I'm not making sense, really! Gwaine told me everything about your plan to go on a hunting trip . Let me tell you something. If you don't abandon this stupid idea of yours I will have to make you do it. So save your bravado for some other time." Merlin blows up, anger simmering just below the surface of his skin.
"Hang on a minute! First of all, I have planned no such thing and, second of all, I'd like to know from where Gwaine's getting all this information. He's been hitting the tavern more often, has he not?"
Now it's Merlin's turn to be taken aback. Why'd Gwaine lie to him unless ... Merlin curses his friend under his breath. The knight must have set him up like that to get him to talk to Arthur.
"Oh, there must be some misunderstanding sire, I apologise." Merlin tilts his head in a bow; his earlier demeanour of defiance is now gone. It infuriates Arthur when Merlin is like this , instead of being his usual self, trying to act like those council members who'd not let go of any opportunity to flatter him.
" Why're you apologising for Gwaine's mistake? Clearly, something had got to him. First he took a swing at me and now this, making things up from thin air", Arthur laments exasperatedly.
"What happened the other day was your fault, not his." Merlin can't help defending the honour of his friend:" You're the one who didn't budge when you should have. What's exactly going on in your mind ? Or you just can't stop thinking about the man who has stolen your heart".
Merlin does not realise what he's just blurted until he sees Arthur's face has gone pale. His own turns paler as Arthur siezes his upper arms and yanks. A sense of dread makes him bite the inside of his cheek. But the damage has been done.
" What did you just say?" Arthur asks spitefully, his voice hoarse around the edges.
"I am sorry. I ... I should not have said what I said." A sharp gasp escapes Merlin as Arthur digs his fingers even deeper where he wraps them around his manservant's arms, bruises starting to form against his pale skin.
"Arthur, let me go, it hurts." His attempt to wiggle out of Arthur's grip meets with little to no success.
" So this is what you and Gwen do in your free time, gossiping about my love life ".
" Arthur, it's not what you think "
"Oh! Please enlighten me."
"It's just...it just happens to be... "As Merlin is struggling to finish the sentence, Arthur supplies. "It just happens to be you're fixated on my love life."
"No, it's not true." Merlin lets out an exasperated sigh, "And will you just unhand me?"
The king of Camelot reluctantly complies. "Alright, tell me the truth now. "
Since Arthur's in no mood to back down, Merlin begrudgingly opens his mouth. "The truth is you're so unwilling to look past your nose, I see no point talking to you ... you know what I'm leaving."
Arthur hastily blocks Merlin's way as he's trying to storm out of the chamber.
"Still haven't answered my question: why are you so invested in my personal affairs?How would you feel if I started having similar enthusiasm in your love life?" Arthur has his brows together, thinking, "Actually, that's a good question. There must be someone with whom you'd like to spend the rest of your life, the one that caught your eye. Let's talk about it first."
All those years they had spent together it never once occurred to Arthur that Merlin too could have a suitor. Now saying it aloud feels like somebody stabs a dagger in his heart and then twists it cruely. Straight away, he has lost all interest in finding out the answer, wishing the words never left his lips.
He can practically hear his heart pounding against his rib cage as Merlin moves his lips to speak, "We're servants. Our feelings don't matter. Truth to be told, no one is actually dying to be loved by us". Those words felt like a slap on his royal face. Arthur never even bothers to think about it from Merlin's perspective.
" I am sorry, Merlin. I didn't mean to..." Merlin cuts him off hurriedly, ignoring the frowns that have taken over Arthur's face. " What are you apologising for? It's just the way things are meant to be. We're not noble blood who can love whoever they want, can marry whoever they want. "
" You really think it's that easy for us. We're allowed to love whoever we want." Running hands over his face, Arthur exhales heavily. "Let me tell you this you could not be more wrong. I have been raised to put my duty above my feelings. I don't have the luxury of doing as I please without running the risk of displeasing people."
"You have made an exception earlier. Surely, you can do it again. Morever, if you truly like someone what others think shall not bother you." says Merlin with his usual convection.
" It's easier said than done." Arthur sighs, lowering his head.
" Why ? Don't you have any faith in your love?" Merlin points out, hoping for Arthur to open up. Instead of answering, he walks past Merlin and stops at his work desk to lean against it, crossing his arms over his chest.
" Faith? I don't even know whether he is spoken for or not." Merlin doesn't miss the quiver in Arthur's voice, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy as he watches Arthur yearning for a man who doesn't even know he is the object of the King's affection.
" Why have you not confessed yet? With that pretty face of yours you could have anyone you set your eyes on," Merlin plainly blurts out. His manservant never ceases to amaze Arthur, casually saying things that are bound to make his heart flip in his chest.
Pushing himself off the table, the king slowly walks up to stand before Merlin. He stops at a respectful distance as his manservant is kneading his hands together anxiously.
" How can you be so sure, Merlin?" Locking his eyes with the man standing in front of him, Arthur dares to enquire.
Under his piercing gaze, Merlin unconsciously starts gnawing his lips. Since Arthur surely will not let it slide, mustering all his courage, the warlock begins:"You'll be surprised how many secret admirers you have, women and men alike, who'd happily throw themselves at you if given a chance."
"I don't know that many people fancy me. You make it sound like I can have whomever I want."
"You can see for yourself. "
"Is that so? What about you then? "
Merlin's face falls momentarily before quickly recovering himself. "Do you want me to fancy you ?" Arthur freezes in his place, surprised by the question thrown at him instead of any snide remark he's been bracing himself for.
Merlin is starting to grow worry as Arthur's just standing there, his expression undeciferable. So a moment later when he approaches Merlin, one step at a time, inching closer and closer, the warlock staggers back Instictively. Thankfully, Arthur, with his Knightly reflexes, stops Merlin from falling backwards by clunching onto his forearm. Steading himself, Merlin's eyes travel down to where Arthur's battle-hardened hand still laces onto his before slowly looking back up to find the younger pendragon swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.
"If I say I do want you to fancy me... If I dare to say the man I want to share my life with is you. Will you be disgusted with me? Will you hate me? " Arthur speaks only after finding his voice again.
It takes Merlin a couple of minutes to fully grasp the weight of those words. He's not hearing things, right? Or could it be just another dream of his? Whatever doubt he may have evaporates once the tears trickling down Arthur's cheeks come to his field of vision.
" 'm sorry-" His hands are shaking violently as Arthur let those words out before turning sideways "- to put you on the spot like that. "
The sight of Arthur trying but failing spectacularly to bite back his sobs feels like a fissure opened up in Merlin's heart. Moving to Arthur's side, the warlock places his hand on his bare shoulder and gently spins him around so that he is facing him. Arthur still refuses to meet his gaze. His words nonetheless keep playing in a loop in Warlock's head. The sincerity with which it was spoken makes him believe Arthur means it. All of it. Untying his neckerchief, Merlin brings it to Arthur's face. With a great deal of care, he starts wiping away the tears as if he's been handling the most delicate thing in the entire world.
"Listen to me, Arthur! " Merlin coaxes him, cupping his face with the free hand."You do not disgust me. Yes, at times, putting up with your pompous arrogant arse becomes really difficult but even then I can't bring myself to hate you... I just can't".
Arthur finally braves to glance up. Merlin doesn't like the way Arthur's brows are drawn together, as if he's one breath away from falling apart. Merlin can't allow this to continue.
"You want me?" Arthur's simple nod is all he needs to lean forward, his forehead meeting Arthur's, leaving no room for doubt as he says what he wanted to say for so long: " Idiot, you don't have to ask me to fancy you as I already do. I love you. I love you beyond any measure. I want nothing in this life than to be with you".
Arthur pulls away to make sure he's not imagining things, dreading Merlin may burst into laughter any moment now, announcing it was just a joke. In lieu of any mockery or uncertainty, he is greeted with Merlin's soft yet sincere smile, as if he is finally relieved to be able to let go of his secret.
"You are saying? "
" Yes, dollop head, I love you. Will you now stop making me repeat myself and say something? "
Arthur doesn't in fact say anything but pours his little heart out onto Merlin's lips as he knows no words can do justice to convey how much he loves this man. The neckerchief clenched in the warlock's hand is starting to fall to the ground at the very first touch of Arthur's chapped yet soft lips against his. Merlin, with matching eagerness parts his lips, making room for the other person to explore without any impediment. Emboldened by it, Arthur pulls him closer to deepen his kiss, leaving as little room between them as humanly possible. Taking advantage of the closeness, one of Merlin's hands shoots up to the back of the King's neck and the other moves further up to grab a handful of his golden locks, which brings out a muffled groan from Arthur. A frantic scramble of tangled limps and long-held desperate kisses fill the space.
If it is not for mundane need for air they have no intensions of breaking apart. After catching his breath for good, It doesn't take long for Arthur's eyes to find Merlin, whose eyelids are still fluttered shut in his arms. On the contrary, the expression on Merlin's face is so open and welcoming that it makes the butterflies droning in his stomach. Without wasting another moment, Arthur goes back to imbibe him like some rare exotic wine. And the moans he is rewarded with only encourage him to go on like this forever. Indeed, he would go on like this, were it not for the more pressing issue in his hand. It takes every bit of his willpower to tear himself off of his manservant for the second time tonight. A mix of emotions washes over him as he sees Merlin equally unimpressed by their shared moment of passion fading away. He takes Merlin's hand in his, leading him to the foot of the bed, motioning him to sit on its edge before plopping down besides him.
"Arthur?" Whatever words are about to follow gets lost in his throat as Arthur brings his forefinger to rest on his lips.
" Merlin, please let me do the talking." A nod from his manservant smoothens his nerve enough to continue: "What I have done to you the other day... " A lump rises up in his throat, hands falling to his laps. Merlin reaches out to hold the hand before giving it a gentle squeeze.
" Nothing I say now will justify my action, so I place myself at your disposal. Please forgive me Merlin." What a sight to behold . The king of Camelot is begging for forgiveness from a servant, no less. Merlin can himself hardly believe his ears. A man chronically allergic to saying 'thank you' and 'sorry' is finally changing his ways.
" Hmm, I will forgive you but... "
"But what Merlin? " Arthur's heart is picking up speed once again.
"Leave it. I don't think you can actually follow through it."
"What is it Merlin? Please tell me. I will do anything to repent." Merlin had to press his lips together in order to suppress his laughter at Arthur's desperation. But the puppy eyes Arthur is giving him makes it hard not to take pity on the king, who looks ready to drop on his knees if that earns him Merlin's forgiveness.
"What if you find the task extremely difficult once I tell you?"
"I don't care. Just tell me what I can do to make it right by you, please". Arthur shakes Merlin in one last desperate attempt to convince him.
"Alright! So, for all the time you're being mean to me, you will have to compensate for it with lots of kisses and... "Merlin trails off as Arthur looks at him with a mouth resembling a gaping fish.
"And? "
"And you have to make love to me". Closing his eyes, Merlin puts his point forth in one breath, ignoring the way his face burns. The next moment, with a sudden jerk, his back hits the incredibly soft royal bedsheet with Arthur hovering over him. His face lits up with the biggest grin Merlin has seen in days or maybe months. However, the raw desire in his gaze and the heat radiating through his bare torso sends a shudder down the warlock's spine.
"W-what are you doing? " Merlin's breath hitches as Arthur already slides his hands under his overworn shirt, stopping whenever he finds the spots which make his manservant writh beneath him to caress.
"Let me properly apologise to you, my love. "
" Arthur! " Before Merlin can come up with some other gibberish, Arthur chases his mouth and, for the first time in his life, he doesn't mind apologising at all. In fact, he is quite determined to 'apologise' to his love of life in every possible way known to mankind. Although they have a lot to unpack from their chests at this particular moment, both of them mutually decide to leave all the worries of the world behind with a silent promise to one another that from this day onwards there will be no two bodies, no two minds, no two souls but one.