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Staring at the ceiling, I couldn't help but imagine what life would've been like if I stuck with him. Was it stupid? Maybe. However, I felt backed into a corner. All this lying, sneaking about, and overthinking every small word was getting old. It wasn't how I envisioned my life and relationships. I wanted to grow old with someone, live in a quaint apartment, be content. That wasn't something I would've been able to get with Hobie. The inconsistent yet consistent nature of his love was too confusing to grasp for me. Love shouldn't be that confusing.
One day, we'd be lazying about. Him sat on his bed, legs hanging off the edge. Me, sat between them, head resting on the slightly roughed up sheets laying messily on the bed. The rocking of the boat was one I had become adjusted to, so it didnt affect me as it used to. Staring up into his eyes, I felt his hand rake up my neck, run gently against my cheeks, and then curl up into my hair, soothing it, just to let go and repeat the process all over again. This was the life.
Though I couldn't quite distinguish the look in his eyes, I knew something. There was no hiding the happy gleam in mine, and I doubt he would find it easy to ignore. Hell, despite having a smirk on his face 24/7, his lips were curled up into a softer look, something not easy to fake. My eyes scanned all over his face. It was soft, sweet. Filled with love I haven't seen before. Maybe it was the way the moon light reflected off the water and hit his face so perfectly through the window? Or how I had searched his face countless times but nothing felt so innocent until now. Every part of his face was relaxed, like he was letting me in.
"Luv?" I saw his lips move, his deep voice connecting to my ear like the best rock song I could've ever heard. A hum escaped my throat, letting him know he could continue. I would've let him continue, even if I wasnt bothered to hear what he had to say. His voice was like a recreational drug, and to say I was addicted would be an understatement.
"How was your day?" Such a mundane question to anyone. How was your day? Rarely anyone asked anymore, so to me? It was massive. He actually wanted to hear how my day was? Hear what i did? And I could tell it wasn't filler for the silence that had filled the room; Hobie was a person who didn't care about silence, and frankly, despite how loud he was, physically and metaphorically, silence was something even he could appreciate.
His hands rested on my neck. Flat, warm. His thumb brushed my pulse point. The callouses that lined his fingers brushed perfectly against my skin, which in turn, sent a shiver down my spine. I wouldn't change this for the world. His hands tightened for a second. My breath hitched. Then, hearing an amused hum at my reaction, he prodded for an answer. "Hm? So how was it, mate? Dont leave anything out. I wanna hear everything."
While a stranger would've just assumed this was normal, I knew otherwise. He was tired. He wanted to fall asleep to my voice. A smile fluttered onto my face, and a warmth filled my stomach. Damn. This guy really fucking liked me, huh?
Slowly standing up, I turned so that I was facing him. My eyes trailed up and down, stopping at certain parts with a hunger I would act on later. Gently pushing him back, he didn't resist. My hand was flat against his chest, and once his back hit the mattress with a soft 'flump', I trailed my hand down to rest just before his crotch. Then, my eyes flicked up. "Comfy?"
I couldn't even say anything. My jaw was askew the moment I looked down at him. Tired eyes staring into mine, shirt slightly lifted, face slightly flushed. I knew he liked me, but damn. Didn't think i could elicit a reaction of this sort just from manhandling him a little. A soft chuckle escaped my throat.
Slowly crawling onto his crotch, I sat on his lap, running my hands up and down his clothed chest. Then, snaking my hands under his shirt, I rested my hands on his hips and gently rubbed my thumbs over the surface of his stomach. His skin was smooth besides some lumps and scars, which I liked. The change in texture was quite appealing to me. Glancing back up at him, I smiled happily. "Come on, my good boy, answer me. You comfy?"
A sigh escaped his throat. Wriggling a little, he started to try to take off his shirt, but his movements were a little sloppy that it was almost pitiful. Shaking my head playfully, I decided to just help him and took his top off and threw it off into a corner to be discovered months later. Then, kicking my legs off to one side, I kneeled next to him and dragged his body up so his head was against the pillow. He wasn't heavy, but it wasnt surprising with his thin and lanky stature. Admiring him for another few seconds as I watched him lying there in the moonlight, I flushed. He noticed this, smirked, but said nothing. Probably couldn't be bothered. Lazy guy. Then, focusing on his pants, I undid his belts, which was plentiful. How many belts do you need for a pair of damn pants? Whatever. Lifting the buckle on the first one, running the slightly sharp metal between my fingers, i peeled it away from his pants. Then, another, and another, and another. After throwing the belts away with a huff, I then unzipped the zipper, forcefully shoving away any memories of unzipping his pants any other time. His eyes lazily stared at my hands as i worked.
"Lift." I mumbled, tapping his hips. He obliged; not usual, but I could imagine he was happy to do so because he was just being lazy and getting shit done for him. Rolling my eyes, I pulled down his pants with one hand, using the other to hold his boxers up so he still had some decency left. However, they slipped a bit, and damn. I wasnt disappointed. The small hairs that trickled down towards his crotch was not disappointing in the slightest. Gently trailing a finger down, following his happy trail, I kind of forgot that I was meant to be undressing him in an innocent manner. However, the teasing clear of Hobies throat brought me right back to the situation at hand. Fuck. A nervous chuckle escaped my throat. Locking eyes with him once again, I could see the teasing remarks bubbling just below the surface. "Shut up, Hobes. You're lucky I'm doing this shit for your lazy ass."
Though he had a sassy comment on the tip of his tongue, he nodded his head and shut his mouth. A smirk played on my lips. If thats how he wanted to play, I'll play this little game. Straddling his hips again, I leaned in close, my breath hitting his ear as his breath hit my jaw. Whispering into his ear, my voice was low and seductive, making this feel even more intimate than it was supposed to. "Good boy~"
Though Hobie wasn't the type of person to get turned on by being called a 'good boy,' the involuntary shiver that ran down his spine was no mistake. He must've been very needy right now, especially probably because of how tired he was.
Flipping myself so that my back was facing him, I stayed on his lap and continued to push down his pants. Occasionally, I'd have to manhandle his legs up so I could pull off his pants. After a while, I felt a warmth trail down my back, scratching lightly. Looking over my shoulder at him, I watched hobie trail a finger over my slightly arched back. His eyes were half lidded, not even focused on his actions. On the contrary, he was just watching my reaction. Rolling my eyes, I shook my head and huffed. "Simp."
"Not my fault i have such a pretty boy sat right on my lap." He declared, his hands running down to rest on my ass, giving it a soft squeeze above my clothes, causing a small moan to escape my throat. Damn. He played dirty. Blushing softly, I looked away and huffed. Then, I felt arms wrap around me and a face press against my back. Looking down, I saw beautiful ebony arms wrapped around my mid riff. "Don't be like that, luv."
He knew how to wrap me around his finger, and i knew it. It was obvious with how he chuckled against my back, the vibration in his chest felt on my back. Gently reaching down to holding one of his hands in mine, I used my free hand to finally wiggle off his pants and threw them elsewhere. Next, I felt lips press against my back. Fuck. They were so soft yet not at the same time. The juxtaposed textures sent a feeling similar to electricity jolting through my whole body. The lip ring, too. God. The cold contrasting the warmth? Amazing. My eyelashes kissed my cheeks as a soft groan of sorts escaped throat.
"God, hobie. You're meant to be trying to sleep." My voice was low as I looked at him over my shoulder, a smirk playing on his face as he looked up into my eyes. A hum of acknowledgement was heard from him, his Adams apple vibrating slightly, but other than that, he didn't react to my words. "You're so annoying sometimes."
Turning to face him again, I slid down to rest my head on his chest. Letting my arms sprawl on the bed, I lifted my head to rest my chin on his chest. Staring into his eyes, heat rushed to my cheeks, but I tried to ignore the feeling. Instead, I just started to ramble on about whatever, feeling Hobie's breathing even out.
Eventually, the night would end falling asleep in each others arms, calm and quiet.
But if that was the case for every night, I wouldnt have had to cut him off. Unfortunately, that wasnt the case. Instead, it was mostly the opposite of a calm and quiet night.
Another day, hobie would come back, smelling like alcohol. He wasnt a heavy drinker, nor was he a light weight, but he did have a pint or two nearly every day; he was easily agitated that way. Usually, I'd stay out of his way know that was just his way of coping with the stress of being spider-man and that, but i was having a slightly tough day and just wanted to speak to him.
Peaking my head around the doorway, I looked into the living room of my apartment to see him lazing about on my couch, spread like a damn star fish. He seemed to be on the verge of falling asleep, which made me feel even guiltier for disturbing him.
Knocking on the door frame, I kept my eyes trained on Hobie, a guilty expression on my face. "Hobie...?" No response. Just distant staring at the tv. A sigh escaped my throat. He must've drank a lot tonight. Taking a few more steps towards him, I glanced at the tv playing some random old reruns of shows before looking back at hobie. Sitting with my back against the arm of the sofa, I stared at the wall for a while, unable to find a way to phrase the fact I just wanted to talk to him. I mean, he already seemed so distant now. How would he react if I tried to strike up a conversation?
"Hobie?" I repeated, my tone more firm. Pausing, I didnt hear a response, but I decided to continue. There was no way he was going to get that mad at me for just talking to him, right? Playing with a strand of my hair in a nervous habit, I bit my bottom lip for a few seconds, contemplating what exactly to talk about. Some shifting was heard behind me, so I took that as a good sign he was listening a little bit.
Taking a deep breath, I started. "Soo... I went out with some of my work mates earlier today. Went to a cafe and that and-" my speech was broken up by shouting.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU'RE SO DAMN LOUD, AND I DONT GIVE A SINGLE SHIT." a pang of hurt shot through my heart. Fuck. Freezing for a second, I quickly got up to look at him. As soon as I looked at him, I saw him bent over and knew what he was going to do without even needing to be told. And like that, puke was spilt all over my carpet, and Hobie panting like a dog afterwards. His eyes slowly looked over at me, and his eyes narrowed. "This is your fault. Don't get me fucking stressed. You're such a twat sometimes." A pause, then a huff. "I'm sleeping here." Not a question, instead it was a statement. No please, no thanks. Like he just expected it.
And with that, he was asleep without a second thought. He didnt even bother to clean up his sick. It made me pause, staring at the scene, wondering what I ever did to earn this type of treatment, and so, with a heavy heart, I walked to my room and decided to sleep on the issue. Maybe he'd rectify this in the morning? I wasn't sure, but right in this moment, I was too exhausted to care.
Throughout the night, I was tossing and turning. In the end, I didnt even get to sleep when I heard the birds chirping. Even with my eyes closed, I saw light flood in the room, seeing orange despite my eyes closed. A sigh escaped my throat.
Turning my head to face the window, I looked at the streams of early morning and just stared. Frosty patterns clung to the window, making me even more hesitant to leave the comfort of my bed, but after a few more minutes of staring at the pinks, yellows, and reds turning into blues, I decided to get the day started and confront the incident that happened just below.
Forcing my exhausted body out of bed, it felt like I was carrying a weight on every limb I tried to move. This was a massive mistake, but I knew I couldn't leave it any longer. Anyway, I would have to confront the issue soon, so might as well get it over and down with. Wiping whatever crust was in my eyes with the palms of my hands, I slid my feet into my slippers and started towards an eerily quiet living room.
Nothing. When I rounded the corner, I saw nothing out of the ordinary besides the sick left from last night. Hobie? Gone. No note. Flicking my eyes to where my phone rested, under the tv, I checked it and saw no text message. He didnt even have the decency to message me anything. Not a "sorry." Not an "I love you." Nothing. Wow.
Staring at the blank notification page on my phone, I didnt move for a while. Just stared in confusion. What did I do to deserve this? Everything I've done for him... my fists clenched, my knuckles turning white. Throwing my phone onto the couch, I groaned. How stupid was I?
My eyes flicked back to the sick, and I almost gagged at the sight. However, I didnt stare for a while before walking into the kitchen and grabbing my cleaning supplies. While I would've loved to find hobie, confront him, the sick was a much more pressing issue, and I didnt exactly want to leave it another few hours to continue to stink up the house, so I got to cleaning it up.
After cleaning it up, I turned my cleaning gloves upside down and threw them in the bin alongside the rag I used to clean. Taking the bag out of the bin, I tied it up and left it near the front door of my aparment so I could take it out later. The final step was to spray a nice smelling spray over my carpet to try to suppress the smell. It didn't work as well as I had hoped, but it was good enough.
After a bit of pondering, I decided to also light a candle. While we technically weren't allowed candles because it could set off the fire alarm, I wasn't sitting in an apartment that smelt like sick constantly, so I went over to shelves that were hanging on the wall on the right side of my tv and grabbed the candle down. Also grabbing the lighter down, I pointed the lighter towards the wick and watched the flame glow alight with a satisfying click. As the wick caught light, I placed the candle back on its heat proof mat and placed the lighter next to it. The smell of carrot cake slowly flowed through the room, and I inhaled it with a soft sigh. Better.
Finally, it was time to confront hobie. Grabbing my phone from the sofa, I sat down on it and stared at his contact, wondering what exactly to say. Would he be hung over and angry? Or would he be content in hearing me out? Maybe he'd just ghost me... I wouldn't be surprised.
Me and Hobie, while dating, were like strangers during the day. He had to be spider-man, which left little room for us to begin with, and then he had protests to attend, which i didn't stop him; his beliefs were just as important to him as me as we believed in mostly similar issues. Additionally, while I didn't make him cut them off, I could see his mates were kind of leaving a bad impression on him. At first, I was trying to tell him my side of the story and how I saw how bad they were for him, it was just wasted breath, going in on ear and out of the other, so I just decided to shut up. If he wanted to choose them over me, I would let him. I just hoped he'd realise what was better for him and would let them go eventually.
My thumbs slowly started to type on my phone screen before I had comprehended them moving. When my brain finally caught up with my actions, my stomach dropped, but I didn't rectify my mistake. It was true, so i just sent the message.
"Hobie. We need to talk. All this running around is getting tiring. Im not here to pick up after your mess, nor am I just going to go back to playing happy boyfriends when you want me. Im not something for you to pick up and drop whenever suits you best. Im a person like you, and if you can't acknowledged that, I dont think I can be with you."
And like that, I'd shut down my phone and start getting ready for work. And when night hit, after ghosting me all day, he'd come back all lovey dovey, holding me close and cradling me to sleep before sneaking out to go meet his mates, and then the whole thing would just continue. It was a constant loop of feeling like enough to feeling like not enough every single day. I was getting tired.
So, with a heavy heart, I cut him off. My heart screamed not to, to keep him, to make sure he doesnt leave, but my brain took control. It was probably a sensible idea, but to my heart, it was the worst mistake I could've ever made. It felt like I was being torn inside out, but at the same time, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
While I didn't do much to begin with, just slowed my texts and that, I was slowly blocking him on the smaller apps, ones he wouldnt notice, until I built up the confidence to completely cut him off. It hurt. However, when i finally built up enough confidence, I texted him on the final app I hadn't blocked him on.
"Hey Hobie. I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. I loved you, but it wont work anymore. Don't come around anymore."
And that was that. For ages, I heard no response from him or anything about him in fact; the fact he didn't respond didn't surprise me that much because I blocked him, but the fact I had heard nothing about him at all kind of surprised me. He was a big figure in the punk scene as both of his identities, especially with him being known as spider-punk (even though he would always correct people and try to get everyone to call him the anarchic spider-man.) It was like he had flown under the radar for ages other than occasional appearances in the media for saving some people as spider-man. Other than that, no sign of Hobie had been in the news despite him usually causing chaos.
That was until a few years later. Or like 2 years, but thats a big gap considering how close we were. It was kinda of crazy how lowkey he had became, but after like half a year, he was back to being Hobie and spider-man, but it took 2 years for him to come back majorly into my life. You'd think it would've been in some sort of flashy way, but it really wasn't. Just a mundane accidental meet up after two years of radio silence.
Walking through the streets of Camden with headphones, I wasnt exactly thinking about hobie. Just walking to clear my mind after a particularly hard day at work. My eyes glanced over to my favourite cafe. A drink couldn't hurt.
It was one of those types of cafes ran by someone who clearly aspired to go big with their coffee one day. I'd always support these businesses over any big one any day. They always filled me with a sense of belonging. While I didnt exactly belong elsewhere and knew that, it was still nice to feel like I belonged every once in a while.
After ordering my drink, I went and sat down at a small little booth near a window. I watched as orange leaves fell from trees, watched how they got whisked away by the wind, watched how free they were. A sigh escaped my throat. Then, I saw two leaves go together and felt my heart clench.
I was lonely. There was no denying that. I didn't really have anyone to call my own. There were my friends, but a lot of them had better friends, and I couldn't exactly love my friends the same as a partner because they weren't the type to being open with affection on a similar level to a relationship while still being friends; I didn't mind that type of affection, but I never really told anyone about it because I knew they wouldn't accept it/ would look at me weird. Anyway, while I tried to move on from Hobie, I hadn't been able to find someone to fill the specifically Hobie shaped gap left in my heart. Everything felt too forced and weird. 2 years didn't seem like enough time; no amount of time would be enough, I supposed.
Time hadn't caught up until I felt a tap on my shoulder. Gentle, soft. Hobie? Not being too hopeful, I turned to face whoever tapped me. I was glad it wasn't actually hobie, even though deep down, my heart deflated a little. Instead, it was a cashier, and with a small yet polite smile, she said she was closing up shop. Nodding my head, I finished my now cold coffee and thanked her, getting out the booth and walked out the shop. Great. What an idiot. I spent so much time day dreaming I didn't even realise I had sat there, staring out the window like a hopeless romantic.
Running a hand over my face, I tried to chase the exhaustion from my face, but my eyelashes still hung heavy on my face. Zipping up my jacket and flipping the hood onto my face, I tried to ignore how the cold was chilling my bones. When did it get so frosty?
Watching the street lights flick to life, I watched rain fall through them and tilted my head. A soft smile formed on my face. Tonight was quite beautiful. Glancing up, I saw a few stars in the night sky despite the light pollution and it was enchanting. Like I was in an animated movie that was going to win an award for the most beautiful backgrounds. Clearing my face of all the rain that fell on it while looking up, I started on my way home.
Partway through the walk, I briskly walked past a night club. It wasn't my scene, and I knew this place could get rowdy, so I didn't want to get swept up in the noise of the night despite it only being 8pm. London was just hectic like that.
However, just as I was about to look away, I saw smoke rising from the alleyway beside the club, and the small glint of a burning cig. Then, in the most random action that I would never be able to describe the reason of, I looked at the recipient of the cig.
Hobie.
Fuck. Subconsciously, my fists clenched beside me before quickly shoving them in the pockets of my hoodie. Maybe I should've expected to see him soon since he was a big figure, but still. It came as a shock to my system. Hobie? The man I used to love? Still indulging in his bad habits? It almost made me laugh in sadness. He never did change, did he?
When I felt someone barge past me, I realised I was stopped in the middle of a busy London road, so I decided to start to walk off. Not before connecting gaze with Hobie. It wasn't on purpose, really. Just an accident. However, the glint of recognition that ran through his eyes like a shooting star made me pause for another second more. The gleam held more, more than what I could decipher in that moment. However, my heart felt heavy. Was I really about to walk away from someone who has held my heart past what he was meant to?
The answer was yes. I was. Continuing back home, I tried to block out the waves of emotions washing over me. Keeping calm, I changed my music from the more mellow tones I was listening to to a more upbeat song in hopes of distracting my mind from the brief contact. However, I could still feel my heart yearning for some sort of contact with him despite my mind forcing my body elsewhere.
So, without even thinking it through, I unblocked him. Not a lot. Just unblocked his number just incase. It wasnt even likely he'd text me. It had been years. Hell, he might've changed his phone number. How was I to know? But maybe with a strip of luck, he'd text me back.
Once I had gotten home, I went straight into my bedroom and took off my clothes. Placing my coat on the coat hanger on the back of my door, I then turned to the radiator to make sure it was on to dry my coat. It was. Warm and toasty. Taking off my hoodie and jeans just to change into another hoodie and joggers, I slid into bed. Placing my headphones and phone off onto my bedside table, I settled in and grabbed the book I was reading off my side table. I was about to settle into the book with little sunlight remaining until I heard my phone buzz.
Hobie?
But once again, it wasn't. Just some random app reminded me to fill in my calories of the day, my sleep, etc. One of those silly little apps you download on a whim to try and get healthier just to ditch it a few weeks later. I probably should've deleted it off my phone by now, but I was too lazy to do it. What better time than the present?
As i was deleting the app, another notification popped up on my screen. To my surprise, it was actually hobie. Throwing my phone to the other side of the bed, I stared at it as it bounced to a stop with wide eyes before turning and screaming into my pillow. Hobie? Did I read that right? It was actually Hobie? Well, I still had him saved as "my Hobes" as I never got around to changing it, but I digress. It might be him anyway.
Slowly, I rescued my phone from the other side of the bed, keeping it face down so I didn't accidentally read the message before I was fully prepared. After a few more deep breaths, I decided I was ready, anticipation killing me, and so I turned to phone back around.
Clicking on his message, it read; "hi, I'm just checking if you still have me blocked."
A soft laugh escaped my throat. He knew me so well. Of course I'd cave into unblocking him after just a small bit of eye contact. How cliche. Running a hand over my face, I waited for a new reply to form on my phone before I even attempted to form a response of my own.
He clearly didn't expect me to have actually unblocked him because it took a while before another text flowed into my phone. In that time, I had reached over and turned on a lamp so that the room wasn't as dim and so it didn't damage my eyes with the harsh lighting of my phone. Settling back into a comfy position, I sat with my back pressed against the head board of me bed anf sighed. This was a mess. Who would've thought Hobie would come back in such a mundane fashion despite his loud figure. My eyes fought exhaustion as they awaited his reply, eyelashes constantly blessing my cheeks before finally raising slightly to read his text through half lidded eyebrows.
"Look, I apologise about my actions in the past. I was a fucked up little piece of shit. Still ain't much better. Would've probably been better to keep me blocked, eh? Anyway, mate, I would love if we could catch up some time. Only if that's ok with you. I don't want to put you on the spot or anything. I just want to catch up and talk as friends. Nothing more. Lmk if you're up for it."
The words barely registered in my mind. Fuck. I was exhausted. I decided to just leave this for tomorrow, placed my phone down, turned off my lamp, and turned onto my side. It didn't take long for my eyes to droop and eventually fully close, breath evening out.
When awoken by the first strings of light flooding into my room, i turned onto my stomach and groaned. Curse my internal clock always waking me up at the ass crack of dawn. Just what i needed to start the day. At least I didn't have work or anything. That would've been especially draining dealing with work as well as Hobie. Don't get me wrong, Hobie was always a bit of a handful, but ever since we broke up on bad terms, I couldn't even imagine dealing with him again. What if he didn't change as was still a little prick despite what he said? Or what if he got worse? Rolling my eyes at the thought, I didn't even want to think about the possibility of him still being a prick; it would just put me off responding to his text indefinitely.
Let's not think of that. Slowly standing up and getting out of bed, I slid my feet into my slippers and went about my day. I still didn't think about responding to his message yet.
When I finally got around to answering the message, I had finished showering, gotten changed, and finished my breakfast. Now, I was sitting on my couch, feet up on the sofa to the right of me, my legs curled slightly. Staring at the message that I received, running my thumbs over each other as I stared at the electronic keyboard. Should I even accept this? My eyes flicked up to the electronic clock on the corner of my phone. 11am. Not too late. We could still meet today. There was a distant look in my gaze as I glanced towards one of the corners of my living room. Finally, the pads of my thumbs gently pressed against the keys on my phone.
"Guess we could meet. Where and what time?"
It didn't even take that long for him to message back. He must've been waiting for me to answer. Weird. A bit eager.
"Thanks, mate. I owe you. Meet at one shot coffee in an hour, if you can."
"Yeah, sure. C'ya."
An hour. An hour to prepare myself. An hour until I see him again. Fuck. This felt like a dream or maybe a nightmare; maybe even a mix of the two. My heart started to beat a little faster than it was supposed to, and I tried to ignore how my foot flexed and relaxed subconsciously. It's fine. Taking a deep breath, I started to actually prepare myself to leave my apartment.
Staring at myself in the mirror once more, I ran a hand down my face. This didnt even feel real. All I wanted to do was disappear in that moment. Why did I agree to meet him after everything he put me through? All the rough nights I spent alone because he didnt space a second to comfort me. All those times when I cried myself to sleep thinking I wasn't enough for him. All-
My phone buzzed in my hand, bringing me back to life. It was just some useless app I had on my phone, but it brought me out of my day dreaming, so that was good. At least I wasnt stuck in my thoughts much longer.
Finally, walking out the door, I locked it and set off for the cafe, slipping my keys in my pocket alongside my phone and placing headphones on my ears.
The walk to the cafe was brisk to say the least. A chilly breeze swirled up my spine teasingly, so I didnt exactly want to stick around in the cold too much. Additionally, while we left off on a bad foot, I didnt want to pick it up on an equally bad foot because I showed up late. I agreed to meet him, I've got to make some sort of effort. The least I could do was not show up late.
Arriving at the cafe, I wiped my boots on the doormat before taking a few steps in and looking around. I saw hobie sat at a booth already. Was i late? Glancing at my phone, I saw I was 5 minutes early. How long had he been waiting for me?
He was just as handsome as ever. His free forming wicks bounced healthily with every movement of his head, his face almost even sharper and intelligent with yesrs of knowledge, his piercings shining in the florecent lighting of the dim cafe, his neck tucking into the hoodie he was wearing, his battle jacket a bit more worn but in generally good condition placed over his hoodie, and his roughed, long yet nice hands warmed a slightly chipped cup that had held coffee made with love. His eyes stared distantly out of the window next to his table. There was a chair pulled up opposite of him, clearly waiting for my arrival. Hell, there was a coffee sat in front of him as well. Did he already order me coffee? He was extra prepared... my heart fluttered a tiny bit. At least he was making the effort for me. My eyes scanned the scene in front of me for a few more seconds before walking over to him.
Hesitantly, I pulled out the chair set opposite to him and sat down before tucking myself under the table a bit more. My hands reached out to grab the extra coffee on the table before taking a sip. Exactly how I liked it. He remembered my favourite coffee...
A silence settled between us. I could tell he acknowledged the fact I was there, but was at a loss of words. I would be too if my ex was now sitting in front of me, willing to hear me out. A soft, yet almost uncharacteristly nervous chuckle was heard from him.
"Heyyy, It's... its been a while, huh? Y'good?"
It took my brain a moment to even acknowledge what he said. My eyes lingered on the way his tough hands held the cup ever so gently, the way that he held me once before on those good nights...
"'Suppose." I mumbled, lifting the coffee to my lips and taking another sip. The warm liquid shifting down my throat comfortably, and lingered in my stomach with a comfortable warmth. The warmth spread out around my body and through my veins, warming my whole body against the constantly chilly breeze streaming in through the doors of the cafe just behind our table. My eyes lingered on his hands for a second more before looking back at my cup of coffee. "You?"
"I'm... doing better." Hearing him answer honestly was a weird feeling. I saw his fingers shifting against the cup of coffee. "Have improved and that, but still making progress."
"Mm..." My voice came out in more of an uninterested, distant hum than intended. I did care about his life was now, but it was hard to say that what happened was fully fixed from where we left off. He was still shitty to me, and I, though it was hard to acknowledge, was also shitty to him. The bad thoughts of our relationship couldn't just be erased with a bit of coffee. A heard a soft grunt escape his throat.
"Look, I didnt ask you out here just to try to win you back or anything. Though I would like to try again, I wont force anything. We were shitty together, and I get that, but damn if I didnt miss you." A soft chuckle escaped his throat. It was clear his words were coming deep down, and he was being vulnerable.
When i started to speak, he looked up with sad eyes. "Please, let me finish." Then, he looked back down at his coffee, gently stirring the liquid idly with a biodegradable wooden spoon. "I... I want to show you how much I've changed. The cig in the back alley probably wasn't the best look, but... I... I miss ya', alright? I wont plead you to come back to me, but I just want you to know I still love you." His hand clutching the handle of the coffee cup fell to the table and clenched into a fist. This clearly hurt him. My eyes softed. He looked away, and there was a hint of shame in his eyes. "Maybe it's selfish, but... I can't seem to let you go. Anyway, I tried to get better for you. While I didnt take the professional therapy route, I started to use ways to cope with stress and anxiety better than before. The alcohol wasnt helping me, and I finally learnt how to let it go. I'm a year sober." Reaching out, I gently placed my hand over his. His hsnd turned and held mine for a second before letting go.
That's when it hit me he wasn't doing this for sympathy. I dont know exactly what lead him to talk to me and explain this all, but I could tell that something had changed. Hobie in the past would've never given me the time of day, especially to talk about his mistakes and acknowledge the fact he needed to change and the steps he's taken to change/the steps still needed to go. A small smile formed on my face. Looking back at me, he returned the smile, albeit a little uncertain.
"I've also ditched that old band. Made new mates. They are nicer, more supportive. They... are spider-people, just like me. I was in this big HQ for a little before dropping that, but I still kept a small network of people from my time there. We formed a small little band of our own and that. Gwendy is the drummer, miles is the singer, pav is the bass, and im the lead. We... we might not be the best, but its all I could ask for in a band." And with that, he finally let out a breath he didnt know he was holding and looked up at me. His eyes widened when he saw tears in my eyes, and finally, i saw the boy who I fell in love with. It felt like I was falling in love all over again. He was the cute little boy with the gummy smile and the overexaggerated movements and the cutest way of explaining things. I finally saw the handsome guy that took me out to small little shitty restaurants and paid for meals when he could, saw the guy who dedicated songs to me when he played in pubs.
A single tear rolled down my cheeks before quickly wiping it from with my free hand. My heart felt light. While there was still work to do between us before we could really get back to how we were before, I couldnt help but get excited for the future we had planned before. I sighed his name. "Oh Hobie."
He didnt know what to say. All he could do was stare at me from across the table. He really didnt know his words would cause this extreme of a reaction, did he? But it did, and I didnt feel bad at all. He made me cry happy tears, and I was going to make sure he knew that. He changed himself in the best way possible, and I wanted him to know just how proud of him I was. Again, I repeated his name, softer this time. "Oh, Hobie..."
And from the on, we sat in silence, drinking our coffee in a similar way we were drinking in the quiet. The silence spoke loud than any words could. We missed each other, and that was clear through the longing in our eyes, and the way we could allow a comfortable silence to linger around us in a sense of understanding.
And by the time we left each other, we separated with a small hug. Just arms wrapped around each other with no need to take it further.
When we finally split, I watched Hobie walk into the foggy streets behind me and sighed, a cloud escaping my mouth and flowing into the cold air. And for once in a while, I felt content with the thought of Hobie. For now, we were us again. Maybe not as much as before, but on the base level, we were us again.
It took a few more meet ups to actually start opening up to each other on more than a base level. We finally started to show more affection, flirt more, and I could tell how much effort Hobie made into changing for me, and after a while, I was ready to try to have a relationship with him again. He had bloomed a new flame in me, similar to the one from before, but it was sparked to life in a way that felt more meaningful than anything before.
Obviously, we still had those nights we fell out, argued over something, but unlike before they were softer arguments, barely any raised voices. And we never went to bed with thick tension between us. The conversations we had after disagreements felt more real, and we were being more vulnerable to each other. We would sit together and just talk. No distractions, no phones. Just us, on either of our sofa's, talking to the other about our point of views and finding a middle ground that worked for the both of us. It was unlike what we had before, and I loved it.
We could fall asleep naked, pressed against each other, and we wouldn't even think about sex. We explored each others bodies with no need to take it any further. Each little touch was an innocent flicker of the bigger flame that made up our relationship.
A common night looked like this; he'd sneak in through the window at gone 2 am or some weird time like that, cautious of the time and being quiet. He would walk through the apartment, stripping of everything he had on and laying it on the sofa. The final thing he'd remove was his boxers at the foot of my bed. How I knew this?
I was awake. Awake, but pretended to be still. It didn't work because of his spider sense, but still. Didn't want him to feel guilty about keeping me up, so I acted. Anyway, stayin up just know he comes back home alive was worth it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Snuggling into my pillow, I secretly shuffled over slightly, giving him a bit more room in our bed. He'd slip under the covers and instantly wrap his arm around waist if he was big spoon, or he'd curl his legs up when I was big spoon, allowing his body to fit perfectly against mine. While Hobie had a more dominant streak between us, he didnt always have to be the top or dominant one.
Tonight, he was big spoon, decided by himself. I was happy with that. Shuffling into his naked body, I felt myself wedge perfectly between the wall and his back. This was amazing. I didn't want anything more.
But that didnt mean we didn't have any sexual intimacy. There were days we made each other see stars. Laid next to each other, chests heaving, bodies glistening with sweat, smiling giddily. We would come down from our highs together, and then help each other wash our bodies.
He would turn to whisper to me "my pretty boy," and would run a hand across my cheek softly. The hand would slowly make its way down, soft and warm. He explored my body with gentle touches that could go unnoticed if my skin didnt feel ablaze at every touch. There was no way I could ignore anything he did anymore. Kisses were laid gently against my whole face, kissing away any insecurities I have while also gently tickling my jaw with the stubble on his chin.
Closing my eyes, I rested against his body, happy and comfortable. This was everything i have ever wanted. Ever since I met Hobie, I hoped for a future like now. Now that I had it, I was glad and never wanted to let him go. I loved Hobie, and wouldn't change anything.