Chapter Text
Did PJ regret the kiss with Hazel? No. Would she do it again? Yes, but that does not mean she is like in love with her, and she is going to kill Josie if she asks one more time. Okay, maybe this isn’t the best metaphor as they just killed a bunch of football players like a week ago, but PJ plans to process that in therapy way far into the future.
“Cool it!” PJ practically yells to Josie as she gets into Josie’s car.
Josie stares at her and begins driving, might PJ point out, like a maniac. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What do you mean?” PJ questions. She makes her voice like a high-pitched squeal. “’oh, PJ, aren’t you excited to see Hazel? Don’t you want to date her?’ No, I don’t. All I want is some vag, Hazel’s or not.”
Josie blinks. “So you want Hazel’s vag?” Her nose wrinkles as she repeats PJ’s words back to her.
“That is not what I said. I want anyone’s puss and Hazel falls under anyone.” PJ slaps her knees after each word to really emphasize her point.
“Okay.” Josie says, sounding as if she doesn’t believe PJ at all.
“Okay, that’s it. We are making a bet.” PJ proclaims, turning to look at Josie head on as Josie swerves around a couple cars.
“No, we are not. We are not making a bet. That sounds like a bad idea. No. No. No—”
PJ holds up her hand to stop Josie’s spiraling thoughts. “Yes, we are. Listen, I am not in love with Hazel, and to prove it, I will hook up with her for a whole month and not catch any feelings at all.”
“That sounds like a horrible idea.”
“No, it’s a brilliant idea.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is. I’ll get to fuck, and Hazel will get to fuck, and you’ll stop asking me if I’m in love with her.” PJ needs Josie to agree. She wants to fuck Hazel—just fuck Hazel—and this would give her a reason to finally force herself to make her moves.
Josie knew this was a horrible idea, but she looked into PJ’s eyes and saw how badly she wanted her to agree. PJ was so bad at being vulnerable, and Josie knew how PJ felt about Hazel. It was obvious, but if PJ needed her to agree to this bet to finally do something about her undying love, then she would. “Okay, okay. I’ll agree to this bet thing, but you know our schemes never go well.”
PJ smiles. “This one will work out.”
“Sure it will.”
Josie finally gets them to school (safely somehow), and the two get out of the car, knowing that school will be different from how it’s been for years. Ever since their mass massacre, everyone loves them. They constantly walk into school to see “hot shots” written on their lockers. PJ did get “hot shot 1” two days ago thank you for asking. PJ thinks the school actually respects them now; however, Josie thinks the school is just scared of them.
“Hey guys.” Hazel says, suddenly in front of them.
“What the fuck, Hazel? How did you do that?” PJ says.
Hazel ignores the question. “I got emails about more girls wanting to join the club, so we might have a full house today.”
“Are the girls hot?” PJ asks.
Hazel frowns. “I thought you finally learned that—”
PJ interrupts. “Hazel, if they are not hot, then tell them the club is full.”
“What? No! PJ, they seem like really nice girls, and I think these girls need this. They saw at the game that girls can fight and be badass and stuff.”
“Cool for them.”
“Great,” Hazel smiles. “So they can come? Because I already emailed them and told them that we would love them to see them there.”
PJ’s eyes widen. “What? Hazel, I was obviously being sarcastic. It’s not cool if they join.”
Josie cuts in. “We would love to see anyone who wants to join there.”
“Of course, you would say that. You already have a smoke show of a girlfriend, so you don’t have to worry about limited options.” PJ mutters.
Hazel frowns again for the second time in this conversation, but before she can speak, the bell rings.
“Ugh, let’s go to Mr. G’s. Maybe he’ll teach us something actually useful today.” PJ notes, slowing down so that way Hazel is walking beside her and Josie.
“Doubtful.” Josie says as Isabel walks up to join the group.
“Hey Josie.” Isabel smiles, a smile that was clearly only meant for Josie. Fuck! PJ wished someone would look at her like that.
Hazel smiles at PJ. “Should we get to class, lad?”
PJ blinks, realizing that she had stopped in the middle of the hallway along with Josie and Isabel as if she was going to stay out here with them. The two girls start making out, and PJ was not going to be part of that. She starts walking again. “You’re such a dork.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“Sure.” PJ says, elongating the word in hopes Hazel would get the obvious sarcasm.
But nope. She smiles like PJ just gave her the best compliment in the world and takes a seat at her desk. PJ smiles back because she couldn’t help it. Hazel was being so cute, especially now, as she was doodling in her notebook, waiting for class to start, her mop of dark hair covering her face. PJ could just tuck her hair behind her ear, kiss her, and tell her that she is the most amaz—nope. PJ stops herself from finishing that thought. She just wants to fuck and flee her. It will be nothing more.
After fourth period, PJ still hasn’t made her moves on Hazel. It’s probably because she’s had no time as she is been seriously paying attention in class and studying and stuff. PJ snorts, not even able to take herself seriously. She has done a lot of…watching Hazel from afar, but every time she tries to talk to her, she realizes that she hasn’t done her very important math homework or she has to scroll on insta or some other thing that doesn’t involve flirting with Hazel.
Josie walks up as they enter the cafeteria. “Ugh, class got interrupted again because Tucker decided to use one of the cheerleaders as a dodge ball.”
“What the hell? Why did they let him out of the cage?”
Josie shrugs. “Mr. M didn’t think Tucker was too dangerous, and he felt bad for him.”
PJ was about to respond to the utter stupidity that is their gym teacher, but then Hazel walks by, so PJ grabs Josie’s arm and forces her to duck under a table.
“Ow! That is the broken one.” Josie comforts her own arm, cradling it with her other.
“Oh, shut up. It wasn’t even that arm.”
“PJ, I’m serious I probably broke a bo—”
“Shhhhhh,” PJ says, putting her hand on top of Josie’s mouth. “I saw Jeff, and I’m trying to protect you.”
Josie stares blankly, not looking convinced. “he’s not scary, just in love.”
PJ snorts, but seeing Hazel was nowhere to be seen, she stands up.
“PJ, were we hiding from Hazel? Because you know when we did that to her in middle school, that made her cry.”
PJ sighs. “We were not hiding from Hazel.”
“Oh my gosh,” Josie’s eyes widen. “you’re scared to flirt with her because you’re in love.” Her voice gets a sing-song quality as she croons about PJ and Hazel’s “love.” She even adds some jazz hands to give her song some flair.
“Could you be quiet?” PJ’s eyes search around the room, making sure Hazel was nowhere in earshot. “I’m not in love, and I’m going to prove it.”
“Mhm,” Josie says. “Should I write my maid of honor speech now or later? I mean I feel like if I write it now, I’ll be able to more clearly capture the moment you guys got together, but if I write it when you actually get married, I’ll know mo—”
While Josie rambles on, PJ stomps off, heading write towards Hazel. She was not in love, nor scared, nor whatever other feeling Josie thinks PJ somehow feels. She is just horny. What will happen is she will flirt with Hazel, Hazel will swoon at PJ’s apparent charm, PJ will invite her over, and they will fuck.
“Hey PJ.” Hazel says.
“Hey, Haz, can I call you Haz?” PJ starts off, knowing she’s used this line before, but she doesn’t really flirt that often, so sue her for blanking and then saying the first thing that came to her head.
“I think I’m having dejavu.” Brittany says from right next to Hazel.
PJ ignores her. She figured if she ignored her, Brittany would just let it go and let her have her moment to impress Hazel.
Hazel smiles. “Yeah, of course, you know no one has ever given me a nickname.”
“Cool, so…what you doing this Friday?” PJ tries to emulate a sultry look, but judging by Annie’s grimace, she doubts the look had the intended result.
“Making another bomb.” Hazel shares as she chows down on her baby carrots.
“I would love to join you in that.” PJ says, unsure how to get this conversation where she wants it, but she supposes hanging out with Hazel on a Friday night making a bomb is closer to her goal than not doing that? She’s unsure, but Hazel is weird, so this will probably impress her.
Right on cue, Hazel’s face lights up. “Really? You’ve never really taken interest in what I like. I would love for you to help.”
PJ sputters. “What? Of course, I’ve taken interest in your interests.”
Brittany interjects. “You probably haven’t.”
“Okay, no one asked you.” PJ says.
“Hey,” Silvy says unreasonably loud, considering the girls are all at the same table. “Hazel, you are the bomb.”
“No,” Brittany promptly replies as she gathers her salad and walks off.
Silvy emphatically packs up her lunch, too. “Get it, Brittany, because she loves bombs.”
PJ rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s why Brittany didn’t laugh because she didn’t get the joke.”
“So, you want to come to my house after school on Friday?” Hazel asks.
“Yeah,” PJ begins to walk backwards and shoots some finger guns. “After school is good.” PJ can’t be sure, but she is pretty sure she hears laughter that suspiciously sounds like Josie as she awkwardly shuffles backwards to her lunch tray.