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Shy was not a word most people would use to describe Jay Walker. They'd say he was extraverted and friendly and loud and all those synonyms for outgoing. Shy? No.
But unfortunately for him, he could be shy. Painfully so sometimes.
There were two types of shy, the nervous one and the real one. When he was nervous he just talked and laughed more. That was fine, even though he knew he probably sounded dumb. The real shyness happened for different reasons. When teasing hit a little too close to home, or he didn't know how people would react, or something like that, he might keep laughing but he would shrink. Then he'd be quieter than usual while his thoughts continued at full volume in his head, and he'd feel very very small.
Right now he was feeling tiny.
Master Wu had been really proud of them in training that day, and to celebrate he said they could watch a movie after dinner. Naturally, the three of them flew through the dishes after hearing that – well, more like Cole and Jay had flown, while trying to convince Zane to hurry up – and after the kitchen was clean, they argued over which movie to pick.
It was probably the arguing that set Jay off. He liked it. A lot. It felt like they were actual brothers when Cole called him stupid and Zane gave him innocent funny looks, and that made him feel like a family, which made him think about a) his parents and b) if Cole and Zane possibly felt like real brothers too. Then that made him think c) he missed his parents and d) would the boys mind if he called them family or would that be weird. Which led to e) he now was homesick, insecure, and shy, and it all finally wound up with the conclusion of f) he really wanted a hug.
This would be all well and good except for the fact that he didn't have anyone to get a hug from. He was pretty sure that Cole and Zane liked their space bubbles to themselves, and besides he wasn't sure they liked him enough yet. And his parents, well, that was obvious. They weren't at the monastery.
He could probably get a hug from Master Wu, but a) Master Wu was just talking about how they had made a lot of progress bla bla bla, meaning that they were growing up and big, and it would probably disappoint him if Jay came in and asked for a hug like a little kid. And b) he kind of wanted it from Cole and/or Zane because of them possibly being brothers at least in his own mind. And…
…and he knew he was thinking too much when his thoughts went into lists twice.
So here was Jay, feeling tiny, sitting on the couch between Cole and Zane, very much aware of the space between the three of them, and not really paying attention to the movie.
He looked over at Cole. Cole seemed very happy to have won the argument and was definitely paying more attention to the film. Probably not the time to bother him.
He turned and looked at Zane. His eyebrows were squished together as he stared intently at the characters, trying to understand what was going on. Yeah, shouldn't bother him either.
Jay tucked his hands into each other and twisted his fingers. Okay, interrupting wasn't an option. What if he just sort of…happened to lean over on one of them? Casually? Just without saying anything? Nah, he'd probably get pushed off.
Um, what if…he moved to get a pillow and happened to end up sitting closer to Zane only just because the pillows were on his side of the couch? Probably the same thing. Nope.
He could…pull Cole's hoodie over his head and…no, interrupting, that wouldn't work.
Maybe there'd be a jumpscare in the movie and he could use that as an excuse? He watched for a few moments. Yeah, no, not with this one. Cole and his weird boring taste in TV.
Ugh. Jay leaned back, tilting his head against the wall. Whatever, it was fine. Not like he actually needed a hug. He just wanted one and would be perfectly fine without it. Oh, the ceiling was kinda cool, it looked like there was space above the rafters. And as for the homesickness that kept creeping in, he could deal with that later, by which he meant he could cry a little and hide his stuffie under the blankets. And you know what? It was okay if Cole and Zane didn't want to be brothers. They probably didn't. Jay could just think it inside his head, and –
He jumped a little at a poke in his shoulder and jerked his head up.
"You good?" Cole asked, looking at him.
"Um." Okay, okay, hold up so a) maybe he didn't mind about the bubble so much and b) – wait no, not another list– "Yea, I'm okay, why?"
Cole shrugged. "You look tired."
"Oh no, I was just thinking," Jay said, matching his quiet tone so they could still hear the movie.
That obviously didn't convince Cole. He just kept on looking at Jay like he was trying to read him. Well, honestly, Jay was kind of okay with that because his reflexive answers were sabotaging his slim renewed chances of getting a hug.
Although…
Wait, didn't Cole seem really good at reading people? Even Master Wu had to be careful if he didn't want him to know something was on his mind. And Jay knew he was nowhere near as good at keeping his thoughts invisible as Master Wu was. R.I.P. everyone thinking he was getting mature?
With the way Cole was squinting at him, yeah, R.I.P.
"Thinking about what?" he asked, ending the pause.
"My, um, parents?" Jay rushed.
Something in Cole flinched, imperceptible except that he looked away for a second, but he smothered it almost too quickly for Jay to notice. "You miss them?"
Heh. This was his chance. Be grown up, be cool, be mature, be big…
"I really really really miss them," he blurted.
And that plan failed a lot faster than it should have.
He felt his face get hot at how silly it sounded. "I mean kind of. But being a real life ninja is a million times cooler than them, so it isn't like I want to go home or anything like that, cause I'm not a baby. And I'm also not a baby because I'm very grown up and living in a monastery all by myself and I don't need them anymore." Okay, hold on, his mouth was moving faster than his thoughts and that last part did not sit right with his heart. "Well, I mean, not that I don't need them, well I sort of don't, but everybody always needs their parents kind of, and I love them a lot, but I'm way older than a kid 'cause I'm basically a teenager, and a ninja, and super matured and everything. So I'm not a baby."
Cole just kind of stared at him.
Zane, too, had turned from the movie to Jay.
Now there wasn't enough space between the three of them. Jay was surrounded on all sides and pinned to the wall. At this point, the only thing he could hope for was that the TV screen wasn't bright enough to give away the maroon shade of his face.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, Cole and Zane looked at each other over his head, effectively reducing him to a child.
"You guys aren't that much older than me," Jay mumbled, stricken.
"No we aren't," said Zane.
"Speak for yourself, I'm like two whole years older," Cole shrugged.
"A year and a half," Jay protested weakly.
"That is still, comparatively, not a large difference in age."
Cole waved off Zane's technicalities. "Yeah, whatever."
"Well, don't you guys miss your families sometimes?" Jay sounded slightly desperate.
Awkward silence.
He sighed. "That still doesn't mean I'm a baby," he mumbled, crossing his arms.
"Nobody said that, Jay, you're making stuff up," Cole said. "I don't think you're a baby."
Jay looked up. "You don't?"
"No."
"Even when I talk a bunch like that?"
Cole shook his head.
"Or miss my mom a lot?"
He shook his head again.
"Or even though I um, cry sometimes?"
"Nope."
"Really?"
"Really."
Jay stared at him for a minute, thinking, and absently half studying the numberless shades of brown in his eyes. Then the shyness came back full force, and he ducked his head down to stare at his twisting hands. He chewed his lip. If this wasn't his chance, nothing was.
"Would you guys think I was a baby if I wanted a hug sometimes?" he asked quietly.
The one or two seconds after his question felt entirely too long for one or two seconds.
Then Zane patted his shoulder in a half hug, and Jay popped up. Cole put a hand on his head and scruffed up his hair with a small laugh.
"Nah, that's fine too," he said.
"I do not mind in the least, and will think nothing less of you," Zane smiled.
"Really?"
"Geez, you sure like doubting us. Yeah, really. I mean, Master Wu said we're like…brothers or something now anyways, so…whatever." Cole was a little halting, hesitant with the new term, but it was clear he thought he liked it.
Jay tried not to smile too too hard.
"Good. 'Kay, you're gonna get a lot of hugs from now on."
"Oh, great." He wasn't trying to hide the small smile in his voice.
Jay slung one arm around Zane and pulled both of them half onto Cole, then squeezed them hard and felt their startle melt away. "I'm not kidding," he said from his rather smushed position. "A lot."
"Brothers are annoying," Cole jokingly sighed, but he was already playing with Jay's hair the tiniest bit. His hand stopped after a second, like he'd noticed, but he soon started again. Meanwhile Zane was basically a dead weight of comfort, and Jay hadn't noticed until now that he tapped his fingers when he was thinking. They lapsed into quiet, watching the movie again, but Jay couldn't help but smile even through the boring parts. He leaned against Cole's shoulder and thought about families.
When Wu came later to check on the three of them, he didn't wake them up.