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Eleven. That’s all she ever knew for a long time. That was her code name. The number that held high reverence in the Obol Squad. She’s the most efficient soldier under that name. Exceedingly loyal, disciplined, and tactical. At some moments, she is more machine than human. Every spark, every slash, and every step was never wasted. Behind those orange goggles, lie the sharp gaze of a complete soldier. Soldier 11.
Harin. It’s been bothering her for a long time. Ever since watching the recording from Anby’s doll, it always intrigued her. Who was Harin? Is Harin the same person who loves spicy noodles and talking to cats? Is she the name behind the “Soldier 11” moniker? The gap between these two is impossibly wide. And yet, she coexists with it. Living each day with the name ‘Harin’ stuck on her mind.
“Soldier 11, how’s the sitrep?” a voice from the receiver asked. It’s her fellow squadmate.
“All clear, no more hostiles in the area.” She replied after sheathing the sword on her back, just like she always does, for almost a thousand times now. The fire slowly simmers down as her sword cools down.
“Copy that, exfil in 1700. We’ll meet at the rendezvous point.” The voice continued.
“Affirmative.”
She climbed past the rubble and the wrecked cars. The junkyard looks eerily silent under the sunset. On the horizon, she can see nothing but sand and abandoned buildings. The Outer Ring has definitely seen better days. The hollow had amplified a sense of emptiness that it already had. Turning the desert into a proper wasteland. Roamed by etherials and raiders. She finally meets her companion. Tucking her sniper away, Trigger approaches her.
“Another mission complete.”
“Hm” is the only response she gives.
“Still thinking about last week?” Trigger said, referencing the incident with the Silver Soldiers.
“How did you- Yes. My memory is still fuzzy. Some gaps here and there. It feels odd. LIke forgetting something really important. Like forgetting whether or not I checked the fuel supply before heading out.” She said as she looked at the distant sunset. The air is arid, a strong smell of gunpowder lingers in the air.
“Take your time, it must be disorienting. Naturally, you would need some time to acclimate with the events around you.” Trigger said as they walked side by side. Gently placing a hand on her shoulder.
They exit the hollow, greeted by the other Defense Force soldiers. The soldiers give them a hearty applause. One that they always receive, as if they are war heroes. Perhaps they are. The ride back to base is a quiet one, only hearing the sound of the humvee’s engines and Trigger’s humming. She removes her goggles, watching the sky turn dark. Arriving at the base, they part ways and rest for the night. But she goes somewhere else instead.
Sixth street is quiet at this time of day. Only a few bystanders here and there. Either at General Chop’s or at Coff Coffee. It’s a night like any other, quiet and peaceful. She arrives without her goggles, very rarely she ever takes it off. After petting the sleeping canine, she enters the Random Play video store. A bangboo greets her and the back door is opened by the older sibling. A familiar scent of air freshener, cardboard, and plastic wafts through as she enters the store.
“Soldier 11. It’s nice to see you. Here to rent a movie? Or do we have some commissions to take?” Wise asks.
“Velvet Tree Bonfire. I’m here to see you.” She replies in an unusually somber tone.
“O-Oh. You’re still as forward as ever I see.” Wise laughs nervously. “But it’s fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“What do you remember from me?”
The question lingered for some time. Clearly, Wise knew what this meant. So he didn’t feel the need to ask, but it still wasn’t an easy question to answer. He spent so much time together with her, but she forgot about it all. Thankfully, he remembered everything.
“Many things. Many good things. How about we go inside? I actually have recorded us a while back. Before your memory loss. Let’s watch them together.” The proxy replies. His smile seems to ease her mind a little as they both enter the staff room. There, Wise pulls out a tape, titled: Mole in The Hole. They took a seat next to each other. Like they did thousands of time now, but for Soldier 11, it’s her first. Again.
The tape played with footage of their first meeting. How Soldier 11 kept mispronouncing his name, how she bravely entered the hollow alone, and how she rooted out a traitor in the Defense Force. But after that, she also saw extra footage. A collage of their hangouts and conversations.
She saw the late-night noodle trip. The exercise around sixth street. The conversations around cats and how she learns to understand them. It felt oddly nostalgic. The way they laugh. They smile. Even the way she cries when Wise records her watching a sad movie. It all feels familiar. Yet so distant. After the tape ends, the two are silent for a while.
“So, what do you think? It’s quite a lot to remember, but you can always watch this tape if you want to know what your life outside missions look like.” Wise said.
“Is that person… Me? She looks so… delighted. And yet I don’t remember any of it.” she looks away. That feeling of lost time slowly creeping into her. She slowly reaches to grab on her left arm, squeezing her wrist and looking away from Wise.
Wise leaned in a little closer, a hint of hesitation in his eyes, then he spoke. “It’s okay, you don’t have to get used to this instantly. We’ll get through this slowly, then-”
“Why do all of you insist that it’s okay?” She cuts him off abruptly. Her eyes, without the goggles, looked fiery. “Obviously this psychological issue will recover over time. Obviously I’ll be back in action like any other day. But have you felt what I feel? Do you even have any idea how unnerving this situation is?”
A heavy silence fell on the video store. The old carpet smell that used to be ignored, seems to permeate heavily. Even the bangboos refused to look at the two. If Belle was here, she would probably be dead silent too. Wise looked away, thinking to himself that maybe he said the wrong thing. But he felt a touch, an unusually warm touch.
“Sorry. I… I don’t know what got into me. It’s just- I have difficulty processing such complex emotions. Let alone memories.” They lock eyes, now, Wise doesn’t see Soldier 11. He sees Harin. “I was raised to be a weapon. Made to be an exterminator. All I knew were my directives and missions. They seem endless at first. Yet it never bothered me. I just kept slashing and burning.”
Wise can’t hold himself, even in such serious moments “Until you met me?”
Harin blushed, she never expected him to say it first. “Y-You!” Then she moved away, covering her face, already flush in a deep shade of crimson.
Wise quickly composed himself “U-Uh I just- I should’ve not blurted that out loud! I heard that from a movie once…”
“Last Flight?” Harin asked, her eyes sparked of recognition and nostalgia. Somehow, she remembered that night when they watched the movie. When Wise promised her that it’s not a “sad romance” but ended up making her cry. When Wise wiped the tears from her eyes and offered to walk her back to base, despite being the soldier.
Wise looked with shock “Y-you remembered that? That’s great! So your memories are slowly coming back. I’m so glad.” He said with excitement, as he nudged closer to her on the couch.
“I suppose I do. Especially when you deceived me so terribly. I did not expect to cry that much in a movie about fighter pilots.” She said while laughing.
Wise shared the laughter. “Hey, don’t blame me when you’re the one who cries easily while watching movies. But it’s probably why you were able to remember it, it’s attached to a strong emotion that you were feeling that day.”
“True. But Wise, what if… What if I forget again? What if after a big mission…” Her voice breaks off. She imagines the life she has lived so far. The battlefield, the blood of ethereals, the gunfires, the flames, and the ashes that they leave behind. She is a weapon, is she not? Does she even deserve these emotions? These feelings of joy? Of lov-
“Then I’ll remind you again. As many times as you need.” Wise said, gently holding her hands. “I may not be the strongest companion that can support you in battle. But I don’t see you as a mere soldier. You are a real person to me, just like you are to Trigger, Belle, and Anby. You have proven time and time again that you are a kind and gentle person. And I will always be here to remind you of that fact. No matter how many times you may forget about it.”
Harin could feel her eyes getting damp. Is there something spicy around? She didn’t see onions so maybe… maybe it’s her real tears. One born from authentic emotions. She leaned on Wise, embracing him. All the years of training and military combat, seemingly melting away when she meets this man. Someone that can so effortlessly say the right things to allow her to be vulnerable.
“Then please, please hold on to me. Keep reminding me of what I mean to you. Keep reminding me to be who I am as a person, not as a weapon.” She said as she buried her face on his shirt. Clutching at him like holding water between her hands.
“Always, Harin.” Wise replied. He had hesitated to use her real name. But the moment felt right, and perhaps those sleepless nights of watching romance dramas meant something. However, this isn’t something rehearsed. Not some correct option at a video game, rather, it was instinct. A voice, spoken to the dead of night, piercing the crushing loneliness and giving way for a warm embrace. They wished that it would stay like this, always.