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In the land of the cherry gumdrop forest, where reindeer frolic throughout the peppermint pines and elves skip in single file lines, Piper struggles to make up her mind. On Piper's fantastically 13th birthday, Piper is Perturbed by an imPossible Problem!
"What, dear reader, am I going to ask Santa for for Christmas?
Should I ask for a cherry with red sweets on top?
should i ask for a pony and please make it clop!
Should i ask for a car that goes vroom vroom vroom vroom
Or should I ask for my very own moon
Should i ask for a wheel that spins like it turns
Should I ask for my mom to file my tax returns?"
She asked and She asked but she couldn't ask 'nuff!
The plain truth of it was: there was just too much stuff!
"Maybe I'll ask the Christmas creature who we like to call Mash!
Who is the Christmas creature you ask?
They're chestnuts and gum drops and everything Christmas!
They're reindeer have no fear they're lickity-split-mas!
So to call up the creature I ever desire
I roasted some chestnuts upon open fire
I licked on a candy cane quick till it left
Drank milk till my palette was finally cleft!
The date that I ate till I was ever sate
And i thought of the things that I do not hate
Like Christmas and creatures and magical elves
Soon the Christmas creature appeared on my shelf!
"Yeellllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I am the Christmas Creatuuuuuuuureeee!" Said the Christmas creature
"But please call me Mash,
And don't throw me out in that fireplace ash
Please bring me the finest of all of your cash
To prevent a big stinky red chriss-a-mass rash"
A chriss-a-mass rash? How peculiar how odd!
I'd be strong as a silverback Gorilla Grod
and someday have a swankin' new chriss-a-mass bod!
"My child, this Christmas, you don't understand!
A chriss a mass rash is not healthy nor planned!
So please head my warning, and cough up the cash
Or else- my dear friend- you'll be buried in ash..
(Just a quip, my dear reader--please do not fret
A chriss-a-mass cold is all you will get)"
"A cold?" I say, with a Pipin hot frown!
"A cold will turn me into a clown!"
Just like that I remembered a scene from my youth
A terror where I was once acting aloof:
The day I walked to the store and got a bunch of grapes and then the grapes fell onto my face (I was displaced) and in horror I joined a big race then the grapes they attacked with magic my back was stabbed and such flack I was given for days. My ma got very mad at me and then she scolded me for hours, made me take cold showers, never see the flowers, I felt so rather dower. Then my ma and my pa sent me to sleep away camp, and there I slept in bunk beds and each night I'd stay up by the light of a lamp. The next morning, they brought a clown in.
"Now Mash, I must ask, for this chriss-amass-bash
What must I tell Santa I want on my lap?"
A bellowing, god-like, earthy voice shot
From the clouds in the sky to the all-that-we-got
It was creaturely, meagerly, eagerly featured
The words were sung out by a different red creature:
TO FIND WHAT YOU'D LIKE
YOU MUST SCALE CANDY MOUNTAIN
WITH THE HELP OF A FRIEND:
THE ELVEN MOLLY
"Sorry, that was my boss" Said the Christmas Creature, embarrassed and blushing. Mash, the Christmas creature, facepalmed with napalm then pulled their antlers up into the atmosphere, jingled a bell ALLLLL the way, and floated up into the stratosphere. "I will be with you soon, my child!"
Piping and Pippily Piper was shocked
The chriss-a-mass creature had knocked off her socks!
So sweet and silly so succotash sue!
I saw an elf that was not green but blue!
Out from the darkness, she jingled and jangled
She twirled in on tap boots so mighty new-fangled
Then told me the score of the ever-smart Bangles
Said she's sure of the plan from so many angles!
"Hiya! I'm Molly! The blue elf and friend--
To Piper the indecisive, to the wish with no end
You want everything you can get out of life
But Santa only comes once a year for one night!
For us friends now to find this big present you wish
We must climb on a saucer--atop a large dish!"
"A saucer on dish!" Our dear Piper dreamed
"I'll say that sounds much like a mighty good scheme!
And this will help me-- Really, It will?"
"It'll help you much more than you'll know, even still!
Are you ready to journey right over the hill?
Through snow, and through sleet, and through big daffodils?"
Our dear PIper did nod, and our Molly did smile
And they smiled at the smiling and smiled for a while
And then Molly did grab our young dear Piper's hand
And brought her deep into the chriss-a-mass land!
Aboard a big saucer, a UFO ship
They sat on the spoon, and watched the stars skip
They flew to the top of the mountain of joy
Of chestnuts and gumdrops of teddies and toys
When they got to the top, their hearts they did drop
All the firetrucks whirred, All the ponies did clop,
And a reindeer named Mash was stood at the top.
"Your name is Mash too?" Piper asked so confused
"And your name is Piper, and you are still you
And I am still me, and Molly's still she
And on top of this mountain, we all are still we"
Piper did smile, and molly did too
The reindeer then changed color into a deep blue
And Piper's hair changed, to a big blue hue too
This blue was the glue they had all now accrued
And suddenly then, a big cow had moo'd
"Yello, I'm the cow, I'm yellow and green!"
"Bellow I'm a duck, I live in sugar plum trees!"
"What wonderful life in this world" Spoke Molly
"This here is Piper, the Indecisive is she!"
So the duck and the cow took our heroes deep through
Through the candy cane mountain which made up their glue
"What do you want for Christmas, tell me, do you know?
Do you want a blue boat tied up with a bow?
Do you want a blue doll or a blue candelabra
Do you want a blue band which can only play samba
Or the blues perhaps--but no different genre"
The room looked at Piper, who Piped and Pipawed
"I don't know" said dear Piper. I feel very odd.
"I thought I had wanted each one of these things
Each tulip and tassel and boat and each ring
But really I don't even think I want one
No Christmas for me--That's it I'm done."
Piper stormed off in the cold winter night, befallen by tears
She walked into the darkness, away from her friends, hoping no one would follow (but she wished they would)
And her friends, they did follow. God knows that they did.
Followed deep in the darkness. Deep into her id.
They took butterscotch lanterns and big licorice ropes
Mash Molly Cow Duck and a big box of hopes
They found our dear Piper--the one who now mopes
They told her they loved her-- and could help her cope
"What you want for Christmas doesn't come with a bow
True joy is in all of the people you know"
And in that moment, dear reader, Piper did glow.
"You're Piper the Decisive."
"You're Piper who knows."
"Dear Santa, I know what I want for chriss-a-mass this year."