Work Text:
Detective Oliverat Beebo sat on the couch in his office playing with his cat, Mozilla Firefox. This was difficult, as rats are smaller than cats. That did not stop him from playing with his son (Mozilla Firefox).
Suddenly, the door was kicked down by his rat boyfriend, Ángel Rat-divia, who had a guitar.
“I have a guitar for you!” he yelled.
“Ángel, please quiet down, you’re scaring Mozilla Firefox.”
“Sorry,” said Ángel, flicking his scarf. “I have a guitar for you.”
Beebo sniffed at the guitar with his little rat nose. It smelled like hay.
“Where did you get this?”
“I found it in a hay pile, next to a corn maze.”
Oliverat shuddered. He didn’t like mazes very much. Once he’d been trapped in a maze, with a block of cheese at the end. But every time he got close to the cheese, it disappeared, and he was dropped back to the start of the maze. He ran it faster, and faster, but it kept happening. He only escaped using the femur of another unlucky rat to break down the walls.
“Don’t worry,” Ángel said, sensing Oliverat’s thoughts, “I don’t think a guitar can be a house.”
“What if it was a human-sized guitar, and rats lived in it?”
They both stopped to consider this possibility.
“This is a rat-sized guitar though,” said Ángel, suspiciously. “You don’t think-”
“Not everything that can be haunted is haunted,” said Oliverat. “Otherwise we would live nowhere.”
“True. We’d have to go outside. With the chickens.”
“Chickens live in coops.”
“Not if they’re haunted.”
Oliverat frowned. What could a chicken be feeling strongly enough to make a coop haunted? Hunger, maybe. They could make a coop that spawned infinite snacks!
“I did not just come to give you a guitar though!” said Ángel.
“Oh?” said Oliverat.
“Are we playing Sewers and Seagulls (Dungeons and Dragons for rats) tonight?”
“Maratgold and Ninrat are busy tonight. They’re going to the subway to eat a pizza slice together.”
“That is so gay.”
“True.”
“Good for them.”
As there would be no Sewers nor Seagulls, they instead opted to spend the night together, snuggling with each other and also Mozilla Firefox. They then spent the rest of their rat lives together happily, before dying at the exact same time of old age.
The end.