Chapter Text
Harry gazed with wide eyes at the ghosts assembled before him. His heart clenched as he first gazed at Remus and Tonks, his mind returning to the picture of his godson Tonks had shown him when they had met in the Room of Requirement. The godson who now, like him, had been robbed of his parents by this war. The pangs only worsened at Sirius’ light-hearted smile, as if he forgot that it was Harry’s fault that he had died. When Harry looked at Lily and James, his parents - his parents who had died when they were only a few years older than he was now, all because of that bloody prophecy that Professor Trelawney had made, all because of Dumbledore and Voldemort and Destiny and plans -, Harry felt only distant regret.
Sirius, Remus, Tonks: he had known them all, had loved them all, had mourned them all, and still did. Lily and James… they were always ‘what ifs’, ‘what could have beens’, and, most of all, ‘never-weres’. They were a wondrous possibility that he wished he could have had, a childhood that he had always dreamed of. But, beyond blood and photographs and second-hand stories, he had no connection with them, no memories of them besides their deaths. Still, his heart twinged slightly at the reminder of the could-have-beens. Lily smiled ruefully at him, her eyes twinkling with regret.
“My brave boy,” she said, reaching out with an ethereal hand to ghost over his cheek, unable to touch her child as she desired. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Harry replied automatically, wanting to chase away the regret and sadness from her voice. She simply shook her head.
“It’s not.” His father replied, placing a hand on his mother’s shoulder, just as they had in the Mirror of Erised when he had first seen it. “It never has been. We never meant to leave you alone.”
“None of us did.” Sirius piped in, his voice gravelly and eyes blinking rapidly, as if holding back ghostly tears from falling. “I’m so sorry, kiddo. I never should have run into that half-cocked. I never should have challenged Bellatrix.”
“Pride was always your flaw.” Remus said quietly, a bittersweet smile on his lips twisting Harry’s heart. “Harry, is everyone else - ?” He cut himself off.
“Fred’s dead. So’s Colin.” Harry said quietly, pulling at his sleeves. “I think Lavender's hurt or something, but I didn’t have time to stick around. Hermione and Ron and Neville know what need to be done. Luna’s alive, though, and Ginny - “ He swallowed back the words he was going to say, regret tainting his thoughts. “I’m so sorry, Tonks, Remus. Teddy…” Tonks looked like she was about to cry as she tried to reach out to lay a hand on his own pair, and seemed guilty when her own passed through his effortlessly.
“We knew what we were getting into, Harry.” She reminded him, her tone softer than usual, but warming his heart as she always seemed to be able to do, just like Hermione. “Teddy’s safe. He’s got my mum and my old friend Tulip is his godmother - she’s back in Japan since she’s part of an experimental charms expeditionary team, so she’s safe from all this. Between them and the Weasleys, he’ll have family and have stories of us.”
“Stories are never enough.” Harry muttered under his breath, wincing when he saw the pained looks on Lily and James’ face as they overheard. He shook his head. “I wish -”
“Wishing at this point will bring nothing.” Sirius said quietly. “We all have regrets, Harry. Everyone. Sometimes, we have to put them aside. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to tease my cousin, not to let my guard down. But it’s an impossible fantasy and what does wishing get me now? Nothing but deeper into regret. What’s done is done.”
“What’s coming will come,” Harry quoted, remembering Hagrid’s words to him what seemed like lifetimes ago, “And we’ll meet it when it does.” Sirius gave Harry a true smile and Harry ached in regret. “I’m sorry.” He repeated, to Sirius, to his parents. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, Harry.” Lily argued. “We’re the ones who are sorry. We never meant to let you down, to leave you alone, to leave you unwitting of everything.”
“I know some things.” Harry replied, shaking off the deja vu at his words. “I’ve heard stories of you and dad. I’ve had experiences beyond what I could have imagined.”
“Or us.” James said, a small smirk on his face, but it quickly disappeared. “But that’s not what your mother means.” Sirius, Remus, and Tonks gave the pair queer glances and Harry pursed his lips, he needed to get back on topic, to return to his march to… well, to his close. He opened his mouth to bring them back on topic, to tell them he had to leave, when James cut in. “We never got to tell you the truth. We never told anyone the truth.”
“The truth?” Harry asked, utterly confused now. He glanced at Sirius, but his godfather seemed just as flummoxed.
“When we were in hiding, we went to a muggle doctor - we couldn’t go to a mediwitch and, well, circumstances in the past made us curious and…” James seemed to struggle to get a word out. Lily cut in graciously, stepping out from his comforting hand to stand before Harry.
“Harry, we couldn’t have children for some reason. Whether it was a curse on me or James or pureblood inbreeding in the past or just rotten luck, the doctor told us we couldn’t have kids.” Sirius seemed to choke impossibly on nothing, while Tonks looked even paler than her ghostly visage. Harry stared at his mother.
“But -” Lily continued on before he could finish speaking, as if needing to get the words out.
“We were in hiding for nearly a year before you were born, going out sporadically on missions, but still in hiding. Oh, Sirius, Remus, Marlene, and others would visit sometimes, but always with warning and very, very rarely.” She explained, Harry noticing the reluctant nods from Sirius and Remus in the background. “It wasn’t just you that made us go into hiding, darling. We had already defied Voldemort three times and death even more times and he was not happy with us. It was for everyone’s best interest that we hide as much as possible while helping in whatever way we could. In late June, though, a miracle happened.” James interjected.
“We were at home, sitting in the living room. We had only gotten the news about the fertility issue a few days earlier and we were still processing. When, suddenly, a lavender-colored mist appeared in front of us. We were worried it might be dark magic, but when it disappeared, it left a baby boy, naked, just born.”
“It left us you, Harry.” Lily revealed, her eyes glistening.
“Me?” He croaked. He shook his head. “But, the prophecy -”
“We thought about that so much after Dumbledore told us.” Lily admitted. “We hadn’t known what to do when you appeared to us, a miracle baby for us to raise, and wanted to hide what happened, just in case. I had read about a blood adoption ritual in some of the Potter family tomes and we blood adopted you as soon as we could, only telling the world about you in August, telling everyone you were born at home on the night of July 31st, that we had hidden my pregnancy from everyone to keep you safe. But when Dumbledore gave us the prophecy, we wondered whether we should tell him, tell him that we weren’t your birth parents, that you weren’t born ‘as the seventh month dies.’”
“That was the prophecy?” Harry heard Sirius mutter to Tonks and Remus, but his attention was focused on his mother - adoptive mother, if what she said was true.
“But we thought it was safer to be careful. And I’m glad we were.” She looked up at Harry with bittersweet eyes. “Sweetheart, prophecies are spoken and nigh impossible to interpret. They always have been. Have you read any muggle Arthurian mythology, or even Shakespeare? Prophecy interpretation is a finicky thing. ‘Born to those who have thrice defied him.’ Born, as in giving birth to, yes. But there is also borne - brought to. Less used, but still possible. And the seventh-month? By what calendar? I looked it up later and in the Julian calendar - the old Roman one - it was an intercalary year. There was an extra month between February and March. June was the seventh month that year in that calendar.”
“So, it still could have been me.” Harry said, his voice thick.
“We had to be careful. We had to be sure.” James said. “We weren’t going to risk your life over the possibility that it wasn’t you that would defeat Voldemort. And, once it became clear that he knew, well, even if it wasn’t you, Voldemort wouldn’t know that unless we revealed everything. And even then, he could think we were lying and kill you anyway, just to be sure.” He shook his head. “Better to be safe.”
“Then,” Harry’s mind swirled. “Who were my birth parents? How did I get to you?” Lily shook her head.
“We don’t know, sweetheart.” She said, “You came with nothing and the only clue was that mist. We couldn’t go to the goblins for help with the situation, and we didn’t even know if they’d be able to do anything. I’m sorry.”
“But we loved you as our own,” James said, smiling at his son. “We still love you. You are our son, Harry. It doesn’t matter to us how you came to us.”
“Nor us.” Sirius said quietly, reaching out a hand to pat Harry on the back, only to withdraw it quickly in memory of what had happened when Lily and Tonks had tried to touch his godson. Remus and Tonks nodded, smiling wistfully at Harry, their hands entwined.
“I wish…” Harry trailed off, not even knowing what he was going to say, the words dying in his throat as he remembered Sirius’ words. Lily gave him a rueful smile.
“I know.”