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Barney and Ted were sitting in MacLarens at one in the morning on a Friday night.
“We should go to a club,” Barney blurted out.
“A club? Why?”
“It's Friday night, man. We should change it up a little!”
Ted checked his watch. “It'll be two soon, and-”
Barney rolled his eyes, “ugh, that ‘nothing good happens after two am, just go bed' thing?”
“It's true!”
“No, Ted, it's not. Everything awesome happens after two am, and I will prove it to you!”
“Barney-”
“I will prove it to you!” He repeated, and confidently walked out of the bar. He caught a cab and went to a nearby nightclub. This time he made sure to look at girls’ faces before trying to dance with them, so as not to accidentally try anything with a relative again.
The first few girls didn't seem interested, but he was having fun with the music, and he had time. Finally, some blonde girl agreed to dance with him, and they danced for a while. After enough dancing he thought she might agree to leave with him, he yelled, “do you want to go and hit up a bar?! We could actually talk there!” By talk, he meant prove to Ted he was right, but talking was generally popular among women.
“Okay!” She yelled back, so they made their way outside and to a cab.
“MacLarens,” Barney ordered, before turning to.. the girl. “Oh, I suppose we haven't been formally introduced. I'm Barney.”
“Katie.” They shook hands, lingering for longer than necessary.
“So, Katie, are you a professional dancer? You were amazing tonight.”
Katie smiled and shook her head. “Actually I-”
She told him all about her job. He nodded along, pretending to be interested but he really only paid attention enough for it to be believable. It wouldn't be useful information after tonight anyway.
They got to the bar, and Barney immediately looked around for Ted. He wanted to introduce him and Katie as proof this night was going amazing, even though it was past two. When he couldn't find him, he bought drinks for himself and Katie and they sat down. “We should take a picture, to remember tonight,” Barney suggested. They did, and he sent it to Ted saying ‘see? I'm having an amazing time, and it's about to get even better’. He got her talking about herself again, and she called him a ‘great listener’. He put on a modest smile, that said she was right but he wasn't expecting credit (neither of which were true).
They finished their drinks, and the story she was telling got to a close. “-isn’t that great?!”
“So great.” He paused, so the next line would sound genuine. “Just like you.” She smiled and they both leaned in and kissed. When they pulled away Barney said, “y'know, the bar is kinda lame by this time. And it would be easier to focus on all your amazing stories in a comfortable, quiet apartment or something.”
“Alright. How close is yours?”
“Twenty-three minutes.”
“Mine was fifteen from the club, but we went in the opposite direction so it's forty or something now.”
“My place it is,” he said with a smile.
“I don't feel much like talking anymore,” Katie said as Barney closed his front door. She didn't let him speak before kissing him, which he was more than fine with. They stumbled slowly to his bedroom, his jacket, tie, and her shirt not completing the journey. They fell into his bed and-
Click.
The room suddenly lit up, his giant TV now on. The volume was moderately loud, and the voice stopped him in his tracks. He got off of Katie and sat on the edge of his bed. Robin's show, Come On, Get Up New York. He had only tried to watch it once, with the rest of their friends, but they all had ended up distracted the entire time. He had never tried, because it was at an inconvenient time. But here he was, up at four in the morning, and the thought of watching it hadn't even occurred to him.
Lily had said it was wrong for him to sleep around even though he loved Robin. This, he didn't agree with. She didn't know about his feelings, and she didn't care what he did with other girls, so it's not like it was hurting her. But she was always saying how she wished they would watch her show. Tonight, Barney actually was putting bimbos over Robin, instead of just his own feelings, and it made him sort of nauseous. These stupid feelings he had for her brought his underused conscience to the front of his brain.
He was snapped out of his thoughts when Katie said something.
“What was that?”
“I asked why you’re making such a weird face at a story about a homeless shelter.”
“Oh, uh, well they’re just treating a symptom while the disease rages on, the fish-”
“Fish?”
“It was going to be a metaphor.”
“That newscaster is kind of annoying,” she changed the subject to insulting Robin.
“What?”
“The newscaster is annoying. I bet I could do a better job.”
“Her job is harder than you think. She stays professional even when no one seems to watch it, not even her best friends, because she has a professional integrity that we can only dream of.”
“It’s like you would rather be in bed with her.”
“I would,” Barney said quietly to himself, although she could hear him.
“Wow, okay. Why did you bring me here?”
“Because you never dated my best friend. Because you haven’t already tried to forget sleeping with me. I wasn’t risking an amazing friendship to ask you out, and if you rejected me I could have easily moved on, instead of that crushing feeling that-” he cut himself off and took a deep breath to calm himself down. He continued, slower, quieter, and more controlled, “with you I have nothing to lose, but with her I have everything to lose.”
Before he could look over to her, she slapped him. It was nowhere near as bad as Marshall’s, but it still stung.
“That is for me, for the fact that you most likely faked everything tonight because you wanted to sleep with me to distract yourself. And for you.. Don’t try to bury your feelings. Be honest with yourself, and her.”
He nodded sincerely.
“I’m going to get a cab. Goodbye Barney.”
“Bye,” he said quietly as she walked out, meaning to say goodbye not just to her, but what she represented. He promised himself to at least try.
And then he watched Robin’s show.