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The human sat down on the bed, tiredly throwing their head back as they squeezed their eyes shut. Another poor attempt at coping with the nervousness that was building up inside their body. Even though familiar with the sensation, it never gets easier.
It was dark. It was quiet. They were alone in their room, or so they thought.
They wished they could say this situation was surprising, though it was quite expected. Things have been this way for ages, and there were no signs of change. In reality, they expected this to happen. They always expected this to happen, as if it were a premonition or a foreseen future. Like a small shadow following them everywhere. The voice in the back of their head. The reflection they didn't want to see.
They were alone again.
Again and again and again and again.
A cycle that never ends, no matter how much they grow and age. No matter how much time passes. Always seems like there's no escape.
A tear teased to slide down their face, but crying felt so stupid at this point, they simply held it back like all the other times. They hated so much that they still had some feelings left. 'It'd be so much easier to just be numb, ' they repeated to themselves for the thousandth time, growing tired of having to deal with their emotions again. After a long, exasperated sigh, they decided to allow themselves to cry for a brief moment. Only to be frustrated with the tears not coming out this time.
Their shoulders started trembling, something involuntary. If it wasn't for the fear of being heard by their neighbors, they would've tried screaming. Their heartbeats grew louder, their throat felt like shrinking, and it almost tasted like blood. They couldn't speak anymore.
They felt comfort, they felt safety. Now no one could see them.
They were used to not being seen, but it was so much better when it was in the dark, away from prying eyes, where there was no necessity to hide from anyone. During times like this, the darkness was surprisingly gentle to them, offering some weird sort of warmth that lacked the temperature. If they managed, they could even cry, and no one would see it, since there were no judges.
Though the darkness felt different this time, it was pitch black. They felt almost consumed by it, not being able to see their own body. It felt like being embraced by a loved one, though they wouldn't remember how that felt.
Suddenly, the temperature of the room seemed to decrease even more. The human thought about calling Hector, stopping themselves mid-sentence after remembering he wasn't around anymore. He left. They all left. Like always. Should be used to it by now.
They didn't feel interesting enough to keep anyone around. No matter how genuine, every promise of love fell shallow. They couldn't feel, and neither reciprocate warmth, couldn't feel connection. It was hard to understand why anyone would grow fond of them, let alone become closer. There was nothing else besides projection, a false idea of who they could be. And after realizing how boring reality felt, they couldn't help but step away. After all, not even an object would want to talk to a shell.
Talking was always complicated. Finding the right time to speak, the right time to listen, the right thing to say... Slipping up and saying something at the wrong occasion. Or even worse, accidentally saying what should never be said. It felt confusing. It was overwhelming. Trying to analyze every micro reaction to figure out where they stand. Wanting to enter the other's mind to figure out how they were being perceived... Which role they should play, or if it was already a lost cause. And doing that day after day, no rest. Talking to objects non-stop, objects that felt much more human than they ever were.
They had families, they had lives, they had dreams and goals, and they were loved by someone. They were loved by someone.
And connecting was even more challenging. No matter how much you talk, you can't force to be cared about.
They felt like nothing more than a stepping stone. Someone who wouldn't stick around for the long run, even if they wanted to. Since they couldn't fix themselves, helping the objects with their resolves was their priority. Trying to feel happiness through someone else was the only alternative.
And they felt so disgusted afterwards. Why couldn't they feel genuinely happy for others? Why is that envy had to always be in the corner, waiting to be unleashed? It was a mix of resentment and bitterness, somehow still lacking regret. If they could, they'd do it all over again. Others' happiness held much more importance to them.
They couldn't help but feel jealous of every single one. They were brave enough to open up, to give the first step, to give it a try, to show their true colors, and pursue what they wanted.
While they were still stuck at home, too afraid to step outside. Feeling stuck in time.
And for once, truly alone. Or so they thought...
They felt an eerie presence right behind them, as if someone or something was millimeters away, just barely enough not to touch. The temperature somehow got even lower, now devoid of life. And the air was heavy. It was hard to breathe, and every movement felt much slower, reminding them of how it felt to be underwater. Trying to adjust their vision to the darkness surrounding them, they managed to locate what seemed like one long arm close to their waist. It seemed rather humanoid, though they couldn't tell if it was made of flesh.
Adjusting their vision a little bit more, they identified something similar to claws. With long fingers and pointy nails, the black hand rested centimeters away from their stomach. Though frightening, there was a certain kindness to it. It seemed to gently want to hold them, but hesitated to get too close, probably afraid of scaring the other party.
Then, they felt a tender touch on their hair. Whoever was behind them was using its free hand to lazily play with one of their curls. Scared, the human froze. They could feel their heart racing, echoing inside their head, and then growing to echo in the room. They closed their eyes, wondering if prayers could save them.
"Aren't you tired of drowning in your own misery?" A new voice broke the silence, a voice they didn't remember hearing weeks ago. It was low and proudly carried weight in each syllable it pronounced. If they had to describe it, they'd say it sounded comforting like death.
Instinctively, the human turned to the source. He was there... They weren't alone.
He was the monster parents told their kids about. The one they feared before going to bed. The one who must've inspired several urban myths... He enjoyed hiding in the shadows. It was darkness itself.
Its skeleton face greeted them, a gentle smile seemingly trying to escape his lips.
"Who are you...?" Trying to remain calm, they forced themselves to question. However, pushing each letter out felt like cement. Anxiety kicking in, facing the demon was enough to make their legs tremble, and their arms instantly go numb. It took them all their strength not to pass out on the spot.
"You're curious about me?" The giant creature laughed, their voice echoing through the void, "Have you forgotten we've met before?"
Slowly taking a step away, they carefully analyzed the being's face. It felt familiar, but they couldn't point out the moment they met...
"You're... You can't be Nightmare, can you?"
"No, but that must have been how you thought of me..." He laughed again, stretching his arm to the human's direction, "Behold! Before you stands the Lord of Shadows itself. And you... Don't seem surprised." The creature added, disappointment clear in its tone.
"Sorry, had a rough day today." The other replied vaguely, squeezing their eyes while trying to process whatever was happening in front of them. It was hard to tell if they were hallucinating, dreaming, or actually talking to a real demon.
"I see... It's okay." The Lord reassured quietly, placing his hand under its chin, seemingly deep in thought. "I should've figured out now is not the best time for this..."
"Did... Did you just see-" The more anxious one stopped mid-sentence, worried about accidentally exposing themselves just in case they were safe.
"Do not be afraid. Speak proudly."
"It's nothing..."
"Nothing, you say?" With a hint of intrigue, the shadow discreetly observed their face. Their brows were furrowed, their eyes were still watery, their jaw was clenched, and they couldn't bring themselves to look him in the eye... It was clear. Their previous actions were crystal clear. "Cat got your tongue? Why won't you speak?"
They clenched their fists, still hesitating to look at the cryptic.
"Perhaps, did you mean to say... Crying?" He lowered itself until it was able to look at his new companion eye-to-eye. It was a mere question, but that was enough to push them to instinctively look at him. "So that's it, huh?" The shadow regained its posture. "Do not feel embarrassed. There's nothing to be ashamed of."
Turning their gaze away from the demon, they stared at the void.
"I've noticed you're afraid of facing me... Why is that?" Before they could deny it or come up with any available excuse, the shadow added, "And do not say 'nothing'. I see what hides in the dark, and that's one of your lies..."
"I don't know." They replied timidly, almost like a whisper.
"So you've noticed you've been avoiding me too... Was it a conscious choice of yours?"
They shook their head.
"I see... You also do not know."
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Apologies are not needed." He sighed, "I'm used to this, after all... Who in their right mind would want to talk to a demon like me? I know my mere sight is enough to be frightening."
"That's not true. People would love to talk to you."
"That's not true...? Then why are you so afraid of even looking in my direction?" The demon questioned, sounding rather melancholic. Its past scars were coming to the surface...
Squeezing their eyes shut for the second time today, they took a deep breath. After exhaling, they turned to the being. Now facing it.
"You are brave." The shadow genuinely smiled, their action must have touched him. "I'm sorry if I'm prying too much, but do tell me... Why were you crying in the first place? And where's everyone? This house was so lively before... Now there's only silence."
They bit their tongue, not expecting his questioning to be so up-front. Anxiety was taking the best of them, they couldn't come up with any kind of explanation that didn't sound depressing.
"They left."
"They left? They simply left? Is that why you're sad? You must be just like me, then. Being left one by one... It never gets easier, does it?" Narrowing its brows, his skeleton face looked somewhat empathetic, "I noticed you always seek my comfort when indulging in solitude. Why is that? Aren't you afraid of what hides in the dark?"
"There's nothing in the dark... Well, except for you."
"Exactly. And aren't you afraid of me?" The demon squinted its eyes, partially hiding his face with one of its hands.
"I mean, you're scary, but... Do I have a reason to? You've never attacked me to this day." They loosely explained, averting their gaze from time to time. Staring for too long felt awkward.
"Yes, I've never attacked you... But other beings could so if they so desired."
"What kind of beings?" The human asked, intrigued, raising one of their eyebrows at the prospect.
"Shadow beings." There was no hesitation in the demon's words. It was short. Direct.
"But wouldn't you be the one who controls them...?"
"I can tell you're a clever one. Your assumption was precise." The demon laughed. It was impossible to tell if he was simply messing around or sending a thread.
"Why have you never attacked me?"
"I have no reason to... Besides, how could I?" With sadness in its voice, the creature looked to his left. "We're so similar... Hiding in the dark because it feels much safer when there's no one near. Yearning for comfort, but only relying on itself. Dying for connection, though afraid of getting close... How could I ever attack you?"
Pressing their hand on top of their heart, they took a step back. Shock plastered on their face.
"And now here you are, afraid of facing your own emotions." He sighed. "I don't remember when it started happening, but I eventually took shelter in your shadow. Silently following you after each step, watching every move you made. I saw how you bottled up every emotion for others' sake... Why did you do that?"
At a loss for words, they just stared at the being.
"Was it lack of... Love?" He continued with its questions, waiting for a reply that never arrived. "I can't help but feel intrigued by you. Your actions are so contrasting to your feelings... I must admit, your heart seems complex. Like a riddle, it's complicated to solve."
"What are you going to do to me?"
"Me? Nothing. Why should I?" The monster crossed its arms. "A shadow can only imitate its source.. But you've become just like me. Besides appearances, we now mirror one another."
"Did... Did I become a shadow?"
"I mean, not yet..." He sighed. "You know you don't have to walk down this road, don't you? I've watched you since day 1, and seeing you drown yourself in your own loneliness is painful.. I don't want you to fully become like me." It closed its eyes. "I'm the umbra itself. That shouldn't be possible."
"I fear there's nothing much we can do." They answered coldly, without much thought. As if used to denying any words of support.
"There's always something we can do... How about we remember who you used to be?" He tried expressing warmth. "What happened to that sweet smile of yours, always ready to greet everybody? You know your support was what brought others to life, right? And the way your eyes sparkled after meeting each new roomer... Don't you remember?"
"... Turn me into a shadow."
"What?!" He questioned, wondering if his ears betrayed him. "A shadow?"
"Yes, turn me into a shadow!" They exclaimed, this time approaching the demon. "You just said we're alike, so what would be the difference? Don't you feel lonely, too?"
"Penumbra... That's not how things are meant to be." With a worrisome expression, he continued, "You're not thinking straight right now, and you still have so much to live for. I can't do this to you."
"But if you turn me into a shadow, we'll never be alone again! Isn't that comforting?!" They eagerly insisted, hiding their desire to become one with the dark, somewhere they'd be surely forgotten...
"... No matter what you say to me, I still won't turn you into a shadow."
Maybe it was the tiredness affecting their brain, maybe it was desperation after realizing they'd have to continue living with the depth of their emotions, or maybe the true culprit was the sweet taste of unexpected rejection... But in a sudden burst of adrenaline, they threw themselves into the shadow.
He was cold, awfully cold, petrifyingly cold... And after getting so close, the shadows surrounding his body felt heavy like ink. They could feel each bone, trembling with the increased speed of its heartbeats. The monster has a heart, and it was scared for what was going to happen to their new companion.
Quickly, he held the human's arms, harshly distancing their body from his. Separating themselves wasn't that complicated, judging their visible height and strength differences... He'd have welcomed their closeness at any other moment, if it wasn't for the implications of their current situation.
They tried to escape from his grasp, but the shadow kept its hold firm. Now holding their wrists together with one of his claws, he placed their hands on top of their head, pinning the human on the floor. Carefully not to hurt them, he pressed his torso on top of theirs, trying to restrain them from moving.
"Penumbra, you have to calm down. Listen to me!" With his other claw, he held his companion's chin, directing their face to look at his. Even though he was the Lord of Shadows, for the first time in a while, he looked scared. Scared of losing someone who slowly became important to him. "You're not alone! I'm here with you. I'll always be here with you."
"You're lying."
"How could I be lying?! I haven't left you yet, have I?"
Trembling, they looked at the demon. They were so focused on becoming a shadow, they didn't even notice how fast their heart was beating... Just now realizing that throughout the whole moment, they were scared too.
And then they cried. They cried under the monster's watch.
Freeing their hands from his grasp, the shadow gently placed its claw under his companion's head, pulling them into a hug. He held them fondly, patiently waiting for them to calm down. He never worried about the time, he never felt bothered or burdened. He was just worried about their well-being.
Time passed, but that wasn't important anymore. He paid attention to each sob, pulling them even closer when they seemed too overwhelmed. It was painful to see their mind hurting itself. Resting his now humanoid face on the crook of their neck, the shadow didn't even notice when his claws started melting into long and slender fingers...
Hiding and pulling up facades became pointless after everything was laid bare. He held them in a tight hug, never letting go.
"As a shadow, I'll always be here to remind you of how bright you are..." He whispered gently, drying one of their tears with his fingertips. "Even if you can't see how lovely you can be, I'll mirror your kindness until you understand how lovable you are to me."