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(All my life, I never really found a purpose. I was just a wandering spirit, waiting for the boatman to come and row my soul to its final destination. I never really had a plan; all I had were dreams and fantasies. Other girls my age envisioned their lives with the clarity of a bright, summer’s day.)
(They envisioned their marriages, their children, their jobs, growing old and watching their family grow with them. I never really imagined things like that for myself. I never really fell in love with anyone. Some days, it felt like my standards were too high. Other times, I felt justified in having a bar set at this height; especially when I saw how boys behaved to girls sometimes.)
(I was violent. I was unlovable. I became someone I grew to resent. Someone I couldn't bring myself to forgive. I was an angry dog, growling and barking at passersby and causing them to either react with hostility or react with fear. Their fear fueled me. I thrived off of being a force that couldn't be controlled. I felt a sick, ugly joy whenever people steered away from me.)
(Someone has to stand up to the barking dog eventually. Someone has to pick up a rock and throw it to scare the animal away.)
(And now, for my actions as a monster, I live with the face of a monster. I live my life, hiding my face when I can. This wound on my face was my punishment. I deserved it. Had I not been so vile when it happened, I wouldn't have spent a year in the cage; the cage where bad dogs go when they misbehave. They stay there until they learn that barking is bad. Growling is bad. Snarling is bad.)
(These days, I can't stand my own reflection. I can't recognize the stranger I see. I can't even recognize the voice in my head. I don't even recognize the sound of my own voice. When I speak, it sounds like I'm swallowing rusted nails. When I stare at my reflection, I wonder if I've ever changed; am I a dog who learned to obey and be quiet? Am I putting on an act and waiting for the next chance to bite?)
(I don't feel like a bad dog, but I'm still scared that the bad dog inside me will snap off the leash and attack an innocent person.)
(Maybe it’s best if I don't step out of the cage at all.)
—
The soft melody of wind chimes follows the delicate smell of hand brewn tea, the gentle breeze carrying the stray, pink petals of the cherry blossoms across the freshly swept walkway leading to the steps of a shrine. The shrine is well maintained and tidy, kept by a single shrine maiden of pink hair and polite attitude.
The shrine maiden had a guest over that day. A girl with red hair, sat across from her with her hands folded in her lap. Her expression is gentle as she and the maiden exchange about their days to one another. It wasn't long ago that the redheaded girl discovered the SEKAI where the shrine maiden lived.
“I'm glad you came over again, Ren-san. I appreciate you keeping me company… working in the shrine tends to be rather lonely.” Miku smiled, her hands neatly folded on her lap. It was true, work in the shrine did get rather lonely, especially since the shrine maiden's companions couldn't stop by often, either due to their duties or being incapacitated in some way.
“I appreciate you always welcoming me, Miku-sama. I thought for sure that I'd be bothering you with how often I visit.” Ren sheepishly fidgeted with her hair, letting the red strands slide between her fingers. It was a habit she had developed for when situations became awkward, stressful - she even fidgeted when she felt joy. Something always had to keep her hands busy. If her hands weren't busy, then they’d pick at non-existent bumps in her skin and the most microscopic imperfections in her nails.
That was bad. At least, that's what people told her was bad. Her older brother always heckled her about it, her friends always suggested she wear accessories on her hands or put nail polish on her nails to prevent picking at skin.
Even now, Miku could see Ren's fingers twitch with impatience as she traces intricate, traditional patterns into the wooden cups made by one of the shrine maiden's friends. They were plain but they worked; to the maiden, they held sentimental value.
A lot of things around the shrine had a lot of sentimental value to the shrine maiden. The wind chimes that hung from the overhang were handmade by a talented glass blower, their beautiful mural designs painted by the steady hands of a young girl who spent her days making pastries. The cups for the tea were skillfully crafted by Ren herself in a collaborative project with a girl in yellow who, despite being incapable of speech, dutifully worked to make functional drinkware.
There was, however, a detail that confused Ren that she's been itching to get answers to.
“Miku-sama, about the shrine… why are the others not allowed inside?”
“There are aspects of the shrine that could harm them. The materials I use to ward the spirits away is stored here; if I allow them inside, I risk exposing them to things that may hurt them in the long run.”
Ren could understand Miku's answer. She was just looking out for her friends, no harm in it. As they finished the last of their conversation, it was eventually time to leave. The redheaded girl had school soon, and she had to start getting ready. Bidding a farewell, she leaves the shrine and goes back to the other side; back to her home to go and get ready.
Ren follows a pretty lenient routine; she maintains her hygiene, straightens her uniform, makes a quick breakfast, packs her bag, the usual works she's gotten used to.
As she works on tying her hair, she makes sure her bangs can cover up the spot where her eyepatch is supposed to go. When Ren looks at the burn scar on her face, she gets a little sad. Of course, the wound was pretty superficial; she still had her eye in the socket; some people didn't have that privilege. Of course, her vision wasn't the greatest, but it was always like that. Her eyesight was always a little hazy, but it wasn't that bad. She's navigated years without glasses, she can continue to navigate just fine without them.
Once the eyepatch is secured on its designated spot, Ren checks everything else; her uniform is straight, she packed her essentials, she applied nail polish, she ate that morning, she showered. She was good to go. On her way out, she grabbed some food she made that morning; that would be her lunch later.
As a last touch, she pins a little accessory to her bookbag. It was a clothing pin, decorated with beads. A gift from one of Ren's closest friends, who loved to make simple, cute accessories. There were touches of love from Ren's friends on her uniform, too; her uniform was modified by a friend from her year, and her bookbag was decorated with bleached drawings by her best friend.
They had a funny little system; unasked favors, moments of quiet, a soft coexistence, spontaneous visits. They were so close that they had the keys to one another’s houses, distinguished by colors of nail polish on their heads:
Muki, Ren's best friend since childhood; her key was marked in pink nail polish. She lived a few houses down from Ren. A sickly girl who, more often than not, spent her days in the hospital due to chronic illness in her heart. Ren always recognized her by the sound of charms that would clatter from the belt loops on her skirt, the carefully preserved Tamagochi clinking with the wooden charm Ren made her for her birthday and keychains from media she really enjoyed.
Yuzuki, Ren's friend from school: even though she lived in Shibuya, the key Ren had to her house was coated in a soft lilac. The token popular sweetheart of the school, Yuzuki attended class 3B, while Ren attended 3C. They were both part of the welcome committee and have known one another for a year now. Whenever the smell of citrus wafted in the air and the distinct click of heels shot through the crowd, it was always bound to be followed by Yuzuki’s soft, chipper voice.
Kanae, Ren's underclassman: also living in Shibuya yet always breaking into Ren's house, her key was coated in a pastel red color. She was always up to something, a troublemaker and daredevil who still cared about her friends despite her impulsive tendencies. Her presence was always noted with a small giggle; the sound cue that tomfoolery was ahead. Paired with the clank of her chunky platforms and overwhelming vanilla perfume, Ren always knew to brace herself whenever Kanae was around.
Ren got out of the house and headed for the train station. She was going alone today, as Muki was in the hospital again. Ren snagged a seat and put on some tunes to drown out the silence. She was listening to the most ear-crushing death metal…. but it was soon followed by cheery J-pop beats. She had her volume turned down almost entirely so people wouldn't hear it through her headphones.
Arriving at Sanctus Academy, she made quick work of getting to her locker. She had a swordsmanship tournament in a few weeks. She was representing Sanctus Academy. She couldn't flunk out on training.
On her way to her locker, Ren gave brief nods of greeting to the students around her. She got there, changing her shoes before going to her classroom.
“Ren-chan~♪!”
Ah, there it was. That voice that carried like clouds in the breeze: Yuzuki, approaching the redheaded girl with her brisk, long step.
“Ah, Yuzu-hime. Hello.” Ren greets her, feeling her expression brighten and her voice become lighter. Whenever she spoke to Yuzuki, she didn't mind how her voice sounded.
“Muki-chan couldn't make it today?” the brunette frowned shortly after, noticing a distinct lack of Muki accompanying Ren.
“No, unfortunately. She'll come tomorrow, though.” the redhead replied with light enthusiasm, which cheered Yuzuki up a little.
“Yay! Also, Ren-chan, your bangs are a little disorganized…” Yuzuki reached out and started to fix any loose strands of red that her friend might have missed this morning. Ren sighed softly, unable to stop herself from smiling. “Yuzu-hime, you fuss too much… you're not my work wife; we're friends.”
The other girl’s cheeks puff up in protest with a small ‘hmph’. “I just want you to look your best!” she finished up with fixing her friend's hair and stepped back. As they were about to continue talking, they heard very familiar chattering happen at the school’s front entrance. A crowd of girls was gathered around one guy.
[Not this again… what do they even see in him? At least he doesn't look half-bad this once; he actually bothered to iron his uniform this time around.] Ren thought to herself, turning to look at Yuzuki. She shouldn't have looked, considering she knew Yuzuki would be staring.
“Isn't he so handsome today, Ren-chan?” Yuzuki sighed dreamily, obviously crushing on the guy who was being swarmed by the first-year girls.
“... Well, I can't say he looks bad. He actually bothered to iron his pants this time around, and I can't smell his cologne from here.” Ren responded, not even looking at the guy.
Yuzuki has a huge crush on the guy. His name is Sakamoto Ayato.
Student council member and the ‘pretty boy’ of Sanctus Academy, even though Ren can name ten boys who are much prettier and more pleasant than he is… though Ren could just have a bias, as her type is vastly different from Yuzuki's. The guy always tries to gun for a ‘tired, chill senior’ aesthetic, even though it doesn't work in his favor; he has more energy than a highly caffeinated squirrel.
At least he was respectful. Unlike someone Ren unfortunately knew. After managing to bustle through the crowd, Ayato brushed past Yuzuki and Ren.
“Morning ladies!”
“Morning.”
Ren responded with a level head, whereas Yuzuki just waved politely. As they both had to be on their way, Ren caught up with Ayato. They were classmates.
“Still obtuse as ever, Executioner?” Ayato jabbed (verbally, if he did so physically, there is a non-zero chance Ren would've snapped his arm clean off the shoulder).
“Finally didn't blast yourself with cologne, Vice President?” Ren retorted, not even sparing him a scoff as she did.
“Are you implying I don't shower?”
“Never said that. You have a routine more complex than mine.”
“There really is no arguing with you, is there?” the black-haired student sighed, shoving one hand into his pocket while the other went to scratch as his neck.
“What's there to argue about? I'm just speaking to you honestly.” The redheaded student responded, crossing her arms as she walked.
“About honesty… The President wants a word.”
“Tell him that he knows exactly where he can shove it.”
The answer from Ren was sharp and brutal. She wanted nothing to do with the likes of the council president, Ryuuji Tenma.
“I get that you're mad at him - you have every right to be - but it's important.” Ayato tried to persuade Ren to do it, but was met by a response sharper than the last.
“If he's ready to apologize for what he did, I'm ready to hear whatever he has to say after that.”
That put an end to their conversation, as they had reached their classroom and class was about to start. Nothing much was happening; same old, boring class that it always was. Ren was just waiting for the bell to ring so this would end.
As Ren was about to walk out following the bell ringing, someome jumped right onto her back.
“Ren-senpai!”
Before she had a chance to recover, someone threw themselves at her, almost knocking her to the floor.
“Rencchi!!”
“Ack-!” Ren would've almost fallen over if Ayato didn't grab her by the arm.
“Yonaga, Fukuda, we talked about this; you have to stop tackling the poor girl.” Ayato scolded the two who just dove right onto Ren without a second to spare. This was in response to them startling him. No one expects two midgets to suddenly jump onto someone out of nowhere.
“Ugh, always you with your quipping…” Yonaga grunts, getting off of Ren. Fukuda followed after, unlatching herself from her upperclassmen's torso.
Kiyoko Yonaga and Kanae Fukuda; cousins from class 2A that were notorious for their pranks and mischief. Ren felt like she was managing toddlers whenever they were together. Kiyoko was president of the school's ‘occult’ club, even though it was more of an excuse to nerd out about tabletop RPG’s than studying demons and the like. Kanae just messed with people for fun.
Well, now Ren had a packed schedule: go see Ryuuji (most likely against her will) and babysit the cousins.
Today wasn't going to be easy for her.
Some more time passed, and Ren eventually found herself sitting with her group during lunch time. They were a group of sukeban who often clashed with the school's authority. There was about seven of them counting Ren, all standing around and not talking much. After a lot of gazing around, Ren spotted something.
From where she stood, Ren could see something happening in the hallway. She crept closer and took a peak to see what was going on.
Five council members, one guy who they were bothering personally. Ren decided to stalk up and hear what they had to say.
“Just change schools already. We know your folks have the funds to do it.” one of the members, a girl who wore leg warmers spoke, trying to corner a man who was almost twice her height.
“I fear I know not what you speak of.” the cornered student responded, standing his ground.
“Dude, cut it out. You know what happens when someone leaves the council here.” another girl kept pressuring. Ren intervened when Ryuuji spoke up next.
“You've been running your mouth, Okura. Once we're done with you, we'll handle whoever else has the information.”
When his hand reached up for the other student, Ren's hand intercepted. With force, she yanked Ryuuji away from the others. She shoved her way past and firmly stood between the five students and their target.
“This matter doesn't concern you, Tensei.”
“It will concern the guidance counselor if you keep pushing your luck.” Ren stood her ground, unmoving. The council knew they couldn't gang up on her. There was no shot… especially considering what she was capable of.
“Don't you have other things to do instead of meddling with us?” Ryuuji demanded.
“And what? You have the right to meddle with whoever you want to?” The silence that stretched would make a pin sound like a metal pipe. The council always went quiet whenever anyone dared talk back to them, letting the person's own words hang above them like a guillotine's blade. It made them downright oppressive to talk to. Ren couldn't be intimidated, however.
“Take a hint, this is personal business, move along.” Ryuuji sneered. Ren took a bold step closer.
“I'm not a sheep, and you're not a herding dog.” Ren and Ryuuji's argument would've been a lot more graphic if witnesses weren't around.
“This is personal business. Move it along. You don't need to get involved with everything I do-”
“Daddy's calling.” Two words were enough to silence Ryuuji, who stopped ranting and glared at Ren. Eventually, he pulled away, his council following after. Only Ayato hesitated, giving Ren a sympathetic look before turning his heel and walking away.
That was one of the many reasons why she disliked him.
Her attention turned to the student whose defense she stood in. “Are you okay?”
“Quite fine. I owe you more than my gratitude for your timely intervention.”
He was definitely lanky, but also very thin, structurally resembling a stick bug more than a teenage boy. His hair was a muted sage, his eyes were black but kind, and he looked very disheveled.
“... Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before.”
“I have been in attendance for three years. Due to some… unfortunate complications, I had to take my second year online.”
That was when Ren noticed the knee brace he was wearing. That was unfortunate.
“I see. That's a coincidence, I also took my second year online. That's probably why we haven't met.” she explained as the other nodded in understanding.
“In that case, you may call me Nao Okura.”
“Ren Tensei. Nice to meet you, Okura-kun.”
“A pleasure, knight Tensei.”
Ren's eyebrows raised. “Knight?”
“You are representing our school in the upcoming joust, it would be a shame to not address you by your title.”
“Well… more of a samurai, but I’m not picky.” Well, add that to the list of names people call her in school.
“Wanna come join my group? The council won't bother you as long as we're around.” she made the offer, which Nao accepted with grace.
Ren realized that Nao was a student in her class. She likely never noticed him before, as he always sat two rows behind her. Was he truly so much of a ghost that she didn't notice him?
Nevertheless, the day breezed on without much issue after. Ren got home and immediately went to shower. It was always so nice to take a quick shower before lying down into freshly changed sheets for the night.
Her hair pooled beneath her head, smooth strands shining softly from the dampness of the shower. After getting herself in order, she decided to unwind by doing some light reading for the night.
It was a manga series that her brother, Sasaki, kept in his room. Being that Sasaki was living in Shibuya for university, he wasn't exactly stopping Ren from raiding his room. She was, in fact, wearing clothes she stole from him.
Star Ranger Tomoka-chan; A magical girl manga about highschoolers saving space from intergalactic threats… Ren has been obsessed with this series since she was a child. Although she mostly read the newer releases digitally, she owned the original 3 volumes (well, Sasaki did), of the manga. The nostalgia of the day lulled her to sleep.
She forgot her homework for tomorrow? That's fine. She'll just do it on the train to school.