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It felt a bit like the world was ending, sometimes. Hanna didn't think half of what was happening could happen otherwise.
Not that she'd considered what the end of the world would look like, but six kids and a giant tank felt like a pretty good picture.
Maybe Malt felt that way, too. She didn't think she'd seen him without tears in his eyes since that first skirmish. Since they'd rolled past the debris they'd created with no idea if the people behind those tanks were still alive. "Hey, Hanna? If something happens to me, you'll take care of Mei, right?"
She'd ask what brought this up, but... they were in a tank rolling towards the unknown. No goals in mind but maybe finding their adults somewhere. There was a good chance at least one of the people who'd attacked them hadn't lived to tell the tale. Considering their mortality was a perfectly reasonable reaction.
It wasn't like she hadn't been thinking about it at all. "Nothing's going to happen."
"But if it did." He took of his hat. Turned it over in his hands. Stared down at it like it contained the secrets to the universe.
There was something wrong about that. Malt was the last person Hanna would have expected to get like this. He always acted like being the oldest meant something. That if anything happened to him, none of the others would be able to stand up to it, either.
But it felt like the world was ending, and that was supposed to change things. "Of course I will." She didn't expect that she would ever be held to it.
She didn't know what a Soul Cannon was yet.
"Jihl!"
"She asked!"
That was fair. Given... everything, Hanna should have expected Mei to be curious. Should have known she couldn't hold it back forever.
That didn't change that she'd run off from dinner crying. And also that the whole thing had happened over dinner. There were some conversations that really didn't need to happen while people were trying to eat. "That doesn't mean you have to answer!"
She turned and left before he could say anything else. She didn't think she was going to give in to the urge to punch him, but best not take that chance. There were only six of them. They couldn't have two people in no state to man their stations.
Ordinarily, Hanna wouldn't have cared. But everyone had started looking to her after... after Malt. So that made thinking about those things her job.
She found Mei in her bunk, cocooned in blankets, the broken halves of Malt's harmonica resting innocently on her pillow. "Mei..." There should have been something she could say. Malt had asked her to look after his sister, but she couldn't even figure out how to make herself feel better.
When she thought about it, it was a miracle they'd made it this far. If she hadn't made that promise, she didn't think she would have been able to keep fighting, and it had taken over a day for Kyle to recover enough to join her. If it had been anyone else, the Taranis wouldn't have still been in working condition by the time someone emerged to back them up.
It probably said something that keeping a tank running by herself had been the easy part of all this. "...Hanna? Jihl was lying, right?"
"...I don't think he would." She'd tried sugarcoating the truth before. It had just made things worse. Not that she thought Mei would have returned to her station by now if she hadn't, but there was something to be said for getting the painful conversation out of the way as quickly as possible.
Another sob. "Then... then why did Malt...?"
"He probably didn't know what it was." None of them had, up until it was too late. Until there was nothing left of Mei's brother but a hat and a broken instrument. "Malt would never want to leave you."
But he had.
But, the day before, he'd spoken to Hanna about what he wanted her to do if it happened. Prepared her for the eventuality.
Almost like he knew it would.
That much, she swore she'd never tell anyone else about.
Especially not Mei.
The next time she saw Jihl, he had a black eye. Hanna was tactful enough not to ask who'd put it there.
It was probably Kyle.
"Mei finally stopped crying." She didn't think he cared, but she felt the need to say it anyway. "Did you really have to be so... explicit about it?"
"If she's scared of the Soul Cannon, she won't want anyone to use it." Jihl sounded completely unrepentant. She didn't know what she'd expected.
It shouldn't have mattered, because they'd all promised not to go anywhere near the Soul Cannon in the first place. All it would do was make things harder for those left behind. Hanna's sleep schedule still hadn't recovered.
She just would have liked to go one day without someone tearing that wound back open. "No one was going to use the Soul Cannon. That's against Rule One: No Dying."
"That's still a dumb rule." Yes, yes, anyone who broke that rule would be too dead to care about any sort of enforcement. He'd said it before. Everything sucked enough without giving in to infighting, so she'd just roll her eyes and wait for him to say something useful. "Besides, you know what would happen if I didn't tell her? That voice would tell her all she needs to see her brother again is to jump right into that cannon."
...That sounded depressingly plausible. Mei was definitely young enough to go along with something like that.
If she focused on that, she could ignore how it sounded like Jihl was speaking from experience. They'd already had one example of too much detail today, no need to bring in any more.
No need to think about the reasons someone might choose to give up their soul. "...Next time, ask us if we actually want to hear the details."
She already knew he wouldn't.
At least next time he couldn't complain when someone decided to punch him.