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“We should get married”.
Bert is laying with his head on Gerard’s lap, eyes half closed and hair a mess because of the way Gerard’s fingers had been tangled in them while they were making out earlier. Gerard is trying to comb through them now, gently, the way he knows Bert likes. An unlit cigarette is hanging from Bert’s lips, a habit he took after becoming sober.
The words come out without warning, and as absurd as they are they still make Gerard’s heart jump and his mind starting to wander.
“Pretty sure that’s not legal”, he replies, and can’t keep the sad tone out of his voice.
Bert opens his eyes; there’s such a certainty in them that for a second Gerard wonders if perhaps he’s missed same-sex marriage becoming legal somehow.
“Okay, first, there are places in the world where it is legal”, Bert says. He moves a little to be more comfortable on Gerard’s lap, or at least as comfortable as they can be in the small space of a tour bus’ bunk. “And second, I don’t care”.
Gerard laughs. It’s such a typical Bert response he feels his heart swell out of fondness. He takes the cigarette from Bert’s lips and leans down to kiss him. He intends for it to be just a soft peck, but it’s no surprise it turns heated and deep in the span of a second. Bert opens up under him, their tongues meet, and Gerard loses himself in the sensation, pushing away whatever they were talking about. They only separate when his neck starts to hurt from the position they’re in.
Bert keeps him close for a moment longer. “I love you”, he says. It doesn’t matter how many times he hears it, it always makes Gerard speechless, heart in his throat and butterflies swarming messily in his stomach. “That’s why we should get married”.
He laughs again against Bert’s lips, pecks him softly before straightening up. He puts the cigarette back and starts playing with Bert’s hair again.
Bert is a dreamer, and Gerard loves that about him. He loves that he has his ideals he won’t ever betray, that he doesn’t stop at what the world is and has to offer, that he lets himself dream for something better. Gerard loves that, when he’s with him, he can let himself be as optimistic as him about a better future.
“Alright”, he says. “Where do you wanna get married, then?”
It must have been the wrong thing to say, because Bert pouts. It’s adorable, and Gerard just wants to kiss him again. And again and again, until the rest of the world disappears.
“No, Gee, you’re not listening to me,” Bert replies. He’s still pouting, but at the same time he’s leaning against Gerard’s hand on his head, so Gerard knows he’s not really offended. “I wanna get married here. I don’t care that it’s not legal”.
Gerard just stares at him, confused. It’s not weird for Bert to start talking about things like this, all hypothesis and philosophy and so much passion - Gerard absolutely loves listening to him, could spend hours on end just doing that. Usually though, this kind of talk doesn't involve them getting married.
“We’ll get married here, and it’ll be both an act of love and of revolution”.
He’s smiling wide, his eyes now fully open and turned upwards like he’s seeing a clear image before him. “I can see it already”, he says. “It’d be beautiful. We’ll get married, scream our love to the whole world, piss some people off on our way”.
“And then drive into the sunset together?”
“Why not”, Bert grins at him.
Suddenly, Gerard understands that he’s not simply joking around. That’s the thing about Bert - he’s a dreamer, sure, but he doesn’t stop at that. He knows what he believes in and he works to make it real. He wants to change the world and believes he can do it, with his words and his music and his ideals. Gerard adores that about him, and sometimes, when he looks at him singing onstage, when he listens to him speaking to a crowd or even just in the quiet of their private time, he really believes he could do it. If there is someone who could really change the world, that’s Bert.
Gerard loves him so much it’s almost too much to bear.
“Sounds nice”, he says in the end. He wants to listen to Bert forever, wants to change the world together. “So what, are you gonna propose to me onstage or something?”
Bert gets up so fast the cigarette falls from his lips. He doesn’t seem to even notice, he just straddles Gerard’s lap, puts his arms around his neck and beams at him with excitement.
”That would be awesome”, he says, his eyes shining.
Gerard’s heart starts doing somersaults in his chest, the butterflies in his stomach start to sing. It’s both because of the image that’s been painted in his mind and simply because Bert always takes his breath away, especially when he looks so excited and passionate, especially when he speaks so easily about how much he loves Gerard.
Gerard isn’t sure what he did to deserve him, but what he does know is that he’s never letting him go.
He wraps his arms around Bert’s waist, gently touches his nose to his. “People don’t even know we’re dating, Bert”, he points out, even though it doesn’t matter at all.
Bert laughs. “Please, Gee, literally everyone knows”. He bites Gerard’s cheek lightly and then kisses it. “Do you really think you’re being subtle about us?”
Gerard knows he’s right, but he still pouts. They never said anything outright to the public but in all the years they’ve been together the rumors have only grown. “Well, you definitely aren’t”.
He gets a shrug in response. “I don’t wanna be subtle. Why would I want to keep quiet about how much I love you?”
The butterflies are about to set themselves aflame and his heart is going to run out of his chest and start dancing to the rhythm of Bert’s heartbeat. Gerard hugs him tighter and hides his face in the crook of his neck. He has no doubt that Bert can feel his smile against his skin.
“You’ll be the death of me”.
He can feel the vibrations of Bert’s laugh throughout his body.
“You don’t mind, do you?”. The sudden serious tone of Bert’s voice pushes Gerard to raise his head and look at him. “That I’m not subtle at all, I mean”.
Gerard can’t help it, he kisses him. He hates that sometimes there are doubts creeping up inside Bert, hates that he’s their cause. And so he kisses him, takes them from him and swallows them down.
“Of course not”, he replies against his lips, and he can feel Bert relaxing again.
“So can I really propose to you onstage?”
Gerard laughs and nods. The truth is that there’s no need to ask, that he’s ready to marry him right here right now. He thinks that Bert knows that already.
They hear the bus’ door open and Frank calling out a greeting to them (Gerard is pretty sure it’s more to make sure he doesn’t catch them having sex again, rather than simply out of manners).
Still sitting on Gerard’s lap, Bert leans out of the bunk. Gerard holds him a little tighter to make sure he doesn’t fall out.
“Yo, Frankie!”, Bert calls out. “Me and Gee are gonna get married!”
Barely a second of silence passes, then Frank is yelling back. “Nice! When?”
“Dunno! But it’s gonna be the start of a revolution!”
Gerard laughs and pulls him back. Bert lets himself fall on him, the widest grin on his lips. His hair is a complete mess again, and he’s so beautiful, and Gerard loves him so much.
“I didn’t even say yes yet”, he still says, just because. His own smile is mirroring Bert’s, and his heart is filled with the promise of being with him forever.
Bert moves closer, brushes his lips against Gerard’s ear as he speaks quietly. “Oh, baby, we both know you can’t say no to me”.
Gerard just shuts him up by kissing him again.
~ ~ ~
They don’t bring it up again, and enough time passes that Gerard thinks Bert forgot about it. He’s not disappointed, after all he knows that they can’t get married anyway, so what would even be the point? What they have is good enough, they don’t have to start a revolution for it to be special.
That’s what he tells himself.
And yet, part of him is still stuck on that conversation. Maybe that’s why one day, when they’re taking a walk around, he finds himself taking a deep breath to steady himself and then reaching out to take Bert’s hand in his.
The way Bert beams at him lights up the whole world, and it’s worth everything and more to Gerard. Their fingers intertwine, and they keep walking like that.
It’s always easier to feel brave when he’s with Bert.
It’s the last day of tour, and even though it’s not even over yet Gerard kind of misses it already. It doesn’t matter how exhausting it is and how much his mind and body both need to rest, touring is still one of his favourite things ever. Especially when it’s together with The Used and he gets to see Bert performing almost every day, gets the first-row experience of watching him, of meeting his eyes through the crowd, drinking in his bigger than ever stage presence. And even performing with him.
It’s the last day, so of course the two bands won’t lose the chance of playing together. No matter how many times they did this, it’s always incredible.
Gerard sees Bert play with the cap of his bottle of water and then take a long sip. He’s clearly tired but he’s still grinning wide, happiness and excitement so clear on his face. Gerard imagines that he himself doesn’t look all that different right now.
They jump around onstage as they sing Under Pressure, then come to lean against each other. Bert rests his head on Gerard’s shoulder, and Gerard doesn’t even stop to think when he wraps his arms around him.
The song finishes with them wrapped around each other like that. Bert smiles at him, disheveled and happy and breathtakingly beautiful. Gerard has barely the time to notice the sudden spark in his eyes and realize he’s definitely planning something, that Bert pulls away from him.
And then, suddenly, he goes down on one knee, right in front of Gerard. Right in front of a crowd of thousands of people.
Gerard’s heart is going to explode.
Bert opens his hand to show Gerard what he’s holding.
It’s the plastic ring from the water bottle’s cap.
Gerard can’t help it. He laughs, loud and careless and happy.
“God, you’re so fucking dumb”, he says.
“What, you didn’t think I’d actually do it?”
The crowd is screaming and it’s hard to hear each other over the roar. Gerard is hyper aware of where they are and what they’re doing, but the fear is overcome by the adrenaline and pure love running through his veins and somehow at the same time it feels like they’re the only two people in the whole world.
“You kept me waiting”, he says, and this time it’s Bert’s turn to laugh. He waves the plastic ring before Gerard.
“Are you ready to say yes?”
“You’re so full of yourself”.
Despite his words he still holds out his left hand, and Bert takes it. The ring doesn’t fit, of course, but it doesn’t matter. Bert puts it on Gerard’s ring finger and kisses it.
Gerard really hopes his heart doesn’t give out now, because he really can’t wait to make a whole revolution and marry the man in front of him.
He uses their linked hands to pull Bert up, and as soon as he’s on his feet, he jumps on Gerard, legs and arms wrapped around him. He can hear the rest of the guys coming to them, screaming congratulations and whatever else at them.
“I love you”, Gerard says, loud enough that anyone could hear. He doesn’t care.
And then, in front of thousands of people, he kisses him.
Bert kisses him back and the crowd screams, and Gerard thinks that revolution tastes pretty sweet.