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Bucky expected a lot of things when allowing Steve to drag him to the Avengers Headquarters. He expected a cold reception, what with how he nearly killed his best friend and their dear leader. He expected fear, hesitation, wary glances and respectful distances between him and everyone else.
What he got instead were sympathetic smiles and words of welcome. Rhodes was not so subtly “fanboying” over him, according to Steve. Vision was politely curious, which didn’t seem to be out of the ordinary. Wilson shrugged off Bucky’s attempts at apologizing and roped him into morning jogs. The witch - Wanda something - seemed to be the only one to keep the respectful distance, but it was obvious she did it to protect him from her, rather than the other way around. Natasha’s eyes held far more understanding than he expected, considering he nearly killed her, too.
The most shocking reaction had to be from Tony. Bucky had killed his parents, there was no confusing that, that memory was firmly stuck in his brain, as much as he didn’t want it. But Tony treated him with far more forgiveness than he hoped to deserve. He welcomed him into the fold with brash humor and an arm upgrade. The humor was welcome in its surprise, but that upgrade… Bucky was certain that was the beginning of the end for him.
The workshop, while being distantly reminiscent of those bases where he was wiped and wiped again, didn’t feel the slightest bit like his past as soon as those bots and Tony’s sass made themselves known. And from the beginning of the disassemble of his arm to the end of assembling a new one, Tony never stopped talking, never stopped explaining what he was doing. The constant chatter pulled Bucky from his paranoia, from his memories, and from his fear. It was actually quite calming, and once it was all over - far too soon, if Bucky had any say - Bucky was craving for more contact with the strange yet brilliant man.
So Tony dragged him to the communal floor for dinner and a group movie, his commentary never seeming to cease until he finally admitted his need to sleep and pack to head back to New York. “I stop being CEO,” he whined, “but still I work as if I own it.”
“You do own it,” Steve replied in amusement, and Bucky could see the sarcasm coming from a mile away. “At least I think so. I can’t tell, does putting your name on the company’s building mean you own it?”
“No respect,” Tony sighed, his small smile belying his words. “I get no respect around here.”
That night, Bucky went to bed with very little fear of what his dreams would bring him. Instead, he lay there in the supremely comfortable bed, looking forward to the next time he and Tony could chat again. As he drifted into sleep, he conceded that he was perhaps even crushing on the man, and the months of pep talks from Steve made the idea of letting himself have that so much more realistic.
It was a couple weeks later when he saw Tony, who stayed for a week before leaving again for business, only to come back a couple weeks after that. Rinse, lather, repeat. With every exposure to Tony, Bucky could deny less and less his feelings. Not that he was inclined to deny that sort of thing. While experiencing freedom of choice was a relief after so long, and getting memories back to remind him of who he was, it was his friendship and feelings for Tony that made him feel fully human again.
But just because he was ready to accept those feelings, admitting them out loud to the object of that affection still felt like a stretch. And that was putting it mildly. Tony might have forgiven him for killing his parents, but Bucky wasn’t under any delusions that it meant Tony forgot. And remembering that while realizing the killer fell in love with you? Yeah, that would be really off-putting. Not to mention there was so much good in Tony. He was kind, empathetic, and a really great listener.
Bucky? What about him would make someone that good want him? He was broken beyond complete repair. He was still a danger to the Avengers, if not for the triggers hiding in his brain then for how volatile he could be at random. All he had to do was remember something from his past, be it before, during, or after the War, and he would instantly be quick to hurt others if they dared come close to him.
And no way was he going to let that danger any closer to Tony than what they already had. If he hurt Tony, if he hurt one of the few good things going on in his life, he would never be able to forgive himself.
Almost a year later, the Avengers were gathered together to discuss the mission at hand. Bucky wasn’t really listening that closely, since he still was refusing to join while he was still so volatile, but it sounded like it was some social function, which was really bizarre. Who treated a gala like they were infiltrating a HYDRA base?
“Look,” Tony piped in at some point, the frustration in his voice snapping Bucky back to the conversation, “I know you guys don’t think this is a huge deal, that it’s not something to be taken seriously, but I’m telling you that it smells fishy, and we have to attend. Ophelia has always rubbed me the wrong way-”
“Wait, what?” Bucky cut in for the first time, bringing the arguments to a halt. “Ophelia who?”
Tony blinked in surprise, but instantly answered, “Ophelia Sarkissian. Some daughter of a marine tech tycoon.”
Bucky’s blood ran cold. “And you’re going to chat with her? Are you insane ?”
The group all seemed very confused at his strong reaction, and it took a minute or two before Steve finally cut in and asked, “I take it you know this woman, Buck?”
“She’s HYDRA. I don’t know the exact details, but she was basically being groomed to be another figurehead for the organization.”
“Aha!” Tony pointed at him, staring Steve down in triumph. “See? Last thing we need is a Lady HYDRA reviving the regime. For the second time. In three years.”
Steve sighed, folding his arms. “Even so, getting all of the Avengers to attend would just tip her off. We don’t even attend regular events as a group, unless it’s absolutely required. I don’t think we could get away with more than three people at this event, Tony.”
“Alright, three’s fine, three’s perfect, nature absolutely loves the number three, I can work with that. So I go, there’s no question about that. You go, too, that way you can confirm or deny the threat, and then… and then…”
“I’ll go,” Bucky cut in instantly.
“Absolutely not,” Steve said, his eyes going hard. “If she’s HYDRA, then there’s the threat that she knows some trigger word. And none of us want you to be back in their clutches.”
Bucky leaned forward insistently in his chair. “But if she is still HYDRA, I’ll be able to recognize it better. They just say things that are very distinct, that not many would be able to pick up on. But I can.”
“Yeah, I’m calling bullshit,” Tony said, a concerned frown on his face. “Not gonna lie, I have the same concerns as Steve. Even if the trigger words no longer work, getting separated would be a really bad thing. And socializing would involve separating frequently.”
“I’m sorry, Bucky,” Steve added. “I appreciate you trying to help, but… I just got you back. I’m not losing you again.”
“Can’t keep me safe forever,” Bucky growled.
“I know I can’t. But humor me, just this once. Okay?”
Bucky looked to the others, hoping for someone to back him up, but everyone seemed to be politely ignoring the three of them. He then looked to Tony. But Tony was looking back with concern and some added emotion, something that Bucky thought he couldn’t decipher. It was either that, or Tony was looking at him the same way Bucky dreamed of being looked at.
Bucky balled his hands into his fists under the table. “Fine.”
Like hell he was going to let those two numbskulls go off without backup. After finding a suit that was to his liking - and holy shit, Tony had clothes tailored just for him - Bucky drove himself to the gala and found a side door to sneak in. Once he made it out of the kitchens and into the ballroom, the gala was already in full force with music and some tasteful dancing. At least, more tasteful than what Clint would show him on YouTube during his very occasional visits. It was more swaying than actual footwork, which was just a disappointment.
But his eyes caught one couple whose footwork was rather admirable, and was shocked to realize it was Steve and Tony, pulled close to each other and moving in time to the music, private smiles on their faces. Bucky didn’t want to acknowledge the pain that gave him, how his blood sang with misery at the sight of them together, because the point wasn’t to socialize. The point was to make sure Sarkissian wasn’t going to continue the HYDRA legacy.
“Well, well,” a smooth voice chimed just behind Bucky, and he felt his whole body freeze. “I was expecting the Star-Spangled Man and his boyfriend, but I didn’t think you would make a public appearance so soon.”
Steeling himself, Bucky turned and put on a smile, not caring if it was fake. “Ophelia. Pleasant surprise, seeing you here.”
Her lips, or the half not obscured by her dark hair, twitched up in mischief. “I’m sure it is. I’m sure none of you got a look at the guest list and suddenly decided to show yourself.”
“Of course not.” Bucky’s smile turned sharp, tension coiling up in case she tried anything worse than some pointed words. “We’re just interested in having some fun.”
Ophelia hummed, her smile sliding away, danger lighting up in her eyes. “You think I’m a fool? Stark is a paranoid son of a bitch, and Rogers perks up like a puppy at the words ‘HYDRA is coming back’. They’re far too predictable.” She looks him up and down, and hums again. “Though I have to admit I didn’t expect you. Not that I’m going to complain.”
Bucky took a step back, not liking the hungry look in her eyes. “Fuck off.”
Her lips twitch back up into a smile, this one far more predatory and dangerous. And then, in accented Russian, she said, “Longing.”
Bucky’s pulse quickened in panic. Shit, she knew them, the trigger words. This was bad, he had to get away. But she quickly grabbed his arm, much firmer than he expected of a woman her size.
“Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak.” She was far too calm, which wasn’t any surprise, because he could feel his mend slipping away from him, the applause sounding like it came from the other side of the building.
“Stop it,” Bucky breathed, tugging weakly at her grip, hearing himself go toneless and cold. “Stop… stop it.”
But she didn’t stop. “Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One,” she drew him close, close enough that she breathed the last phrase right into his ear, “Freight Car.”
And soon, it didn’t matter that the love of his life was dancing with his best friend. It didn’t matter that he proved that best friend, the Captain, right by coming here.
It didn’t matter that he was Bucky Barnes. Because the Soldier was called, and the Soldier always obeyed.
Bucky came to wrapped in warm arms, a chin resting on the crown of his head, and the soft voice that was just white noise before became clearer with every breath he took.
“C’mon, Bucky, don’t do this, please.” And oh, that voice sounded weak and upset, like its owner was holding back tears. “This is not how I wanted our first outing to go. I was thinking more dinner and a show. Up to you what kind of show you wanted.”
Bucky took in a deeper breath, and ugh, that was pain lancing through his side. He was then aware of the dampness there, and all down his right pant leg. He must have taken a bad hit. But how?
“There,” he finally rasps, not opening his eyes just yet, “there’s an innuendo in there somewhere, isn’t there?”
He was treated to a laugh, though it was broken and only served to break Bucky’s heart. Then again, that could have just been the loss of blood.
“Yeah,” the voice said, and Bucky opened his eyes to see Tony staring down at him, looking pained and frightened. But not of Bucky. Tony would never be frightened of Bucky. “Yeah, it was an innuendo.”
Bucky blinked slowly, far slower than he expected, and finally processed what Tony was saying. “Wait, you’re… asking me on a date?”
Tony smiled weakly. “Yeah. I was.”
“But… I thought… you and Steve were-”
“No, we were just doing that because we wanted an excuse to not leave each other’s sights. You were right, social events being dangerous by splitting us up. So… yeah. Wasn’t part of the plan, but we went with it anyway.” Tony’s smile slipped away, leaving him looking ruined. Like the prospect of Bucky injured was something he never wanted. Like Bucky was important to him.
“And you,” Tony continued, sounding a little angry, “you were supposed to stay at home. We were trying to avoid this very thing.”
Bucky’s heart sank at that. So he did slip into the Soldier. He distantly registered disappointment, but the blood loss was making it hard for him to care. “Wasn’t part of the plan,” he said faintly, “but I went with it anyway.”
Tony snorted humorlessly, pulling Bucky closer to his warmth. “Fine, I get it. No making you jealous.”
Bucky hummed, the warmth carrying him towards the dark. “And no… going against orders.”
And the last words he heard were, “That’s right, babe. Glad I fell in love with someone so smart.”