Chapter Text
Ferran never saw the point of burner accounts before this. Why not just use your main account? He was too mellow, too chill, too calm for all that.
Until one day.
Scrolling through Pedri’s latest Instagram post - a carousel from the national team qualifiers - he saw everyone gushing in the comments.
Dani Olmo: magician 🪄
Jules Kounde: you make football look so easy
Eric Garcia: oof, you’re too good
Ferran Torres: simply divine ❤️
But as Ferran scrolled further down, he saw some accounts piping up with hate.
And Ferran almost typed a whole speech destroying these accounts with the pure hater energy that thrived dormant in his veins. And right before he clicked send, he remembered he was on his official account.
Yeah, his publicist might kill him with her pen.
And that’s when he made a burner email and the world witnessed the birth of the Instagram account: pedridefender8
randomaccount123: he’s so overrated, cant wait till he gets injured again so people can forget this fraud 😂
- pedridefender8: you better hope i don’t get my hands on you, you piece of shit, you wont be whining about other people getting injured when i spin your jaw
footycritic: vitinha is so much better lol, this guy is just barça PR
- pedridefender8: me when i dont know shit about football, visca el barça i visca pedri gonzalez
It went on like that.
Ferran was enjoying defending Pedri to his heart’s content and not holding back just because he had to keep his official profile “respectable.”
He was lounging on his couch when he came across a gossip page, making up a random rumour between Pedri and a girl he knew for a fact, Pedri didn’t even know about.
pedridefender8: fake lol, stop spreading shit, you dont even know him
Two days later, they returned back to club training after their NT duties. Pedri reposted a video from Barça’s page on his feed, a compilation of him making line breaking passes in their last club game.
boldboss3: anyone can make these passes, hes not special at all
- pedridefender8: i’d like to see you try you senile fuck
A while later, Ferran’s phone pinged with a notification from his Team Domino group chat. He opened it and saw that Eric had screenshotted his last reply and sent it to the group chat.
TEAM DOMINO GROUP CHAT:
Eric: i love whoever is behind this account LMFAOOO
Pedri: OMG, who on earth is that passionate about me 😳
Dani: ferran, for starters
Dani: actually are we sure its not just ferran behind the account
Ferran: don’t be ridiculous
The account remained dormant for a few days while they prepared back for their club games.
They played Atletico Madrid away at Wanda Metropolitano and made a comeback from 2-0 down to 2-4 up. Everyone was in great spirits and checking their socials, posting and updating the fans.
@Pedri: The spirit of this team remains unbreakable! Lets fight for the league culers!
Kounde: pedri te quiero mas me muero
Ferran Torres: magician i love you ❤️❤️❤️
And Ferran was having a great time gushing over his Pepi but of course, the universe had to show him some comments that activated the hater in him again.
Sigh…this is why we can’t have nice things.
rationalthinker: anyone notice that we scored the winner after pedri got subbed off lol he is holding the team back
- pedridefender8: are your parents siblings by any chance, dumb fuck
culer4life: pedri i love u more than ferran
- pedridefender8: lol impossible
A while later, a message popped up in the main Barça squad group chat. Gavi had sent a screenshot of the last 2 comments.
BARÇA FAMILY GROUP CHAT:
Gavi: Yo is this ferran’s account?
Lamine: LMFAOOOO
Fermin: won’t put it past him
Rapha: That sass is 100% Ferran 😂
Dani: i’ve been screaming for days its HIM ITS HIM
Ferran: I don’t know what you guys are talking about
Eric: suuuuure
The squad had a few days off from training and Pedri used it to have a mini getaway with his family in Tenerife. He posted a few photos of him shirtless on the beach and a few with his family.
@Pedri: quality time, recharging batteries!
Eric: ooofff what a beauty 😍
Ferran: dios
Ferran stared at the picture of him shirtless on the beach and knew what he wanted to say, couldn’t be said on his official account. But as he scrolled, everyone was thirsty in the comments.
Well…it wasn’t just him Pedri had that effect on.
pedridefender8: gatekeeping this, everyone look away please this is personal business
pedridefender8: everyone has 2 seconds before i pounce omf stop staring at my man
lizaculer: ugh need that bad
- pedridefender8: well you’re not gonna get it 😂🫵
Pedri’s barber posted a video of his new haircut and the comments came pouring in.
pedridefender8: que guapoooo amor de mi vida 😍😍😍 most perfect human being in the world, top to bottom 10/10
johnceslo: nooo why did he cut his hair, he looks ugly af now!!
- pedridefender8: get a covid test since u clearly dont have taste
- marinople: yo why this account always lurking 😭😭 im scared
Barça’s official account posted a poll for the fans in a contest of “Whose Goal was Better?” and the first round was Pedri v Gavi.
Both goals were great but Ferran knew where his loyalty lay.
He voted Pedri from his official account then switched to his burner and did the same again.
gaviista: gavi’s was so much better
- pedridefender8: love gavi but nah
beyondthesrv: gavi all the wayyyy, idk why pedri’s winning
- pedridefender8: hes winning bc hes better lol, not rocket science
Ferran knew if the squad found these comments again they’d be sending it to the Barça Squad Groupchat and it happened right as he thought so.
BARÇA FAMILY GROUP CHAT:
Gavi: yooo why am i catching strays 😭😭
Lamine: atleast they said they loved u bro thats the highest compliment coming from whoever this is, i thought they only loved pedri alone
Eric: IM CRYING WHO IS THIS GENERATIONAL HATER BRO
Dani: you cant convince me its not ferran bro im ready to bet money on it
Pedri: even im starting to doubt that now 😭 ferri is it u…
Ferran: you guys are crazy
Eric: well either its u or u got crazy competition in the pedri defence squad
Ferran: 😒
Soon the account was so notoriously famous that Eric sent them a screenshot of a viral tweet with over 1.5 thousand retweets:
“was gonna complain about pedri’s hair but then i remembered pedridefender8 might kill me in my sleep”
Gavi: real bro, that account is so scary the other day i wanted to steal fruit off pedri’s plate but didnt bc i thought pedridefender8 might show up
Fermin: LMFAOOOO
Dani: i will eat my shoe if this account isnt run by ferran
Ferran: there he goes again…
Dani: ITS YOU IM TELLING YALL ITS HIM
Eric: lowkey i agree w u dani but we have no proof
Ferran: ☝️😌
Dani: the proof is nobody in the world is this protective over pedri
Pedri: Hahaha this account always makes me laugh
Ferran: good you deserve to be happy and laugh always❤️❤️❤️
Dani: oh i wish the lord would take me now…
After their Copa win vs Madrid, everyone was gushing about Pedri’s goal and his performance but it warmed Ferran’s heart to see how much support fans were showing for his game too. They were spamming “TIBURONNN” and the “FERRAAAAN” video in his replies that always made him laugh.
He posted a carousel of photos with the trophy and 4 of the 10 pictures had Pedri in it.
@ferrantorres: CAMPEONES! Thank you culers for supporting us in Sevilla, this one is for all of you! 💙❤️ Lets go for more!!
Eric: mi hermano tiburon 🦈🦈🦈
Pedri: MVP ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Dani Olmo: i’m keeping an eye on the comments…
redredhood: bro posted more pictures of pedri’s goal than of his own
- pedridefender8: as he should
rainbowkitty: are they lovers…?
- pedridefender8: worse
barsaheart: more angles of pedri’s goal than the jfk assassination, bro whipped af
*pedridefender8 liked this comment*
After a league game where Ferran both scored a hat-trick and Pedri played like…well Pedri, the MVP officially went to Pedri. And the media hounds were itching to spin a tale of dressing room divide by pitting teammates against teammates.
But they clearly didn’t know Ferran.
The interview was going well and then the interviewer mentioned Pedri which brought an instinctive smile to Ferran’s face. They asked him his thoughts about the MVP competition being between him and Pedri and the award officially going to Pedri.
“Nah, I think give all the awards to Pedri. If I could decide it myself, I’d also give it to him. He’s the best and we always knew that but I’m glad his physical health this year has allowed other people to see what we always knew. He’s the best, a magician,” Ferran ranted on.
Eric sent the video link to the official Barça squad group chat because of course he did.
BARÇA FAMILY GROUP CHAT:
Eric: live interview from pedridefender8
Dani: hes being so polite and respectful here like hes not sending ppl death threats in insta DMs
Gavi: dawg look at that smile when they brought up pedri omfg…
Eric: wtf i just noticed…
Fermin: bro got stars in his eyes…
Lamine: my ship 😍😍😍
Pedri: you guys are so annoying
Rapha: you got a comment on the video pal?
Pedri: Sweet 🥰 as always
Ferran: always for you ❤️❤️❤️
Dani: lord im ready
Eric: ferri and sweet in one comment…who’s gonna tell him
Pedri: what??? ferri is literally the sweetest, this is not even a debate
Gavi: he stole all the fruit off my lunch yesterday at the cafeteria and then laughed in my face
Pedri: maybe he was hungry
Lamine: he hid my boots till i got late for training and flick scolded me
Pedri: you should’ve arrived earlier
Eric: asshole gloated for a week when he won a fifa marathon vs me, he wouldnt shut up
Pedri: wow he cant even be proud of himself now???
Fermin: oh we got a ferrandefender in the squad too now …
Ferran: Pepi 🥰🥰🥰
Pedri: 🥰🥰🥰
Dani: just threw up
Ferran: that aint my business
Eric: SEE HIS MEAN TO EVERYONE BUT U @PEDRI
Gavi: that dude so gone he might find that even more endearing
Ferran scrolled the post comments to find one by a Madrid fan:
halamadreeed: lol obviously he’s jealous inside bc he wanted the award for himself
- pedridefender8: #Does He Know.
- LolaLola: Ferran would literally cut his own leg off if Pedri asked bruhh don’t bring that madridista crap into our family
- *pedridefender8 liked this comment*
Ferran smirked as he read that.
He had trained them well.
When the Ballon d’Or nominations dropped, the account took a turn for the more…
More defensive, more campaigning for Pedri winning it.
Meanwhile, Pedri couldn’t care lesser for individual awards.
He said it in every interview when they asked him, the same answer to the squad, to his friends. Because he genuinely was that selfless and sweet, a kind soul.
Ferran on the other hand was… well. He was passionate to say the least. Undeterred.
@francefootball:
One day, one nominee.
Nominee of the day: Pedri Gonzalez of FC Barcelona ✨🪄
pedridefender8: the real ballon dor winner if the world was fair and just
- madridiista3: lie of the year
- pedridefender8: ur a madridista im sure u know all about lies
pookiejude: pedri has done nothing to even deserve this nom
- pedridefender8: pedri is domestic treble champion, best in the world according to professional footballers and legends but yeah everyone lets listen to what pookiejude has to say
Pedri read the comments after he got tagged on the post by his official France Football account and laughed quietly. He didn’t know who it was but they made him laugh.
He appreciated the peak hater energy. The account had no posts, no display picture However, it was notorious and so it had wracked up a decent following.
But he had an inkling it was someone close to him.
And he decided to test it out on his top suspect.
One random night, as they were cleaning up after dinner at Ferran’s apartment, Pedri just chuckled at his phone.
Ferran looked up from his plate and smiled at the sound, “What is it?”
“Oh, this comment by the fan account on my last post,” Pedri tilted the screen to show him.
pedridefender8: ethereal beauty, no one can compare
Ferran smiled and looked up at Pedri, “You like that?”
Pedri blushed, “Well, I don’t know but whoever is behind this account must love me a lot.”
And Pedri saw in real time how soft Ferran’s eyes went as he stared at him for a long, long time, “Yeah…they do.”
Hmm. So that was interesting.
The next day, Pedri found a rare comment that the account hadn’t fought back under and brought it up sneakily infront of Ferran,
“Huh.”
Ferran looked up from his phone, “What’s up?”
“Oh there’s this hate comment on my post that the account didn’t defend…Maybe they’re on a break,” Pedri laughed.
But Ferran sat up straight, “Which one? Show me,” and tilted his screen so he could see.
He pursed his lips.
By the end of the day, Pedri shook his head and laughed when he saw a new comment underneath.
sahcarlos: i will never understand the hype for this dude, madrid midfielders are miles better but underrated
- pedridefender8: madrid fan tasteless and brainless and clueless about football, shocking news!!!!
When Ferran walked in to the locker room early the next morning, Pedri was already there. But no one else had arrived yet.
Ferran walked in with a smile when Pedri casually greeted him with a, “Hello, Pedri Defender.”
Ferran stopped in his tracks and wheezed, “Uhm…wha-what?”
Pedri sauntered up to him a smile, “It’s you, isn’t it?”
Ferran gasped and coughed, “Uh…what? I don’t - actually, well…”
Pedri laughed and surprised him by cupping his face in his hands and kissing him, soft and slow.
When he leaned back, Ferran’s eyes were still shut, his breath shallow.
When Ferran opened his eyes again, he saw Pedri smiling at him, “What was that for?” He whispered in awe.
Pedri grasped his hand, squeezing it, “That was for always defending me.“
Ferran finally gave in and tugged Pedri back into a kiss with a hand on his waist and another in his hair.
When they came up for air, Ferran muttered, “You’re not mad, right? I just…if you want I can close down the account.”
But Pedri only laughed, “That is up to you. But I don’t mind. I found it hilarious actually.”
Ferran sighed and then he chuckled, “Well, I’m glad. I thought if you knew, you’d be mad at how protective I got.”
“Mad at my knight in shining armour? Never.” Pedri smirked back.
Ferran groaned and pressed his forehead to Pedri’s, “Ugh, Pepi. Don’t give me that look when I can’t do anything about it at the moment.”
During the game, Pedri assisted Ferran for his second goal and Ferran tugged Pedri by the hand and kissed his temple during the celebrations.
It was small, a subtle gesture. Nothing scandalous.
But social media was blowing up with how intimate it felt.
“FEDRI IS REAL”
“married couple vibes”
“ferran is a lucky, lucky man”
*pedridefender8 liked this comment*
Someone posted a picture of Pedri later, post match blush on his face, beaming up at the crowd.
pedridefender8: God took his sweet time on him
And when someone tagged Ferran in a post of Pedri looking sweaty and wrecked post match with his hair mussed, with the caption “Congratufuckinglations Ferran Torres,” he liked it from his official account.
Dani sent a screenshot of that in the group chat because of course that rascal was always lurking.
BARÇA FAMILY GROUP CHAT:
Dani: ferri you forgot to switch onto your burner account
Eric: pedridefender8 caught red handed
Ferran: who said i didn’t do it purposefully 😌
Gavi: Oh?????
Pedri: 🤭🤭🤭
Eric: WHATS GOINF ON W YOU TWO
Ferran: so when mommy and daddy really love each other…
Gavi: OH MY GODDD DID U GUYS FINALLY
Pedri: 🤭🤭🤭
Eric: I’m gonna whack that smile off ur face buddy START DISHING THE TEA
Ferran: you better watch ur tone
Dani: and yall thought i was crazy when i said hes pedridefender8 bro LOOK AT HIM
Rapha: #IStandWithDani
Dani: THANK YOU RAPHA MI CAPITAN, #FuckPedriGonzalez
Ferran: Watch ur mouth bro i wont care if you’re my friend when it comes to the literal sun
Pedri: aww ferri 😭 but its fine, let it go they’re only joking 🥰
Ferran: okay if u say so baby ❤️
Eric: #FuckPedriANDFerran
Lamine: wait so ferran was actually pedridefender8????? like for reals????
Ferran: in my defence…it was obvious af
Gavi: how is that ur defence.
Ferran: idk but pedri told me he doesn’t mind so idc
Eric: bro deadass got pedri on his mind 24/7 like if pedri tells him to score an own goal tomorrow he’d do that too
Pedri: i would never tell him that
Ferran: but i would if you asked 🥰
Eric: be so astronomically for real
Later, in their same shameless glory, Pedri liked a post from his official account too.
It was a picture of Ferran kneeling on the ground mid-game, sweaty with his hair damp, his shorts hitched up, showing his strong, sun tanned thighs.
The caption read, “Congrats to whoever’s bouncing on it.”
Gavi sent the screenshot in the main group chat because they couldn’t leave things be.
BARÇA FAMILY GROUP CHAT:
Gavi: ??????????
Eric: peak shamelessness
Lamine: GET A ROOOOOMM
Ferran: we already got a room 😌
Eric: you two lowkey shameless af
Dani: LOWKEY???? LOW KEY???? highest of the highkeys.
Fermin: #IStandWithDani
Dani: can we make this hashtag viral seeing as i was the one who first said its ferran behind the account
Pedri: you muppets dont have anything else to talk about?
Gavi: oh here he goes
Eric: care to comment on the post buddy?
Pedri: yeah. “congrats to whoever’s bouncing on it?” well thank you! where is the lie?
Ferran: pepi can u come over . like asap .
Pedri: i’m already omw 🥰🥰
Dani: oh i wish the lord would take me now.