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Cecilia did not need to sleep. Not really. Despite the shocking (and in her mind, unnecessary) number of human mannerisms her body emulated, she was an automaton that still operated on the rigidly timed whims of metal springs and a brass key. On a proper full wind, she ran for exactly forty-seven hours and a hair shy of fifty-six seconds — nearly two full days without stopping. And she could wind herself back up at any point without any long-standing issues, save for stressing out a gear or two in the long run. It was an intentional choice to only keep herself wound enough for a single day, at least so she wasn’t spending every other night bored out of her mind while the human world slept around her. She was technically superhuman in that way. It was a feature she had likely been sold with, back when she was built, eons ago. Just another gilded example of her ancient Immerheimian efficiency.
The scary part was falling asleep.
She was built without a rewinding mechanism. Nothing to restore her to consciousness when she went under. If she forgot to, or worse couldn’t, rewind her key, she’d fall victim to the clawing lethargy. The uncomfortable slowing of her mind, the fogging of her thoughts, the weakness at her joints, and the slowly encroaching numbness as her life-force literally unspooled within her.
And then, nothing.
For who knows how long.
She might wake up two hours from now, or two millennia, or never again. It was all up to the whims of whoever found her, lying wherever she’d left herself, to bring her back to life.
She normally kept herself up on her rewinds. Her teammates even had a dedicated schedule for rewinding her every day. Being out for more than a day was something Cecilia hadn't experienced in a long, long time. But one time is all you need.
She actually thinks about that a lot. Doesn’t remember everything about it clearly, though. The specifics were lost to the recesses of her mind by now — another one of those amazingly human features she’d been given — but she remembers the feeling. What it was like to wake up to a world you don’t recognize after such a long time. To the dust and overgrowth and a face you’d never seen. To a language you’d never spoken and a date on the calendar you’d never thought it would reach. To the realization that everyone you knew had passed away so long ago, that no one even knew who you were talking about. And to the sad acknowledgement that you’d been abandoned… left behind, like a forgotten toy. Just another object, like the chairs, books, and boxes she’d been found with.
Cecilia did not like to sleep.
“You think soooo loud.”
“What?” Cecilia craned her head from the pillow, attempting to look at the gremlin wrapped at her back.
“Your key. It spins faster when you’re thinking. It clicks really loud. Did you know that?” Gigi chuckled in that way only she could, that sluggish raspy sound only she could pull off.
Cecilia’s own voice had the audacity to betray her by sounding flustered, “S-sorry…”
“What’re you thinkin’ about?” Gigi tried after a moment. Cecilia placed her head back on her pillow, closing her eyes. Before she could say anything though, Gigi continued, “Vhat are you sinking about?”
Cecilia huffed out a laugh at the surprise reference to a joke she once told Justice. Couldn’t help herself. Like Gigi had just squeezed it out of her, even though both the gremlin’s arms were limp, draped around her, over the blanket. Too close.
She shifted slightly and sighed out another chuckle, “... It’s nothing, Gigi. Go to sleep.”
“How am I supposed to sleep when you’re thinking so loud.”
“Well, who’s idea was it to sleep with me?”
She could tell Gigi lifted her head, from the new proximity of her voice, “Yeah, but you’re not even sleeping though.”
“I’ll wind down in a bit. Someone -- I’m not naming names -- wound me up too much this morning.” Thank god she said nothing about the obvious innuendo.
Instead, Gigi laughed like the automaton had just said the funniest thing in the world. “I always wind you up!”
“You’re practically a professional at this point! Should be your full time job!” Annoyance, loud and practiced like the professional hater she was, was what slipped out of her mouth. She just laid there with the awkward taste of the smirk on her lips.
But Gigi just laughed harder -- Cecilia could even make out the sound of her gremlin tail swatting against the mattress under the blankets -- and returned to her spot in the crook of Cecilia’s back. Too close. A half nonsensical mumble that sounded vaguely like “You want me so bad,” disappeared between her porcelain shoulder-blades and Cecilia let out a breath she had no reason to take.
‘Always’ indeed…
That comment was more declarative than anything. Justice had only been around for less than two months since Advent’s jailbreak. As a team, they’d only officially carried out five missions total. Barely enough time to get to know each other. They were still just three strangers with stronger ties to Elizabeth than each other.
And yet…
“Thanks for letting me sleep in here…” Gigi said, quietly. Justice’s own Gigi Murin, said. Quietly. Hushed and embarrassed. Like it was a secret she didn’t want anyone else hearing.
“Of course, Gigi,” Cecilia responded in turn, just as softly. Didn’t really know what else to say. Her arm found its way on top of Gigi’s own, squeezing the girl’s wrist gently. Too close. She let go a moment later.
“I don’t do good with the dark… and sometimes I have… nightmares,” she continued.
“... Nightmares?” Cecilia gave back, the offer to keep going left silent.
“Yeah…” She paused for a very long time. “... The place I grew up… It wasn’t great. Sometimes I dream about it.” she settled on.
Cecilia had heard some words to the same effect from Elizabeth. Knew the way Liz backed off on joking about certain things around Gigi, though Gigi herself never seemed bothered by anything. Cecilia always took note of those moments, but just in passing. She never pried further -- too inappropriate. For some reason though, she was really wishing she had now. If for no other reason than to find something better to say.
“Oh…”
That was lame.
Gigi continued regardless, “It doesn’t happen too often… Just sucks being alone, y’know? I usually stay with Liz, but… Yeah…”
Cecilia hummed in understanding. Elizabeth and Raora had both left The Lookout the day before on an overnight recon mission for leads on Advent, and wouldn’t be back until morning. Right now, it was just the two of them ‘manning the helm,’ as Liz put it.
The day had actually turned out fairly informative to Cecilia, as far as learning a thing or two about Gigi was concerned. While they’d certainly talked before, the two had never really been left alone for so long.
After parting ways, just before noon, Cecilia had decided to go to the common hall, cup of tea in hand, with every intention to pen last mission’s report before Sergeant Smokey could get on her case about it again. Gigi had gone back to her room for a few blissfully quiet hours, but what little focus she’d actually managed to keep on her work was broken the second the orange gremlin unceremoniously plopped down on the couch -- their couch, Cecilia briefly thought -- next to her. Like the tidal wave of energy she was, Gigi swept her up in an animated conversation about the plot of some Far Eastern RPG that Cecilia had yet to hear about, complaining about how the fandom online failed to truly get the ‘very yaoiful’ dynamic between two of the units. Cecilia had little context to work with, but managed to steer the conversation towards sharing their personal preferences in various fictional relationships, giving the automaton an opportunity to flex the last 20-ish years of media she’d picked up since her reawakening. Somehow or another, this turned into one of their ‘infamous’ roleplays -- Cecilia genuinely couldn't remember who started it this time. This one ended in a tragic murder-suicide at the conclusion of the world’s dumbest enemies-to-friends-to-lovers plotline that, honestly, neither one of them could fully keep up with between all the jokes. By the time they’d noticed the sun setting through the arched windows, Cecilia realized they’d ended up in the kitchen and had been singing bad karaoke into a shared whisk for the last half hour. Her report wasn’t even half finished, and neither of them had eaten a thing all day.
Her mind rapidly replayed every memory, scanning every instance of Gigi’s face she could think of (there were a lot, huh) for even the faintest hint or sign that the stupid, brilliant thing screaming and cackling before her was really the same haunted girl laying behind her now. She knew human emotions, studied them well, even had an internal database of them. She was a perfect replica of a human after all. Still though, she came up empty-handed. Every smile on Gigi’s face was genuine, devoid of even the slightest tell. Cecilia took note of that fact too.
“You’re thinking too loud again.”
“Shut up,” she chuckled, venomless, and quickly added “But I get it… I didn’t know you dealt with… that kinda thing. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah…” Gigi fed her arm out from Cecilia’s own, and rolled away, the warmth on Cecilia’s back leaving immediately. The chill joined a fast panic going up her iron spine. It felt too distant, too fast. Like she’d said the wrong thing and ruined everything, and didn’t know how to fix it.
She rolled over too, adjusting herself so Gigi could free her other arm, and the two laid just like that, side-by-side on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
The silence stretched on too long. Long enough that the loud ticking from the clock below her room's loft was suddenly butting into their little space. Or maybe that was whatever constituted a heartbeat for Cecilia going off in her ears. She wasn’t quite sure. She was too busy thinking of what to say.
“I hate going to sleep,” she spat out when the words hurt to keep in her chest.
“Huh?” Gigi turned her head towards her, hot pink eyes boring into the side of her head.
“... When my key unwinds, I knock out, and I don’t have any way to wind it back up again. I have to… rely on other people to… bring me back. And if no one’s there. I just… stop. I don’t dream. I don’t feel anything. I’m just kind of… there. But… not.”
Gigi didn’t say anything at all, but Cecilia didn’t stop. “It scares me… Being alone. When Liz woke me up, I’d been abandoned for… I don’t even know how long… And for years after that, I didn’t want to sleep. I never let myself wind down, and I didn’t trust anyone to wind me, not even her. I told myself to not bother getting close to anyone again, cause it hurt being left behind. But…” she laughed bitterly, “But I hated being alone more… I never wanted to be by myself ever again, and silence used to scare me a lot. It’s dumb and it doesn’t make sense, but… It just sucked.”
“How’d you get over it?” Gigi asked after another beat.
Cecilia thought about it, remembering the brilliant red eyes of that young child who saw so much in her, even back then. “Elizabeth helped me. Put her faith in me… I felt like I had to at least trust her back,” Cecilia laughed at the regular absurdity of that thought.
“It was hard, and I still don’t totally trust people. But… I try to put my faith in her, and in you guys," she tacked on "... To help me out when I’m scared.”
She heard Gigi’s dirty blonde locks shuffle against the pillow in what she presumed was a nod. “I didn’t realize you h--”
“--So, y’know. I get it…” Cecilia interrupted her, that cold pool in her stomach telling her she still needed to say this one thing, “That being alone sucks. Like, royally sucks. I get it… You didn’t deserve to have to deal with whatever happened, and you don’t deserve to be left alone again. So, if you ever need someone to keep you company, or if you ever wanna talk about it… I’m here, okay?”
Cecilia turned to Gigi, who was looking straight back at her again, eyes a little wider this time. The gremlin nodded again, slowly, and she rolled back over towards her. An arm and a leg both fell over her body, and she could feel the gremlin’s tail snaking loosely around her calf. She cradled her head against Cecilia’s shoulder joint in a bear-like half hug that brought all the warmth back to her frame. Close.
“Thanks Ceci…” Gigi drew out her name in that self-satisfied way that always made her internal movements skip a cycle.
“If you ever need me to be there, to wind you up, or whatever. I’m your grem, ‘kay?”
Gigi's fang-filled grin looked like a solar beam in the darkness of her room.
“I’m not good at talking about that kinda stuff like you,” Gigi admitted after a moment, but Cecilia just wanted to roll her eyes. She’d been blindly panicking for what felt like hours in only a matter of minutes.
“But… I’ll talk about it one day, when I figure it out, 'kay?” The unshakeable certainty in her voice almost caught Cecilia off guard.
She pushed her arm under Gigi’s body and wrapped it around her back, pulling the gremlin in tighter and returning the hug. Close. “Of course you will,” she said, definitely sounding grateful to end such a heavy conversation, “Gotta put those two braincells of yours to good use, after all.”
“Hey!” Gigi cried, prying herself out of Ceci’s weak grip, and shoving the automaton back onto her side, “At least my braincells are sexy and cool. Yours probably smell like wood polish and oil!”
Cecilia couldn’t help but giggle at her antics, “Why would you even be able to smell my braincells? What are you, stupid?”
“Sounds like your lame stinky braincells just can’t put together how good a gremlin’s sense of smell is!”
She was full-on laughing again at this point, “Alright! Alright, alright! Go to bed, Gigi. You’re gonna get a headache in the morning if you don’t.”
“Weeeell, you did offer to let me ‘sleep with you’ after all! Who am I to pass up the opportunity?” the demon woman downright cackled behind her, her tail waggling against the bed again.
Cecilia hummed and hawed, praying her face wouldn’t give away the fact she felt like she’d been caught, “Nope. I don’t remember that. Didn’t say that.”
“I think you did. Liarrrrr~” Gigi practically sang as she returned to the space behind Cecilia and laughed into her back, until she finally, properly, settled down.
“Promise to wind you up tomorrow, okay, liar?” she whispered once more in between Ceci’s shoulder blades and squeezed her waist tighter, as if it was some kind of acknowledgement, just between the two of them.
“Of course, stupid,” Cecilia took Gigi’s hand in her own and adjusted herself to make sure Gigi’s body was as close to hers as possible. Comfortable.
Surprisingly, after that whole ordeal, Ceci was genuinely feeling exhausted. Tired, in a different way. A warm, satisfying way that made her wanna burrow her face into the pillow a little tighter. Thankfully, she could feel the tension in her mainspring starting to release. Over the next half hour, the lethargy and the numbness would take over, and she’d fall asleep once more. No dreams, no feelings, just nothing, until someone woke her up once more.
“Night, Ceci. See you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Gigi. Tomorrow.”