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The lights were brighter than they used to be just a few minutes ago, before she stepped out of the OR.
Carina pinched her nose with two of her fingers and took in a hissed breath, she was well aware of where this was going. It wasn’t the first migraine she had in her life, it was, however, the first one since her current predicament.
Now, being pregnant was not only a joy but also a long lost dream come true – a very expensive one at that. She couldn’t be happier about it.
But stopping with her usual meds for this exact situation made her regret just a little, barely nothing at all. Her brain started throbbing and her lips tightened, she’d be in her office soon enough – as long as she made it soon and popped an ibuprofen in, everything would be okay, it was just the start all she needed was that and a few minutes of silence and darkness. It would be a life saver.
Unfortunately for her, things very rarely went as planned in her life.
Carina knew her smile was strained as she listened to whatever the intern who helped on this very complicated birth was rambling about, monologing really. Usually, she would maybe give her a clipped answer and get going, but something about the bright eyed, amazed, I-just-met-my-idol stare she was receiving made her a little soft. Just the right amount to make her listen enough to feel a brand new throb. Her brain seemingly decided to self destruct inside her skull, the cold, overhead hospital lights in the hallway making it indescribably worse.
Carina was about to give some random generic excuse about her phone ringing or being busy when her stomach lurched dangerously. Her lunch touched the back of her throat and she suddenly could get behind the existence of a god solely because she managed to hold that in and not make a fool of herself in front of someone who clearly looked up to her. She knew she was looking a little pale and The intern obviously noticed as her eyes widened and she stuttered in her sentence.
“Scusa,” was all Carina could hurriedly blurt out before opening the first door she could see and getting into the dark room.
A flashback of the worst lasagna she ever ate and her wife’s sheepishly apologetic smile made it to the forefront of her mind and if she wasn’t kneeling hunched over someone’s trashcan she would’ve laughed. After so many months it seemed so silly, not the fight, that had been important for them to become the stable couple they were, just the idea of Maya waking up earlier than usual solely to butcher the easiest Italian dish ever just to apologize to her and let her know she was still fighting for them was a bit silly – the endearing kind. Then again, Maya could be incredibly adorable without ever knowing.
In the moment, however, that was all inconsequential. Especially when she felt her mouth salivating and her blood pressure dropping. She closed her eyes and just hoped this would be quick, it was so unlike the random bursts of morning sickness she got used to having in the last few weeks, mostly because she helped so many women go through it in the last decade or so, and she just knew that a ginger lollipop would not help with it.
She sighed internally and started humming an old tune, a trick her mom taught her the first time this happened back in her teenage years. Her eyes shut closed and she hoped Maya could telepathically bring her sparkling water like she usually did wheneverCarina looked a little too green for her taste.
Her efforts were for naught as her migraine pressured behind her eyelids, like thumbs trying to break her optic nerve with sheer strength alone. She groaned and lost the focus to hold in her nausea, there was barely enough time to fully tie her hair back in a bun before she had to let herself throw up. There were tears in her eyes as she heaved and coughed whenever was stuck in her throat. She tried to spit the rest out but her body apparently moved a little too much and she found herself throwing up again.
Carina looked up from the can in hope it was over but a violent gag made her go back to it. She whined a little, hot tears streaming down her face, god, she hated this so much, the salty taste of them when it touched her lips just made her throw up again. Everything was spinning and she knew that leaving this office was currently impossible so she resigned herself to her destiny, no point in trying to fight it.
She was sure that between her pounding head and the overwhelming nausea, Carina heard the door opening and closing just as quickly, she didn't care for it – couldn't care less, in fact. Not when she knew that should her eyes open some light would come in and it'd just make it hurt more.
She rested her head on her arms, sweaty forehead on surprisingly chill skin and allowed her body to relax.
Carina breathed once, she'd stay there for maybe fifteen minutes, it was usually enough for her to function like a normal human being, then it'd be time to get up and perhaps find some meds.
(((;ꏿ_ꏿ;)))
The call came about an hour before the end of their shift.
Maya got used to taking some time, if they had any, to breathe and try to process everything that happened in the past twenty four hours. It was one of the most useful tips Diane gave her – also, she'd be lying if she said that the extra flexibility yoga gave her wasn't useful.
Regardless, she lowered her body slowly on the mat and breathed out. Everything was fine, this weird feeling screaming that something was going on was all in her stupidly paranoid head. Maya raised her torso and breathed in, her wife was pregnant and maybe she got a little overprotective at first but she was just scared it had nothing to do with anything other than her own fears.
She groaned, changed positions, one leg curled and the other straight, her arms forward to hold her foot, this one always made her calf burn a little. Behind her closed eyelids she saw Carina waking up that morning, one of the sights she considered to be divine, her hair was mussed and her lips pouty as always. Her skin glowed in the faint light coming through the blinds and her hands got needy for any sort of contact, her eyes made Maya melt like butter. It was why she always set the alarm an hour earlier than strictly necessary. She just had to spend a while cuddling with her wife.
The atmosphere was almost soft in the gym, everything was made of light and even though her body begged her to go pick up her son and kiss Carina, Maya also knew that she could wait. The memory of squeezing his chubby cheeks and her wife's warm fingertips running through her skin were enough for now. The rookies yelled at each other in the kitchen and she couldn't care less, she was zen, a bunch of twenty somethings fighting about which influencer did what was none of her concern.
Then her phone rang.
The desperate act of picking up as fast as she could was almost automatic, her previously relaxed back now tense again. Very rarely people called her, especially when she was technically on shift, the worst case scenarios almost dazed her. So many things happened at Grey Sloan that she couldn't be blamed for it, between seeing Carina falling down the stairs and a gunned maniac shooting her, Maya had just enough presence of mind to hear Bailey's stern voice.
“No one is dead or maimed.” Then she muttered. “Jesus Christ, I should've called Herrera.”
“Carina–”
“Is alive, just throwing up in Dr. Wilson's office.”
Maya got up with efficiency she previously only used when being roused awake by her father to train, all military posture and perfect pacing. Her strides were wide and quick, hands mechanically folding the yoga mat and opening the door.
“What? Bailey– I'm,” she swallowed a sigh, half relief for it maybe being just another insufferable round of morning sickness, half sheet concern. Carina would never do that unless she was really out of it. “Is she okay?”
“Well I'm sure she's letting out what she doesn't even have so no…I'm getting deja vu.”
“I didn't try to cook anything this time so…”
Bailey laughed a little, the worry was clear in both of them, in their voices and strained conversation. She was already in front of Andy's office.
“Give me ten.”
The call was cut and her knuckles touched the door.
Having Andy as a captain was a little weird still, not because she didn’t think the girl deserved it, if anything, she was sure it would happen one day. But sometimes, really just sometimes, leftover feelings from…everything made her just a smidge bitter. Diane told her it would happen, even if she was at peace, if she wasn’t a part of the race because she didn’t want to, because she had more important things going on – even if she was well aware she still had to grow a little more to be able to manage the station without letting her past failure linger. She knew that rationally, but feelings weren’t always logical and she started to actually feel and deal with them instead of holding onto her father’s old mantra.
And now, sometimes, she would listen to some orders and know that she would’ve done it differently, maybe even more efficiently, and it wouldn’t bring forth the anger that it used to. That bitterness from being well aware she was unjustly prosecuted for something her male colleagues would be praised was still there, it would probably always be there. But she knew that stewing in that awfulness wouldn’t do anything and she refused to self-destruct again, to punish herself for something that was so obviously out of her control.
That was what made it easier to deal with it, to not crave for power, for her title, like a starved beast again. She knew that, even now, she would lose sight of what mattered again if she went down that particular spiral again – of course, getting her captaincy back was still something she wanted and she would fight for it, when the time was right, for now she had a pregnant wife and an infant to worry about, she even sounded like a well adjusted adult sometimes.
Maya opened the door without waiting for an answer, that wasn’t how things worked with them, especially after their strained friendship finally became less dysfunctional, maturing was such a weird thing.
“Carina–” she started.
Andy’s eyes widened, she raised a hand and just shooed her with it. “Go.”
Maya nodded, “Thank you.”
She ran, glad she properly stretched earlier, her ankle protested only in the very beginning, right, running after a busy shift wasn’t the smartest decision she ever made and she would ice it soon after she aided her wife. None of that mattered once she stepped over the hospital’s threshold, now she just had to ignore every single person trying to stop her and break into Jo’s office. Nothing she couldn’t do.
Maya ignored the elevator completely, the way things worked in that place she would be stuck there in an incredibly awkward situation and she just wanted to be quick, she took two steps at a time, ignoring entirely her almost fall on the last floor, the adrenaline was actually quite useful.
She got into the reception looking almost frantic, some parents there gave her sympathetic looks, probably thinking she was late to someone’s birth or something like that. Insane people, she already let it be known that the second Carina reached the eighth month mark she would take all of her vacation days.
Her wide, frantic blue eyes landed on one of the nurses and she smiled gently at her. Maybe it was just her anxious energy, the woman seemed to know exactly what she wanted – Maya absently made a mental note to send Bailey a breakfast basket – and just nodded for her to just do whatever she needed to do.
Her steps were loud as she hurried down the hallway, mouth tightened in a line and the set of her jaw sharp, the door to the office was being guarded by a freaked out intern. She was so obviously nervous, fidgeting with her hands and biting her bottom lip, somewhere in her mind Maya registered her as adorable, the girl saw her and breathed an audible sigh of relief.
“Lieutenant Bishop,” she whispered. “Thank god, Dr. Bailey told me to give you this,” she handed Maya a box of sumatriptan. “We’re pretty sure she’s having a migraine…you can take her home and um…ah, Dr. Bailey said you should make her drink some water.”
“Thanks,” Maya nodded and watched as the girl patted herself in the back and left. These new people were weird.
She opened the door slowly, making sure as little light got in as possible. The night Carina told her about the pregnancy, she went back to the research she started when they first agreed to try and this time making sure she wasn’t neglecting any important aspect. She read a lot about this specific scenario, Carina and many other papers told her the usual migraines would either stay the same or get better and in fact, she went until now, the end of the fourth month, without a single one.
Maya took one look at her hunched over the trashcan and felt her heart squeezing, her wife looked absolutely miserable. She sighed quietly and walked over, steps as light as possible. One of her hands went to touch her back gently, Carina jumped just a little and looked up ever so slowly, strands of her hair jutted out from her loose bun and were stuck in her forehead, a light sheen of sweat covered her body and she shivered.
“Oh, baby…” Maya breathed out and kneeled to hug her.
“Bambina–” Carina whispered, her breath hitched and she closed her eyes again. “Shouldn’t you be working?”
“Shh,” she gently cooed and kissed brown hair gently. “I know it hurts, we can talk later.”
Carina just hummed and Maya reached for the mini fridge Jo kept near her desk to pull out a water bottle, her fingers quickly opened the box and popped a pill, two taps on Carina’s jaw made her open them immediately, Maya put the medicine on her tongue and flushed it down with a little water. She waited for her to swallow before raising the bottle to her lips again, forcing her wife to drink another mouthful.
“Bambina…” she sighed after a few seconds, her body, probably achy and tired, fell limp on Maya’s hold. “I feel gross.”
“I know,” she answered, in the softest tone she could, Carina was so much taller than her and yet she seemed so small curled on her lap like that, it made her heart break a little. “We’ll get you home soon and if you want we can take a bath.”
Carina tried to nod, but ended up whimpering in pain halfway, Maya bit her bottom lip and just held her tighter. In moments like these she wished she could maybe absorb her pain and feel it instead, she wouldn’t mind hurting if her wife would feel the sweet relief of being free of this. She felt Carina lurching and quickly dragged the poor trashcan to be in front of them, a note of grabbing some fluids was made and she wondered if it would be best to text Peggy to keep Liam for a little longer, Carina would need silence at home and that boy was so active.
Maybe she could just bring her wife down and have them take care of her, they were at a hospital. But she also understood why Bailey just called instead, there was absolutely no way Carina would let herself be cared for in her workplace without whining and she didn’t want to stress her wife too much, just the thought of how much her blood pressure would raise while the interns tried to assess her was enough to make Maya let go of Carina just to squat and get up with her in a bridal carry.
She wanted to wait until Carina’s migraine subsided enough to be able to take her down the hallways without seeing her wife in unfathomable pain but she also knew that Carina would be uncomfortable until she was able to wash away the grime and girth of sickness. Maya was well aware she would throw up all over again if she felt it for too long, so she quickly laid her down the couch, stepped outside to grab a wheelchair and, maybe because of her uniform, got even handed what she needed to make sure Carina had her fluids at home.
Maya had learned how to be sneaky when she was twelve and needed to eat something after her parents fell asleep, she used that knowledge to her advantage to push Carina around while grabbing the least amount of attention possible. Jo was waiting near the parking lot exit with her wife’s bag and a sympathetic tight smile. Carina had her eyes screwed shut and her head down, hands covering her face, Maya tried not to jostle her too much as she carried her to the car and settled her seatbelt – thank god for her work out regimen.
She had never driven so carefully before, the medicine combined with the nausea caused by both the pregnancy and the migraine would make Carina more sick than normal, she hated the whole getting worse to get better especially when it made her wife look a little green and entirely too dismal. God, Maya felt empathetic tears start to build within her eyes and had to quickly blink them to focus on the road.
One of her hands reached Carina’s clammy ones and she held them as if just that alone could take away the awfulness of everything. Carina was still so sick, but the very corner of her lips curled just a little and she tightened her hold.
They were lucky to get home when they did, Carina barely held on until the door opened to let out sheer bile and water, Maya stifled a whine and picked her up again. At least it was on the grass and organic matter classified as fertilizer. She was careful to carry Carina to their bathroom, breathing out in relief for having the forethought to close every single blind before leaving for work.
Maya sat Carina on the toilet and started running her a bath, letting the water warm and fill their tub without a second glance, her hands instead were quick to start raising the hem of her wife’s scrub shirt, Carina helped by raising her hands but her eyebrows scrunched in the clear need for a few seconds to stabilize from the movement as Maya finished taking it off, she used this time to leave little kisses on her forehead and cheeks. Hoping her lips could bring even a little bit of comfort to her lover.
Maya lightly massaged Carina’s shoulders for a few seconds and took off her lacy bra, the little faint freckles on her chest would never not make her go into a crazy devotedly needy mindset and she shook her head to get rid of it, it wasn’t the time, she sighed and kissed just above Carina’s heart.
Her hands undid the dark blue pants’ little knot like she had done it a thousand times before over their shared years and she kneeled to take it off, along with the last of her underwear. She left little kisses on her legs and got up to take her uniform off in the very same military-like efficiency, as utilitarian as possible, but keeping her undergarments and turned off the water.
Carina raised her hand to try to walk alone to the tub but a wave of pain hit her brain and her knees buckled. Maya just clicked her tongue and helped her get down, she knew they would have to be quick, there was no way to block the sunlight in the bathroom and the last thing she wanted was to make her wife suffer more.
So Maya didn’t sit behind Carina and relax, she took the showerhead and started washing her hair, massaging her scalp slowly and nodding to herself as little mewls of pleasure and relief left her lips. Maya could do magic with her fingertips sometimes, she washed the shampoo down with a hand on Carina’s forehead, it would hurt too much to lean down. She repeated the process with conditioner twice and gently brushed the tangled knots away, she didn’t want them pulling on her hair too much.
Her eyes caught Carina’s arms moving to clean herself and decided not to interrupt, it seemed like she, too, didn’t want to spend too much time there. Maya just kept massaging her, bringing her fingers down to her jaw and working the tension there, Carina sighed, eyes closed, and she kind of wanted to pat herself on the back like the girl from earlier.
She got to working on the tense shoulders next, Carina was already growing drowsy, Maya wanted her as relaxed as possible and so she started undoing the knots in her back, muscles more pliant than expected. She worked on her easily, massaging her wife wasn’t something new, Maya liked to do it after she had to spend hours and hours on her feet in the OR, she kneaded up and down her arms. Then she moved to do the same with her legs, starting with her calf and ending on her thighs, her fingers were rougher there, knowing exactly where she stored the tension and assisted by the soap making Carina’s skin so slippery, the warmth melting her like butter.
Carina was going limp in the water and she decided it was enough, helping her out and wrapping a towel around her tired frame.
Her teeth were brushed thoroughly, her hair gently tied in a loose braid just to get out of the way. Sometimes Carina whimpered during the process but they were mostly quiet, Maya knew that talking would hurt her and honestly, there was almost nothing she could say that her eyes and touch couldn’t. She knew that her wife understood and more so felt the care behind her actions.
They had to fix her dehydration quickly or the headache would get worse. Maya dressed her in an old shirt and some random shorts, she was almost sure they used to belong to Vic one too many years before, but oh well, and herself in a similar fashion. Maya laid Carina on the bed and kissed her lips for the first time that day, even dry as they were her heart still melted with the softness.
"You need to stop leaving work to take care of me," she drawled and Maya just kissed her again.
"Stop it," another peck. "You'd leave for me too."
"True."
Running the line to pump the fluids and sticking the bag on an improvised hanger was easy enough, both of them knew exactly what to do and it made the task almost mundane. Except for the little hiss Carina let out when the needle pricked her skin, Maya apologetically kissed her temple and adjusted everything.
“Okay, baby, you can sleep now,” she muttered, this time kissing her nose.
“Ti amo,” was all Carina answered, eyes heavy and voice slurred.
“Anch’io ti amo,” her accent still sucked, but Carina gave her that little amused side smirk and it was worth it.
Maya nodded at herself and texted Peggy again, letting her know she could bring Liam over and answering the worried questions. It was good to know their friends cared so much.
Carina woke up after four hours, Maya had taken out the line and put on a little dinosaur bandaid they kept around for Liam on her arm instead. She looked to her right to see her wife napping, sitting, and their son laid on her arms, drool escaping his little lips and hands fisting a shirt Carina knew was hers.