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“Usually couples find a therapist to help them through their issues, not another person to use as a plaything.” Emily hates how her eyes blur with the building tears. She usually prides herself for her control over her emotions but the past week has run her ragged. “Hope it works out better for you two this time than it did last time.” The brunette turns on her heel and all but runs out of the house, her heart beating in her ears loud enough to drown out their response. She can only blame herself; she knew it was stupid from the beginning. How could she think that there could be some kind of happy ending for her? Hasn’t she learned by now that there is no such thing as a fairytale ending; that for true love’s kiss to fix anything there would need to be such a thing as true love?
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It had started innocently enough. They had met the night of the super bowl when the team had gathered at the bar. Emily had been stunned by her beauty but completely entranced by her humor. She was funny and easy to talk to and Emily needed more friends. And there was nothing wrong with the two of them being friends. Emily would go over to her house when there wasn’t an active case and he was stuck working at the office. She needed the company and Emily was more than happy to provide that.
It had been fine until she had told Emily that she was developing feelings for the brunette. It had been fine until she kissed Emily while he was once again working way too late into the night. It had been fine until Emily followed her upstairs, their hands and lips discovering all new forbidden terrain. It had been fine until Emily started an affair with her boss’ wife.
Emily then felt responsible for him. The brunette was already betraying him in too many ways, so Emily quit when Strauss tried to get the agent to flip on him. She had been happy to hear about this, saying that this meant that they could have more time together. That was until he showed up at the brunette’s apartment, something more in his request than to just get Emily back on the job. They had kissed before boarding the plane to Milwaukee. Then he had called the brunette to come over when he got home and she had left with their kid.
Emily started bouncing between the two, spending nights with her while in town and sneaking to his hotel room while on cases. They all knew what they were doing was wrong, but nobody made any moves to stop it. Nor did anyone make any effort to finalize anything. She moved back home after a month. He promised to be home more. It didn’t matter that promises were being broken left and right, Emily was there to keep them both sane. The brunette gave herself away in hopes of getting something in return, but found that no matter how many minutes of companionship were found in a day, an empty apartment at night always felt the same.
Years passed as they kept this arrangement. No one was really happy with it, but being completely alone felt more terrifying than whatever you could call this. Emily felt like death was on the horizon when Foyet tore through their lives, sending him to the hospital and almost taking her from them. But they all survived by some miracle. Emily stopped believing in God around 15, but that night, a prayer of thanks did get sent up.
But something changed after Foyet. She stopped inviting Emily to come over after work; he no longer opened his hotel room for the brunette. The couple realized in their near death experiences that they wanted to focus on each other and Emily was in the way. They hadn’t expected the brunette to show up on their doorstep after they each ended things on their own.
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Hotch catches up to Emily first, gripping her shoulder and forcing her to turn around. “Emily, will you stop so that we can talk about this?”
Emily looks him in the eyes, willing hers to look as dead as she feels inside. “What’s there to talk about? Do you want to go into detail about how you both were fucking me to not have to deal with the fact that you’re both unfulfilled in your marriage? Do you want to hear about how she,” Emily gestures roughly at Haley over his shoulder, “no longer minded your late nights at the office because I was here making her forget that you ever existed? Or maybe you want me to tell her how I sucked you off whenever a case was too much for you to bring home? And for what? You both to decide that I am nothing more than a toy to discard when you get bored?”
“That’s not fair.” Haley protests, having moved closer to the scene unfolding in the front yard. “You knew that we were married when you got involved with both of us. Clearly, we both made mistakes but don’t paint yourself as an unknowing victim.”
“Fuck you.” Emily spits out, once again trying to escape. She knows that the blonde is right. It is all her fault for believing that there could be any different outcome. Hotch pulls her back, keeping her there until they can work everything out. But Emily is losing the battle against her emotions. She doesn’t care anymore about trying to keep it all in. She doesn’t care anymore about who is wrong and who is right. “Get the fuck off of me.” Emily yells at Hotch, her fists connecting with his chest as she struggles to free herself.
“Not until you calm down.” Hotch tries to stop her hands but ends up taking an elbow to the shoulder. “Will you stop for one goddamn minute?” But Emily doesn’t listen, still twisting to get out of his grip. Her eyes are burning from the tears streaming down her face.
Haley steps up to the two agents and carefully cradles Emily’s cheek. “Just breathe and stop fighting. Obviously, we all need to talk about this. And you aren’t in the right head space to go anywhere. It wouldn’t be safe for you to try and drive right now.”
“Don’t act like you fucking care about me now.” Emily hates how much she wants to just collapse into the other woman’s arms. They had both made it clear when they ended things with her that they didn’t feel the same for her that she felt for them. Like an idiot, she had let herself fall in love with them. She let herself believe that she was more than just someone they were fucking on the side. But that’s all she ever was to either of them. It didn’t matter how convincing their kisses had been or how tender their touches were. After all, didn’t Emily know better than anyone that you could fake intimacy?
Hotch pulls Emily into him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She drops her head into his shoulder and sobs, her body going slightly limp. He catches his wife’s eyes over her shoulder. Haley looks at him with a knowing nod. He doesn’t love that she had cheated on him, but he had been doing the same thing. It’s almost laughable that they cheated on each other with the same person. But almost losing Haley had made it clear to him that he would do whatever she wanted him to.
Haley soothingly rubs Emily’s back. She coos softly, trying to help the younger woman calm down. None of this was ever supposed to happen. She and Hotch have been together for over 20 years; she wasn’t supposed to learn that she is bisexual in her 40s and she certainly wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her husband’s employee. She ended things with Emily because what else was she supposed to do?
Hotch gently kisses Emily’s head. “Of course we care. Emily, you matter so much to both of us. Neither of us wanted to hurt you.”
Emily scoffs, her tears slowing down and her breathing slowly regulating. “And the path to hell…” She takes advantage of Hotch relaxing his grip and pushes away from him. “I hope you two are happy together.” Emily pushes past Haley and makes it to her car without further interruption. She just needs to get away. It doesn’t matter if they don’t want her. She doesn’t need anyone or anything. At least that is what she will keep telling herself until it proves to be true.
Hotch resigns from the bureau as part of his agreement to keep Haley safe. He sends in his resignation while still on leave, unable to face his team, namely Emily. He and Haley talk, both about their time with the brunette. They admit to each other the depth of their feelings for her that they never felt was fair to express.
“We can’t tell her that we love her if nothing is going to change.” Haley argues while cleaning up after dinner.
Hotch runs a hand down his face, this is the seventh time they’ve had this conversation. “She feels like no one cares about her. Shouldn’t she know that’s not true?”
“Do you think that would hurt her less? Knowing that despite us both loving her, we still chose each other. Because if I were in her position, which I could’ve been, so could you, that would kill me. It would be much easier to just be mad about being used.” Haley throws her towel onto the counter.
“So that’s just it, we’ve lost her?” He turns to face his wife, his eyes turning glassy.
Haley scoffs, her voice catching in her throat. “We were all just stupid to think anything else could happen.”
Jack fights sleep that night, saying he only wants Emily to read him his bedtime story, something she would do whenever she was there. He can’t understand why she hasn’t been around.
Emily throws herself into her work. Maybe she’ll somehow be able to stop how her heart aches at just the mention of either of them before he returns to work. She pulls back from the rest of the team, unable to tell them why she feels like her chest is completely caving in. It’s a Friday evening and she is determined to finish this report before leaving for the night, a bottle of wine and her couch calling to her.
“Em-ly.” Jack’s voice cuts through the bullpen as the kid races towards her desk, a blonde blur. She barely has time to look up by the time he clambers onto her lap. “I’ve missed you.”
Emily purses her lips as she immediately feels tears threatening to emerge. “Hey buddy, what are you doing here?”
“Daddy has to get his stuff from his offiss and he said I could come to see you.” Jack rattles off already interested in a trinket on her desk
Emily looks up and meets Aaron’s eye. He smiles weakly, or tries to before she quickly looks away. “He insisted. Wouldn’t let me out of the house until I agreed.”
She nods blankly, still thinking about what the little boy had said. “What stuff are you here to get that couldn’t wait until Monday?”
“I’m clearing out my office. I sent in my resignation to Strauss. I’m surprised she hasn’t told the team yet.” Hotch looks over to Reid and Morgan who both indicate that they did in fact know. Truth is, Emily probably had been there when the announcement was made, but she has been blocking out any mention of him, it just hurts too much. She turns her attention fully back to Jack, and Aaron knows that his time with her is over. “Okay buddy, you just stay with Emily until I’m back.”
Jack nods diligently to his father before grabbing Emily’s hand with his own, measuring his small hand against her palm. “Em-ly, why haven’t you come over? I miss you.”
His words shoot her right in the heart. “Sorry buddy, I’ve just been really busy with work.” It can’t hurt that much to lie to a child, right?
“Will you come home soon?”
His question pierces her. Because that house had been a home for her, they had been a home for her. At least she knows that there is one Hotchner that actually cares about her. “Buddy, have I ever told you how much I love you?” Emily gives him her best smile as she picks him up and turns him around to give him a big hug before sitting him on top of her desk.
Jack giggles, his laughter brightening up the office. “I love you! Mommy and daddy love you too.” His brow furrows making him look like the perfect blend of his parents. “Do you love them too?”
Emily’s breath catches in her lungs. “Of course, we’re all friends so we love each other.” Another lie can’t hurt worse. She ignores Morgan’s pointed stares and Reid’s questioning eyes.
“Do friends always kiss each other like you and mommy do?” Jack asks, tilting his head. “Mommy always used to smile after you kiss-ed her. She hasn’t been smiling. But if you come over, you can kiss her and make her smile again.”
“Prentiss, what?” Morgan starts to ask but raises his hands in surrender when he sees the unbridled pain and anger in Emily’s eyes.
Emily gently lifts Jack and lowers him back down to the ground. “Come on Jack, let’s go see if your dad’s almost done with his stuff.” She follows behind the boy as he races up the risers and into his father’s office. He hits Aaron’s legs like a mini tornado, almost knocking the former Unit Chief to the floor.
“Jack, I thought I told you to stay with Emily.” Hotch looks down in surprise before finding the brunette standing in his doorway, her face filled with the same hurt as the last time he had seen her. “Emily…”
Emily holds up a hand to cut him off. “I have work I need to focus on, you can’t expect me to drop everything for you and play Mary Poppins.” She chooses her words carefully so as to not accidentally hurt the little boy in the crossfire. She crouches down and waves Jack back to her. “Bye Jack, be good for your parents. I have to get back to work now.”
Jack pouts and clings to her by the neck. “Are you coming over soon?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to bud. It just depends on work. Someone has to keep the bad guys away, right?” Emily presses a few kisses around his face making him giggle. She carefully unwraps him from herself before heading back to her desk without another look at Hotch. She’s already left the office by the time his belongings are all packed up.
Jack fidgets in his carseat enough to catch Aaron’s attention on the drive home. “What’s up Jack? You look like you have something you want to say.”
Jack purses his lips, a trait he picked up from Emily. “I told her that you and mommy love her but she still didn’t want to come home.” Tears start welling up in the little boy's eyes.
Aaron almost slams his foot on the brake in shock. He has to take a second to calm his racing heart. “Why’d you say that, hon?” He hopes that his tone doesn’t come across as angry; he doesn’t want to make the five year old shut down.
Jack hiccups as he tries to breathe through his tears. “You and-hccp-mommy were fighting, and I thought, hccp, if I told Em-ly then everything would be okay again. Why did she leave me?” He continues to wail, unable to put together all of the missing pieces. He’s basically had three parents for as long as he’s ever known and now one of them has all but disappeared.
Aaron drives a little faster, wanting to get home so he can comfort his son. Tears burn at the edges of his eyes. None of this was ever supposed to happen, he wasn’t supposed to be in love with two women, but he is. He can’t even tell his love for them apart anymore, distinct in so many ways but equal in every possible measure.
Emily opens her door at 3am, groggy and still a little drunk. She is not happy with the angry banging wake up call. She doesn’t even register who it is at the door when the person pushes past her into her apartment. Finally, her eyes focus on a fuming blonde with tear stained cheeks. “Haley? What?”
“So that’s it?” Haley throws her arms up. “Since when do you just give up and walk away? You’re just letting this all happen without a fight?”
Emily takes a step back, her back hitting the door. Her mind is fuzzy from lack of sleep and alcohol and starting to hurt slightly. She doesn’t know what she’s done to warrant this hostile house call. “It’s like 3 in the morning.”
“And I just got Jack to go to sleep. He’s been inconsolable since seeing you at the office. He just kept asking us what he did wrong, why you won’t come see him anymore. And what the fuck are we supposed to tell him? That you gave up? That he wasn’t worth fighting for?”
“You broke up with me. Both of you did.” Emily shoots back, the accusations shocking her awake. “It kills me that I haven’t been able to see Jack, but I don’t exactly get split custody in this situation. As for what you could tell him, how about that his parents don’t care about anyone other than themselves?”
“Fuck off with that. You know we love you. You should’ve known that without needing to be told, but if it wasn’t clear enough, Jack told you himself.” Haley yells, completely oblivious to the fact that this is an apartment building with neighbors. “Weren’t we worth fighting for?”
“Lower your voice.” Emily hisses back. “You love me, so what? A lot of good it did me. I ended up on the curb like garbage regardless of if I was a prized possession in my prime. What fight was there even to have?”
“The Emily I know and love would’ve called us both idiots. She would’ve lectured us and been pedantic and kissed us to shut us up if we tried to interrupt her. She wouldn’t have let us walk away from what we had.” Haley sags against the wall, her fight leaving her.
“Well, I guess you didn’t know me as well as you thought.” Emily forces herself to sound cold and detached when all she wants to do is fully break. What is the point of any of this? Haven’t they tortured her enough? “Now, leave.”
“No.” Haley’s eyes fill up with fire again and she stands up straight. “I know that we…fuck it, I’m not speaking for Aaron. He could’ve come too, we could’ve put Jack down on the couch.” She runs a hand through her hair and huffs. “I know that I hurt you. You agreed to friendship with me and then I warped it into something more. And as much as I hate to admit it, I did use you as an escape from my own unhappiness. I let you believe that if you just waited and played the good girlfriend then someday I could give you more, even though I knew that I was a coward. Because it never was about if I could love you or not. Of course I fucking fell in love with you. You are literally everything anyone could possibly want. But I wanted more. I wanted you in all of your warmth and humor and intelligence and kindness and strength and sexiness and lovingness and I wanted Aaron. And when it came down to it, I was too scared to say what I feel for you and I was too scared to say that I still want you both. So I took the easy option, the path of least resistance. But if I had known that Aaron and you…If I had known that I didn’t have to make a choice…” Haley reaches up to cradle Emily’s cheek, brushing away the few tears that had fallen.
“But you did.” Emily whispers, her voice wavering with all of the emotion she is trying to suppress. “You did make a choice, and it wasn’t me.” She reaches blindly for the door handle and pulls it open. “Goodbye Haley.”
Emily ignores her phone ringing the entire weekend. Aaron shows up at her door twice, but she ignores him too. She doesn’t want to hear him say the same thing Haley had. Because it doesn’t matter if they would’ve picked her or if they didn’t want to have to make a choice. They have shown her what she’s always feared to be true: Emily Prentiss isn’t worth picking first. It’s a lesson that’s been taught to her by friends, classmates, her parents. The only time she’s been picked first was undercover; she’s only worthy when she isn’t herself.
She spends the weekend burrowed undercovers, only leaving her bed when she absolutely has to. She wishes that she could just talk to someone about all of this, but who could she tell? Emily knows that she’ll only be met with judgement from the team, none of them could give sympathy to a cheater. This has to be the karma she deserves. God, how could she have fallen in love with a married couple? Did she think she somehow could just slip into the fold, playing happy family with them and Jack? Emily doesn’t think she’s ever felt stupider in her life.
Monday, she walks into the office, determined to completely ignore everything in her personal life. That plan gets completely derailed when Morgan calls her into his office, his old office.
“Look at you, making yourself at home already.” Emily jokes as she walks into the room, settling down in one of the chairs in front of the desk. “What’s up, boss ?” She keeps her tone light and teasing, giving nothing away about her heartbreaking weekend.
Derek’s eyes soften and he tilts his head ever so slightly. “How are you doing? I just want to check in with you.”
Emily’s brow furrows immediately as a pit forms in her stomach. “I’m fine. Why would you ask that?”
“Emily…” Derek folds his hands and places them on top of the desk. “You want to tell me what happened between you and Hotch? And possibly also Haley, if I understood Jack right.”
The brunette shrinks under the new unit chief’s stare. “Nothing happened.”
“We all knew that you and Hotch were sleeping together for years, don’t disrespect our intelligence or profiling skills. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to actually confirm it. He’s married Em, why would you do that?” Derek sighs and leans back in his chair.
“I don’t need your judgement, okay. I know I fucked up. Getting involved with a married couple was stupid, and it’s over now. They both chose each other. It’s over, I’ve learned my lesson. And I don’t need it being brought up at work.” Emily goes to stand but is stopped by Morgan’s hand.
“I’m not judging you.” Derek ducks his head when Emily glares at him. “Okay, maybe I’m judging you a little. I’m just trying to understand your thought process. You’re too smart to have an affair with your boss, so what happened?” He stares at the agent, who hides her face behind her hair. “You fell in love, didn’t you?” His voice softens ever so slightly. “Who did you fall in love with?”
Emily feels the tears gathering in her eyes. “Both of them.” She admits so quietly, Derek almost doesn’t hear her. “But they chose each other.”
“Who would you have chosen?” Derek reaches across the desk to tap one of her hands, getting her to look up. “If they had both chosen you, who would you have chosen?”
His question settles over her heavily, weighing her down. Her shoulders slump in response as she ponders the question. It had never occurred to her that she might’ve had the choice, the seemingly impossible decision.
Hotch flips on the tv having just gotten Jack to sleep for the night. Haley is curled up on the other side of the couch, staring blankly at the wall, or rather at a framed picture of his old team. He knows she’s looking at one person in particular, the same person their entire family has been mourning the loss of for weeks. It’s been a week since either of them have seen her or spoken to her, but she haunts their house. Yesterday, Hotch had found a sweatshirt she had left; Haley stole it once she saw it.
A knock on the door startles both of them. It’s not super late, but late enough that unexpected visitors are weird. Haley is up first, moving to check who is there before Hotch even fully registers that there is someone at the door. He is behind his wife as she looks through the peephole. Haley gasps and swings the door open, revealing a slightly water logged brunette. Hotch doesn’t even notice that it is raining until he sees the water dripping from Emily’s dark hair. “What–?”
“I choose you both.” Emily hopes her voice sounds stronger than she feels. It took her all week and one case until she found the courage to come here and if she doesn’t just blurt it all out, she might never tell them how she feels. “If I had to choose, I would choose you both. I hate not having either of you, both of you. I understand that neither of you knew that it was an option at the time. But it is. I am asking you to pick me, choose me, love me; and also choose each other. Because I don’t want to live this life without you. And I know this started messily, and I know we have all hurt each other. But I also know that what I had with each of you is more than anything I’ve ever felt before.”
“Did you just quote Grey’s Anatomy in your speech?” Haley teases through her tears, her hands automatically reaching for the other woman.
“Shut up, it’s good writing. Are you really focu–” Emily is cut off by Haley’s lips crashing into hers. The blonde pulls the brunette close to herself as Hotch wraps around both of them. Haley pulls back with a smile and before Emily can say anything else, Aaron kisses her, his heart finally feeling put together.
Haley snuggles into the space between the two brunettes, listening to both of their heartbeats. “I never thought I’d be so happy that my husband is kissing his mistress in front of me.” The kissing couple breaks apart and glares at her as she laughs. “What? Too soon to joke about it?”
“Don’t make me turn around and walk away.” Emily threatens, already twisting her body out of the hold.
Haley grabs her tightly, pulling her deeper into the embrace. “Nope, you aren’t going anywhere, not again. Aaron still has a spare set of handcuffs around here somewhere and I will hold you hostage if I must.”
“I’m pretty sure she knows how to get herself out of handcuffs.” Aaron whispers to his wife. His chest feels so much lighter. “But if we get Jack in on it, she’ll really be trapped forever.”
Emily narrows her eyes at her former boss, but her glare holds no weight. “I’m not above bribing children, I hope you know that.”
Before either adult Hotchner can respond, a small voice shrieks down from the top of the stairs. “Em-ly!” Jack yells as he races down the stairs. One of his socks slips on the wooden stair and the five year old goes flying much to all of the adults’ horror until Emily catches him seconds before he hits the ground. Unphased, Jack wraps his body around the brunette’s neck and torso, squeezing tightly. “I knew you’d come back. Can you spend the night and we have pancakes in the morning?”
“Oh, she’s spending the night, don’t worry.” Aaron declares, winking at both women.
“Can she sleep in my room?” Jack gives his parents his best pouting lip and puppy dog eyes. “Please!”
Haley places a kiss on her son’s forehead. “Your bed isn’t big enough for her, bub. But, I bet she’ll take you back up and tuck you back in if you ask nicely.”
Emily smiles to herself and kisses Jack on the cheek in response to his question. She carefully carries him back upstairs, happy to finally be home.