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Bob can safely say that he has been proud. Which isn’t an easy feat for someone like him. It took weeks and weeks that turned into months until it became a full year to finally admit to himself that he has been making good progress. He owes a lot of it to Bucky’s earnest determination to help him, making his well-being a priority for the team he can call his friends. Sure, the good and bad days still fluctuate like a swinging pendulum but his therapist told him that progress is never linear.
For the most part, he has been doing good.
But it took one person to dismantle everything.
Bob could pinpoint the exact moment when it happened.
It started after that slick and four-pronged spaceship landed on Earth.
The satellite projected its arrival not too far from the Watchtower. So it’s without any argument that everyone decided to pile inside the jet and meet their guests from outer space. Well, it’s not the craziest thing in the world anymore since Bucky claimed he met a talking raccoon.
They arrived at a busier military base in Nevada, where Sam’s team was already expecting them.
“Just warning you. Don’t expect tentacles and multiple beady eyes.” Sam mentioned as they were led inside the deeper premises of a laboratory facility. “They claim that they came from a different universe and as far as the world is concerned, nothing’s too impossible anymore.”
And surely enough, they met three humans and some large figure made out of rocks in matching white and blue stretchable retro suits. Bob thought they reminded him of a movie from the 70’s. He probably still had it as a DVD back in the attic of his old house.
He couldn’t really think of the title when the blonde man of the group saw them. He strode over with a confidence like they weren’t the visitors, eyes too blue and too interested.
Bob frowned.
“Woah. And who do we have here?” The blonde man hummed, gaze entirely fixed on none other than Yelena.
Yes, yes. Why wouldn’t it be? Yelena is a really, really beautiful woman who possessed a heart of pure gold. Bob did not like how the stranger seemed too interested in her current attire that happened to be more skintight.
His eyes roamed very comfortably until they settled on the gun holsters around her thighs.
“Someone clearly dangerous but the finest women often are…” Like second nature, he picked up Yelena’s hand and kissed her knuckles. “Hey, I’m Johnny Storm. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.”
Bob couldn’t have anticipated the move.
Okay, yeah. Ever since their hero debut, men and women thirsted over Yelena online and some random prick who she happens to be saving would occasionally hit on her. Still, no one got this bold with the deadly assassin. If Johnny was anything smart with regard to keeping all his fingers intact, he shouldn’t push his luck.
A cheap trick wouldn’t work on—
Yelena chuckled.
Bob froze.
What?
All eyes fall on them now and he’s still holding her hand.
Why is he still holding her hand?
More importantly, “Why is she letting him?”
His own voice, more amplified and wicked, echoed in his head. Bob almost jumped. He hasn’t heard that voice in quite a while…
“I’ve been warned about you.” Yelena mentioned.
“Oh? I came with a warning, huh?” Then Johnny turned his head towards someone older in their group. “See? Told you I have a reputation. Even here.”
“Oh, please,” Yelena shakes her head, quite amused. “No one knows who you are.”
“Even more reason to get to know each other.”
“Wow. Lucky me.”
“They’re flirting,” Bob finds his hands digging into tight fists. “They’re flirting because she likes him. She likes someone who she doesn’t need to be emotionally maintained. She doesn’t need someone pathetic like you.”
Unbeknownst to his internal turmoil, the pair of super soldiers next to him shared a cautious look like they could already sense a different kind of danger as the lights started with a slight flickering. The air slowly becoming dense with tension, the kind that could corrode metal if Johnny doesn’t fucking let go of Yelena’s hand!
“Uh…”
“Bucky, is that allowed?” Walker inquired, glancing between the fluctuating lights and the tight clench of Bob’s jaw.
“Bob…”
But Bucky’s hushed tone fell into deaf ears.
A flash of gold in his eyes was the only warning they got before the lights sparked wildly, dousing the whole room in the brightest white before getting plunged into total darkness, the whole facility shutting down.
There’s only a momentary lapse of silence before the dim emergency lights are turned on by backup generators.
“What just happened?” asks the talking boulder, looking around as if searching for the source of the power outage.
Bob deliberately ignored the knowing glances he was receiving from both Walker and Bucky. He knows what it looks like.
All the calm, the cool and peace he had worked so hard to achieve had collapsed, suddenly something ugly and unreserved churned in the hollow pit of his gut.
And that was only the fucking beginning.
Johnny calls her darling.
It didn’t happen overnight. It took several years of losses and defeating Doctor Doom, the world rebuilding itself and everyone recovering from their battle scars and Bob’s reawakened powers before Johnny Storm reinstated himself as a consistent problem.
When Reeds’ technology and advancement has become integral for the Avengers, which unfortunately included the installation of the insanely convenient space and dimension travel (as if a mere doorway only separated the two very different universes you could easily walk through) in the Watchtower.
And Johnny enjoys abusing the technology from time to time.
He has taken to calling Yelena darling now.
“Oh my god. Don’t call me that again. Ever.” Yelena sneered at him threateningly the first time he did.
Fuck it, Bob has admitted a long time ago that he was jealous. All those times Johnny would take every waking moment to flirt with Yelena, even when she would always shut him down so breezily. Part of him is still so jealous—of how the Human Torch is able to be bold and shameless and free. And he’s just… Bob will never be seen as anything more but a catastrophic liability. Yelena will never look at him as a man. She’ll never look at him in the way he looks at her.
“And why should she? You’re nothing more but everyone’s burden. A responsibility to take. Because you ruin everything you touch. You’re going to kill them. Kill her.”
Such thoughts are dangerous. The last time he let them fester for too long, he plagued New York with his darkness. He can’t risk causing another incident and hurting a lot of people again. Hurt Yelena.
He has to keep himself in check.
He has to make it stop.
One quiet evening, after everyone went to help civilians from clearing streets from debris to providing physical aid, Bob personally seeks out Reed since they happened to be partnered together.
They’ve gotten pretty close. Maybe it was the fact that Bob had gone off-world with him and fought alongside each other, but he came to trust him with his life. And he’s pretty sure that Reed would say the same about him. So maybe it was enough to trust him with something more personal…
They were in Reed’s brightly decorated kitchen. Herbie was helping them with dinner when Bob cleared his throat to grab the older man’s attention.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course,” Reed claps an affectionate hand over his shoulder. “Anything you need, Bob.”
Reed’s sincere conviction helped ease his nerves a bit. He’s the type of man who wouldn’t judge him for anything, even as ridiculous as petty jealousy.
Bob offered a smile of gratitude before continuing.
“How do you feel… When other men hit on your wife?”
Reed bursts out of laughter, pulling a face. “Oh, I think it’s hilarious! Because Sue would kick anyone’s ass without me doing anything.”
Bob grins at the thought of Sue probably hurling some random guy’s ass into orbit for hitting on her. It’s not hard to imagine knowing that she would too! She’s a take no prisoners kind of family woman. “That’s true.”
Reed arched a curious brow. “Why? What’s up? Did something happen?”
Once more, Bob hesitates, suddenly feeling like he’s just wasting Reed’s time over something so stupid. “It’s nothing… Just that…”
Reed sighed, as if he had already expected Bob’s dejected response. “Is this about Yelena?”
At the mention of her name, Bob gaped at him like a fish, face heating up. He considered denying and evading out of instinct, but that hasn’t bode well for him in a while. It actually hurts being in his position right now.
He exhaled a deep breath. “Am I that obvious?”
Reed only chuckled gently before passing Herbie the salt. “Anyone but Johnny could see.”
It’s instantaneous. The way he reacts. It spills out of him helplessly. “That’s just the thing!” Bob exclaimed, almost startling the busy pair but he had to keep going. “No offense to you. I know Johnny is your family. But this fucking guy has been making a pass at her every time. Everyone thinks it’s funny because it’s Johnny but I don’t! I really don’t…”
Reed stared at him dubiously. “Johnny? He flirts with anyone. He was bothering Nebula last week. I told him to be careful or he’ll end up losing his head one of these days.”
It’s common and a universally well-known fact that Johnny is a notorious flirt. And yet…
Bob grimaced, Reed had far more important things to be worrying about than this. “Seriously, I told you it was nothing. I just… I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. I can’t control my emotions. It’s stupid and I can’t do anything right—“
“Hey,” Reed lets Herbie fully take over the kitchen this time as he takes position next to him against the sink. He placed a hand on his shoulder steadily. “None of that. Let’s take a step back… Look, I know how Johnny can be sometimes. Do you want me to talk to him?”
Immediately, Bob shakes his head profusely.
“No, no. You don’t have to.” The last thing he wanted is to come off too needy and emotional. He’ll have to deal with it one way or another.
“Well, how do you feel when other guys flirt with Yelena?” Reed asks.
Bob shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me as much or at all.”
Reed crossed his arms, brows knitting together. “Really? Even when she receives flowers or gets asked out on a date? Those never bothered you?”
Bob made a face, trying to remember a time when an encounter became too much, then he shook his head again. “No, nothing. That just comes with being public heroes. Having fans is its own thing. Bucky gets proposed to all the time and Ava gets sent letters.”
Reed appraises him in deep thought.
“And Johnny isn’t just a fan, he’s also one of us. I suppose it makes sense that you feel differently when it’s him doing it. But would you feel the same if – let’s say – if that sorcerer with the red cape hits on her?”
Bob squinted his eyes at the question and the absurdity of it, especially considering his very randomly drawn example. “… You mean Doctor Strange?”
Reed shrugged. “Sure.”
Realistically speaking, Bob can’t imagine even in his wildest nightmares that the Sorcerer Supreme would hit on Yelena, of all people. But he understands what Reed was trying to ask him. If it had been anyone... Still, he has never thought about it since he never had to. Until Doom. When more people had to step in and stop him. When more people like Johnny came into the picture.
“I don’t know!” Bob ends up exclaiming defeatedly, arms dropping to his sides. “Maybe? I guess. Yes!”
They both went quiet, accompanied only by Herbie stirring something in a pot. Bob’s mind is reeling from their conversation. He has never spoken about his feelings for Yelena, at least not without being prompted. And he already feels like he shouldn’t have acknowledged it and said anything.
“You should talk to her,” Reed eventually inquired. “Maybe it bothers you because she doesn’t see you as an option. Make her see that you are.”
“How am I supposed to do that? I’m…” Bob doesn’t even know where to begin as he gestured wildly at himself. “I’m not like Johnny. I’m not… I’m not fun and charming and approachable. I’m not worth her feelings.”
“Come on. Don’t say that,” Reed chided in that fatherly tone he naturally slips into. “You’re a great person. If you weren’t someone I enjoy hanging out with, you wouldn’t be here. No offense but I happen to consider you my friend, Reynolds.”
Bob chuckled softly. “Is it because I saved your life a couple of times?”
“Certainly couldn’t hurt. But seriously, Bob. Talk to her and be completely honest. You’d be surprised by how far that gets you.”
Bob fails at following Reed's advice.
He grimaced. Okay, he’s admittedly failing. Because as it turns out, it’s not easy to confess and tell the girl you like that there’s a reason for your weird mood swings and awkward avoidance. Where does he even begin? What would he say?
It’s already starting to become obvious that he’s more detached than usual. Less with the team and more by himself. It would be hard to miss considering he pretty much follows Yelena around like a lost and pathetic puppy. If anyone noticed, no one said anything, not even her.
The issue is him and that increasingly loud voice in his head telling him what he already knows.
“She’s too beautiful. Too kind. Too good for you. You’re nothing.”
“You’re too pathetic. How could she possibly like you back?”
“She’s better off with someone else and you’re better off alone, Bob. You’re used to it.”
But it’s not always this.
Lately, it was the other one.
In one of those evenings, when the streets of New York were uniquely quiet and peaceful, Bob sat leisurely on his spot in the corner of the common room. He started on the second book of a fantasy series Bucky had gotten him into. Reading has always been one of the best ways to keep his mind occupied when it’s getting far too comfortable whispering in his ears. He supposed imagining a different world that’s entirely fictional keeps those unwanted thoughts contained.
He was three chapters in when the familiar whir of the elevator door opened.
Yelena wasn’t alone.
As Bob expected lately, Johnny trails after her.
That’s great. He stifled himself from sneering, hands clamping tighter on the book instead.
“Bob, you’re here. How are you?” Yelena’s surprise is pretty evident in her tone. It squeezed at his chest gently, glancing up to find the look on her face. It was of pleasant surprise. “You haven’t been around lately. Bucky told me you’ve been accompanying Reed.”
He couldn’t stop his lips from curling despite everything. When it came to Yelena, he was helpless.
“i’m fine,” He’s such a liar. “And yeah, I just thought that… A change of scene would be good, you know?” More lies. “Reed is also very nice to me. He has been teaching some stuff.” At least the last part is true.
Yelena’s eyes brightened with interest. “Really? What kind of stuff?”
Bob shrugged. It was nothing special. He dropped out of school when he was fifteen, he didn’t know many things scientific and Reed just happens to enjoy teaching him the basics.
“Just science stuff. I’m not some genius like Doctor Banner yet, but give me a full year.” Bob nods, widening his eyes.
His lame joke earns him her soft laughter. It’s been a while since Bob has heard that sound either. When was it? Around a certain midnight when the moon was too low and the air gave way to a type of lightness that made Yelena giggle over the Twilight movie playing on the TV screen.
That was roughly two weeks ago.
“Speaking of science stuff, Hello—hi,” Johnny interjected with a salute. “I’m also here. Yelena and I were just discussing recalibrating your jet’s efficiency with our technology. I could even add a cloaking device if you want. Feel free to pitch in more ideas, Bob.” He winked cheekily back at him.
Yelena turned. “Wait. You could do that?”
“I could do anything, all you have to do is say please, darling.”
She rolls her eyes. “Eat shit, Johnny. I am not doing that.”
The Human Torch chuckles, trailing after her once again as Yelena takes a spot on the couch. “Close enough. As I was saying…”
The pair drifted into their own conversation filled with scientific terms that were far more advanced and things that happened that Bob wasn’t there for. They sat together, seemed comfortable enough for their knees to knock back from time to time. They’ve spent enough time to get this close.
“It would be so easy. So easy,” Bob felt more than heard the familiar hum running in between his fingertips. A surge of glorious power coursing through his veins. It’s almost like he could hear his own blood, what comes within. What he’s capable of. He looked back at Johnny, at how unguarded and open he is. “His flames won’t hurt. Nothing will.”
The visceral reaction, of reaching inside himself, to the brightness and vigor contained within, hadn’t surprised Bob. In fact, it makes him wonder why he hadn’t done it much sooner. All of this could’ve ended and there wouldn’t have been any suffering. There wouldn’t be because he is here now. He’s invincible. He feels so alive. He’s better. So much better. “And look at him. So called Human Torch… He’s weak.”
Bob laughs because it’s funny.
“Do it.”
He rises higher.
“Do it.”
He held out a hand on the side, and could feel the concentrated golden flecks of power vibrating at his fingertips, forming and materializing.
“Do it.”
He breathes deeply, eyes on Johnny Storm.
“Do it.”
“Bob?”
…
…
…
…
…
“Bob?”
Yelena’s voice pierced through him, everything clearing in an instant. Bob comes back to find himself looking down at her and Johnny, his head almost touching the ceiling. Oh.
By the alarming looks on their faces, Bob immediately feels a wave of embarrassment wash over him as he slowly lowered himself back on the ground.
“Bob?” Once again, Yelena’s voice echoes. Softer and with delicate care. She steps over, her hand cradling his cheek. “Are you okay?”
“We lost you for a second, man.” added Johnny.
With their eyes on him, his skin felt itchy all of a sudden. All of it is not helping. No. The worry yet the cautiousness. They couldn’t even pretend to be subtle.
“Pathetic.” whispered the other.
Bob fled.
He ignores their calls, especially Yelena’s. Nothing ever goes according to plan, not that he had one, but he had a bit of confidence in himself for a brief moment. He blames it all on Reed's influence, all that pep talk as if he ever stood a chance.
Bob couldn’t tell how long he had been hugging his knees on the floor but it must’ve been a while because the position was starting to become uncomfortable. Oh, god… He almost did something unmistakable. Oh, fuck. What is wrong with him? He almost… He almost—
“Bob?” Yelena calls for him, knocks on his door.
This is the moment. This is when she realizes that he’s too fucked up to be near him, let alone to be his friend. She’s probably here to let him down gently, not because she’s scared of how he’ll react, but because she’s just too good for him.
“Bob, can I come in?”
The fight has already left his body. There’s no more in him to resist anymore even if he wanted to. “… Sure.”
The door swings open, letting in enough harsh light from the hall to make Bob recoil as Yelena hurriedly closes it, muttering a small apology. She takes her steps slowly, as if giving him room to protest. Always so kind to him. Always so considerate.
“It’s okay.” He says timidly, and that was enough for her to saunter over, dropping herself obnoxiously next to him until their shoulders brushed and her knee knocked against his leg. The mere contact is innocent, but he finds purchase in it, helps him relax a little. Her presence just does that to people who are lucky enough to be around her.
“So… How have you been?” Yelena finally asks.
Maybe it’s the slightly awkward delivery or just the fact of her asking but he snickers at her.
“Did you really come here to ask me that?” Bob retorted, knowing where the conversation was going before it even began.
But Yelena is good at mustering such an innocent look on her face, wide eyes staring back at him with a simple shrug.
“I have not seen you around lately,” She answered as he tried not to preen at her, noticing his absence. “We have a lot to catch up on.”
Bob knows what she means. Two weeks really did feel too long, because he was rarely in the tower to even catch a small glimpse of her. He kept himself busy, most of his time occupied by mundane things that would surely bore Yelena to death.
“You didn’t miss much,” He fiddles with his own fingers. “I’m sure Reed teaching me about stoichiometry doesn’t compare to what you’ve been up to.”
Besides, he doesn’t want her to know the subject of his conversations with Reed lately.
“Are you kidding me? I’d take that over listening to Walker’s live commentary on why Tom Cruise is the best action star in America.”
“Okay, yeah. That does sound terrible.” Bob laughs lightly.
“Trust me, it was.” She snickered back.
But it doesn’t pass Bob that Yelena focused on mentioning the off hours instead of how she’s also been very occupied lately.
That’s right. Bob is easily reminded and dread quickly replaced the longing ache in his ribs.
“What about you and Johnny? What have you been up to?” Still, he tried to sound casual about it.
Yelena gives him a noncommittal shrug. Unwavering.
“Oh, you know… Nothing too special either.”
Bob stares back.
“Yelena…”
“What?”
“Come on. The jet efficiency upgrades? All the more advanced science-y stuff and technology talk earlier? Sounds pretty cool to me.” Bob couldn’t help the bitter tone from slipping through this time as his hands gestured animatedly.
“It is pretty cool,” Yelena relented. Only to unexpectedly place her hand on top of his, stopping him from picking at his nails as a nervous habit. “But I would’ve liked being your classmate for Reed’s chemistry lessons.”
Bob squeezed her hand in a wordless response. He doesn’t need to. He’s sure that if he said anything while his throat gets stuck with an emotional lump, that he’d somehow lose it.
And he would’ve made an even bigger fool of himself.
Instead, they sit through the silence with the brand of the heat of her palm also quieting his mind. Letting himself enjoy it. Indulge for one second in his life.
“You okay?” She starts rubbing soothingly at his knuckles with her thumb.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Bob knows Yelena’s aware of how he has been acting strangely. He looks away, unable to meet her imploring stare in one of her many check ins.
From the corner of his eye, she sits up straighter. “Are you upset with me or something?”
He turns back, eyes wide. “What? No, of course not.”
“Then why are you acting so weird?”
His heart races.
Yelena’s ability to dismantle him kicks in. Maybe her molded talent to get through to anyone comes from her Red Room training but when she’s so close and serious and interrogating like this… It undoes him.
“It’s not you. I promise.” Bob sighs in defeat. Yelena’s not giving him any way out of this. “It’s… It’s really fucking stupid.”
“It can’t be that really fucking stupid if it made you turn gold, Bob.” Yelena replied, trying to gauge his reaction as he visibly winced.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” That’s all Bob could say for what happened. It’s not an excuse that he couldn’t contain himself. He shouldn’t be feeling jealous at all. He had no right. And Yelena is still looking at him like she doesn’t believe him.
“It is stupid. It’s just…” Bob takes a deep breath. “Are you and Johnny together?”
Somehow, the exasperated question throws her off.
“What? No!” Yelena exclaimed in disbelief. Her pursed lips in confusion usually makes Bob chuckle but not right now. “I find his antics funny. But that doesn’t mean I like him like that, Solnyshko.”
Her confusion only grows.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Bob couldn’t answer.
Let silence speak for itself.
The answer lay in the fact that they’ve known each other for three years now. It was easy for Bob to love Yelena as he was given the time and privilege to see her every day, talk to her, get to know every good and bad until he could greedily catalog them for safekeeping, nestled in the cradle of his breastbone and the revolving doors of his head.
In return, Yelena knows him better than anyone.
“Oh.” Her startling realization becomes clear. “Were you jealous of Johnny?”
Bob could feel the heat rushing from his cheeks as he hugged his knees tighter.
“I told you. It’s stupid.” He mumbles.
Maybe this is it. In his room, doused in darkness, but it’s okay because Bob could still make out Yelena looking at him patiently. Somehow, Reed’s words suddenly echoed in his head. The nature of their conversation gives way to courage, loosening the pressure he kept tightly shut for the past three years.
“I love you, Yelena. I really do. But it doesn’t matter what I feel because it always gets in the way of everything. I can control myself better now but I’ll never delude myself into believing that I can always be someone people can rely on. I get arrogant and invincible and—and too powerful, high above the clouds as Sentry and… The other guy…” Bob shakes his head profusely, he can’t even continue or begin to finish that thought. “Yes, I’m jealous because Johnny’s normal. All things considered, he’s literally a living Supernova, he’s still normal and I’m… I’m not. I’ll never be normal. No matter how much Bucky believes I could be, I’ll always be too broken to fix. Who knows what would happen next? Things could get worse… All because I’m too fucked up in the head..”
Somewhere along his rant, his hands start shaking.
It’s too much for him.
Giving himself grace to tell someone exactly how he feels.
He’s crying too.
Looking at Yelena now, Bob doesn’t think he would ever deserve her.
“I don’t even know why you’re still here. You should leave.”
“Why would I do that?”
Before Bob could protest, Yelena’s hands cradle his face, leaning close and pressing their lips together. It’s soft and chaste. But present, enough to tilt his entire world off balance.
Eyes wide and desperately clinging to the last thread of his sanity, he tries to give an answer.
“B-Because I’m not—I’m not good enough for you. I—“
“Says who?” Another kiss swallows the rest of his words. “You’re forgetting that I’m not all sunshine and rainbows either. Child trained assassin, remember?”
“But I almost let Sentry go. Maybe even—“
She kisses him again.
“You wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I almost killed Johnny.”
And again. Is she going to keep kissing him if he keeps going?
“He probably deserved it.”
“I—why? What’s happening right now?”
And again. He doesn’t even know what’s going on anymore.
“You still don’t get it?” One more before she laughs amusedly as if she isn’t solely responsible for the way his chest bursts wide open, heart rapidly beating at a rate that would concern a doctor. “I love you too, Bob.”
“You love me?” Bob echoes with a sense of shock and wonder. He honestly couldn’t believe it. Never in a million years did he think this was possible. Reality has taken interstellar turns for the good and bad but Yelena loving him is the one thing that’s unimaginable.
She loves him.
It came out of her mouth. Deep, hushed and slightly accented.
A smile erupts from his face.
“Does she really mean it? She loves you? You?” His laughter is low and menacing. “Don’t kid yourself, Bobby. Because you know deep down you’re not worth it.”
It’s almost comical. Bob would’ve laughed, he has been dealing with the same sardonic echoes just when things are going good for him. “You know why. You don’t deserve anything good. Not her.”
And he’s not wrong.
Yelena notices the abrupt change, the blinding smile on his face dropping and without him even breathing a word about what he’s thinking, she knows.
“You don’t have to do this, Yelena, it’s okay. I promise I’ll handle it.” Bob muttered, trying to pull away from her warmth.
But she keeps him in place, keeps him surrounded by her.
“You think I’m doing this because I have to?” Yelena elicits a bitter laugh. “Oh, no. I’m not that heroic, Bob. Even on paper… I’ve been blipped and came back to my sister gone. You’ve seen me in my own head, you know about it. You know how lonely I am and how that tears me up inside… And I’m being selfish right now. You are dealing with so much already. You have a lot going on here,” She taps gently at his temples with two fingers and in here,” She rests the same hand on his beating heart. “But didn’t I tell you before? You don’t have to be alone. Not for all of it anymore. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”
Bob wanted many things too. It took reaching his mid thirties to finally allow himself to want things that aren't temporary distractions. Things that aren’t related to sticking a needle in his arm or snorting a line on a dirty handheld mirror. Maybe like pulling Yelena closer and holding her in his arms, but he thought better of it.
He’s still not convinced. At times like this, he learned to wait for the other shoe to drop because that’s what always happens. Nothing good ever lasts.
Yelena says all of this now. But what if she gets tired of him? What if she realizes that he isn’t worth everything she has done to keep him alive and safe?
“Bob, I don’t need you to be anyone for me. You’re more than enough,” Yelena somehow manages to keep reading where his mind was drifting, she wipes away the stray tears damp on his cheek. “You’re enough. All of you, Solnyshko.”
Bob doesn’t know if Yelena’s choice of words were intentional or not, either way, the implication is clear. And all of him listens.
For once, a sense of clarity crashes over him. Bright and hopeful and lovely. Like all things Yelena.
His head is quiet.
They’re quiet.
Bob’s gaze dropped to Yelena’s lips.
“Can I kiss you?”
He watches the way her breath catches and he’s losing his fucking mind over the soft noise.
“Thought you’d never ask.” Yelena says before they both leaned in to erase the miles of distance between them.
Yelena is warm all over, Bob’s brain supplied before their lips met once more. For someone who doesn’t run out of sharp edges and deadly instincts, she’s soft to the touch. Pliant when he pulled her closer, his hands on her waist and hers buried in his hair.
Kissing Yelena is nothing like Bob has ever experienced. She is no one he has had before. Ever. She surrounded him all at once. Her lips moved sensually with his, both learning and savoring. Her fingers would clench and tug at his hair and he had no choice but to groan at the pleasant sensation, setting off goosebumps where their skin touched. Even with a thick layer of fabric between them as he gently squeezed and caressed her hips, she’s so trusting of him already, getting closer so she could invade more of his space.
Bob is certain that he has never been physically close to any human like this.
Still, neither of them is satisfied.
Upon realizing their shared pulse for more, more, more, they abandoned all pretenses of modesty. After all, they were both beings shaped by their life experiences. Eventually, their kisses escalated. Yelena kisses like she’s trying to survive while Bob kisses like he’s still a drug addict. There’s nothing gentle in the way that they shoved their tongues in each other’s mouths as their hands roamed over their still clothed bodies. She tasted like nicotine and something so uniquely her, something sharp and sweet.
At some point Yelena ended up straddling his lap, still fused together because it’s impossible to pull away. Bob never wants to pull away. He could die happy like this. But even with superhuman strength and abilities, he’s still running out of breath while making out.
They scrambled for air, swollen lips finally separating with a resounding obnoxiously loud smack.
Yelena adjusted on his lap, moving until she felt his hard length against the seam of his pants. She pulled his face back to press their lips together as she ground into him, feeling rather than hearing the vibration of his low moan in her throat, desperately seeking friction.
Bob is not accustomed to being lavished with this kind of attention. Not that he hasn’t kissed or became intimate with someone before. But undoubtedly, Bob has never felt like this. With Yelena… It’s different. Even as juvenile as making out and dry humping in his room, she makes him feel like he’s soaring. Alive. A good day with the absence of crashing.
Just a point in time when he truly feels happy.
However, when the heated moment is reaching its boiling point and could go even further, Bob is not ready. Not now. Not yet. It’s not about that at all.
Because this is Yelena… This means too much. She’s not just another druggie he shares meth with and fuck while his head is in the clouds. Yelena deserved flowers, chocolates, dates… The kind of romance novels she secretly reads about. The whole experience that’s so painfully normal knowing the fact that they aren’t. Bob wants to take her out to dinner, maybe even wear something fancy. Eat some fine steak and drink a glass of wine. Walk her back to her room like a real gentleman and she kisses him on the cheek. Everything.
They didn’t necessarily follow the appropriate order of things but Bob wholeheartedly still wants to give it to her.
Bob lets the searing heat building between them come close to a simmer.
And slowly but thoroughly, their kisses turned languid, almost lazy, everything settling thickly around them.
Finally, they pull away.
It’s almost like they ran a whole marathon with the way they were catching their breaths. Yelena shared the same sentiments as she allowed her body to rest on top of his, laughing at the insanity of it all. Bob wrapped his arms back around her, the initial disbelief giving way to peace, just enjoying their closeness.
“You’re a good kisser.” commented Yelena after a while. “Did you get plenty of practice?”
Bob chuckled.
“Oh, you know it.” He joked.
But it didn’t land the way he wanted when Yelena suddenly pulled back with a straight face, lips pursing.
“I’m serious.”
Cute. His brain decidedly supplied.
He knows that look, recognizes it. But anyways… His brows furrowed softly, trying to think past the thick smoke obstructing his memories.
“I don’t remember the last time I kissed anyone,” Bob answered, a bit ashamed of not remembering. “It’s been a while since my last relationship. But none of them lasted long.”
She shrugged, dropping herself back on him, arms snaking around his torso.
“Well. You clearly knew what you were doing.”
It doesn’t matter to her. Flaws and everything that makes him fucked up and broken. Yelena’s not turned off. She’s still right here just like she said.
He smiled, heart squeezing lightly. “Thanks.”
“And I didn’t take you for the jealous type.” Yelena added, clearly teasing him now.
Bob groaned as if he has been painfully elbowed. “I didn’t expect it either. I’m sorry.”
He felt her squeeze him tighter. “No, I like it.”
“Yeah?”
Yelena pulls back, just so she’s looking at him with those captivating hazel eyes, a hand on his cheek.
“I like knowing that you like me that much. And I admit. I’m the jealous type too. I will snap a bitch in half if she thinks she could take you.”
They both burst out laughing, her words not only having caught Bob off guard, but it pleases him deeply. He isn’t alone with how intense his feelings could be. It also just confirmed her reaction earlier, a useful information for later, he thinks.
“I love you, Yelena.”
“I love you too.”
Bob leans in to press their lips together this time, although without the heat from earlier, it still steals his breath away just the same. After a few seconds, Yelena pulls away, standing up and starts stretching her legs.
“Okay. I’m hungry. How about we go grab something to eat? I think Alexei has some leftover pizza in the fridge.”
Bob is able to convince Johnny to stop calling Yelena darling much easier than he thought. Who knew talking about his feelings instead of getting into his own head works better? He also apologized for almost killing him, of course – something that the Human Torch concerningly took too lightly.
“It’s okay, man. You’re not the first guy to want me dead over their lady,” Johnny’s gaze soon notices and gestures at their joined hands. “I take full credit for making that happen, by the way. You’re welcome.” He winked, back to his usually charming self.
Johnny mustered a somber expression as he turned to Yelena.
“Well, it’s been fun, Yelena. You were one of my favorites. On my top five. Easily,” Johnny takes her free hand to press a kiss on her knuckles one last time. “This is a huge loss for me but I’ll get over you. Give me a week.”
As they all shared a laugh, Ava and Walker walked in, too engulfed in their conversation or more like a heated debate that they usually find themselves in to even greet the trio sitting in the common area as they went straight into the kitchen.
Already, Johnny’s turning his head towards them. Both Bob and Yelena could tell the exact moment when those gears in his head shifted to mild interest.
“Hey, do you think if I start flirting with the pretty ghost lady, he’ll do something about it?” Johnny whispered conspiratorially.
This is one of those moments when Bob just knows Yelena better than anyone. He knows when she’s trying to hold back a smirk, head filled with mischief that’s often reserved for Walker.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you find out?” Yelena replied, taunting him.
It doesn’t take much to convince Johnny, Bob thinks even if Yelena told him that Ava’s off limits, it wouldn’t stop him. But the Human Torch takes the bait, already making his way towards them in that familiar stride.
“Remind me never to mention the other widows to him.” Yelena whispered back to Bob once he’s out of earshot.
Bob smiles at her protectiveness.
He pressed a kiss on her hairline.
Why did he ever think that Johnny stood a chance?