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“This,” announced Shockwave, “is a minefield.”
He paused for emphasis. The amassed Decepticons all stared at him. Nobody seemed to be about to break the silence until:
“No it’s not,” said Motormaster, glancing back at the others to make sure he wasn’t alone in his observation. “’S just the rec room, except you’ve gone and messed it up. Right?”
Shockwave vented heavily. “For the purposes of this exercise, this is a minefield. Do you understand?”
The Decepticon soldiers all looked around at each other helplessly. There was a muffled sound as Starscream tried to comment, but Megatron still had his hand clamped firmly over the seeker’s mouth. It had been there for a while now.
“Your goal,” continued Shockwave, “is to make it across the minefield without activating a mine, which are the objects I have scattered across the room. You will be paired with a partner. One mech will deactivate his optics and his secondary sensors, and the other will give him instructions so that he may safely make it through—”
“It’s a game!” said Wildrider happily.
“It is a cooperative exercise designed to promote communication and teamwork, which you are all sadly lacking,” retorted Shockwave. “Your partner will—”
“Can we fly?” asked Skywarp.
“No!”
“This is lame,” grumbled Skywarp, crossing his arms and slumping against Thundercracker.
“One last condition,” said Shockwave. “You may not partner with a mech who is your gestalt-mate, wing-mate, or symbiote.”
There were more than a few noises out outrage at that.
“Can we go back to doing the falling-down thing?” asked Vortex hopefully.
“No!” snapped Shockwave. The trust falls had ended in an open brawl, which he probably should have foreseen. “Vortex, you will demonstrate first. Skywarp, you’ll work with him.”
“Like frag I will!” said Skywarp, sounding almost alarmed. Then he cast a glance at Megatron, who was still watching everything impassively. He was holding Starscream in a headlock, but he still had another free arm. “…fine.”
Vortex made a few noises of objection, but eventually he moved to the front of the ‘minefield’, shooting glares at anyone he suspected might be amused by his situation. After a moment, he deactivated his optics. His energy field died down as the rest of his sensors offlined as well.
“Begin,” said Shockwave. “And you may not speak, Vortex.”
“Alright,” said Skywarp, uncertain. “Uh…you can take a step forward.”
Vortex edged forward, clearly wary of being blown up by a table.
“Bigger step than that, ugly!” snapped Skywarp, his embarrassment getting the better of him. “Are you glitching?”
Immediately, Vortex took a large, exaggerated step.
“PRIMUS, WALK NORMAL!”
“DON’T YELL AT ME, PRETTY BOY!” Vortex actually sounded flustered.
“You’re muted, Vortex,” said Shockwave in the long-suffering tones of one who doesn’t really expect to be listened to.
“Fine,” grumbled Skywarp. “Turn…ninety degrees to the right. Walk…okay. Okay. Okay. Stop. Stop!”
“Should I back up?”
“Yeah, maybe,” granted Skywarp.
“I think he’s okay,” said Rumble.
“Shut up, twerp! Vortex and I are establishing a relationship based on mutual trust and respect!” blustered Skywarp.
“Mutual humiliation,” muttered Vortex. “Where should I go next?”
“Forty-five degrees to the left,” said Skywarp. “But slow-like. There’s a chair next to you. Move your rotors or you’ll clip it.”
“You are also being pursued by enemy soldiers,” said Shockwave. “If you do not hurry, they will take you prisoner and you will be interrogated.”
“Really?” asked Vortex, brightening up a bit.
“Vortex,” said Onslaught disapprovingly.
“I’m only asking because I’ll consent to interrogation if—”
“VORTEX!” yelled Onslaught.
“Fine! Frag, real warfare isn’t this stressful.” Vortex turned too quickly and hit the chair with the side of his leg-strut. “Oh, slag. Am I dead?”
“Your leg has been blown off,” reported Shockwave. “You must now complete the mission without it.”
There was some disbelieving-sounding laughter from the crowd.
“You’re fragging joking,” said Vortex. “I have to hop on one pede?”
“Maybe we can find a medic,” said Skywarp. He sounded legitimately worried, as if he thought Vortex had really lost a limb.
“No, a medic would just laugh at me for walking through a minefield when I can fly,” said Vortex.
“Continue,” ordered Shockwave.
“Forward,” said Skywarp. “Until I say stop.”
Vortex began to hop forward, which elicited no small amount of laughter from the onlooking army. He turned around to yell at them, only to lose his balance and fall on his faceplates. The laughter only increased. Vortex looked like he was seriously considering offlining his audials to escape his situation completely. He appeared more defeated than anyone, including his fellow Combaticons, had ever seen. It was almost alarming. Vortex was usually among the first to laugh at the misfortune of others. But now he'd been bested by a game that Shockwave may or may not have plagiarized from the squishies.
It was hilarious, but it was also disturbing.
“Hey, shut up!” yelled Skywarp unexpectedly, turning to face the crowd and drawings his wings up high. “He’s trying his best! I’d like to see you dumb fraggers do any better!”
“It’s just a game, ’warp,” Thundercracker reminded him quietly. But Skywarp was ignoring him. Instead, the seeker went to the edge of the ‘minefield’ and crouched down so that he was at Vortex’s level.
“Come on, get up,” said Skywarp. “You’re more than halfway done.”
“You’re lying,” muttered Vortex.
“I’m not. Get up. You’re not even near any bombs. You’re fine.”
Vortex tilted his helm in the direction of Skywarp’s voice. “I hate you.”
Skywarp heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry I called you ugly, okay?”
"I don't care if you think I'm ugly!" snapped Vortex. "Fragging seekers! Not everything's about you! I'm the lying on the fragging floor with one leg blown off and you think I care if--"
"I'm sorry I called you glitched, then," said Skywarp. "'Cause I said that too."
By now, the other Decepticons had gone eerily silent. This was different than the falling-down game, which had been fun because they all got to hit each other.
This was suddenly and inexplicably serious.
Shockwave quietly unsubspaced a datapad and began writing.
"Yeah," said Vortex, "you did."
"People call me glitched all the time, too," said Skywarp, something like sympathy in his tone. "You wanna try and get up?"
Vortex said nothing. But after a long moment, he pulled himself upright. There was more than one audible vent of relief from somewhere in the crowd.
“Right, okay,” said Skywarp in a very small voice. “Five steps forward.”
It actually turned out to be ten steps, because Vortex couldn’t jump very far on one leg. But when he was done, he turned his blind faceplates to face the spot on the edge of the minefield where he was pretty sure Skywarp was calling instructions from.
"Left turn. Great. Step. Step. Okay,” said Skywarp in a very serious voice. His servos clenched into fists and he brought them up to his chassis. “You’re almost there. Sixty degrees to the right. Step.”
Vortex hop-stepped past the last obstacle, an empty grenade storage unit. Skywarp’s faceplates lit up.
“You got it! You’re good! Now go and don’t stop until you hit the wall!” yelled Skywarp, practically falling forward in his excitement.
Vortex didn’t need to be told twice. He threw all his strength into his ridiculous bobbing one-legged jumps, clearing the last few hundred meters in a matter of seconds. When his servos slammed against purple wall of the Victory with a triumphant clang!, he set his pede back down and turned around to face the others.
“Ha! In your faceplates!” yelled Vortex, his optics flicking back online. "In all of your faceplates!"
Skywarp was laughing too, but it wasn’t mocking laughter. It was the delighted laughter of a soldier who has just evaded death. "Who wants to try and beat our time?" he jeered, waving his arms around in exultation.
None of the Decepticons said anything.
"Who wants to try?" crowed Skywarp again. It appeared that he legitimately thought this might be something the others might aspire to. "What, nobody? Too scared? Ha!" Skywarp went over to Vortex and punched his shoulder, "Cowards can't beat us. Can't beat us. This calls for high-grade!"
The seeker and the 'copter left the room, and nobody tried to stop them. Their yells of victory echoed down the hall long after their footsteps had faded.
“What the frag just happened?” whispered Onslaught.