Chapter Text
It starts normally. Will's head on Nico's lap, Nico playing with his hair while Austin leads the campfire sing-alongs. Annabeth rolls her eyes at them, as if she and Percy aren't the creators of PDA. Seriously, if Percy weren't already home because Sally had gone into labour, they would be making out right now. Will nuzzles against Nico's skull tee, soft from all the use. "Your hair is so pretty, Will." Nico untangles Will's curls.
There it is.
Really, Will already knew that Nico had a thing for his hair, but he can't help but feel like he's betrayed him. Truth is, Will wasn't always blond. And now, watching Nico stare at it with fondness in his eyes makes him feel sick. It's as if he's admiring a different person, someone who isn't Will. The reason he dyed his hair in the first place is that he felt like he didn't belong. Didn't belong in Camp Half Blood. Didn't belong with his talented siblings. Didn't belong to his father.
"It looks like spun gold." Nico's cheeks are flushed. He doesn't often give out compliments. This time, Will doesn't even deserve it.
"Mhm, thanks," Will says anyway. He's not going to trauma dump on his boyfriend. He already has enough of his own.
Annabeth stares at them, as if smelling the tension. Her eyes linger a little too long on Will's. The girl was always too wise to have anything hidden from her.
"Hey, Neeks? I feel lil' tired from my shift, I think m' gonna head to bed." It's the truth, Will really is tired. He's just also overthinking.
Nico lets out a huff, barely qualifying as a laugh. "Your accent is always so dorky when you're tired. Do you want me to walk you to your cabin?"
"Buddy system?" Will grins.
"Come on, dork," Nico says before ruffling Will's hair a final time and standing up. He resists the urge to check if his roots are touched up.
They walk together, the silence following them. Will loves silences with Nico. Whether it was after a nightmare or a date, silence always felt like they were the only two people in the world. Silences created a delicate moment which conveyed messages that Will can't express in words. Now, however, he dreaded the silence. His brain floods with all sorts of thoughts, none of them good. He pulls on his hair. His skin feels tight. He needs a shower. He feels like Nico doesn't actually love him, which is ridiculous. Will is the only person Nico trusts other than Jason to enter the Hades cabin. Nico has called him "safe" multiple times, making his stomach feel fuzzy. After Tartarus, they practically became parents to the Cocoa Puffs. Of course, his brain refuses to think rational thoughts and spirals into insecurity. "Will?" Nico looks concerned. Oh shit, how long has he been standing outside his cabin?
"Yeah, I'm fine," Guilt floods his system. He's making Nico worried. "Good Night!"
Thankfully, he doesn't need to fight to put the younger campers to sleep because they're already snoring. He tosses and turns for a while, memories flooding. At some point, he falls asleep.
Lee's smile follows him to his dreams. One moment, he grins with mischief that rivals the Stoll brothers in his eyes, and another moment, he's smiling with his bloody mouth, sunny until his last moment. Lee was always Apollo's favourite. He saw his disappointed face in Olympus and blamed himself. If he had tried harder, Lee could have lived. But he didn't. He couldn't. He was too weak.
A year later, it was Michael.
Even though it was Percy Jackson who collapsed the bridge, it was his fault. Will should have told him to move. He failed his siblings. He failed his father.
"He was never your father," Lee's ghost whispers. "He could never accept you as his son."
Will is pathetic.
Screams of the patients he couldn't save fill his ears. His mother wails about how he's a failure, the son of a singer and the god of music who can't sing. He even failed at his one job and let people die. People who could have lived if he had tried harder. He's a murderer.
The golden image of Lester appears in front of him, shaking his head. "You will never be a hero. I'm disappointed in you."
Will wants to drown. He knows it's a dream, but their words are true. Everyone he knows looks at him, tears streaming down their faces. They scream in agony as various injuries litter their bodies. He runs. Nico's pale body lies in his arms, slowly disappearing. "You can't save me," He says, a hoarse whisper. He falls through Will's arms into the shadows. Will runs to the others, trying to help, but it's too late every time he tries. His family's voices crowd his head, telling him he's a burden, a murderer, someone who will never belong. Dyeing his hair and getting a tattoo won't change who he is. A disappointment.
Will sees an abyss in front of him, scarily similar to Nyx's mansion in Tartarus. He knows staying here will only cause pain. He jumps in, praying to never come back. Everything goes dark.
Kayla is shaking him awake. "Oh, thank the gods, Will!" she exclaims. "You were crying in your sleep."
Will sighs. Great, he was being a burden while asleep now, too. "I'm sorry," he says.
"It's okay, we all get them," Kayla assures him. "You all comforted us after Michael-"
Will takes a deep breath. He names three things he can see and three things he can touch. He counts from one to five. He was NOT going to freak out on his younger siblings.
"Oh, shit, sorry, I triggered you, didn't I?" Kayla looks guilty.
Will laughs weakly. "No swearing in the Apollo Cabin, Kayla. I'll let you get away this time because the younger ones are asleep, but not next time."
Kayla rolls her eyes, but still has her eyebrows raised. "Seriously, though, do you want me to bring Nico or something? He's good at dealing with this kind of stuff."
"I don't want to wake him up," he mumbles.
"I don't think he'll mind, considering you helped him for the better part of last year. I think he'd be happy that you trust him."
Will agrees reluctantly. He sneaks out of his cabin and takes the laundry route to Cabin 13 to avoid the harpies. Being the head counsellor, he knew all sorts of ways to sneak out. Still, the only times he did sneak out were to either comfort himself or Nico. He knocks, and Guilt opens the door, its antennas glowing. Will pets the Cocoa Puff and looks up to find a drowsy Nico with drool on his chin. Gods, how does he have such a cute boyfriend?
"Sorry for waking you up," Will looks sheepish. He knows Nico loves sleep, considering how little he gets it uninterrupted.
Nico crosses his arms. "Well, I'm up now, so might as well tell me what's wrong."
Will sighs. This is a lot harder than he thought.
"So, I'm having those dreams."
Nico's stance softens. Whenever Nico had a nightmare so painful he could barely talk about it, he called them "those dreams". They had reduced significantly after help from both Will and Dionysus, but Will always kept his Cabin door open in case Nico had one again. Will had never expected to seek help himself, but here he is. Of course, his trauma doesn't even come close to the train wreck that were Nico's pre-teen and teen years, but he still has his fair share.
"Come into my cabin. Do you want to talk about it or cuddle with the Cocoa Puffs?" Nico sounds awkward. It occurs to Will that he has never comforted someone with bad dreams before. He's usually on the receiving end.
Will smiles. "Cuddle."
So that's what they do. Nico and Will sit on the floor, letting all the Cocoa Puffs surround them as Nico rubs circles on Will's back. Will hums a song by his mother, which talks about the fling between her and Apollo. Thinking about Apollo makes all the thoughts rush back. Insecurity settles into his lap, as if sensing itself. Will tickles it. "So, feel better?" Nico asks after a while.
"Not really," Will chuckles. He's not used to being comforted by Nico.
"Oh," Nico looks sad, or at least from what Will can tell from the darkness in the Hades cabin. "Sorry."
"I think talking about it might help," Will admits. He really doesn't want to, but sometimes it feels like he can sense his pain. He can't pretend to be fine, because Nico will see right through it. Honesty, it is.