Chapter Text
~ Izuku ~
The door creaks open, footfalls coming near. My eyes blink up from my book and land onto the face of my loving mother.
Her green long hair with grey streaks is tied messily in a ponytail, shoulders dropped low. The moment she sees me, her entire expression changes to a warm, welcoming smile.
I know I shouldn’t, but I can't bring myself not to be concerned. Something’s wrong but she’s not talking to me about it, hiding behind her sweet words and smiles.
My mother wipes her dirty hands from the gardening on her dress, my gaze dropping to her fingers tainted with dirt. How long had she been working for?
Her eyes seem smaller than usual and deep, dark eyebags showing beneath them.
“Hello dear.” She smiles and walks over to me. I stand up, quick to find comfort in my mother.
She grabs me by the sides of my face and pulls me in to give my cheeks a big, wet kiss.
I giggle before wrapping my arms around her and inhaling that mothers scent.
Sadly, the worry doesn’t fade away. She has gotten thin. Her formerly plump, healthy body slowly breaking down.
“Mom?” I whisper into her neck, fingers clenching onto the fabric of her light, pink dress.
“Yes dear?” I don’t dare to pull back.
“I was just wondering how you were.. I can’t help but notice your exhaustion.” Her breath hitches before she gently pulls away from my hold, with a kind look in her eyes.
“I’m well, dear. Just a bit tired is all. You know how work is.” She smiles and brushes me off, quickly tidying herself up to start dinner.
It’s a sour feeling knowing that the only person you love is lying to you. Dealing with something all on their own, not willing to talk about.
Why does she feel the need to pretend? Does she really think I don’t notice it?
Her weight has dropped drastically since the last few weeks. Her sleep schedule is horrible and I can’t sleep hearing those horrible coughs at night.
"Okay." I sigh with a sad expression. She’s not fine, but I’ll have to leave it for now.
Eventually, she’ll talk to me.
My feet dwell off towards my room, a candle in my hand to lead me. Our electrician has had some problems, so we’ve gone back to our old ways, money too tight to spend on any reparations.
I place the candle on my nightstand and stare out the window.
It’s a starry night. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Though I can’t find myself to fully enjoy it.
Teeth sink into my lip and I can’t help but worry.
She has changed.
It started three weeks ago.
I woke up from my slumber to a horrifying cough.
I immediately ran to my mothers room to find her hunched over, having a hard time catching her breath. She told me she choked on her own spit and as silly as it is, I believed her.
She wouldn’t lie. Not to me.
Oh, how could I have been so clueless.
Then there was that one time; I always helped my mother out with her work. She’s a nurse but loves taking care of the right flowers and plants to make the medicine. She’s busy with that almost every day, making all kinds of potions and pills.
She also makes a special potion for us that is full of vitamins. I’ve been taking it since I was a little boy, just two sips every night.
One day, when I helped her pick the lilies for the potions she was making for a patient, she completely zoned out. Her eyes went blank as she had an exhausted look on her face.
She used to be so cheerful, teaching me everything she knows about nature and medicine. But now, it’s like talking to a ghost.
She had shivered when I tapped her shoulder to gain her attention.
A headache must have run through her. I could see it in the way she tensed up, her eyes growing smaller, but nevertheless she kept going. Kept acting like it was nothing. Disregarding any of my concerns.
Maybe I ignored it at first because I wanted to believe her. Believe that nothing bad was happening to her. That she was fine and maybe just a little bit tired. That nothing could pull us apart.
I’m her only child and company, as she is mine.
I mean she does work full time. Producing medicine for our Eastern town, one of the last ones standing. We don’t have many people living here but still, she’s constantly busy. Constantly caring and nursing for others as she’s done since she got pregnant with me. How else is a single mom going to make it out here in this cruel world? She wanted to give us a safe space, give me a safe space away from harm's way or judgement.
I think it’s finally gotten to her, the weight of carrying the world on her shoulders.
I sink into my bed, all kinds of horrible thoughts flowing through my brain. It must have been tough for her to welcome me in the world, all the hope of becoming someone great reducing to none. A hideous, shy child. A boy with green locks, looking exactly like his mother besides the many freckles covering his face.
Yeah, I guess I’d be disappointed too. I’m useless in this world. I get that she’s kept me away from it. I don’t think I would make any difference. It’s better to keep me away from harm even if it means keeping me from the truth.
When my eyes finally drift off to sleep, I wish for it all to be over when I wake up, but it isn’t and I’m done pretending.
Breakfast was pretty normal, having small talk over a piece of bread and cup of chamomile tea.
She tells me about the horrible things she has seen in our town, small and innocent children getting hurt for something they can’t control.
The potion helps to protect us, she says. From what exactly.. I’m not sure, but I trust her.
Even if I trust her, I can’t let her health slip right between my fingers.
Before she is able to lock the door behind her to rush off to work, I gently reach out for her hand to hold her back. I can tell she’s surprised by it. Her sweet little boy acting out. Resisting like he never has before.
I’m nervous, tense and she can immediately feel the mood turning.
“Mom.” I whisper, finally daring to say what has been bothering me for so long.
She looks away while mumbling a quiet; “You know I have to go dear. I’ll be back before you know it.”
No.
We’re going to talk about it and we’re going to talk about it now. I have finally gathered the guts and I don’t know if I’ll feel this brave again.
“Mom, please. Look at me.” Her bloodshot, tired eyes dwell with silent tears as her gaze meets mine. You wouldn’t even notice her exhaustion if you were anyone else, but I look into her eyes everyday. For nineteen, long years. The same eyes that gave me reassurance and love, the only ones I have ever needed.
“I know you, mom..And I-I think you’re sick. I noticed it a few weeks ago-and your condition has only grown worse. I’m worried mom, really worried..”
And I shouldn’t have expected anything less than a disregarding response.
“It’s just a little flu, darling. I already took some medicine. I’ll be fine, don’t you worry about that. I’m okay.”
“Mom, stop.
Please stop lying to me.
I love you. I love you so much. You’re the only person who matters in my life. Let me worry about you for once. Please.”
I can hear my voice breaking.
I’m begging her to surrender this fight, to finally give into the truth.
The birds twirp in the distance, the wind flowing through her beautiful hair. Her skin is pale. So extremely pale.
“You know I know right? I know you’re taking medicine, I’ve seen it laying on your nightstand..And I know you haven’t been getting any better. Please mom. Tell me. Please let me help you.” Tears are streaming down my face and my voice is strained.
“Okay..”
“Mom?”
“Okay.” Her shoulders fall down with a deep sigh and she reaches out to hold my face.
“Just tell me what you need. I can get it for you, make it for you even. I’ve been reading all about it and have learned so much from you, I can-”
“It’s no use dear.” Her voice is so soft, trying to comfort me while bringing in heartbreaking news.
She takes a shivering breath, turns around and leaves me behind. Before I think she’s running off, she lets herself drop down in the dirt of our garden, right next to the poppies.
I’m taken by surprise from her action but decide to sit down next to her, waiting for her to speak.
She gives me a small smile and takes my hands in hers. Green locks are swaying across her face in the wind. She’s beautiful.
For a moment it’s quiet. Nothing but the chirping of birds and the blow of the wind surpassing. I swallow and close my eyes with a small sigh.
Her hands give me a quick squeeze.
“It started about a few weeks ago, but.. you already knew that. At first there were only sleep terrors. I could barely close my eyes at night. Horrible dreams would haunt me and I’d wake up breathless and shivering..I made myself every medicine I could think of for exhaustion, sure it would bring me right back but.. it didn’t.” I listen to her carefully, not daring to say anything that may stop her truth.
“Then I started feeling lightheaded and couldn’t stop coughing. Every bite of food that I swallowed tried to climb his way out of me. I was sure, so sure that must be a fever from a patient I’d been treating recently, but no.” The air feels heavy, my heart aching.
“Izuku. My dear. I think my body is giving up.”
And it feels like my entire world has broken down.
“No.”
“Izuku.”
“No. Mom, you’re still young- It can't be because of age, you must have caught something else.. Are you sure you took the right medicine? Maybe you missed an ingredient!” My heart is racing. There must be a way. This can’t be.
“Dearest, I’ve tried everything, everything there is for me to try. Maybe it’s meant to be this way. Maybe it’s peaceful. Giving me a slow death to watch you shine before it all ends.”
She can’t be serious right now. After all this time?
“No. No! How can you say that? Are you even hearing yourself? Giving up isn’t an option, you of all people should know that! I love you. I love you so much. This cannot be happening. I won’t let it.” Sobs are breaking through my voice, my hands tightening into fists.
Her arms pull me into an embrace, my face hiding in the creek of her neck, tears staining her top. She pets circles into my back, comforting me like she has always done.
“My love. I don’t know what else to do other than accept it.”
I’m breaking. I feel myself growing angry and confused.
“I can’t! I can’t-I can’t do that mom! I can’t accept letting you go, not this soon, not ever.”
I feel warm drops fall onto my shoulder. Like mother, like son. We make a whole.
The quiet falls again before a sliver of hope returns. This can’t be the end. I will not let this be the end.
“Then what do I do, love?” She whispers against me, so tender in my hold.
I try to find the right set of mind. Try to tell myself she must have missed something. Something she couldn’t see but maybe I can. Something I can fix, something I can make better. So that I can make her better.
The corners of my mouth curl up into a soft smile. Anything to make her feel better.
“Nothing. You don’t have to do anything. Absolutely nothing.“ She lifts off of my shoulder, tilting her head confused and worried.
“I’m going to try. Whatever it takes. I’ll try.”
“No, I don’t want you to spend all that time on me-”
“Mom, you are my life. You’re the only one I know. The only one I care for. We are in this together.”
It sounds sad to say it out loud. Speak clearly into the world that I have no one else besides her. Knowing that I've only ever seen and known her.
It’s not her fault. She kept me safe and I’m going to do the same. I’ll keep us safe. Safe and away from harm.
“Together we’ll keep living. I promise you.” I whisper, wiping the tears away from her eyes.
“Do you trust me?”
“I don’t want this to ruin you, Izuku.”
“It won’t. I promise. I’m strong. I’ll find something. I love you mom. Please believe me.”
“Okay.. I trust you.”
~
I’ve been out of the house before. I’ve walked down these streets many times, though it still feels a bit strange. It’s never been just me. Now I’m all alone as I pass by the townsfolk laughing and playing in the sunlight.
Day’s have passed and my mother can’t work anymore. I had to keep her from doing so.
Of course she can take a walk and work in her own garden, but the intensive work is done. For now at least. I don’t want her putting too much pressure onto her body.
I’m sure she’ll be back up to work in no time, with her bright eyes and personality.
I can do this.
I must.
It’s nerve wracking to see this many people at once. They all look and talk differently, but most of all I can feel myself tightening up at the amount of different scents spilling around freely. Don’t they take anything? How irresponsible of them to just walk around like that. Don’t they know how wrong it is?
I huff and hurry down the stone sidewalk, heading towards the sound of laughter and yelling.
It’s busy around this time and people push past me, having absolutely no spatial awareness.
I can feel my confidence sinking lower and lower before I finally spot it in the far distance of the crowd.
The market.
It’s been ages since I’ve been here. Lots of stalls are set up with pigs running around wildly. They’re one of the most common species here. I’ve read a lot about them. I’ve read a lot about almost anything. You have a lot of time to spend when you’re home, like all the time.
In the back corner of the market I spot a medical shop.
This is where my mom worked when she wasn’t out finding the right ingredients. I rise on my tiptoes to peek through the small window where I can see different kinds of ointments, pills and drinks.
I take a few deep breaths to gather my confidence and continue my plan.
The minute I enter the small medicinal shop, I’m surrounded by reminders of my mother.
It’s because of her they have all these recipes and ointments to help our folk, help save our land. We don’t have a lot of people living here anymore. The population is growing smaller and smaller. That’s what you get when you live in a land of grey.
I don’t really know why many towns disappeared, only a few left standing. Or why ours has survived these weather conditions.
The only information we have is from the history books and what my mother has told me;
The Eastern land is worn out. It was overproduced centuries ago and only a few acres are fresh and healthy. Because of the rainy weather a lot of the fertile ground was washed away, leaving stone edges- a land of grey. There just isn’t enough food or place to make a happy and healthy living. That’s why a lot of people chose not to have many children and I don’t blame them.
And then there was a war, the storms putting tribes against one and another till barely any were left. Everyone was trying to get the best of the best to survive, but in the end, almost no one did.
Behind the counter is a young woman mumbling to herself, as she’s writing a check to describe some pills.
I step closer until I’m right in front of her, but it seems like she’s in her own world, humming a soft tune.
Feeling suddenly very uncomfortable and tense, I clear my throat to catch her attention.
Her breath hitches in surprise and she looks up with big, brown eyes.
She looks.. kind?
“I’m so sorry, sir! I was busy writing a description down and I didn’t hear you come in. How can I help you today?” Her voice is high pitched and a light sweet scent of strawberry flows around the room. Why is there a scent lingering around? Did she light a candle?
Strange.
Okay. You can do this Izuku. You came all this way to ask her something, but now she asked you a question… That’s fine..Yeah..Just answer it. You’re normal. Totally normal. You interact with people all the time..Exactly..
Nope, I’m panicking, absolutely tensing up until I feel like running out of here.
I dig my teeth into my lip and tightly grip my pants, my fingernails almost tearing through the fabric.
“Um hi. I was wondering if you know of a woman named Midoriya Inko?”
Oh no, that totally came off weird didn’t it? She must think I’m a creep!
“I do! She is a very lovely lady. If I may ask, why do you require this information?” She beams up, her smile almost hurting my eyes.
She’s polite. I’m glad to speak someone kind.
“Well she is uh- She’s my mother and-.”
“Wait you’re Izuku? Her son Midoriya Izuku?” She rushes around the counter to face me.
Omg she is so close. I tense up again, completely stumbled by the sudden reaction.
“Well yes-”
“Oh my god you are so much cuter than she said you were! It’s so nice to finally meet you! I’m Ochako Uraraka, her very trustworthy colleague!" She holds her hand out and I swallow. I look at it suspecting it to be something strange, but take it anyway. Just shake her hand, Izuku, you’ve done this before.
“Hi, so.. you know me? How?”
“Well your mother is pretty proud of her son. She loves talking about you. Always has! I definitely can’t say she’s wrong. You look like a sweetheart.”
I really don’t know what to respond besides muttering a quiet thank you and looking away, my cheeks growing pink.
I think she notices how uncomfortable I am and takes a step backwards with an apologetic look.
“Sorry if I came off ‘extreme’, I’m just excited to finally meet you! I have heard so much about you.” Why did mom never mention her?
“T-that’s okay, I’m just not used to it.”
She raises an eyebrow but lets it go .
It’s awkward for a moment before she continues speaking.
“So, what about your mother did you want to talk to me about?”
Just say it. It’s what you’re here for after all, hoping to find someone who worked with my mother and asking for advice.
“Well..She has fallen ill about a month ago and it’s only getting worse. She can’t hold her energy anymore and is coughing up a storm. She said she has tried every medicine possible. Do you…”
A guilty expression is showing on her face, brown eyes looking pitiful.
Does she know something?
“Yeah.. your mother told me. It was hard not to notice when she came over looking pale and oh so thin. I helped her. Helped her think of any solutions. We tried and tried...” Her voice has dropped down, sad and apologetic.
“Was there nothing? Really nothing that maybe you or her thought about but hadn’t acted out on? I’m sure there must be a cure, she just has a very bad fever. This can’t be the thing that takes her from me, leaving me all alone in this world.”
“Izuku.” Her voice breaks my words.
“Your mother has seen and helped a lot of patients with her medicine. Nothing really relates to her sudden fall in health.
From what she told me, she’s made everything that came to mind and even dared to try it.
Is she really getting worse? Is she not getting better?” There falls that hope again, digging a hole deep in the ground threatening to pull me in. I can tell she cares, she might even be worried.
I shake my head no, filled with pure disappointment.
“She’s the best healer in town-” She continues, but I can’t stand to hear it. I can’t bear the disappointment.
I turn to walk away, my voice threatening to break and eyes tearing up.
“But maybe it’s not her that’s missing the cure.”
Her voice pulls me back. I turn around swiftly, breath speeding up.
What could she possibly be talking about?
Please don’t give me any false hope.
“What do you mean? You think there is something, something that could help her?” My mouth feels dry and swallowing doesn’t help the desert.
There’s a hesitant look on her face as if she’s going to tell me a secret. Her cheeks are puffed up before the next words spill.
“I think it’s our land that’s missing it. Our nature barely exists and what’s left is exhausted. Many flowers and plants don’t grow here anymore, not since ages..”
It?
The reality of her words crash into me. Nothing here can help her. I can’t help her. I can’t do anything. Not here. Not ever.
“Has she really tried everything? Every potion, pill, plant, flower?” She seems desperate and I nod my head, sorry to disappoint her.
“She has.”
“So there’s really nothing I can do to help her? To keep her healthy and alive?”
There’s a strange look on her face, as if she’s biting down on her tongue. She’s keeping something from me.
“If you have anything, any information that could save her, please tell me. I’m begging you. Please.”
She takes a deep breath before the words spill.
“My great, great, great grandparents were just like your mother; healers. They loved to explore all kinds of flowers and plants to find a use for them. They made all kinds of medicine from it, saving people from any trouble imaginable. They were an unstoppable force.
To every problem they found a solution in nature. So their notes say.”
I really don’t know where she’s going with this and her gentle hand touches mine. Her skin is soft and warm. It’s strange to find the comforting touch in another, a stranger even. I want to pull back, but I’m afraid she’ll stop talking.
“In their notes they describe plants like fiction. Their names are extremely long with weird syllables. Very strange words. In the 300 years that our tribe has lived here, no one has recognized any of them. Passed down the family line, no one has found proof that those plants really exist. My great, great, great grandparents drew poorly drawings of them and little descriptions of their use. It might not even exists, just a stupid fairytale but-”
“You think they exist.” The words come breathless out of my mouth and she looks away, an embarrassed flush coming onto her face.
“It’s silly, but why would they lie about something like that? Something that could save your..save so many people.”
She shakes her head and stumbles over her words.
“Tell me. Please tell me everything you know about this.”
“Maybe I’m talking nonsense, don’t just take my word for something that might not even be real-” She scrambles, stressed. She clearly hadn’t expected me to listen, but if she thinks I wouldn’t risk anything for my mother, she’s wrong.
“Even if it might be false, it’s worth the try. I have to try. I need to try. Please.” Her brown eyes stare into my green ones.
She’s pitying me, she has to. I can see it, feel it.
Please just let me believe. Please let this not be the end.
I promised her. I have to try.
“Please.” I’m begging you.
“How..How about we meet up this late afternoon to talk? I will bring the notes. Maybe we can figure something out.”
I could scream, yell, cry, anything. I squeal and for the first time in a really long time, a giant smile creeps onto my face.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
Even though nothing’s really changed, I’m a step further and that's worth the try. My mother is worth more than a try. She’s my everything.
I see her again that same afternoon.
When I enter the shop she’s already got a coat on with a brown bag slashed over her shoulder.
“Come on, I know a place.” I’m still hesitant of her but let her lead the way. She’s the only lead I’ve got.
The sun is slowly setting, the air turning cold as fewer people leave their houses.
Less than 50 feet behind the shop stands a giant willow tree.
It's big and absolutely beautiful. You could say I’m more than mesmerized by it. An entire world of new things has opened up to me.
She unfolds a plaid out of her bag and lays it down, patting for me to sit down next to her.
Even though I’ve only just met her, I don’t feel suspicious of her intentions.
I mean, she knew my mother and even worked with her. My mother trusted her enough to tell her about me so if that doesn’t show trust, I don’t know what will.
She tells me a bit about herself; She’s an only child, has loving but hard working parents and the exact same age as me.
“This might be a strange question, but why can’t I smell you?” She asks while nibbling on a carrot, her curiosity looking me over.
“What do you mean?”
“Like.. I can’t get anything off you. Are you a beta?” My blood runs cold at her words. What did she just ask me?
“Don’t ever speak of that again..You know it’s wrong!” I lean in and whisper in her ear, ashamed if someone could have heard us.
“What?” She looks at me with pure confusion and I want to hide away in shame.
“My mom would kill me if she heard us right now..” I dig my face into my hands.
“Izuku, what on great heavens are you talking about? You’re acting..weird.”
“It’s dangerous to talk about second gender tendecies! They’re the feral side of you. It doesn’t matter who or what you are, you should never succumb yourself to it.” Her eyes widen in horror and her mouth falls open.
“Well, I’m an omega and-”
I fly up in the air and quickly push my hands over her mouth.
“Please don’t.. Mom will know if we speak of it.” I’m absolutely terrified and slowly let my hand fall down.
“I don’t understand why you’re so scared of your second gender-” My eyes are wide and my fingernails have drawn blood from my palms.
“Please stop.”
She seems to realize how serious this is for me and sinks in her place with a pout.
“So.. you don’t take anything?” Now I’m absolutely frightened for her. There are horrible people out there who let it free. Going in sync with your second gender will only make things worse. It’s taboo to even dream of it.
“No? What? Izuku, I’m not sure but I have never heard of anyone using anything before.”
Her face twists to pity, but I can’t quite figure out why.
“You know what, It must be nothing! Probably harmless and- You know uh, let's look at the notes I brought!” She hides the concern by quickly opening her bag and taking out very old looking paper, immediately changing the subject.
What does she mean? Of course it’s harmless and-
Then she starts showing me the notes.
With poorly scribbled ink there are strange words written on the pages. Besides them are drawings of the flowers. A few characteristics are written below it, the color, smell and even the effect. The effect of all that it is capable of.
“When I noticed your mothers condition, I felt helpless. We tried every combination available, but nothing stuck. It was never ending until it was. She kept pretending in the shop. That is who she is, just pretending so that no one worries. So that you don’t worry.” I can see she truly cares for my mother. They must have spent a lot of time together.
I let out a sigh as the mood sours, my heart aching.
“She should’ve told me the truth earlier. I didn’t even know it was this serious till a few days ago. I can’t help but feel useless.” I’ve torn the thin skin of my lip and I can taste blood in my mouth.
I avoid her gaze by randomly picking at the grass.
She starts a sentence, but never finishes it. It falls quiet once again.
“I believe that there is something we can do.. If we find it.”
I look up.
“Really?”
“Yes..”
“When Inko stopped showing up to work and told me she was done with trying, I just couldn’t get these notes out of my head. My grandparents found them in their basement in a locked safe and gave them to me since they know I’m working with medicine. It’s been on my mind ever since.”
“What did you read that gave you hope? Hope that she could be saved?” I wonder.
Like she said, it might be a lie or a fairytale, but the pages look so fragile and real. Like it was used ages ago.
She wets her thumb before sliding over to a certain page.
Carefully she hands it over to me and my curious eyes follow. It takes a while focusing my eyes before I find it.
Margorium valar - savior of death - When mixed with a cup of pure honey, two viola petals and the roots of a poppy, it will heal all deprivation.
My breath hitches and my heart feels heavy.
“Do you really think there’s a chance this might save her?” I probably sound delusional.
“I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think it’s worth finding out..And I know it’s silly-” She seems doubtful of her discoveries, but you can’t dim the spark of hope that has risen inside of me.
“Ochako. This is the only sign I’ve gotten in so long.”
“My family came from the west, as did the relatives who have written this book. I can still remember my grandma singing songs of a house in the west living near a starlit waterfall.”
The minute the words leave her mouth, I can feel my heart stop. It’s insane that I’m even considering this, but is it wrong?
I have never had anybody other than my mother in my life. Even if there’s the smallest chance that the flower exists and is capable of healing all her depravations, I’d follow it.
“Do you think the book is written about that area?”
“I do. Since the tribal war of 1600, all other leaders of their land made the decision to shut the trading borders as nature had grown sacred. Almost nothing was left as the people would kill for any remaining pieces. We don’t even know if those towns still exist, but if they did, it’s hundreds of miles away from here. It’s risky and vague, but I think it could be real..” Contact was lost ever since the war.
The land outside the East is unknown and unexplored.
I swallow.
“You’re right.. All communication stopped ages ago. We don’t even know of any information beside our own Eastern land. But there’s a possibility that it exists. That other towns have survived and grown. Maybe even nature’s different there? I mean it could be. Even if this was written a long time ago, there is a chance.”
Ochako sighs, rubbing her hands across her face. She seems distressed and I don’t blame her. I feel the same if not worse. But knowing that the life of the only person I love is on the line, I’ll hold onto any hope I can get. My brain is already spinning out a million ideas, even if it doesn’t make any sense.
“But even if there’s a chance that it exists, how on earth would we get there?” She groans and her eyes fall on me.
The world quietens around us as my heart is full of emotion, heavy and tense.
“I don’t know, but I’ll find a way. I don’t want to live if it’s not by her side.”
“If you’re sure...” She bites on her lips, the sack of carrots now empty from the stress eating.
“I am.”
“Okay. We’ll figure it out. Together.”
That’s how it all began. Every single afternoon I’d meet up with her under the willow tree and gather any possible ideas.
She’s incredible.
How can one person be so nice, kind, funny, smart, intelligent and strong.
I would like to say we’re friends. I really hope we are.
The rest of the time I spent taking care of my mother. She can still walk, but not for too long at once. She’s in the same state she was when I found out how ill she actually was. It’s like she’s stuck in time and I don’t know when it will get worse.
It stresses me out and breaks my heart to walk on eggshells around her.
I never told her about the book her colleague showed me. She knows I met up with Ochako and that we’ve started talking, but that’s all.
If she knew anything more, I’m sure she would start worrying about what I might do and I can’t have her condition getting worse because of me.
To ease my mother’s pain she’s taking painkillers, leaving her to sleep most of the day. I force her to eat at least three meals a day and it keeps her body somewhat healthy.
Some days I catch myself sitting by her bed all night, watching over her to see if she’s still breathing. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with feeling this useless. I need to do something quick. I won’t lose her.