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Keith was at Lance’s dorm door, looking down and fidgeting with his sleeves. It didn’t take someone who knew him well to tell that he was nervous. Really nervous.
To be fair, he usually was nervous around Lance. Not to say Lance made him feel scared and unsafe—no, it was pretty much opposite. Since they started dating, Keith found himself being more open, more touchy, more a lot of things he wasn’t used to. But that’s exactly why he felt nervous; Lance just made him feel so...
Comfortable?
Special?
Normal?
It just felt nice, and he didn’t want to ruin it.
He didn’t like change, never did. When his dad made him go from a crib to a toddler bed, he cried and protested for months. When he was given a food he didn’t like in foster care, he tried to give it to the dog. When Shiro said he’d have to change his schedule for Korean lessons, he couldn’t sleep for a week.
Needless to say: he hated change. He didn’t like it, never did.
He didn’t want him and Lance’s dynamic to change because of this.
With a shaky breath, he hesitantly lifted his fist and knocked on the door, bringing his hands to his side and tensing. He knew he was overthinking it... But he couldn’t really help it. It’s not like most people in his life gave him the upmost acceptance.
Growing up in foster care, it seemed like people treated him like he was a discipline issue, or not like any other kid with a personality. Only when Shiro adopted him did he really feel like his needs got met. Then he met his friend group and felt his first actual sense of belonging, but the feelings from his past still were tucked away in a corner of his mind that always seemed to pop out occasionally to remind him “Hey, maybe you’re different and that’s bad”.
He shuffled awkwardly and tried to quell the anxiety that swam in his chest and rocked on his heels a bit to calm down; it was just Lance, he’d be fine.
A few short moments passed before he heard a distinct, familiar upbeat hum approach from the other side of the door. He inhaled a deep breath and watched as the wooden door opened.
Lance opened the door, and his eyes lit up in pleasant surprise when he saw his boyfriend. A smile instantly spread on his face before he leaned forward and wrapped Keith in a hug, “Hey, you! I didn’t expect to see you here,” He commented happily.
Laughing quietly, he leaned in and hugged Lance back, smelling the eucalyptus cologne and breathing it in. That smell always reminded him of Lance. “Hey...” He said back softly, sometimes he’d try harder to put in more tone into his voice, but he didn’t feel the need to with Lance. Quietly, he added, “I need to talk to you,” He was still blunt as always, that didn’t change no matter who he was with. There was no point beating around the bush in his opinion.
He felt Lance tense a little bit before he hesitantly pulled away and looked down at Keith with a nervous grin, “Uh oh, not here to break up with me, right?” He scratched the back of his head and laughed a little bit, but it wasn’t his usual unapologetic laugh; it was a nervous one.
Keith felt a tinge of guilt at his boyfriend’s expression; he forgot Lance had some relationship anxiety (which Keith didn’t understand because he thought Lance was pretty great). He quickly shook his head and reassured him, “No, I’m not breaking up with you, Lance. I just... need to talk to you about something...” He looked more at Lance’s hoodie strings than his face, but Lance never seemed to mind.
That seemed to help Lance a little bit and he put his hands in his blue jean pockets, “Uh huh... Alright, yeah—let's talk and get inside,” He placed a hand on the back of Keith’s red hoodie before guiding him into the apartment and shutting the door behind them.
The familiar smell of Lance’s dorm hit him; it was floral and sterile smelling, but in a comforting way. Not in a scary hospital way but more like a Spring-cleaning feel. The room was as tidy as always but had a healthy amount of stuff scattered around—like highlighters, pens, textbooks. Lance was always so organized until it came to studying.
“Thanks,” Keith said before sitting down on the blue sheets, giving a lopsided smile when he saw Lance’s shark plushie collection looking right back at him. Lance’s love of sharks never felt short of endearing for Keith.
Lance reached for his nursing shark plushie and brought it to his chest, so its nose was touching his chin. His expression was one of anxiety and anticipation with his eyebrows drawn, “So, what’s up...?” He asked, his voice low and careful.
The other looked down at his lap, tugging at his black plaids. The words weren’t evading him, but they were at the tip of his tongue and left him struggle to spit them out. After a few moments of debate, he said, “I just wanted to talk to you about since we’re, you know, dating, and I wanted to get it off my chest,” The impending feeling of possible rejection sat like a blanket on him, but he tried not to focus on that.
Him and Lance haven’t been dating for too long. It’s been about two months of them being official and they were still falling into the swing of things. Keith being Keith found opening up to be... difficult. But he didn’t let that stop him from trying. He liked Lance, and he really wanted to be honest with him if they were going to be in this together.
The other’s face softened, his shoulders sinking in relief. Keith just wanted to talk about personal things—phew. He reached out a hand and placed it on Keith’s hoodie, feeling the cotton beneath his fingers. “Awe, you can talk to me about anything! You know that!” He smiled and it revealed the dimple he had on one cheek that always made Keith’s heart warm.
That was something he always loved about Lance; when he loved, he loved hard. He was there for you from start to finish and that was something Keith could appreciate when life didn’t always give him that.
He thought about his words carefully, before speaking, “Okay, so, you know how sometimes things fly over my head...? Or I get overwhelmed and frustrated easily when a lot is going on...?” Anyone who knew Keith would easily nod their head and answer that; it wasn’t exactly a secret that yes was both socially dense and got stressed out easily, but he really hoped it wasn’t something that bothered Lance.
Giving a long hum and looking at Keith curiously, he drew out a, “Yessss...? Of course I do. Those are like... defining Keith features,” He snorted and ruffling Keith’s hair, making the other scoff and shove his hand away but a smile played on his face.
That made him feel a little better, the anxiety quelled down. “Right... So, I have a reason for all those things...” Hesitantly, he reached out and held Lance’s hand, it felt easier talking about things this way sometimes. Fortunately, Lance eagerly gave his hand a firm squeeze and smiled. “But I’m... scared... you’ll judge me for it,” Unlike his usual direct way of speaking, it came out meek. He nearly cringed—he hated that.
Lance nodded listened attentively, lifting Keith’s hand up and giving it a little kiss. “I mean, I already judge your mullet, what can be worse than that?” He teased, giving a signature Lance grin.
He smacked Lance’s arm and spoke in a scolding tone of voice, “Lanceee,” Which made the other snicker and look like he was feeling the concept of guilty.
“Sorry, sorry.” He shook his head and took a few breathes before calming down, “But really, what is it? It can’t be that bad...” He shrugged and closed his eyes, gesturing with his hands.
Keith bit his lip, feeling unsure if he should say it. He knew it probably wasn’t a big deal, but it was nerve-wracking. But then he thought of Lance and who he was as a person—Lance was smart, he was understanding, and he was silly. He probably would be the last person to judge him...
Playing with Lance’s fingers, seeing their skin contrast, he quietly confessed. “I... I’m uh.. I’m autistic...” Then felt his anxiety shoot up.
He squeezed his eyes shut and impedingly waited for Lance’s reaction.
There was a pause, then a light laugh came into Keith’s ears, and he opened his eyes and looked at Lance quizzically. Was he making fun of him? Did he not believe him?
He continued starring at Lance with increasing nervousness before Lance was able to collect him.
The other wiped at his eyes and let his shoulders shake with a few more giggles before he admonished himself. “Wait! I’m not laughing at you, sorry,” He reached out and held Keith’s hand again, then tugged him into a hug.
Keith let out an ‘oof’ as he was tugged in but settled into the embrace before questioning what was happening, “Then why are you laughing? Do you not believe me?” His tone took on a bit of an accusing connotation by proxy of his reaction.
Quickly shaking his head, Lance rubbed the top of Keith’s hair and said, “No! I just...” He laughed lightly a few more times, “I just thought that it would be something bad or serious—not that this wasn’t hard for you-- But like, I thought it’d be something like, you killed someone!” He snorted, looking down at Keith who was processing everything.
For a moment, Keith’s mind paused. This was not what he expected.
Sure, he didn’t really expect anything intense, but he just thought this was a lot more... Awkward? A lot of people he told before reacted uncomfortability or just brushed it off or just treated him oddly. He just expected a more... dismissive reaction.
Maybe followed by babying or a break-up, but he didn’t let his mind dwell too long on that.
Looking up at Lance, making eye contact for a brief moment before concentrating on his nose, he directly clarified, “So, that’s it? Nothing else?” He asked skeptically.
Lance made a confused face but smiled, “Uhm... I guess? Why?” He tilted his head, fidgeting with the back of Keith’s mullet.
He thought for a moment and shrugged, “I’m not sure—people I told in the past acted like I was weird or like I was a different person. You’re just acting like your usual idiot self,” he stated flatly.
Smiling, Lance responded, “Oh thank--” Then he blinked in realization, “Hey!” He smacked his head lightly, “Rude! You’re so rude! Maybe I should be ableist towards you.” He perched his lips and furrowed his brows.
That unexpected joke but Keith burst out into a laugh, his face scrunching up before he could even react. His laughter filled the room, and he saw Lance’s mouth twitch up before training into a frown again.
Flopping backwards onto the bed and bringing Keith down with him, he sarcastically commented back. “Haha, laugh it up. Super funny.” He rubbed Keith’s back and Keith felt the warmth through his hoodie, making him settle down a little bit.
Burning a few more chuckles off, he peered back up at Lance, resting his chin on his chest. “I’m kidding. But seriously, do you have anything else you want to say about that?” All the anxiety he felt before now just felt silly and his cheeks had a tinge of pink from his previous reservations about this.
Lance hummed and absentmindedly drew circles on his red hoodie, “Uhm... Is there anything you want me to know...? I don’t want to assume what you need—besides a haircut-- but I know some autistic people get overwhelmed easily and stuff...” He teased lightly but managed to get right back on track.
Keith’s heart swelled at the considerate question, but he shook his head, “No, just sensory issues or having a hard time with tones. But I think you already knew about that,” A lot of people assumed very little of Lance with how scatterbrained he acted, but in truth, Lance’s observational skills were like a well-oiled machine; precise and automatic. He noticed more than most people did.
Nodding easily and speaking cockily, he responded with, “You’re not exactly discreet—also, I’m Loverboy Lance—if something is wrong with my partner, I instantly notice,” He ran a hand through his brown hair with a smirk.
Snorting, he flicked Lance’s chin which earned an, ‘ow!’ before snarkily saying, “Sure... whatever you have to say to make yourself feel better,” He rested his cheek on the palm of his hand. He loved this dork so much, it was kind of crazy.
Pouting, he wiped his chin where he was flicked and said, “You’re mean. You’re a very mean boyfriend...” Before holding Keith tightly and burying his face in Keith’s messy hair.
They stayed like that for a bit, just cuddling and holding each other. It was nice... It felt like all the anxiety was being squeezed out of Keith when Lance added some pressure onto his back... Who needs a weighted blanket when you have a boyfriend.
He closed his eyes and basked in the bliss of Lance kissing his head a few times.
Eventually, he spoke up softly, “Thank you... for treating me normally...” He traced a shape on Lance’s chest, “It’s really nice...” His stomach had this gentle wave in it and a light feeling in his head.
Ruffling his hair, Lance sincerely replied with, “Of course...” And gave him a peck on the head that made Keith hum. “I love you...” His voice was quiet, maybe even a little bit bashful.
Blushing a little bit back at the statement, Keith looked up with a twinkle in his eyes. That wasn’t the first time Lance said that, but that was still a recently new thing that felt exciting; shy.
Mirroring the feeling, he softly replied with, “I love you too... thanks.” His tongue tingled every time he said it, but he definitely couldn’t doubt that love was what he was feeling. But not loving Lance was pretty hard, so maybe that just how everyone felt around him.
Giving him a tightly squeeze and rocking them back and forth on the blue bed, he happily chirped, “Awwe! Thanks, babe!” He brought his nose to the black locks and nuzzled, hopefully not getting anything gross in his hair.
Lance paused for a moment before adding, “You do know I have ADHD, right? I’m the least likely person to judge you,” He stated, and Keith raised his eyebrows in surprise.
With slight surprise, Keith whipped his head up and said, “Wait, actually?” That’d make a lot of sense—Lance did always talk a lot and got distracted, but for some reason ADHD never clicked in his mind. Now he felt more silly.
Giving a look of disbelief, he gave Keith a playful shake, watching him squirm on his chest before shouting, “How did you not know?!” Seriously! Lance was an open book!
Shouting back, he threw his hands to the side and said, “I don’t know! I didn’t think about it!” Maybe he was too caught up thinking about his own autism and that in a relationship that he didn’t consider Lance’s own neurodivergence. Gosh, he wanted to slap himself in the face.
Kissing his cheek a few times, he lightly teased him, “Your mullet is taking up too much brain space,” The once tense and anxious air now felt... Calm and funny. He really was overthinking this conversation.
Affectionately he scoffed and commented, “You’re a dork...” And gave his shirt a chaste kiss.
But Lance just confidently said, “I know, but so are you, so we match!”
Keith laughed and just let Lance hug him.
Maybe not everyone would accept him, but Lance would—and he’d accept Lance too. And today, just knowing that was enough.
Lance made him feel like enough.
He tucked himself close and just listened to Lance’s heartbeat while basking in content.