Chapter Text
It’s a little after 7:30 when the knock comes and when she opens the door, her breath catches.
He looks broken when she finds him standing on the other side of it. The kind of worn out that makes your soul weary. He gives her a tight smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and despite her shock she takes note of how his face is marked with new bruises. Takes in the cuts on his hands. The torn skin on his knuckles. It steals something from her, seeing him like this.
There was a time she wouldn’t have had to ask. Would’ve already known what caused those bruises, would’ve known what’s obviously been keeping him up at night. Hell, there was a time he wouldn’t have knocked at all.
This would’ve been his home too.
His name falls from her lips. The surprise at seeing him. He’s not due home for another two weeks.
‘Can I see her?’ he asks. ‘I just… I’d really like to see her.’
‘She’s already down for the night.’
He deflates. Visibly. Like the words knock the air out of him.
‘Right, of course,’ he nods. ‘I thought I might’ve caught her.’
‘We went to the park after I picked her up from daycare,’ Hailey explains. ‘Think it tired her out.’
‘Right. Okay. That’s good.’ He pauses and his gaze lands on hers. Apologetic. ‘I should’ve called. I’ll leave you to it tonight. Maybe I could see her tomorrow?’
He turns away and she doesn’t know what it is about him tonight but she’s speaking before she can stop herself.
‘Jay,’ she says softly, ‘come in.’
His head tilts, a silent question in his eyes. They don’t do this.
‘If you wake her,’ she tells him, ‘you can stay to put her back down, okay?’
He nods, grateful, and steps inside.
She gestures to his hands. ‘You need the first aid kit? Those look sore.’
He shakes his head. ‘I’m good.’
It’s a lie.
He’s not good.
Neither is she.
Four years and it still stings - how far they fell, how different things are now. She tries to be strong. Every damn day, she tries. But standing here with him, well, it hurts. It hurts to see him hurting even though he hurt her. It always will.
She thinks most of the time she handles it better, but most of the time she knows exactly when she’ll see him. She can prepare.
She nods her head for him to follow her and heads down the hallway. Gestures for him to go ahead. He throws a small smile over his shoulder before opening the door to their daughter’s room.
She should leave. She knows she should. Seeing them together never helps.
He steps into the room and just stands there, looking down at Poppy like she’s the only solid ground he has left. When he turns, tears shine in his eyes.
‘She’s in her big girl bed,’ he whispers.
‘She’s been begging for it,’ Hailey says softly. ‘I gave in a couple weeks ago.’
‘I just… I won’t wake her.’ His voice is a plea now. ‘I’ll just watch her for a little while, if that’s okay.’
She nods and turns away. Leaves him be.
She heads to the kitchen, cleans the already clean counter just to give her hands something to do but it doesn’t settle her as she’d hoped. She fills a glass of water from the fridge and sinks onto the couch. Her head falls into her hands; palms pressed to her eyes harder than they should be.
It doesn’t stop the tears.
She’s not even sure what they are - frustration, grief, longing. Maybe all of it.
Tonight’s just caught her off guard.
She stands and starts pacing. Stops when her eyes land on the framed photo of Jay and Poppy on the sideboard.
There’s so much love in it.
She deliberately keeps it out here and not tucked away in her daughter’s room. She doesn’t want Poppy to feel like her dad has to be some secret that stays hidden away in her room. That he’s not welcome.
He is welcome.
It just hurts.
She tells Poppy every night he’s away that Daddy loves her, because it’s true. Because he does. Because Poppy needs to feel it even when he’s not here.
This was never the plan. It was supposed to be the three of them. Every morning. Every night.
Not divorced. Not separated by oceans and assignments doing God knows what, God knows where.
It should have been them but instead he broke her heart.
And she knows she broke his too.
And she thinks she should be past this by now. Sometimes she feels like she is. They co-parent. They have a happy, healthy, incredible daughter. She has a good job, a good apartment.
But she’s lonely and on nights like this it’s harder to deny that it’s because she wishes she could still have him. Have what she thought they would always have. She doesn’t yearn for a partner. She’d rather be on her own than with someone else. She just yearns for what should have been.
And it still leads her nowhere.
It’s hard.
‘Hey.’
Jay’s voice pulls her from her thoughts, and she rises to stand. Turns to face him. If he sees what she was looking at, he doesn’t comment.
‘Hey.’
‘Thank you for that.’
‘Of course.’ She hesitates. ‘Are you alright? When did you get back?’
‘This afternoon,’ he answers. Doesn’t even try to attempt the first question and that tells Hailey everything.
‘You didn’t come on your bike, did you?’ she asks, eyeing the storm hammering the windows.
He shakes his head. Shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket. ‘I’m sorry, Hailey. I know we normally arrange everything ahead of time, but I got home and I just really wanted to see her.’
‘Jay, you haven’t seen her in three months. I get it.’
Lightning flashes behind her, slicing through the sky.
‘But still,’ he says with an apologetic smile.
He’s always so careful with her. So goddamn careful it hurts.
‘Jay, I said it’s fine.’
He nods at her words. Reads her tone and shifts the conversation on. ‘She looks so grown up in there, right?’
‘Yeah, yeah she does.’
‘And she’s been sleeping well for you in it or dancing around at 3 a.m.?’
She smiles a little. ‘If she’s been dancing, she’s very light on her feet.’
He huffs out a laugh.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘I know you were hoping to do it for her.’
‘Hey, no. What she needs comes first. If she was ready, she was ready. I still need to do it at my place. Maybe she’ll save her dancing for there.’
There’s a moment of silence between them. Nothing but the sound of the rain hammering down outside.
‘I’ll get out of your hair.’
A clap of thunder shakes the windows.
‘Mommy!’
Hailey is already moving at the sound of Poppy’s cry and she’s vaguely aware that Jay starts to follow before stopping himself. It’s not his home.
‘Hey, baby girl,’ she says scooping her daughter up into her arms. ‘I’m here. Mommy’s here.’
‘Mommy, it’s loud,’ Poppy says clinging to her.
‘I know, Pops. It’s just thunder. It won’t hurt you.’
‘It scared me.’
‘I know. But I’m here, and it’ll stop soon. You’re okay.’
She’s not sure why she makes the call to do it, but she turns with Poppy and heads for the living room. Jay’s eyes widening in surprise when he sees them both.
‘Poppy, you still got your eyes open?’ Hailey asks her and feels her girl nod into her neck.
‘Yeah, mommy.’
She turns round so that Poppy is facing Jay over her shoulder.
‘Daddy! Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!’
Her little legs kick against Hailey’s sides like she’s urging her forward to get closer to her dad and Hailey hands her over to him.
Jay’s arms go around her immediately and he breathes her in.
‘I love you, Poppy girl. Daddy’s missed you so much.’
‘I missed you. Are you back now?’
‘I’m back.’
‘I was scared, Daddy,’ Poppy says pulling back to look into her dad’s face. ‘It was too loud.’
‘I know. I was a little scared too. But you know what? Being scared means you know what makes you feel safe. Think about those things and it will help.’
He’s a good dad to their girl. A really good one and she’s grateful, so grateful, but of course it tugs on some part of her when she sees them interact like this. How can it not?
‘You and Mommy make me safe.’
‘Yeah, baby. We’ll always keep you safe. And hugs? Hugs make thunderstorms go quicker.’
‘They do?’ Poppy gasps and she turns to look back at her proudly showing off her new knowledge. ‘Mommy hugs make da storm go quicker.’
‘They do, huh?’ Hailey smiles. ‘I think you should give it a try.’
Another rumble from outside and she tucks her face back into Jay’s neck.
‘I’m scared. Are you scared, Daddy?’
‘Not now I’m hugging you.’
And Hailey knows he’s comforting their girl right now but something about his words tonight ring true.
‘‘Kay. I not scared then too.’
She sees Jay smile at the wonderful simplicity of a three-and-a-half-year-old. Thinks it’s his first real smile all night.
‘Daddy, can you stay?’
Jay looks up at her looking for silent permission and Hailey nods.
‘I can stay, Poppy girl.’
And he does. Hailey watches as he sits on the couch with Poppy cradled against his chest murmuring quietly to her as his hand brushes through her hair.
Within ten minutes, their girl is fast asleep on his chest, little fingers tangled in his t-shirt that peeks through beneath his jacket.
‘Want me to put her back in bed for you?’ he whispers.
‘Thank you.’
She leans against the doorway as he tucks her in and Poppy stirs awake.
‘Daddy,’ she murmurs, reaching for him.
‘I’m here,’ he says, brushing her hair back. ‘I’ll stay until you’re back asleep.’
Hailey watches as Jay eases onto the bed beside their girl letting her curl into him.
‘You need anything?’ Hailey whispers.
‘We’re good,’ he says. Eyes on Poppy. Eyes full of love.
Hailey nods and steps away.
It’s too much - seeing him there. It’s always too much.
When the storm fades, she checks in again only to find them both asleep, her daughter’s cheek on Jay’s chest.
It’s a sight that makes her heart ache in her chest. She grabs the blanket from over the back of the couch and covers it over him before closing the door behind her.
--------
He wakes slowly, and it takes a minute for his brain to catch up. Then he feels her.
The soft weight of his daughter sprawled over his chest.
He’s still at Hailey’s.
God.
He can’t remember the last time he slept that well.
Only that’s not right because he can. He remembers all too well. It was when Hailey used to sleep beside him.
The blanket smells like her, like home, and he presses it closer before he can stop himself.
But he messed everything up.
He stays still, not wanting to wake Poppy. Her wavy hair is a mess, wild and tangled and he gently moves a strand from where it’s caught in his stubble.
She has his hair - light now but the kind of fair that will darken with time. His eyes too. The rest? Pure Hailey. Even the dimple.
He tries to freeze this moment. To brand it into memory. He’s never spent the night here before. Never been allowed this deep into the life he left.
His presence here sits somewhere between welcome and unwelcome. He gets it.
That’s on him.
He made his choices. It was his choice to leave. To try and face his problems alone. He put Hailey in a position where she couldn’t reach him to tell him she was pregnant and then when she finally got to tell him, he’d already extended, already let her down again. It was a mess.
They let him come home for the birth. Two weeks of heaven and heartbreak. Then he left again. This time as a father and as a man whose wife had asked for a divorce. He took the rest of his parental leave once they’d finished out the assignment he’d been on as he tried to work out a new life for himself in Seattle as a dad and a divorcee.
Will once asked why he keeps doing this to himself, the job, this life, and the truth is because it’s all he has to offer.
Because when he’s around, Hailey looks like it hurts. Being around him hurts her. He sees it in her eyes. Knows – knew – her too well for those feelings to stay hidden.
The message is clear. She trusts him with Poppy, but not with her heart. And he can’t blame her.
And he wants to be the kind of man his daughter can be proud of and the army has been good for him. It did straighten his head out.
But it was too late. He’d already lost Hailey along the way.
And so he’s stuck with it. A job he’s good at. A job that helped him to find his perspective. One that allows him to plan for tomorrow because that’s a parent’s job - to think about their child’s future. He doesn’t take unnecessary risks with his job, he plans, he’s careful but it also allows him to plan for Poppy’s future. To make sure that she’ll always be secure. He bought a nice place about a fifteen-minute drive from Hailey’s and the rest of his money goes in a savings account for his girl.
He’d love to be home more. He regularly looks into alternatives, but then what? He gets a front row view to when Hailey falls in love with someone else?
And he’d have to explain, really explain, to Poppy why he still wouldn’t live with them. He knows that day will eventually come as she gets older but for now, she just seems to accept that he works away and he has a different house. He’s not so sure that would fly were he to be permanently home and how does he explain to her that he let her mom down? That that’s why Mommy and Daddy aren’t married.
God, it’s his greatest failure. And he’s paying the price every day he doesn’t get to be here to see his little girl wake up. To fall asleep beside the woman who will always have his heart
Poppy stirs against him. Her little voice full of sunshine when she sees him. ‘You’re still here, Daddy!’
‘I am. Did you sleep okay?’
‘I did but I’m super warm now,’ she says wriggling free from her covers.
He kisses her cheek. ‘I’m glad you slept well.’
He watches her itch her nose and wipe the sleep from her eyes. ‘I’m hungry, Daddy.’
He chuckles. ‘Let’s fix that. It’s still pretty early so we’ll be quiet so mommy can keep sleeping, okay?’
He grabs her down one of her plastic cups that he’s seen Hailey reach for before and smiles at the fact that it’s unsurprisingly covered in unicorns. He fills it with water and grabs himself a glass too.
‘You want some toast? Cereal?’
‘Daddy eggs,’ Poppy says confidently.
‘Baby, I can’t do Daddy eggs today but we can do them next time you’re at Daddy’s apartment.’
She tilts her head at him and its both amazing and painful how like her mom the gesture is. ‘We got no eggs?’
‘I don’t know, Pops.’
‘Then why can’t we have ‘em?’
‘Because this isn’t my kitchen and I don’t want to wake your mommy up to ask if it’s okay if I use all her stuff.’
He watches his little girl frown like none of what he said makes any sense but she accepts his answer and settles for toast. The two of them sitting on the floor with the blanket over them after she’s finished eating.
He checks his watch and sees that it’s gone seven. Knows Hailey likes to wake Poppy if she’s still asleep by that point.
‘Hey, do you know if you and Mommy had anything planned for today?’
‘I don’t know. Mommy puts it on da calendar,’ she says easily as she plays with her farm.
He checks. Nothing for today and so he thinks he’s okay to let her sleep a little longer. Gymnastics is marked on for tomorrow morning and he smiles at the stickers showing his planned calls.
It’s about twenty minutes later when Hailey emerges from her bedroom.
‘Morning, baby girl,’ she says coming over to smooth Poppy’s hair and press a kiss to her forehead. ‘Did you sleep okay?’
‘Mmm hmm,’ Poppy nods. ‘Daddy kept me safe from the storm.’
‘That’s good.’ Hailey smiles. ‘I’m just gonna grab some coffee and I’ll be right back.’
Poppy hums in response and continues to play and Jay eases himself up from the floor to follow Hailey into the kitchen and it all suddenly feels awkward now their daughter isn’t here as a buffer.
It’s been years since he’s seen this version of her. Sleep tousled and with those ridiculous woollen socks on that frankly make her legs look unfair.
‘I’m sorry I fell asleep,’ he says. ‘Thank you for letting me stay.’
‘You both looked like you needed it,’ she says then busies herself with the coffee machine.
‘I gave her some toast. I hope that’s okay.’
‘Of course. I didn’t mean to sleep in,’ she says turning back to face him.
‘You probably don’t get to do it much. I was here so…,’ he shrugs. ‘I can stay for a bit if you wanna shower and get ready.’
She bites her lip and for a moment her eyes land on his before they dart away again. Her hands pulling the hem of her sweatshirt down as if only just realising now that her sleep shorts are very short. ‘No, it’s fine. We’ve got it.’
‘Right, yeah. Okay. I’ll just say bye to her.’
The bubble was nice whilst it lasted.
He scoops Poppy up into his arms and presses kisses to her cheeks until she giggles.
‘Love you,’ he says as her little hands trace his jaw. ‘I’ll call tonight.’
‘Okay, Daddy. And we have Daddy eggs?’
He laughs. ‘Not on the phone, baby. But I’ll cook them soon. Promise.’
He sets Poppy back down on her feet and looks over at Hailey one last time where she’s standing watching from the archway into the kitchen.
‘Thank you,’ he says. Means it too.
‘We can sort out a schedule later, if you’re home a while.’
‘Yeah. Should be here for a while now.’
He nods to her and as always, walking out the door feels like leaving a piece of his heart behind.
--------
The building hasn’t changed. Neither has the heavy feeling in her chest as she rides the elevator up to Jay’s floor. It’s been a long time since she’s been here - longer than she wants to admit. They’ve seen each other twice since that night he came home, and even though he lights up around Poppy, the heaviness is still there. She knows him. Even now, after everything. And something’s not right.
He doesn’t normally return from his time away like this.
But she lost him once before to that haunted look in his eyes and she won’t let that happen to Poppy.
She knocks once and the door opens almost immediately. Jay standing the other side in a pair of running shorts and an old Chicago marathon t-shirt.
He’s surprised to see her, that much is obvious.
‘Hailey? Is everything okay?’
She nods. ‘Poppy’s fine. She’s with your brother and Nat. I came to see you.’
His eyes widen but he steps back and lets her in. The place is clean, tidy as she’d expect it to be. The kitchen is straight ahead of her and the open plan lounge spreads to her right. She can see a toy chest for Poppy under the window at the far side. A toy guitar and a microphone stand propped up against the wall beside it.
He offers her a drink but she tells him she’s fine.
‘Is something wrong?’ he asks and it’s that now ever-present careful tone in his voice that has her saying what’s on her mind because she can’t take it anymore. The tiptoeing. The pleasantries.
‘That’s what I was going to ask you.’ She turns to face him. ‘Jay, what’s going on?’
‘What do you mean? Nothing’s going on.’
‘Don’t do that. Don’t shut down on me. I know you.’
His eyes flash at her use of the present tense but she still thinks it’s true. She might not know which drawer his bottle opener is in anymore, but she knows him.
‘I’ve seen those shadows in your eyes before. I saw them before you left Chicago. I know what they mean.’
‘I’m fine, Hailey. This isn’t that.’
‘You’re not fine.’ Her voice softens. ‘Why haven’t you talked to Will?’
His response comes quick and perhaps sharper than he intended. She gets it. She’s kind of ambushed him out of the blue here. ‘Why are you asking Will about me?’
‘Jay, come on.’
He leans against the back of the couch and lets out a sigh. ‘I don’t know why I haven’t talked to him. I don’t want him to worry. I’ll be alright. Really, I will.’
He says it like a shrug, like it’s not a wall he’s just thrown between them.
She shakes her head. The brothers are closer than ever since they both made the move to the west coast. ‘He would understand.’
Jay’s eyes drop. ‘He wouldn’t.’
And that’s it, she thinks. That’s what it is. As close as they might be, Will hasn’t seen the kind of things that Jay’s seen. Hasn’t done the kind of things he’s done.
‘But I might.’
The words slip from her mouth before she’s really realised what she’s said. They don’t do this. Haven’t for the longest time and yet she’ll help if she can help.
He looks up, startled. Doesn’t speak for a second. ‘Hailey, I don’t…’ he trails off, faltering. ‘I don’t know how to say it and I can’t ask that of you.’
She steps forward. ‘You didn’t ask but I’m here anyway because our daughter worships you. She needs you, Jay and whatever this is, bottling it up never works for you.’
He looks at her for a long time, as if he’s trying to decide whether or not her offer is genuine then his eyes drop to the floor again, like he can’t bear to see her when he says it.
‘There was a mission. Few weeks before I came home.’ He swallows, hard and his fingers push against his eyebrows. ‘We got intel on a weapons cache being run through a village. Real intel. It checked out.’
Hailey doesn’t move. She wasn’t sure that he’d talk to her. The thing that worked between them feels like a distant memory a lot of the time now.
‘There were families there,’ he says. ‘Kids. And they moved us in fast because we’d been tracking these guys for months. We had to go in hard, and we had to go quick but there were too many civilians there. We’d been told different, but we could still make it work. Still keep them as safe as we possibly could whilst securing the weapons and some of the major players in the cartel moving them.’
The room goes quiet except for the low hum of the refrigerator.
‘There was this boy,’ Jay says, voice quieter now. ‘Maybe eight or nine. I - he came out from behind a wall with a damn soccer ball under his arm. He wasn’t supposed to be there.’
He stops. Rubs his palms on his shorts like he can scrub the memory out of his skin.
‘I’d already made the call.’ He swallows again. ‘They opened fire on us and my team fired right back. My guys hadn’t seen him and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t have enough time to –‘
He breaks off and covers his face with one hand rising to stand and turning away from her.
‘Jay…’
‘I didn’t see him in time. The boy.’ His voice cracks. ‘He died. I should have seen him sooner. Maybe if I’d…’
She moves closer but doesn’t touch him.
‘It was supposed to be clean,’ he mutters. ‘And now I see him every time I close my eyes. I see Poppy in his place and I can’t -,’ He sucks in a breath, struggling. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says lifting his eyes to hers. Pain swimming in them. ‘I’m sorry. I should’ve told you before you let me see Poppy the other night.’
Her stomach knots. ‘What? No. Jay, stop it. Stop that. You’re her dad. A good one. I would never,’ she shakes her head. ‘That’s not what this is about. A horrible, tragic thing happened but that doesn’t change the kind of father you are to her.’
She waits for him to meet her gaze again. ‘You need to talk to someone about this.’
He nods. Takes her by surprise when he tells her that he is. That he’s already been to a session since he got home.
She sighs. ‘I just, I don’t get why you still…’
‘Why what?’
‘Why you’re still doing this,’ she says quietly. ‘This job. Does it make you happy?’
His face shutters. ‘I don’t think it’s about happiness.’
‘Shouldn’t it be, though?’
He hesitates. ‘Does your job make you happy?’
‘Yes.’ It’s been a long time since she could answer that question without hesitation, but she can now. ‘It does. It was the right move for me. I enjoy the work, and it lets me keep regular hours for the most part. It lets me be there for Poppy. This job is better for me.’
‘That’s good,’ Jay says and something softens in his gaze that she doesn’t want to dwell on. ‘I thought you liked it.’
‘I do.’ She takes a breath and pushes forward. ‘Wouldn’t that make you happier than this? Getting to see her more? I’m not trying to start something, Jay. You’re a good dad. I just… I don’t understand this.’
He closes his eyes. ‘Of course it would make me happy. But I’m doing this for her. I don’t have much else going for me anymore besides her. I’m trying to be someone she can be proud of. Someone who helps people and I can’t go back to the force. I’m sure it’s on my record what went down and I make good money and, well, I’m not here to spend it.’
Her voice breaks. Of course he’s making these decisions with Poppy in mind, but she doesn’t need a nest egg from him. She just needs her dad. ‘Jay, she doesn’t need your money.’
‘It’s not just that.’
She rakes a hand through her hair. ‘Then what is it? Please, just - can we be honest with each other? For once.’
He looks up at her and she sees the tiredness there. Not just from his last mission but from how they wound up here. It’s weighing heavy on her right now too.
‘I always thought my being around was hurting you. And I’ve hurt you enough, Hailey.’
His answer knocks the wind out of her. It’s honest. Painfully honest.
‘Jay, I hurt you too.’
He shakes his head. ‘The difference is, I deserved it.’
‘No, you didn’t.’ Her voice trembles despite the firmness of her tone. ‘I should have told you that I was pregnant.’
The silence stretches between them. That fateful what if? It’s always lurking just below the surface.
‘Maybe. But the only reason you didn’t was because of the choices I’d been making. We both know that. I thought… I thought this was for the best.’
Her eyes harden. ‘God, Jay. You can’t put this on me.’
‘I’m not,’ he says quickly. ‘Hailey, that’s not what I mean.’
‘But what if you get hurt?’ she pushes. ‘Or worse. I’m supposed to just be fine with the fact that you’re telling me you do it to make it easier for me? How the hell would that be easier? How would you being gone be better?’
She hears her voice tremble on that last part, but she needs him to hear her. This all feels like too much but also something they should have done a long time ago.
‘That’s not what I -’
‘It doesn’t make it easier, Jay. And if you don’t love your job, you shouldn’t do it.’
‘It’s all I know how to do right.’
‘No,’ she says, pointing behind him to a photo frame that holds a gorgeous black and white photo of him and Poppy. She thinks they’re at Will’s house from the background. ‘That’s not true. You know how to be our little girl’s father perfectly.’
He turns to look at it too and it’s then that she sees it and something tightens in her chest. ‘Wait, why do you have this?’
She takes a step closer. It’s a photo of just her and Poppy from a day out at Pike Place Market. Poppy had wanted to send it to him when he was on assignment some time last year.
She normally just sends photos of Poppy, but her girl had asked and who was she to deny her.
He looks at her. ‘You have one of me at your house.’
‘Because you’re away for months,’ she says and this, this doesn’t feel like that. ‘I want Poppy to feel close to you still when you’re gone. Is that why you have it? For the nights she stays here?’
But the photo isn’t in her room. It’s on the wall in the lounge. For anyone to see.
‘What do you want me to say, Hailey?’
She swallows. ‘We said we’d be honest.’
His eyes hold hers and something about how he’s looking at her tells her what he’s about to say will devastate her.
‘Why do you think? I messed up. I hurt you and I broke the best thing to ever happen to me. But the two of you - you’re still my whole world. You’re still…,’ he trails off, voice shaking. ‘There hasn’t been anyone else. There won’t be. I don’t know how to love without you.’
Silence crashes between them but her heart pounds in her chest. She feels dizzy like the ground’s shifted beneath her.
‘What am I supposed to say to that, Jay?’ she says around the lump in her throat.
‘You’re not supposed to say anything,’ he acknowledges. ‘I know how you feel. I try to respect that, but you asked me to be honest.’
She stares at him. Her breath unsteady. ‘Are you saying you still love me?’
He nods. Doesn’t hesitate. ‘Yes. Of course. I thought you knew.’
‘I…’ Her voice fails her. She blinks back tears. ‘I think I need to go.’
He nods, resigned. ‘Okay. Thank you for coming to check on me. You didn’t have to.’
She nods already heading for the door.
‘I’ll come by and pick her up tomorrow,’ he tells her quietly. ‘Just let me know a time.’
She nods again but she can’t look at him. Not when she feels like her world’s just tilted on its axis once more.