Work Text:
Mizi shifted in Sua's lap for the millionth time, trying once more to pull her impossibly closer to herself. She was still thinking about nearly losing Sua. Her everything. Her universe.
She loosened her arms slightly, allowing herself space to bury her face into the crook of her lover's neck, nuzzling into it and breathing in the familiar scent of Sua.
Sua, who was alive.
Sua, who wouldn't be alive if it weren't for the rebellion rescuing them at the very last moment.
Sua, who Mizi knew had planned to die that day.
Mizi remembered seeing her rehearse it. She remembered seeing Sua go to the lengths of practicing the stab of the bullet, the choking feeling that would soon accompany the sting, all for her.
All because she couldn't bear to lose Mizi.
The thought sickened her. Mizi wasn't someone worth such a sacrifice. She was selfish. Sick in the head.
She loved Sua because she was fragile. She loved Sua because she was weak, and she could protect her.
She thought this was how love was meant to be. Shine loved her like this, didn't that mean that was how it was done?
Mizi thought so her whole life.
Until she found out it wasn't.
Love wasn't meant to be as possessive as it was to her. It was meant to be balanced. It wasn't supposed to seem like one had near total control over the other.
Ever since she learned how love was really meant to be, Mizi felt sick.
She felt terrible for the ways she thought of Sua. Because she thought wrong.
Now, she felt like she was using Sua. She felt like she didn't love her enough. After all, if she really did love Sua, wouldn't she have tried to stop her from sacrificing herself?
The only reason Sua was alive now was because they had a stroke of luck. The rebels could have saved anyone, they didn't aim for specific contestants.
Mizi wished she fell off that cliff that day. Maybe then, Sua would find a new love. A new love that loved her, normally. A new love that, too, would die for her–
Mizi's spiraling was interrupted by a gentle hand carding its fingers through her hair.
It was almost as though Sua could sense her distress from a mile away.
Sua gently cradled Mizi's face, stroking her cheeks with her thumb while gazing lovingly into her amber eyes.
Mizi felt herself begin to tear up, forcing herself to blink away the tears and attempt to return an equally adoring gaze to Sua.
Sua, once again reading Mizi like a book, Pushed her back into her own collarbone. She continued playing with Mizi's hair, twirling it around her fingers briefly before continuing to rake her slender fingers through it.
Mizi couldn't hold herself together any longer.
Small, shaky whimpers quickly evolved into sobs, tears streaming from her eyes immediately being caught on Sua's shirt.
Mizi faintly choked out parts of sentences, hiccups and tears interrupting every attempt she made to speak.
Eventually she gave up on talking, plainly weeping into Sua's shoulder, body racked with waves of sorrow escaping in garbled whimpers.
Mizi eventually calmed down enough to function, peeling herself off of Sua, staring up into her deep purple eyes.
She sniffled a few more times, using the crook of elbow and her wrist to hurriedly wipe away the remnants of her tears, before managing to push the question she knew the answer to, yet had been allowing to crush her.
Mizi took a shaky breath, "W-why did you... Plan to lose..?" Her eyes darted back up to Sua's face as her words escaped her lips.
Sua's eyes lidded in shame. She glanced away, staring at a small weed that had managed to grow through the concrete that lined the walls.
A brief silence passed between them. One that felt like ages. Before Sua drew a deep breath, muttering, "I just knew I couldn't lose you."
The corners of Mizi's mouth turned further down. She looked like she was about to cry again.
Sua looked back at Mizi, who had teared up once more, and held her face in her hands. Sua lightly brought Mizi's face towards hers, peppering Mizi's face with chaste kisses.
She took a moment to catch her breath, before continuing her statement, "I knew from that moment I saved you from falling. If you had died, I wouldn't have lasted much longer either." Sua tucked one side of Mizi's hair behind her ear, "I can't live without you, Mizi. You're my everything. You give me hope, something to look forward to after being dragged around by my mom, after classes.."
Sua's eyes crinkled with a pang of sadness, eyebrows drawing further together. "Every night we went to sleep, I'd look forward to the morning to meet up with you." Sua sniffled now, eyes burning with unshed tears, "You're my reason to keep living, Mizi."
"Without you, I don't see a point in life. I just see a winding, dark path that leads to nowhere. But with you here, It's bearable." Sua was weeping with Mizi now. shuddering, she finished "M-mizi... I c-an't lose you...!"
Mizi drew Sua into a tight hug. They were both nearly inconsolable at this point, it seemed.
They cried into each other for a few more moments–when Sua suddenly jolted up.
She draped her arms over Mizi's shoulders, pulling her into a long, loving kiss.
Mizi nearly jumped in surprise, but she stopped herself, tilting her head further into the kiss, and wrapping her arms around Sua's waist.
A few moments passed before the kiss broke. Mizi sighed, resting her forehead against Sua's. Sua smiled, content with Mizi's now stable breaths.
Mizi slumped against Sua, smiling back at her, eyes heavy-lidded. Mizi felt Sua adjust her arms–now nestled just under Mizi's, hands running up and down her spine.
Mizi would still wake with guilt lightly pressing against the back of her mind–just enough to remind her of it's presence–but now, after receiving a verbal confirmation of just how much Sua cherished her, she slept peacefully wrapped in her lover's arms, knowing she loved her just as much.