Chapter Text
“For the thousandth time, Spamton, you are banned from this cafe.” Swatch declared as they tossed Spamton out of the colour cafe. He usually tries to steal at least a CD bagel when the Lightners are in the Light World, but that stupid easel won’t let him near their precious cafe. “COME ON, [Big guy] CAN’T A MAN HAVE HIS [No such thing as a free lunch!]” They shot him a dirty look before slamming the door shut.
There’s gotta be somewhere else he can ‘borrow’ food, he was starving. Spamton’s eyes veered in the direction of the quaint shop run by Seam. He never liked that strange cat, he didn’t know why Jevil had spent so much time with them. He stared at the building, the weirdo never left their shop, it would be outright stupid to try and take from them.
So Spamton tried to take from them. He snuck around the back of the shop, trying to find an entrance. He climbed up onto the windowsill and looked inside, they were sleeping, now was his chance. He quietly opened the window and tiptoed inside, walking across the counter. He stopped, something caught his eye, no, three somethings caught his eye. They each emitted a dark glow, he knew what they were, he’d never seen so many in one place. He approached the Shadow Crystals, completely forgetting why he came here in the first place.
”[Hochi Mama]” he exclaimed under his breath. He reached out and grabbed one, an instant shockwave of glitching coursing through his body. He was used to the pain of glitching, but even so, it hurt more than usual. It felt like when he first started glitching, back when…
He used his other hand to scoop up the two he didn’t grab. He was really glitching now, but he barely felt the pain anymore, all he felt was power, and boy did it feel good. He clutched the Crystals tight to his chest. “H-H-HOLY [[Cungadero]]” He blurted. That seemed to wake up the cat. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing!?” Uh oh. He tried to move, to run, to get out of here. But the glitching locked him in place. His mind was racing. He thought about the Crystals, the power. He had to get out. Suddenly, the Crystals glowed much darker. He felt like his body was being ripped away from this plane of existence. Everything became a blur.
He woke up, feeling the metal of his dumpster in Castle Town, except, it felt unusually warm? He opened his eyes, he was not in his dumpster. He remembered his break-in to the shop, and the Crystals. He looked around, panicked, he couldn’t find them. Instead, he found himself sitting on top of- Tenna?? No, it couldn’t be him, he looked so… broken. “WHERE THE [#&$?] AM I? WHO ARE YOU?!” The CRT - who he did not know - turned on, its screen was cracked and tinted green, it was barely illuminated, it emitted a low hum.
”Spammy? Is that you?” Spammy? Only one person ever called him that, and we’ve already established that this is not him! But that voice, it was distorted, but it still sounded… familiar. “LOOK, [Cathode] I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR [Where are you?] WE ARE, BUT WH>Y DO YOU KNOW MY [Please cheer their NAMES!]” The broken television stared at him blankly, neither of them saying a word.
”Was that, m-m-my voice?” The TV suddenly spoke up. He hadn’t intended to quote Tenna’s voice. “THAT WASN’T YOU, THAT WAS [Somebody that I used to know]” The CRT tilted its head in confusion. “Spamton, are you alright? You’re acting weird.” There it was again, his name. “HOW DO YOU KNOW. MY. NAME.” Spamton said, this time careful not to quote anyone. The TV frowned, he was amazed its screen could project such a clear image of a mouth, despite its condition. “Come o-on Spammy, it’s me! Tenna!” He held up his one good hand showing a gold wedding ring. “Your husband.” What. “AM I [£$#&]ING [High on life]?”
Spamton stood up, and got off of… him. He must be dreaming or something, it was the only explanation. “S-Spam, wh-what happened? Why don’t you remember me?” His voice was shaky, it sounded, heartbroken. Spamton decided to ignore it. “WHERE ARE WE?” He asked, changing the subject. “Where are we?” He repeated. “We’re at our home.” Tenn- he - said warmly. He looked around, the whole area was made up of various junk. Nice place, Spamton thought sarcastically. “YOU LIVE IN A [Dump]?” “We both do.” Technically, he was right, but he doesn’t live in this dump, he had to leave, he had to find the Shadow Crystals.
”WELL, IT WAS [Not-so-nice] MEETING YOU [Cathode] BUT I SHOULD REALLY-“ “WAIT!” The TV interrupted him. He grabbed a box from behind some scrap. “At least tell me you remember these.” He handed Spamton the box full of what looked like letters. “WHAT IS THIS?’ Spamton raised an eyebrow. “Every day since we met, you write me a letter,” He explained. “these are those letters.” Spamton grabbed the box, intrigued. He placed it on the ground and knelt down, and began reading through them.
Dear Tenna,
it was nice meeting you, I don’t have many people to talk to, so your company really made my day. I hope we see each other more often.
Best wishes,
Spamton G Spamton.
He read another.
Dear Cathode,
it’s been fun spending time with you in the junk pit, I don’t have a place to live so it feels like a home to me. I hope you achieve your dream someday, it would be cool to see you entertain folks all over the Underground.
Your friend,
Spamton G Spamton.
And another.
Dear Ant,
I love living with you, and I was thinking, would it be weird if I asked you to be my boyfriend?
Hopefully yours,
Spamton G Spamton.
Dear Anty,
Happy one year anniversary! I don’t know what I would do without you.
Love,
Spamton G Spamton.
P.S.
You look really cute today.
Dear My Love,
I found this camera today and I thought of you, I think it would be cool to have a picture of the two of us to cherish.
Forever yours,
Spamton G Spamton.
Attatched to that last letter was a photograph of the CRT and- him?? He looked nearly the same except he wore a dark blue hat and suit, his pink lense was broken and his glasses had mailbox flaps on the side.
What.
The.
Fuck???
”[How the what mama woh mia]- HOW. DO YOU. HAVE THIS?” Spamton was confused to say the least. “IS THAT. ME?” Spamton’s grip on the photo grew tighter. “Yes, that’s us, please, p-please, remember.” Spamton looked up at him, he looked like he’d be crying if he had eyes. “H>OW? WE [Hate wins!] EACH OTHER! YOU TOLD ME [-rat? Some kind of crea-] YOU SPRAYED ME WITH [Insulating foam] WE-WE-WE-WE-“ He was glitching again, but he had a damn good excuse. The CRT- no -Tenna shook him out of his episode. “No, Spammy, I- I would never! I love you!” This had to be the weirdest day of his life.
”SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT,” Spamton began after having taken a minute to let this sink in. “YOU AND ME ARE [Marital bliss] AND WE [Live Laugh Love] IN A [Dumpster diving] TOGETHER.” He looked to the other. “Yes.” “AND [for some reason] I DON’T REMEMBER ANY OF THIS?” He was finding it all to be a little far-fetched. “You seriously don’t remember anything? Not even… me?” “I REMEMBER YOU BEING MORE [Intact]” The TV smiled. “Oh Spammy, you do remember me?” He pulled him in for an unexpected hug. “[Hands off the merchandise!]” He said pushing away, he tried to ignore the sad look he was given.
His vision drifted to the photo he was still holding, he noticed something. “HEY [Trash heap] WHAT’S THAT [Hats off to you] IM WEARING?” He held up the photo. “That’s a part of your UGPS uniform.” UGPS? “WHATS THAT [stand for!]?” “Oh, it stands for Underground Postal Service.” He replied casually. “[Underground]? WHY ARE WE UNDER THE GROUND?” Tenna looked at him like he had two heads. “The Underground,” he said slowly. “Us monsters were sealed away by humans with a magical spell, everyone knows that.” Monsters? They weren’t monsters. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU AND I ARE DARK <Ner s.” He said, standing up. “What’s a Darkner?”
How was this possible? He thought. The Shadow Crystals, when he used their power they must have, taken him to some sort of alternate universe, one where he’s a…
Holy shit.
He’s a Lightner.