Chapter Text
“This is the best idea I’ve ever ha—"
“Swindle, this is the worst idea you’ve ever had”.
“Onslaught, can you please keep all personal opinions until the end of the presentation?” Swindle asked if this was how their presentation was starting, then Swindle is in for a long and tedious journey, nothing that they weren’t already expecting from this lot.
“Fine, you may proceed for now,” the gestalt leader so generously allowed, and Swindle so humbly obliged, moving to the next slide so that they could finally get this presentation started.
“Thank you, now where was I? Oh yes,” Swindle cleared their intake, not because there was anything stuck, but for the effect of the action. “What is the thing we complain most about in our cycle-to-cycle lives?” They promoted the rhetorical question, not expecting a real awnse—
“That Onslaughts a fragging control freak?!”
“That our base is currently falling apart around us?”
“Brawls obesely obnoxious snoring?”
“Our lack of ener—HEY!”
“No, no, no and no.” Swindle pointed. “You are all wrong! It was shanix and our complete and utter lack of it.” At the mention of their depleted funds, a collective groan ran out amongst the small crowd.
The last few stellar cycles have been… rough, financially speaking, and the combaticons base was functioning proof of it. Iacon hadn’t been their first choice in new hunting grounds after Helex and neither had this run down, beaten up one roomed hab but when enforcers when enforcers are breathing down your helm you don’t really get to be picky… especially when breathing down their helms actually means breaking down their door because a certain copter got a little too cocky with their last job!
“Now I know these last few cycles have been tough on all of us, and while we have no bot to blame,” Swindle continued through gritted dentures and a pointed look towards the now-sulking helicopter. “But we can’t keep living like this, the hab is falling apart around us and I have just the plan to fix it!”
With a dramatic flair and show of the clicker as they moved the slide to unveil their masterpiece. This idea was their bitty, and they were going to raise it until it evolved into a shanix making energon mine! Soon they’ll be swimming in more shanix than they’ll know what to do with!
Oh, Swindle could see it now. They’ll put the new helicopter pad for Vortex over there, and the swimming pool—
“The Frag is caffeinated energon?” Brawl questioned, the tank's voice drowned out any attempt Swindle made to present their latest scheme.
A little deflated but unwilling to let that stop them, Swindle geared up to begin their explanation. “Well, you see my violence-loving friend, caffeinated energ—”
“Why can’t we just do energon gummies like every bot else?!” Vortex screeched, effectively cutting off any explanation Swindle may have had. “Why do you have to be such a pretentious frag about it?”
“Vortex” Swindle began through gritted dentas. “If every bot else is doing gumm—”
“That is the most horrendous logo I have ever seen. Were your headlights off when you picked it out?” Ok, sure, interrupt them again, why don’t you? Why listen for an answer when you can just yell out a question whenever you want, or in Blast Off’s case, to fling insults whenever the shuttle felt like it.
“Ok, rude, I’ll have you know I spent a long time on th—”
“Swindle, how much is this scheme going to cost us this time? Do I need to remind you how much your genius idea cost us?” What is it? Interrupt Swindle cycle? What does it take for a bot to be able to finish a sentence around here?
“Onslaught, I can promise you that this is nothing like my last three sche—”
“No! Go back to my question! No bots explained what where fake sellin y—”
“Frag that stupid question. Why Are You Acting Like Such A Pretentious Frag ab—”
“—‘s an insult to my optics, honestly, I can feel them bur—”
“—Finances are tough right now, and we cannot ta—"
Swindle could feel their words bouncing around their processor, and before the con bot could stop themselves: “ENOUGH!” As soon as the word left Swindles' intake, the rest of them came to a screeching halt like a cassette tape. “Brawl, caffeinated energon is not energon that’s been warmed and gives you more energy. Vortex, if every bot else is doing gummy energon, then us doing them is going to immediately tip off the enforcers” Swindle stressed before turning to the two remaining combiner members.
“Blast Off, the logo is a mock-up that I worked extremely hard on” It took them 5 beams. “And your insults add nothing! And Onslaught, I can guarantee that whatever this idea costs, we will make it back tenfold and any additional cost will... wi-will come out of my own subspace” Those words hurt to get out, but they were a necessary evil to get this plan off the ground.
“And where the problem lies, Swindle, how are you to make enough? There are millions of these things on Cybertron and hundreds alone in Iacon. The chances of this place gaining traction are next to none, considering the amount of competition that will surround us” Onslaughts listed out his concerns as Blast Off mindlessly nodded along, and they would have been valid ones if this place were a legitimate business.
“Oh, don’t you worry your silly little helm about that Onslaught, I can assure you that this place will be our energon mine!” Swindle gushed, as soon as the rest of them got it through their thick helm, What a stroke of genius this place was going to be, the sooner the shanix making could begin!
“And what do you mean by that? So far, all you’ve done is waste our time and talk about energon, none of this screaming, easy and quick shanix to me” Onslaught continued, and Swindle felt as though their leader was just looking for an excuse to keep going on. If any of them gave the con artist a klick to explain themselves, this meeting could have ended breams ago!
With a click of the clicker, the presentation moved to the next slide, and a course of “Ahhhs” and “Ohhhs” echoed around the room because the next words on the screen clicked everything into place for this group of mischievous criminals as the bright, luminous, beautiful words lit up the screen:
Shanix Laundering
****
The second of Cybertron’s two suns began to set as Swindle stood outside what was going to be their greatest accomplishment yet!
The building that stood in front of them was small and unassuming, just your run-of-the-mill energon house tucked into an almost unnoticeable alleyway that sat on one of the lower levels of Iacon. For any real business owner, a space like this would have derailed their pursuit before it even started, but for Swindle, it was perfect.
It wasn’t so far down on the levels of Iacon that the amount of shanix their claiming to be raking in would look suspicious, but not on a high enough level that it would risk actual customers coming inside and forcing them to work. Well, forcing Swindle to work, the others had refused to watch any of the videos on how to make caffeinated energon.
Except Brawl, but Swindle didn’t trust him not to fight a customer who ordered something the tank deemed stupid.
Now all the armoured vehicle was set up shop, get this place up and running, and they’ll be rich! Everything was perfect!
“The logo is an assault on my optics”
…Well, almost….
And there was nothing wrong with the sign! It was an adorable little yellow and purple cartoon, with wide optics and a mischievous little smirk… that just so happened to have a small resemblance to Swindle…. But only a little… but still enough for that comment to hurt!
“Now, now Blast Off, no need to be rude, I happen to find the logo quite adorable”, Swindle muses, even Blast Off’s usual foul attitude couldn’t ruin Swindle’s mood. Everything was finally coming together! And soon Swindle’s going to be swimming in shanix!
Next to them, Blast off huffed and shook their helm. “Perhaps that’s because you and that logo have a striking resemblance to one another.” The shuttle sounded smug, and if Swindle had any less self-restraint, they would have punched the overconfident mech right in their stupid visor.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Swindle asked, keeping Blast Off’s previous comment and trying to sound as calm as possible, all the shuttle wanted was a reaction, and Swindle wasn’t going to give it to him. Nor will Swindle let Blast Off ruin this momentous occasion with the criticisms and comments.
“You heard me the first time” That’s it! Forget the visor, Swindle’s going to smack that smug smirk right off their face plate! Are your manners going to save you when Swindle’s servos are going to come flying towards your stupid, smug face pla—
“Enough of your squabbling”, Onslaught commanded from behind them. So far, the leader of the Gestalt had been silent for most of the exchange, perhaps because he was rethinking all his choices that led him here or perhaps he was glaring at Vortex and Brawl to keep them in line… They have been suspiciously quiet this entire time, or maybe he was doing both.
Both were equally possible with Onslaught.
As soon as Onslaught opened his intake, every bot else snapped their shut. Except Blast Off, who had to sneak in an ‘Apologies Onslaught’ before following suit with the others.
“Now, Swindle, are we going to waste any more time standing out here, or are you finally going to allow us inside?” It was less of a question and more of a demand. One that told Swindle that Onslaught won’t be asking again.
“Of course, right away!” Swindle exclaims as they hurried to fish the building key out of their subspace. “I just wanted you all to appreciate our hard work before stepping inside," The con bot beamed, not that it did anything to lighten their teammates' sunken moods. Perhaps that was just the way they were coded, to be unhappy at everything given to them for the rest of their creation.
“You're right!” Vortex shouted from behind them, the copper's sudden volume almost causing Swindle to drop the key as they tried opening the door. “We have worked hard for this slag whole." Shut Up Vortex! Swindle was only saying that, so you don’t cause property damage!!
The door slid open with a click and a woosh, finally showing the others what Swindle had been up to over the last 4 stellar cycles. The inside looked just as mediocre as the outside and was equally as perfect. It wasn’t the biggest, but not the smallest either. There were a few tables and chairs dotted around, along with a small stand that Swindle could set up with some sweeteners and lids.
But none of that mattered, no, what mattered was the counter at the back, beautiful and kitted out with a register just waiting to be filled with Shanix and a clear glass display unit that they could maybe fill if they felt like it -Probably not, it would cost too much- but that wasn’t why Swindle loved it.
They loved it because it blocked the public from the space in the back where they conducted their real work. Just beyond the marble bench and down a door to the right hid the base of their real operations. A small warehouse, big enough to hold the entire team with a little room to spare, kitted out with printing presses and everything else needed to fill their subspaces with shanix.
Swindle could barely keep their excitement under wraps; the last few stellar cycles were all coming together, and Swindle couldn't be Prouder!
With themselves, no bot else did anything to help.
“Now are you bots ready to see our newst—Brawl, what are you looking at?” The tank was staring at the display case with an intensity that scared Swindle. What had that case done in a past creation to deserve such a look? Swindle feared that if it went on any longer, the tank would destroy the thing then and there.
“Don’t worry about it”, The tank grunted as they continued to stare down the case, and no, Swindle was going to worry about it! That case cost Swindle a bit of Shanix, and they are not going to let it get destroyed before the place even fake opened!
“Ok then….” Swindle was going to leave that to Onslaught, actually; they would rather stay on the sidelines of that particular situation, and if they could guess what their leader was trying to get the con man to continue with the tour and continue, they did. Ignoring Brawl's impending fight with the display case, Swindle hoped the counter and shoved the door open.
The energon in their tubes burned like Engen on a night cycle as they pushed open the last door, the near-empty warehouse sprang to life as the sound of the lights filled the hall. It wasn’t big, nor was it pristine or filled with sparkling new equipment, but it was perfect for what Swindle needed it for.
Nothing could ruin this mome—*CRASH*
“BRAWL!”
“MY BAD!”