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You had always wanted something like this, haven't you?
All five of you, together, chatting and laughing beneath a starry night sky.
It was B-ka who initially suggested the idea, as an activity the Film Club could do before you finished shooting the second film, and before you would have to part ways for the summer. You agreed to the idea almost immediately, surprising even yourself—though perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise at all; of course you would want this! You would take any opportunity to make the most out of your time with them, and everyone else seemed on board with it as well.
Plus, you had never been stargazing before, so to experience that for the first time in your youth, especially with your friends, would certainly be memorable.
The trip took a bit of preparation, of course; mainly, it was the matter of picking a destination from the best known places to view the stars, figuring out how you would get there (thank W-sensei for the ride), determining a date that would work best for everyone (a perfect non-school evening, with clear skies), and getting approval from everyone's family members (namely, A-no's strict parents) so that the trip could become a reality.
In one way or another, things worked out, and now, you were here, happily beside your fellow club members—as you witnessed a skyscape so dazzling and impressive that its beauty was truly... incomparable to any picture you had ever seen before. It looked like something that originated straight out of fantasy. Countless, radiant specks dotted the night sky. Some shone brighter than others, some gathered in clusters, and some formed constellations you couldn't be sure you remembered the names of, though perhaps someone like B-ka or C-na would know.
Yet when you curiously peeked over your sides to see your friends' reactions, you encountered a sight so much more stunning than even the stars that you wished you had thought to bring the camera. So that you could protect this memory—freeze this moment of time forever.
Alas, as this was intended to be a simple night excursion rather than a filming session, none of you brought the camera, so you instead focused on trying to sear the details of this image into your memory. The expressions on your friends' faces, the wonder in their eyes... C-na's look of thoughtfulness as she examined the sky; D-suke's tranquil and content expression—visible even through his bangs—as he gobbled down a bag of snacks; the glimmer in A-no's eyes, full of delight and awe; and B-ka, with such unadulterated joy in his smile that it vaguely reminded you of that time at the school festival.
Yes, better to burn these images of them in your head than the alternative. It would be better to immortalize this moment than— Than...
...Than what, exactly?
Something flickered, but a sensation of fog settles over your mind when you try to muse on it more. "Don't go there", something whispers to you. "You don't have to think about that, it's okay."
You are gently nudged back towards the trail.
Ah, but— Perhaps it didn't matter at this moment.
You found their joy to be more than contagious, as you couldn't help but to smile too. They were all here, and you were happy, and for a moment, you felt as though nothing in the universe existed besides the five of you, the grass you were lying on, and the vast, starry sky.
Perhaps, if you all stayed like this, maybe you wouldn't even need to finish the film. Maybe that last scene wouldn't be necessary after all, maybe the story didn't need an ending at all. After all, once you finished your film, then, then—
Who was to say you would be able to have moments like this with them anymore?
You wouldn't want this happiness with them to end, would you?
If there was one thing you were certain of more than anything, it was that you loved them. You were truly happy whenever you were with them, and you wanted these ordinary days to continue forever; the ones where you could just lightheartedly banter and chat without a care in the world, and your friends were by your side. You don't want to lose them. The idea of losing those bonds you nurtured was something you couldn't bear thinking about.
Even when they were still here, you always missed them. Every time you left school, you'd always think about the next time you'd see them. The topics you discussed, whether they were about the film or the mundane; the disagreements you got into over the pettiest things; every time you learned something new from them; their smiles, and their faces— All of it was important to you. Every memory was precious. How much could you say you still remembered of all of it? Of them?
With your incomplete and gradually vanishing memories, can you really say that you knew them at all? That you did well to memorize their favorite colors, their tastes, their hopes, their fears—
You won't let yourself forget. You can't let go—no, you won't let go. You forbid it.
And although reality threatens to decay at the corner of your view, though this memory threatens to come to an end, you refuse.
They were still here, beside you. Everyone was smiling and lively and shining so brightly in your vision, much like the objects in the sky. You thought you might have read somewhere that some number of visible stars—the ones really, really far away—are already dead, and that their light still reaches Earth due to the finitude of the speed of light. Was that what they were to you, at this moment? Dead stars, whose final breaths of light were still reaching you? Whose deaths hadn't yet caught up to you?
You won't wake up. You refuse. You refuse. You refuse! The idea of living in a world without them feels like a death sentence. You choose again and again to reject that world, because it's not one you desire. They were your family. They were your home. They were your everything. They are your everything, because they're not gone, they can't be! Please. Please.
No, they were still here. Surely.
The light of the stars wavered and distorted in your vision, but no, that wasn't quite it— Your cheeks were wet, you realized.
"...E-ki?" You heard a voice from beside you ask in concern. It was C-na, but no, C-na would use an honorific A-no. "Are you okay?"
You looked around. The four of them looked at you with varying degrees of concern on their face. You needed to say something.
"I— I just," You wiped your face with the sleeve of your hoodie. You felt childish. "I'm really... happy to be here, y'know."
As you felt the arms of everyone—A-no, B-ka, C-na, D-suke—wrap around you, you felt the need to make it clear—those exact words you never spoke until it was too late.
"I love you all."
You didn't deserve them. You never did.
But for this selfish moment, you decided to pretend you did.