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“My Brother is dead, Randolph.”
He hasn’t had enough to drink, his head still works enough to remember that conversation. He doesn’t normally drink at the annex, and even when he does it’s in the privacy of his own room. But tonight… He doesn’t want to go out, and he doesn’t want to be a door down from Lloyd, Aidios forbid he get it in his head to go talk to him.
Honestly, they’re too good to him, all of them, but Lloyd especially. But, no, it’s all of them, Elie’s too polite with him (even when she’s chastising him), Noel admires his skills too much (even though she knows how he acquired them), Tio respects him too much (even when she treats him like a nuisance), Wazy - at least - has the good sense to insult him over the most minor things but he’s still all too willing to treat him like he’s human.
And Lloyd, Aidios , Lloyd treated him with too much respect from day one, even when he was under the impression Randy was kicked out of the Guardian Force for sexual harassment (as if he’d seen through the lie the moment he’d heard it). He trusted Randy with his life, and damn it if Randy didn’t like the way that felt. He likes Lloyd’s unconditional trust, even if he’s the last person who deserves it.
“Your vacation days are over Randolph, it’s time for you to take your father’s place.”
Randy takes another swig of the spiritus, still not enough, but he’s getting closer. A piece of him thinks he should go back, go get Berzerker repaired, use his position to get the Constellation out of Crossbell, disappear back into the underworld. Sacrifice himself for Crossbell’s safety, a fitting end for him. It would be, if he did know they all would put themselves in harm’s way to chase after him. Crossbell could, should , lose Randy Orlando, it couldn’t lose the rest of them.
“Randy, you’re still awake.”
Oh for fucks sake, why’d he have to come in? Why now? When he’s drunk enough to actually spill his soul out.
“Yeah, I’m still up.” Randy doesn’t dare turn around, he doesn’t want to look at him right now.
“You’re drinking.”
“Guess your detective licence ain’t just for show.”
He can’t see Lloyd, but he’s sure he rolls his eyes, “You’re normally a pretty responsible drinker… Is what Sigmund said still bothering you?”
Randy doesn't answer, he still doesn’t turn around.
“No, sorry, you’re smarter than any of us give you credit for, you knew what Sigmund was going to say.” Lloyd’s voice is soft, and achingly, unwaveringly kind, “It’s what Shirley said afterward that really got to you.”
Randy grips the neck of the bottle and takes another swig, Lloyd’s right, of course Lloyd is right. He's always right, he's probably never been wrong in his life. Randy doesn’t need to be reminded of what he did that day. He doesn’t need the idea that Shirley would one day pull the same strategy out, and that it would be his fault, rattling around his head.
“You know it doesn’t matter, right?” Lloyd’s voice doesn’t falter, he really, honestly believes that, “What you did as the Red Reaper, none of us hold that against you.”
“I know, I know, I could have leveled all of Heimdallr and you’d all still…” Randy shakes his head, “You’d all still think I’ve changed.”
Randy knows he’s not any different from the Red Reaper, he’s still the same worthless bastard he’s always been. Just because the chief’s the one holding his leash these days, doesn’t mean he’s not a rabid dog who should've been put down years ago.
“Do you honestly think you’re the same person?”
Of course he does. It’s funny, really, he’s tried to play nice. But over the past two years the one thing he’s learnt is that he’s still the same as he’s always been, when the chips are down and his back’s against the wall he always resorts to being the Red Reaper. He’s scum, plain and simple.
But Randy doesn’t say any of that, he just looks down at the counter, not at Lloyd, who’s hand he can feel gingerly touch his shoulder. Randy doesn’t react to it.
“You’re not the same person.”
“It’s cute, how damn certain you sound.” Randy mumbles, Lloyd has no idea the person he is, who Randolph Orlando really is.
“Sure, I never met the Red Reaper, but Shirley said it herself. She said you’ve-” Randy drops his hand on Lloyd’s shoulder.
“Please Lloyd, stop talking.” He can’t be subjected to Lloyd’s earnest charisma at a time like this.
“Randy, listen-”
“Shut up, please.” Because if Randy just lets Lloyd talk, he might just convince Randy to see everything his way. Randy might have to…
“Randy, you’re not-”
What Randy does next… It’s the kind of asinine solution you’d only be able to think of as a good idea while shitfaced, which - in Randy’s defence - he is. But, before Randy can think of anything else, his mouth is on Lloyd’s, gagging the detective with his tongue.
Randy pulls away, and leaves a confused, panting, and - most importantly - quiet Lloyd alone in the SSS’s kitchen.
______
Lloyd doesn’t track how long he stands stunned in the kitchen. His thoughts moving a mile a minute, his whole body feels hot, and there’s the faint taste of alcohol on his tongue. Well, Randy had asked him to shut up, and he’d kept going… But couldn’t he have… Put a hand over his mouth? Or just left? Was kissing him really necessary?
Attempting to collect himself Lloyd takes a few breaths, almost choking on the excess of alcohol tainted saliva in his mouth. He steadies himself before putting the lid back on the bottle of alcohol Randy had left behind. Spiritus, labelled as being 90% alcohol by volume, he’s pretty sure you’re not supposed to drink it straight, let alone right out of the bottle like Randy was.
Just smelling this would probably be enough to get Lloyd drunk on a full stomach, and with the amount he saw Randy drink - let alone with the amount he drank before Lloyd came in - it’s nothing short of a miracle he was even able to walk out of the kitchen. But he’s probably drunk enough that he won’t remember kissing Lloyd, which… Would probably be for the best, honestly. And being that drunk was probably enough of a reason for Randy to jump too… That … as a solution rather than anything more normal.
Lloyd sighs and shakes his head, he should really try to forget this happened as well. Even if his chest feels tight, his face feels hot, and his mind won’t stop replaying the moment Randy pushed his tongue into his mouth, reminding him how warm and soft it felt, and… No!
No, no, no, no! Now is absolutely not the time for thinking about… Any of that.
Lloyd just needs to go to bed, it is a work night after all. He just needs to go back into his room, lay down, and not think about having Randy’s hand behind his head, his fingers tangled in his hair, Randy’s tongue in his mouth. He shouldn’t be thinking about that, but it keeps going back to that, Randy had kissed him and he liked it. He really, really , liked it. And tomorrow Randy probably wasn’t going to remember it.
But now really isn’t the time to be processing… Whatever it is he’s feeling.
He eventually slips into a thin, dreamless sleep, serving only as transition from today to tomorrow.
When he wakes up, Lloyd’s mouth is dry, his head’s a little sore, and he doesn’t feel rested at all. He just has to power through it, ignore it, and just keep going. Everything’s normal, and nothing happened. He just has to get changed, do his usual exercises and go to the kitchen, where Noel, Wazy, and Elie were already hanging around, three cups of coffee between them.
“Ah, Lloyd, good morning.” Elie is as cordial as she normally is, her even tone and temper is more refreshing than it normally is.
“Morning… Has Randy come down yet?” Of course Randy’s the first thing he asks about…
“Not yet.” Wazy says as Elie shakes her head, “Am I to assume he’ll be needing a hangover cure?”
“Probably.” Lloyd nods.
“Then consider it done.” Wazy gives a breezy smile before setting his empty mug down on the bench, “I believe I have some in my room, ciao.”
A few moments after Wazy leaves Elie clears her throat, “So, last night.” She prompts, “What did Randy’s uncle want to talk about?”
“Ah…” Lloyd furrows his brow and tightens his grip on the coffee pot he had grabbed, “He… Asked Randy to come back to come back to the Red Constellation, as their leader.”
“Wha-”
“That’s?!”
Both Noel and Elie react with abject shock, their eyes wide and mouths open. After a few moments of shocked silence Elie looks back to her mug, “Do you think he’ll accept?” She asks.
“Huh?!” Noel slams her hand down on the bench, “You can’t honestly think Randy would want to go back?!” she shouts, offended on Randy’s behalf.
“I don’t think Elie means he’d want to return.” Lloyd shakes his head.
“Right, but he might go back to lead them out of Crossbell.” Elie explains, “You remember what Ashleigh told us, right?”
“Ah…” Noel casts her eyes down, “I can’t believe it… You don’t actually think…”
“If he tries, we’ll be dragging him back here by his ponytail, right Lloyd?” Elie slips into that mildly sadistic tone she has that honestly kinda scares Lloyd, but she’s correct.
“Of course.” Lloyd nods, “I’d rather a member of my squad not get headhunted out from under me. I’m sure the chief would agree. Plus…” Lloyd shakes his head, “As his friends, I don’t think any of us want him leaving us.”
“Indeed.” Elie nods, “We have our hands full enough fending off the CGF.” She says with a pointed - but probably joking - glare at Noel, who awkwardly laughs in response.
______
“Wow, I was expecting you to look like utter garbage, yet you’ve still managed to surpass my expectations, good job.” Randy can hear Wazy's stupid cat like smile as the definitely-not-a-delinqunet-but-Randy-really-doesn’t-feel-like-unpacking-all-of-that-right-now-so-for-now-he’s-just-a-delinquent walks into his room, “I mean really, you slept on your couch, when your bed is notably empty.”
“Did you come in here for a reason? Or are you just going to be annoying?”
“Lloyd asked me to give you a cure for the hangover you probably have.” Wazy holds out a small, steaming cup of something astringent smelling, “How much did you drink?”
Randy rolls his eyes and takes the cup from his colleague's hand and downs the liquid, “Not enough, apparently.”
Wazy sighs, “What are you going to do?”
Randy doesn’t respond, he only holds out the now empty cup to Wazy.
“Are you considering your uncle's offer?”
Again, Randy doesn't respond.
“Are you contemplating sacrificing yourself? In a way so ignoble you could only be remembered as a coward, and a liar?”
“Can't say I didn't consider it. But they'd all just follow me, I can't knowingly send the rest of them to their deaths.”
“Rest of them , am I not included?” Wazy asks, sounding offended.
“You're smart enough to let me go.”
“Am I?”
Randy rolls his eyes, “And you've got enough street smarts to know the dangers of tryin’ to come after me.”
“I’m flattered you think so highly of me. But I fear I too am easily swayed by our dear leader’s pretty words.” He says with a shrug.
Randy has to roll his eyes again, “Sure you are.”
“You can think what you like.” Wazy dons another catlike smile before leaving Randy’s room.
Randy doesn’t know how long he spends staring up at his ceiling, he knows he needs to get up. They have work to do, and he’ll be damned if working doesn’t sound like the most appealing thing right now. Just throw himself into his work and not let anything else in. Ignore his pain, and ignore his paralyzing fear. More than anything, Randy’s afraid. They could level Crossbell, if that’s what they’re told to do. He can’t stop it, the fragile little world he’s built for himself has been shattered to pieces.
Whatever, he was delusional to think any of this could last. Should the time come, he can throw himself at the Red Constellation, taking as many as he can with him. They can chase after the leader of the Red Constellation, they can’t chase a corpse.
______
When they’d first started living in the same building Randy’d always taken showers at the weirdest hours. At first Lloyd had brushed it off as one of his co-worker’s strange quirks, then came the evening after Garcia announced Randy’s past to everyone, he and Randy had ended up in the showers at the same time.
“Oh, Randy, you’re taking a shower now?”
“If you’d rather have the bathroom to yourself I can wait.”
“No, it’s fine, this place is designed to be used by multiple people at one. It’s just, I mean it’s only eight o’clock, you’re normally in here much later.”
“Ah… Yeah, that was gettin’ kinda inconvenient. And… There's no point playin’ coy now.”
Lloyd had tilted his head to the side, like some kind of confused dog, before Randy’d taken off his shirt. Then Lloyd got it. A myriad of scars carved across Randy’s upper body, there were probably more underneath his pants. Physical evidence of a lifetime on the battlefield.
“Damn Lloyd, stare at me like that and you’ll give a guy the wrong idea.” Randy’d laughed at him, but Lloyd could help but feel as though he’d offended Randy.
“Ah, sorry, I shouldn’t-”
“Don’t sweat it. It ain’t like I’m self conscious about ‘em, it’s just… Seein’ ‘em makes people ask questions. But you’ve got the answers, so there ain’t no point hidin’ them.”
This all being a long way of saying Lloyd is currently thinking about Randy without his shirt on. Which he would really rather not be doing. It’s crass - at least Lloyd thinks so - especially when his friend is experiencing a completely different kind of crisis.
And sure, maybe this was a long time coming, perhaps Lloyd had spent the past four months ignoring the slow burgeoning crush he had on his best friend. It may have started on the day they raced through the downtown district against Wazy, Wald, Estelle, and Joshua, the talk the two of them had had afterward. The way golden hour had made Randy’s crimson hair glow and the soft way his eyes looked at Lloyd. The little sliver of honesty Randy had given him, a glimpse at the bottomless shame and regret that had been left to fester in him. Lloyd had wanted to reach out, and try to comfort him (and maybe Lloyd had thought about what it would be like to kiss him at that time, for a single moment, nothing more than that). But Randy seized the moment, ruffing his hair and changing the mood instantly.
That may have been where it started, and it may have only gotten stronger when they’d talked alone in the IBC. Randy calling him partner might possibly have made Lloyd’s heart flutter and Randy being vulnerable for a while, the trust he’d shown Lloyd, it may have made Lloyd feel closer to Randy than anyone else, and he may have felt a strong sense of selfish satisfaction with that. Lloyd might have also spent the time he was training with detective Dudley and the rest of the first division worrying about him, having to use a gun while training the guardsmen at Bellguard Gate.
He may have been doing that. Just possibly. A little bit. But Lloyd had - without even realising it - been damming up those feelings. Dismissing the idea he’d even be attracted to men, because surely Lloyd would have known that by now. Then again, Lloyd doesn’t think he’s even been attracted to a girl either, so maybe his tastes are just narrow.
But then Randy kissed him, and every feeling Lloyd had been holding back spilled out, endlessly reminding him how much he’s allowed himself to become attached to his older coworker. And again, at quite possibly the worst time. Randy was currently experiencing Gehenna on earth and Lloyd - instead of thinking about anything helpful - could only focus his thoughts on… Gah! Lloyd can’t even think that, it’s too embarrassing.
Whatever, really it’s all whatever, they have work to do. Work that can easily distract Lloyd from his current… Preoccupation, it would probably also help distract Randy from his own malaise.
______
“ I doooooooon’t geeeeeeeeet it! ”
“And I don’t get why you’re on my roof. So we’re both confused.” Randy crosses his arms and glares at Shirley, who - for some reason - was standing on the roof of the SSS annex.
“I saw a kitty cat.” Shirley chirps, “I jumped over here to pet it!”
Randy rolls his eyes, “Leave Coppe alone.”
“Aw…” Shirley pouts, “C’mon, I can pet a little kitty!”
Out of habit Randy flicks his baby cousin on her forehead, “You’ve violated enough of my coworkers already, keep your grubby mits off the poor cat.”
“ Maaaaaaaan , even your flicks have gotten softer ‘Dolphy.”
Randy scoffs, “I think your head’s just gotten harder. But doublin’ back, why the hell’d you grab Elie’s tits in the middle of the casino?”
“Daw, don’t be such a stick in the mud. She’s clearly getting nasty with that banker lady, plus she’s got that pretty white hair and green eyes like Slyphid.”
“Don’t care, you can’t grab a girl’s chest without askin’ and you definitely don’t do it in public.” Seriously, Shirley’s never cared about the concept of boundaries, but puberty had clearly taken it in a weird direction, “And also don’t bite people either! You can bite people in a fight, and you can bite people if they ask you too, but you do not bite rando’s who you don’t know in the middle of a public area.”
“Aw… But I am fighting that detective guy! So I can totally bite him!” She protests.
“How?”
“Isn’t it obvious? We’re fighting over you!” Shirley chirps an almost innocent smile across her face, “ I don’t get why you listen to him, but he’s the one in charge of you. So he’s my rival!”
“Lloyd ain’t the one holding my chain, that would be the chief.” He corrects.
“Maybe, but he’s still in charge of your unit, so he’s in the way.” She pouts, “Why do you even follow his orders? He’s so weak, you could snap him like a twig! And what’s with that stupid stick you’re carrying around? Where’s Berzerker?”
Randy rolls his eyes, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“Obviously, that’s why I asked!”
“Alright look.” Randy says, wanting to avoid his little cousin having a tantrum, “I listen to Lloyd because he’s a detective, being a cop don’t just require you to hit shit hard. Even though he’s weaker than me, he’s a damn lot smarter than me, and that’s more important. And my weapon ain’t a stick, it’s a stun halberd and it’s better for my current work because it’s less lethal. You can’t get hollow point or rubber ammo for a rifle like Berzerker, so I can’t use it in the city anyway and there’s really not much of a point lugging around a weapon I can only use 20% of the time.” That last part isn’t really the truth, it’s a partial truth sure (Randy really would be restricted in where he could and couldn’t use Berzerker, if he was capable of firing it, that is), but Shirley would never accept Randy’s real reason for putting Berzerker away.
“Aw, that’s lame!” Shirley pouts, “Why bother! It sounds boring.”
“Maybe to you, but I like my job.” He likes Crossbell too, and his coworkers, and the people in the city, he’s even warmed up to the Bracers and there’s something he never thought would happen, “And you seemed to enjoy yourself helping us out.”
“Only because I got to throw around those freaks, but you said a cop wasn’t allowed to do that, so I still don’t see why you wanna stay here.”
“You ain’t gotta get it, Shirley, you just gotta accept it.”
Shirley puffs out her cheeks and crosses her arms, “You’re such a weirdo now, ‘Dolphy. You even let Daddy throw you around.”
“Don’t care, didn’t ask.” Randy crosses his arms, “and can you please get off my roof, Coppe’s not even here anymore.”
Shirley narrows her eyes and her grin twists into something more fierce, “Is that an order, boss?”
“Tch,” Figures she’d pull something like this, “Nope, I ain’t orderin’ you to do anything. I’m askin’ nicely, that’s why I said please.”
“Hm… Well, I don’t wanna leave.” Shirley puts her fists on her hips and plants herself in place.
Randy rolls his eyes, “Then you can stay there, all night if you want to, but even in the middle of summer Crossbell’s nights get pretty chilly. Don’t blame me if you turn into a popsicle overnight.”
“Hmph! I can take it!” She protests
“Yeah, sure you-”
Randy’s cut off by the sound of the door to the roof opening. He turns around quickly, perhaps a little more frantically than he would have liked, but - much to Randy’s relief - it’s Lloyd standing at the door, not KeA or Tio.
“Yo, evenin’ Lloyd.” Randy may as well play this whole situation off, “You come up here to gimme a hand with pest control?”
“Hey! Who’re you calling a pest!?”
“You.”
Shirley puffs out her cheeks again, “Meanie!”
Lloyd laughs awkwardly, but there’s also a strange warmth to it, “Shirley, I appreciate you helping us find Mary, however this is a restricted area that you are trespassing on, if you don’t leave I will have to put you under arrest.”
Randy can’t stop himself from grinning, even when face to face with a fire cracker like Shirley, Lloyd still manages to keep his cool. Hell, he’s got the balls to threaten to arrest the girl he saw rag doll a full grown man and almost rip the throat out of another just a few days ago.
“ Maaaaaaan , this is gonna be so much harder than I thought.” Shirley pouts before jumping up onto the railing of the SSS annex, “Fine, fine, you win this round pretty boy, but I won’t lose!” She grins, leaping back onto central street and running away.
With Shirley firmly out of sight Randy sighs before looking back to his partner, “Sorry about her.”
Lloyd laughs again, “Don’t worry, it’s not like you can control her.” He shakes his head, “Anyway, what was she doing up here?”
“She saw Coppe on the roof and wanted to pet him.” Randy shrugs, “And it’s not like the jump from Central Street to the roof is that big. Anyway, how long were you standing by the door?”
“Not long, from about when you were lecturing her about biting people.”
Randy sighs again, “Sorry, again, she’s never been good about boundaries, but I, ah, guess you didn’t need me to tell you that.”
Lloyd smiles, “No, not really, but, I can’t help but feel a little bad for her.”
At that, Randy raises an eyebrow, “What the hell are you going about?”
“I mean… It’s pretty clear she misses you. Plus, I mean, if Guy had disappeared for two years and when he came back he acted like a completely different person, I mean, I would probably act out a little too.”
Part of Randy wants to laugh, “I ever tell you you’re too understanding for your own good?”
“You may have.”
“Then I’ll repeat it. You’re too damn nice.” Randy drops his hand onto his partner’s head ruffs his hair, “I mean really, is there anyone you won’t try see the best in?”
Lloyd rolls his eyes, “She’s a sixteen year-old girl, it’s not difficult to understand her motives. She’s dangerous, sure, but she’s also a child.”
Lloyd smiles, so softly it makes Randy’s heart break a little. Seriously, where does this guy get off being the kindest man in Zemuria? Well, there’s a reason half the population of Crossbell are throwing themselves at him. Not that he seems to notice. Bastard.
Randy moves his hand away from Lloyd’s head, who looks up at him with those kicked puppy eyes, “And please Randy, don’t forget I’m here for you.”
“I won’t…” Randy does his best to smile for Lloyd, honestly, this guy really needs to stop using his boundless charisma on him, of all people, “You’ll all follow me through Gehenna, and you’ll be smiling the whole time, dumbass.”
Lloyd huffs and shoes Randy’s hand off of his head, he looks so flustered, cheeks red and lip slightly trembling. Cute, though Randy supposes Aidios saves her softest features for her most virtuous. “See you tomorrow, partner.”
“Tomorrow?!” Lloyd grabs the collar of Randy’s jacket, “Nice try, but the initial reason I came up here was because it’s our night to do the dishes.”
“ Maaaaaaan …” Actually, Randy’d forgotten about that, whatever he’s an adult, he can do the dishes.
______
Sometimes Lloyd wonders if Randy hears the words that come out of his mouth. Because for all he ribs Lloyd about seducing every woman they talk to (Lloyd doesn’t really see it but he’ll believe Randy), Randy seems very good at seducing him without realising it. Or maybe he does know what he’s doing and is simply playing coy, hoping to drive Lloyd insane. And if that’s the case then it’s working very, very well. Even when he should be drying the dishes he can’t tear his eyes away from Randy, watching his muscles move and flex as he cleans, it’s really not fair how beautiful he is. “Is somethin’ wrong?”
Fuck! Lloyd really wasn’t going to get away with staring at Randy, but it’s still embarrassing.
“Your hair…” Lloyd croaks out, “I’ve been wondering, having it so long, is it… Traditional?” Sure, that was a question Lloyd had, it wasn’t why he was staring at Randy, but it was a question he had.
“Ah… Maybe… It could’ve been, once.” Randy’s movement slows as he stares down at the half washed dishes, “But now? It’s more about pride, branding too, we don’t need to keep our hair out of the way, and the colour…”
“Right, I remember, that’s what Garcia recognised.” Lloyd shakes his head, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Nah, you’re good.” Randy smiles, and Aidios is it a pretty smile, even when it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I could spend an afternoon hitting you with a stick and you’d still tell me I’m good, I don’t want to hurt you.” Lloyd sighs and looks away from Randy, “You don’t have to pretend you’re an emotionless brick wall.” Randy’s not exactly stoic, to an outside observer, Randy seems like he wears his heart on sleeve. But the truth is anything but, all of Randy’s real emotions get lost in his false cheer and seemingly positive attitude.
“C’mon Lloyd, I really mean it when I say you’re not offendin’ me.” He laughs, the water in the sink sloshing around with his shaking shoulders.
“I don’t have to offend you to hurt you, Randy.” Lloyd sets a stack of plates down in their drawer, “I know talking about it hurts you. I shouldn’t have said anything, sorry.”
Lloyd doesn’t say anything else, keeping quiet as the two of them finish their chores and go their separate ways for the night, Lloyd left feeling hollow. He’s such an idiot, harbouring a stupid, childish crush on his best friend that was only making it harder to talk with him. Especially when he needs someone, not necessarily Lloyd, but someone to lean on. Lloyd should be that person, but the way he is now all he can do is fumble around and be pathetically useless.
______
An entire CGF patrol unit, wiped out. Randy repeats the report in his head, an entire unit wiped out. By an unknown force. Unknown in that no one is left to say the obvious. Lloyd asks him not to do anything reckless, asks Tio to make sure he doesn’t leave. Randy does as he’s told, he goes back to his room, promises not to do anything reckless, and sleeps, beginning a game of chicken with Tio’s sensors in the room above him. But in the end, Tio’s a (mostly) normal 14 year-old girl, she can’t stay awake for that long, not with the day they’ve had. So it’s about 3 in the morning when Randy slips out of his room, he leaves a note and his enigma behind (he can’t have them tracking him with that), with what little supplies he has. A few flash bangs, not enough of them but he’ll… Well he won’t live, that’s not the plan, but he’ll just get more.
Wazy’s outside waiting for him. He’s not going to stop Randy, church knight or not Wazy’s not going to sing. Wazy’s not a fool, he knows this is the only way to settle these things. First stop is Barca, he sits down at the bar and Drake pours his regular, bottom shelf whisky on the rocks.
“You still got my case?”
“Of course, will you be wanting it back?”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
Drake takes a long breath and sets down the glass in his hand down on the counter before disappearing into one of the back rooms for a few minutes, emerging with Berzerker’s oversized tomb. “You never did say what was in here.”
No, he hadn’t told Drake what was in there, only made him keep it as an ultimatum for Randy enlisting. He supposes Drake was getting sick of Randy drinking himself half to death every night. Randy downs the drink Drake had prepared, he can’t get intoxicated, but a single drink wouldn't hurt. “Thanks, for everything.” Is all Randy says before leaving the Casino.
At 4 he’s at Guillaume’s, kinda a miracle this place is open but Randy’s not complaining. There’s no other place in Crossbell that’s got a shot at fixing an S-Weapon. It takes the old engineer an hour to get Berzerker running again, but she’s working.
By 5 he’s in Neinvali, clearing Ashleigh of most of her ammunition, grenades, and flash bangs, even snatching up an unregistered enigma. By 6 he’s at the Northern exit to Crossbell city. For the last time, Randy walks out onto Mainz mountain path.
He can’t walk past the CGF’s defensive line, he’s going to have to go around it. Randy knows the area around Mainz well enough, there are plenty of abandoned mine shafts he can go through. The best place to emerge from would be the same pre-orbal revolution mine that Sigmund had trapped the rest of the SSS before Randy had returned, all because he was playing at being one of them. He only got them hurt, just by associating with him.
Well, not for much longer. Soon they’ll be no Randy Orlando to associate with, better for them, better for everyone.
From Randy’s view at the mouth of the mine he can estimate about 50 jaegers. It’s not everyone, but it’s a good portion of them. All he has to do is get rid of as many as possible. That’s what Randolph Orlando is good at, leaving nothing but corpses behind.
Stepping onto the battlefield now is no different than before, it's a hollow, empty place. There’s screaming, shouts, explosions, and pain. He tunes it all out, burns away his life in exchange for power. Keep fighting, it doesn’t hurt, it’s never hurt, it’s just battle, like breathing. He just does it, fights, slaughters, take a hit, keep going. Don’t feel it, don’t feel anything. There’s only the battlefield.
Shirley joins him. She has Testarossa, and she wields it with perfect finesse, not the clumsy technique she had when he left. A monster, one that cleaves through Berzerker, she flings him to the ground. This was it. The end. He’s going to die, torn apart by a monster he helped create. A fitting end, poetic, even. He can hear Shirley getting closer, though time seems to move agonisingly slow. The whirr of Testarossa’s chainsaw grows closer. He’s going to die… He doesn’t want to die, not now, he wanted to play human for a little longer. But this was inevitable, the fires of Gehenna weren’t going to wait for him. Shirley’s shadow looms over him, her laughter, manic. This, really is it. Randolph closes his eyes, resigned to his fate.
The clang of metal on metal, and Shirley’s laughter is silenced.
Randy opens his eyes.
Lloyd.
Why… Why had he come here?
It’s a stupid question. He’s always known they’d follow after him, a stupid note and asking Wazy nicely wasn’t going to cut it.
Randy knew that.
Now they were all going to die. Because of him. Randy wants to move, but he can’t, the pain from his War Cry and Shirley’s weapon keeps him on the dusty off-road.
The fighting stops, Shirley, and what remains of her unit retreat, and Randy’s finally able to stand up.
Why? Why’d they come here, Lloyd’s supposed to be the leader, why would he send his whole squad to their death? Why did Wazy, or, hell, Noel, let the rest of them come. They should know better! He’s not someone worth saving, he can’t be forgiven. He’ll never be absolved of his sins.
It doesn’t matter, they tell him, Randy can spend the rest of his life wallowing in his sins, but they’ll forgive him. No matter how many times they have to do it. And Randy… Randy has to accept that.
______
Lloyd’s whole body aches, everything had been running non-stop since they’d gotten back from Mishelam, the cryptids, the train derailment, chasing after Lynn and Aeolia in the wet lands, encountering Oroboros, unmasking Rixia, chasing after Randy and finally, the raid on Crossbell. Everything hurts, Lloyd’s ears had it the worst, everyone else was far enough down the slope leading to the IBC, but Lloyd hadn’t, and his poor ear drums had paid the price. He can barely walk in a straight line, Randy had to carry him back to the SSS annex, and now he was sitting on the couch in the foyer, KeA quietly sleeping on his lap, while the rest of the SSS had spread out throughout the city. Wazy had immediately bolted for Downtown Zeit going after him, while Tio and Elie had run off to join the Emergency Medical Teams from St. Ursula with Noel joining up with Guardian Force units in the Administrative District and Randy joining the units in the Entertainment District, leaving the Chief to go to Orchis Tower.
Before he’d left Randy’d made KeA promise not to let Lloyd wander around, and the little girl had taken her mission to heart, refusing to release her grip on Lloyd even while sleeping. All Lloyd can really do is run his fingers through her hair and ignore the ringing in his ears. All the civilians who’d taken shelter in the building had been escorted to the city's various safe zones with the hopes of uniting families and getting records of missing people, as well as identifying bodies.
So Lloyd’s alone, with only a sleeping KeA and tinnitus to keep him company.
Still, even amongst the carnage they’d had one victory. They’d brought Randy home. They promised KeA, they’d promised each other, and they’d done it, Randy was home, in (mostly) one piece. At least they’d had one real victory.
Lloyd must’ve dozed off, because he’s jolted awake by the sound of the door opening, Randy, his face caked in soot and his clothes stained with blood and ash, wearing a tired expression. But there’s still light in his eyes. “It’s just you?”
“Yeah, checked in with everyone else…” His voice is strained and tired and Lloyd has to push his damaged ears to hear him, “Elie and Tio have gone to help Downtown, Wazy ‘n Zeit are still there. Looks like whoever paid the Constellation told ‘em to focus their efforts on a few key targets but Wald…” Lloyd can see Randy bite his lip, “I ain’t gonna mince my words, Downtown’s fucked. All the Saber Vipers have been carted off to St. Ursula, as for the buildings… Thank Aidios most of those buildings are vacant.”
“What about Noel?” Lloyd could help but notice she wasn’t mentioned in Randy’s short little round up.
“St. Ursula… She’s with Fran.”
Lloyd’s chest tightens, “So the police station…”
“Was one of the Constellation’s targets, yeah.” Randy confirms, “Noel called me, Fran’s unconscious, but she’s expected to pull through, sounds like Inspector Donovan got the worst of it.” Randy’s voice is low, and even through the ringing in his ears he can hear the pain trapped in every syllable.
“None of what happened tonight was your fault.”
“I know…” Randy takes in a loud, shaky breath, “We should get KeDo to bed…” he leans down and carefully pulls the little girl off of Lloyd, “Don’t move from where you are, can’t you face plantain’ on the stairs.”
Part of Lloyd wants to protest, but he knows Randy’s right, even sitting down Lloyd feels so, so, so damn dizzy. Lloyd knows the fluid in one’s ears affects a person’s balance, but… Feeling it for himself is another thing entirely.
Randy comes back downstairs and stands in front of Lloyd, “You need me to tell you the rest of the report… Actually, can you hear me properly?”
Lloyd shakes his head, “My ears are still ringing.”
“Then I’ll save it, we should clean you up a bit, if any of the ash gets into your ear, it’ll probably get infected.”
“Ah…” Lloyd hadn’t thought about that, “Can you help me get to the bathroom? I’m really dizzy.”
“‘Course, partner.” Randy’s got a small smile on his face as he lifts Lloyd off the couch in much the same way as he had KeA.
“I-I’m..” Lloyd stammers, “I’m surprised you have the strength left to lift me.”
“You ain’t that heavy, and I can go three days non-stop, if I have too.”
“Please don’t ever try do something like that.” Lloyd tightens his grip on Randy, in what might be an approximation of a hug if their current position wasn’t so awkward.
“Okay, I won’t push myself like that.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah, I promise, s’not like it’s somethin’ I enjoy doing anyway.”
“Good…” Lloyd mumbles as his fingers drift into Randy’s hair, his fingers getting caught on dried blood, “You should clean up too.”
“Most of the city’s water is gettin’ diverted to the fire fighting efforts, better we use what we have on you. I can clean up later.”
“Alright.” Lloyd says as Randy drops him down on the counter.
“You gotta hold tight, I’m gonna plug your ears with some cotton. Can’t have any water getting down into your ear.”
“Right…” He sighs and watches Randy wash and dry his hands before pulling out cotton padding and petroleum gel out from the medicine cabinet.
“Alright, hold still for me.”
Lloyd tenses up as he feels Randy push the cotton into his ear canal, his face - ashen and bloodied - close to Lloyd’s, his friend’s breath hot on his face. He’s curious… How many times Randy’s had to do this, ears injured from being too close in explosions and needing to be treated.
As Randy pulls away from him Lloyd can see his friend’s mouth moving, saying… something? “I can’t hear you.”
Lloyd sees Randy laugh, he can only assume it’s because he’d yelled in the quiet of the bathroom. It’s the first smile he’s seen from Randy that reaches his eyes since they’d met. It’s beautiful, even through the caked on ash, there’s a sparkle in his bright blue eyes. Lloyd can’t help but smile while looking at him. As Lloyd is drinking in his best friend’s form he’s passed a warm, damp wash cloth. Even if Lloyd can’t hear him, his instructions are clear, wash your damn face .
The wash cloth is quickly stained black, leaving Lloyd’s face clean enough and allowing Lloyd to remove the cotton from his ears.
“What were you saying before?” Lloyd asks while discording the used cotton.
“Heh, just commenting on how damn short you are.” He laughs.
“I’m average height, you’re just tall.” Lloyd rolls his eyes, “And that’s not what you said, your laugh there was fake!”
“Hehe, you consider that I only said what I said because I knew ya’ couldn’t hear me.” There’s a mischievous grin on his face and it makes Lloyd’s heart hammer in his chest.
“That’s mean.”
“Yup!” Randy says, “I’m a big ol’ meanie, a nasty monster-”
“Stop, Randy, even if you’re joking, you need to stop talking about yourself like that.” Lloyd reaches out and grabs Randy’s jacket pulling him close, “You’re not a monster, and you’re not nasty.”
“Hehe, c’mon, it’s just-”
Turnabout’s fair play, if Randy can shut Lloyd up by gagging him with his tongue, Lloyd can do the same thing. The inside of Randy’s mouth tastes like blood and bile and it’s honestly kind of disgusting, but Lloyd doesn’t mind it. It keeps Randy quiet, and it keeps him close, even through Lloyd’s ringing ears he can hear Randy’s heart beating, he’s alive, and right beside him.
Eventually Lloyd has to break the kiss, his lungs crying out for air. Randy wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and laughs, “Where’d you… Where’d you get the idea to do something like that?” His face is red, even under the layers of ash and dust.
“You.” Lloyd states.
“Wh-what in Aidios name did I do to you?!”
“Exactly what I just did, you kissed me - the night we talked to Sigmund - so I’d stop talking. It… Worked pretty well too.”
“Damn…” Randy laughs, “I knew I got pretty shitfaced that night, can’t believe I fried my brain enough to forget doin’ that.” Randy leans in closer, his mouth right next to Lloyd’s ear, “I’d apologise for violatin’ you like that, but I get the feelin’ you didn’t mind it.”
“I didn’t.” Lloyd lifts his arms and wraps them around Randy, “I liked it, more than I thought I would.” Lloyd’s grip around Randy tightens, “Can I… Ask you to do something for me?”
“Of course.”
“I want you to live. No matter what happens, I want you to keep living.”
“I…” Randy’s voice shakes, “I want that…” Randy’s whole body trembles against Lloyd, “I want to stay here, in Crossbell, if I can.”
“Of course.” Lloyd whispers, his fingers caressing Randy’s scalp, “Crossbell’s your home now.”
“Home…” Randy repeats the word, no doubt one that feels foreign on his tongue, “I like that.” Randy holds Lloyd a little tighter, “I want to stay by your side, as long as I can.”
“That’s going to be for a long time, I hope you know that.” Lloyd whispers.
“I… I hope so too.” Randy’s laugh is soft and light and it makes Lloyd’s heart flutter.
“I love you, Randy.” Lloyd whispers.
“I love you too, partner.”