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Mafuyu huddles in the corner of his room, as if hiding could make anything better. It’s technically not even his room anymore; it hasn’t been for a long time. He moved all his things out weeks ago. Now he’s back with nothing but an overnight bag sitting on the floor. Seeing it so empty, after having lived in it for so long, makes him feel hollow. A reminder that he should be back in his real house, had everything gone to plan.
He made his mom cry again. Everything could have been fine for a little while longer. If he had just done something… if he could have stood up for himself for once…
Mafuyu always does this. He never says what he really thinks until it’s too late, and now… again, his mom tried so hard to do better this time, but all he did was hurt her even more. She tried, but Mafuyu didn’t.
His friends never liked his mom. Mizuki is tactful about it, but her expectations have always been low. Ena really doesn’t like her, although she holds back as best she can. Kanade… used to hate her. Now, she knows her a little better, but she doesn’t fully understand. None of them do. Not like Mafuyu does.
So it’s upsetting that they were all right about her. Again. Every one of them knew this would happen, even if they won’t say so. Mafuyu doesn’t know how to explain that it’s not his mom’s fault, that she isn’t what they all think, but his excuses fall flat even in his head. She did what they all said she would. She expected too much from him again.
Feeling acutely lonely, he pulls his knees up to his chest, curling up into a ball. He doesn’t want to see his mom right now, but he wishes he did. He wishes everything could be okay between them. It’s starting to feel like that’ll never happen. After what happened earlier, his tears are all gone. All he can do is sit there, consumed by the empty ache in his chest, and wish he could just…
“Mafuyu?” calls a soft voice from behind the door.
He swallows, attempting to compose himself. “Come in.”
Kanade quietly turns the handle, and her expression softens in sympathy when she sees Mafuyu huddling down at the foot of the bed. “Hey… I came in to check on you…”
He shrugs hopelessly, curling into himself tighter.
Kanade eases in next to him, sitting down against the wall.
“Do you need anything?” she asks gently.
“…I don’t think so,” he manages, his throat constricting. He hates when his body betrays him.
“Okay,” she says, putting a comforting hand on his arm. “Do you want to be alone?”
Miserable, he shrugs again. “I don’t know.”
She pats his arm reassuringly. “Alright. Just tell me if I should go.”
With that, she just… sits with him, in complete silence. She has so much patience, it makes him want to cry. Somehow, she always knows what’s right . Before she came in, he thought he didn’t want to see anyone, but now, he thinks he wants her to stay… how did she know? How does she always know to do the right thing, but Mafuyu can only ever make things worse?
“I don’t know what to do,” he says, voice tight.
“I know.” She hums in sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
“I just… wanted everything to work,” he says. “I thought it would work this time.”
Kanade sighs. “…I know.”
He shakes his head, agitated. “It could’ve… it would have been fine if I just…”
…He doesn’t have an answer. There’s nothing to say.
She puts a tentative arm around his shoulders. Mafuyu leans into her, finally closing the space between them. He still feels sick to his stomach, and it’s dark, and it hurts; but she helps him stay warm. For a few moments, he’s given time to just breathe .
…The room that felt so oppressive a few minutes ago seems a little calmer now.
Even though he still can’t stop thinking about what happened at home… it’s still nice to be back in this house. Mafuyu knows Kanade missed living together, but so did he. It feels better to just exist in this house, compared to his own. It’s old, cluttered, and falling apart in some places, but it’s become like a second home to him. And that’s…
“I think your mom still has a lot to learn,” Kanade says, breaking the silence. “She’s trying, but she just isn’t there yet, I guess.”
Mafuyu says nothing.
She sighs. “Sorry.”
“…It’s fine.”
Mafuyu knows he’s not special. Other people have parents who force them to study, to take multiple extracurriculars on top of maintaining their grades, but his mom never made him do anything. She only… expected it. And he’d always known this was partially his own fault, but he just can’t stop. The sight of her face when she realized she’d hurt him again… the memory makes him squeeze his eyes shut. Mafuyu knows he’s the one who hurt them both.
Whenever he feels helpless, like everything is sinking around him… Kanade is always there to help. She tells him it isn’t his fault. Most times, it isn’t true, but he appreciates her for trying. She wants to make him feel better, because she believes in him. That’s nice. It feels nice.
“Kanade,” he says, huddling closer into her side. “Thank you.”
Kanade smiles softly. “I didn’t do anything, but… you’re welcome.”
“You’re here,” he says.
“…I’m here,” she agrees.