Chapter Text
Sam spent a lot of time worrying these days. Worried that they might not find enough food one day. Worried that Leigh might finally give up whatever pretense she was putting on and start attacking their crew. Worried that he might wake up to an extra set of eyes or hands or fingers. (Though he wouldn’t be bitter about an extra arm.) Worried that they might run into something that was too much for them to take on.
Of course, he worried the most about his crew. Worried that Rat might get hurt on their missions, he was a little thing, and quite frankly, wasn’t as strong as the rest of their party. Worried that Sophie would prank the wrong person and get into some real trouble. That she would sneak out and get herself killed. Worried that Hellen might finally lose it with Sophie, or that witnessing the Visitor had warped her mind in some awful way they didn’t understand yet.
Papineau, and Leigh didn’t get the brunt of a lot of Sam’s concerns, they were adults, and could take care of themselves. Hellen only got as much worry as she did since she was just quiet, and Sam never quite knew what was going on with her. But Joel… Joel was very easy to worry about.
Sam looked up from the kitchen table, and glanced at the kid in question. He was cautiously petting Rat on the couch, a repaired Fuzzy (thank goodness Hellen was good with a needle) tucked protectively on the other side of his arm. Sam wondered what version of Joel they would get today during the scouting mission.
Joel just didn’t seem to be… aware. He didn’t know. Some days were better than others, and he knew everyone’s names, knew what going out meant, knew what had happened to his family.
And some days were like today. He had woken up and forgotten who Papineau was, started asking if he was the janitor for school, and when they could expect to go back. Mentioned his family, said that Ben didn’t want to go back, but he would go eventually.
Sam had to explain again, that Ben was dead, the visitor was outside, and they needed to get supplies. He quickly remembered, or claimed to, after this fact, and was ready to help on the little mission, but it still worried Sam.
“I don’t know, am I overthinking this? I usually bring him with us.” He asked Hellen, who stared into an empty mug.
“Joel? He remembers now, doesn’t he? And Papineau is finally over it.” She gestured towards the janitor, who had retreated to the corner and had been in obvious distress after the kid had failed to remember who he was. Now, he just watched Joel and Rat with some obvious distaste for Rat, but the arms crossed indicated some small hurt remained.
“Yeah… over it. And he remembers things- for now. But you know he gets… forgetful, after missions. I get worried he won’t remember one day.”
Hellen gave the kid a thoughtful look. At least, Sam was pretty sure that’s what the look was. The scribbly piece of paper Rat had given her did a very good job at hiding her face.
“Why don’t we take him today, and if he gets worse, we just bring him back early? He’s useful, but we can do without him.”
“You could bring me instead.” Sophie suggested slyly, revealing that she had been listening from the floor, where a half-filled coloring page was being worked on.
“We still haven’t found my mom.”
Sam shook his head slightly at Hellen, who had turned to the girl as if to bluntly tell her that they were likely looking for a corpse at this point.
“Well, maybe next time. I did tell Joel that he could come with us today-” Sam explained gently, but Sophie scowled up at him.
“He always gets to go. Why can’t I? I’m trying to find my mom. His isn’t even around anymore. Even if she was, it’s not like he’d remember her.” She whispered the last part, and Hellen left the table, like a coward, leaving Sam to explain to Sophie why she was absolutely not allowed to say stuff like that.
“Sophie…”
Sam faltered a bit. He didn’t know how you were supposed to tell her that her response was not acceptable. Those were her thoughts, weren’t they? Her opinions, and those didn’t always have a sense of wrong or right, simply an existence. He knew it was based on a dislike of Joel, for some reason she had hinted at but never said out loud. Sam’s best guess was either Joel’s new appearance, or forgetfulness.
“What?” She asked defensively, indicating that she knew, she just wanted to see if he would call her on it. And he would.
“You can’t say things like that. What if he said something like that about your mom?”
Sophie considered that for 10 seconds, until a cackling voice from under the table said,
“Because she’s …heh heh heh… dead?”
A week ago, Sam would have screamed, and leapt away from the table. Now, he just gave a light kick and held his head with his remaining arm, sighing.
“Leigh.”
The woman thing crawled out from under the table, grinning horribly as she always did.
“What? We know what her chances are. …heh heh heh… I’m just being realistic~” Her voice lilted at the end in a terrible sing-song type of tone. Sophie pressed so hard down on the page that a crayon snapped. She jumped up and faced Leigh with a determined anger.
“She’s not dead! She’s strong! And she’s looking for me! Just wait, Leigh- She’ll prove you wrong.”
Leigh might have answered, but then spotted the near death glare from Papineau in the corner, and thought twice about it. A surprisingly wise choice on her part.
“Of course we’re looking for your mom Sophie. But do you understand why you can’t say things like that? Your words can hurt.”
“He’s going to forget it in like, two seconds anyways. Aren’t you Joel?” She raised her voice to be heard by the tooth child on the couch. The unholy cavity of teeth turned to face her, making his uneven, ragged breathing only more audible.
“Hhhhh….. What?”
She gave Sam a very pointed look, and mouthed the words ‘See?’. Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. He did not know if he had the patience for one of Sophie’s moods today. Then again, if he didn’t have the patience, who would?
“Sophie, that’s not very nice of you. Joel lives here too, you need to be considerate.”
She scowled and crossed her arms, a defiant look coming over her face.
“What if I’m not?” She tested. Always testing, always pushing, to see how he would react. Dimly, he wondered why she did this to him of all people, why she always tried to drive him up the wall, seemingly on purpose.
He couldn’t back down, and let her win this. This was a test of authority, and he became keenly aware of all eyes on him. If he was openly challenged, and backed down, it offered a lot of room for the others to try pushing their own luck. So as much as he hated to act like a parent (he was NOT), he found himself saying,
“You aren’t allowed to go on any trips with us. Not until you write Joel an apology letter. A sincere one.”
Her mouth gaped open, and she narrowed her eyes at him.
“What? He doesn’t even know what I said! That’s so not fair.”
“It’s also not fair to treat him like that.”
He felt their eyes still on him.
“Come over here and we can talk about this if you think it’s not fair.” He said, leading her to an unoccupied corner of the room, away from listening ears. She bit her lip and looked angrily out at the wall.
“It’s not like it’s him anymore.” She muttered.
Sam remained quiet. He knew that they had known each other before all of this, went to the same school at least, based on some overheard conversations (it was a small apartment), but he hadn’t suspected that could be the reason for the dislike.
“He was a stupid teacher’s pet. Always the perfect student, and alllll of the dumb teachers were constantly comparing me to him. And now…”
She broke off, and Sam crouched to her level, seeing that there were frustrated tears in her eyes. So there had been animosity before. That explained it. But she wanted to say more. He nodded encouragingly.
“I’m not going to get mad if you just say what you’re thinking.”
“Even though he’s all ugly, he’s still more important. Even though he can’t remember anything, and he’s stupider than I am now, you still want him on missions, over me. Even though I’m just trying to find my mom.”
That’s all this boiled down to? Jealousy?
Made sense. They were still children after all.
But Sam was actually hoping to preserve the relationship between the two through separation.
“Sophie. Have you seen him attack someone before?”
Her brow furrowed.
“No… You don’t let us go on missions together.”
There was a reason for that. It still scared the hell out of Sam when the kid would leap without warning, jaw gaping, teeth rotating towards the unsuspecting target, biting through flesh and bone in an instant, crushing the life out of whatever it had been- all in mere seconds.
“It’s not pretty, and I don’t want you seeing that. I don’t think you’re useless, I just…”
Words, Sam always had a need for more of them to express what he felt.
“Exposing you to everything outside right now… it feels wrong. You still have your sanity, and I’m trying to keep it that way.”
Judging the look on her face, she had not thought of it like that. A flash of anger came across her mouth though, pulling the lips down into a frown.
“...Fine. I still don’t like him that much though.”
“That’s okay, just be… more sensitive to how he might be feeling. He doesn’t forget everything. Even if he did, he doesn’t deserve that treatment, okay?”
She nodded, reluctantly, and he left, feeling incredibly exhausted even though the day had barely begun. They would keep this little mission short.
…
Hellen was a little frustrated with the hallway right now. The plan had been to go to the ground floor, and check if any more new ‘friends’ had made their way inside since the bus took out the wall. Sybill had heard something outside last night, and enemies making their way up to their floor was always a scary thought.
But all of this was immediately thrown away the second they realized something very odd. There was an extra door at the end of the hallway, in line with all of the others, correct number and all. As if it had always belonged there. It most certainly did not, but telling the door that might prove to be difficult.
“I say we go kill our new neighbors. Very rude …heh heh heh… to not make themselves known.” Leigh almost giggled.
“Why don’t we knock?” Sam suggested, a very Sam thing to say. With how friendly he was willing to be at first, it was a miracle he was still alive. Hellen still marveled at the fact that he had just let her in, almost no questions asked when she had knocked at his door.
She ignored both of them and just tried the door. Locked.
If it didn’t want to be opened, she was not the one to try and argue otherwise. Oh well, if it decided to be a problem later, they could handle whatever came crawling out.
“Not worth our time. Let’s just head down like we planned.” She said, and there was a reluctant agreement from Leigh, and a thankful nod from Sam. Joel just breathed, and followed them towards the stairs.
He had been getting worse, a fact that no one was willing to admit out loud just how badly. She had seen his father, Clint, she was pretty certain, in the hall. She had explored that destroyed apartment, seen what the things inside, his family, had become. From what Sam had told her, he had no idea why Joel was still functioning as ‘well as he was’. She had no clue either.
The stairwell doors were opened to immediately reveal some not so friendly faces, more hand mutants that had evidently made their way up from the crash. The group made short work of them, and as Hellen swung her cleaver through the flesh of an unfortunate, she heard the unmistakable sound of a Joel ready to fight.
It was the sound of his teeth all clicking together, almost excitedly, moving in the muscly jaw of his maw, before sprouting up through the raw flesh and adding to the noise, before he would spring forward suddenly, mindlessly, just wanting to bite.
Hellen could understand the feeling, the urge to destroy with her much smaller set, hidden under the paper. Her eyes tended to roll around with glee when blood was spilt. But she didn’t quite lose her mind, like he did. She knew Leigh could get confused after her transformation into the beast, but she would always remember. They didn’t have to snap her out of the trance Joel always seemed to be found in.
When all was said and done, Sam’s group was victorious. Leigh was busy counting the amount of mouths on one of her fallen foes, something about ‘her superior number’. Whatever, you learned not to question Leigh. She did as she pleased.
Hellen wiped the blood off on a clean spot of one of their shirts. Sam went about, checking on both of them, before turning to Joel. He didn’t realize the fight was over. He seldom did, in this state, tearing chunks away from the corpses. Sam would often fret that Joel was ingesting something toxic, or dangerous to his system. Hellen was more concerned he wouldn’t snap out of it.
Gingerly, Sam approached the child, no, thing. Joel was not himself in these moments. It looked at Sam, who held out a hand reassuringly. It cocked its head curiously, standing up, still in a tense pose. Hellen kept her hand on her cleaver. She’d use the blunt end if necessary.
“Sam…” She started, a warning. Joel usually was less on guard by this point. His breathing was noticeably uneven, scared. A cornered animal was the most dangerous. The teeth clicked. A few dropped onto the stairs, bloody.
“I know. Hey, Joel. It’s us. Fighting’s over now, we need you back with us bud.” Sam spoke soothingly, inching closer.
Joel just stared at the hand being offered, before holding his own up to it, and interlocking the fingers. That was the invitation Sam needed to step forward and lead Joel away, holding his hand.
By now, he was usually back to himself, whatever survival mode he would go into tucked away. He’d ask something among of the lines of ‘did we win?’, no awareness of his part in the matter, paired with his usual pained breathing.
He was silent, just staring forward. Hellen started talking to Sam, who was practically gnawing his bottom lip off with his concern. A small distraction.
“What do you think the ground floor will be like, if so many made it up here already?”
“I don’t want to think about that. Let me have my peaceful five seconds.”
Hellen listened to the laboured breathing of Joel for an extra flight of stairs.
“Not very peaceful with the mouthbreather.”
“...hhhhh…. H-Hey. I c-can’t ….hhhhhhh….. H-help it.”
“He speaks. Thought we lost you for a few seconds there buddy.” Sam sounded relieved.
“Being lost isn’t that …heh… bad.” Leigh said, a little offended.
“How bad ….hhhhhh…. Was it?”
“Just a little longer than usual. Nothing to be concerned about.” Hellen said. A few minutes, to be exact. Actually a great concern, because she didn’t know if they could afford a more confused Joel than the one they already had.
He was quiet for a few moments, though quiet for Joel was a little different compared to other people.
“You’re lying.”
“Oohhhh!” Leigh squealed with delight and poked Hellen’s arm painfully.
“You’re bad! …heh… Lying to a child? How …heh heh heh… awful!”
Hellen did what one was supposed to do with Leigh, ignore her.
“What happens, when you space out like that, Joel?” Hellen asked instead. He thought he just blanked out during fights, or shut his eyes, or something like that. He never remembered what he did. If they fought before dinner, he would be shocked sometimes to discover that he wasn’t hungry.
He shrugged.
“Don’t know. I’m just ….hhhhhh….. Not there anymore. Like….hhhhhh…. Blinking for too long.”
The door slammed just across from them as they reached the first floor. Of course. Sam let go of Joel’s hand, and held up his own in a countdown. On three, Leigh charged ahead, throwing the door open to reveal more of the lovely mutants who didn’t seem interested in conversation. She followed the stab happy woman’s example, and Sam was close behind.
There were less this time, and they were quickly handled. Most just stiffened with fear upon her presence, which made the whole slicing their ‘neck’ open much easier. There was a noticeable lack of teeth flying around in the fray. She realized that Joel wasn’t with them, and gave Sam a look. He managed to read it, despite the paper mask.
“I didn’t want to risk it. He was definitely more out of it today. I’m probably going to send him back.”
“Good choice.”
They checked their enemies for anything useful, only finding a bit of cash and a decent chain necklace that might be able to get traded in the future.
Joel wasn’t there when they opened the door. That was very alarming. In his more confused state, he could be seen as easy prey. He also always listened to whatever the adults said, regardless of who it was.
(Unless it was Leigh, suggesting a game that would not very discreetly give her a reason to be horrible. There, he at least knew to draw the line.)
But generally speaking, if Sam told him to stay, he would have stayed.
“Where-” Sam trailed off as a voice from above could be heard. They all froze as they recognized it. It was Sam. But Sam was right here.
“Come on Joel, everyone else is right up here. We took another way up.”
Hellen’s blood went cold. No. No. NO.
They all started sprinting up at the same time. She had greatly underestimated Sam’s speed. He tore ahead of them, desperately flying up the stairs to get to his kid before whatever that thing with his voice did. He screamed hoarsely,
“Joel! That’s not me! That’s not me!”
The only response was a door being shut. Hellen temporarily lost sight of Sam as he went ahead, but she caught up, just in time to see him go through the now open door of the new apartment. Then it slammed shut behind him, and Hellen felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach as she frantically tried the door. Locked.
She slammed her body against it. That trick had always worked with every other door here, outside of the barricaded ones. Not even a groan of the wood. Frustrated, she slammed her fist against the door. Behind her, she heard Leigh go,
“I’ll go ….heh… get the janitor.”
Hellen nodded.
You knew it was bad when even Leigh was taking this seriously.